Thank you all for the helpful insight...As you can imagine it's been a hell of a time and I'm in a lot of pain...I had an uncle die a week ago and she has timed this right along with it. Even suggesting she used my time away to think about ending us. Very cold and calculated
A couple things to add...
1. We were having issues for the last couple months yet I've tried to always fix things and work for her. Maybe too hard. It's the irratic behavior, mood swings, seemingly multiple personalities, hot/cold feelings and inability to appologize or admit fault (even when starting a fight while intoxicated that was all her doing).
Despite how bad this sounds we have had wonderful times and amazing chemistry. It does make me question her honesty and commitment though.
2. As of now we are over. She wanted to end it. I don't know if she actually realizes there is something wrong on her end that wont be workable and she's protecting me, or not but it is being framed as she would simply be happier without me. She maintains that she loves me and is incredibly attracted but feels this is the right decision. She doesnt want to disconnect for whatever that's worth.
She just happened to make this decsion final in the last 10 days while I was away with a terminally ill relative and for the most part conducted it over text. That last two months have been strained with my family situation but she has also had a brother come to stay with her. They have enabled each other over the past weeks with a mutual drinking problem and she's changed.
I'm wondering about the possible sociopathic actions and tendencies that are being shown. The lack of heart and empathy for my recent loss, her cold separation, lack of remorse for her actions. Is it from the abuse of growing up in such a nightmare of a family? (She's witnessed and been subjected to horrible abuses I'm not sure I can mention here...but real things like molestation as a child for years). Cleary real help is needed beyond whatever ill's the church claims it can heal.
3. THE FAMILY: Her mother as well as extended family and most of her friends seemed to love me. Her mom raved glowingly about me knowing I wasn't a Scientologist. She may have told her mom I have been critcal in some regards about the religon based on what I have seen and read.
If I mentioned the family name I'm sure most of the users would know immediatley and may have stronger opinions, but I can't do that. They were very tied in business wise and donated lots of money. They are deep in and may owe money and services. This was found on my own research.
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I guess I wonder what my girlfriend expects from dating someone on the outside? Obviously we all have questions and struggle to undertand the attraction to SCI. She was of the mindset we could get married at one point knowing I'd never join. She even told me she never wanted me to join.
I have been there for the last year with helping with rent, trips, vet bills, the most romantic dates, gifts, car repairs etc... I was helping her through hard times cause we were so into each other. I even rewrote her resumes and cover letters / follow up letters. She landed a temp job and has disapeared while I was away with the family illness. It all seems so fickle, robotic and heartless.
Its all confusing but was I just getting played by the Hubbard tek? Can Scientologists really manipulate and drop so called love so easily? She has ties to some prominent celebs in the cult and has reconnected with former best friends who are moving up the bridge. Can't be a good thing for me.
I'm left here with the want for that connection and love and she seems gone. My reason for coming here was to ask if I should pursue it and work for what we had, but it seems like you all say CUT THE CORD...On the phone two days ago she did actually sound tearful and hurt while saying "I'm sorry for any hurt I caused". It seemed very hard for her to get those word out.
Amazed she has the coldness to do it at such a time in such a way. I would work for it if there was a point. When we are good we are amazing togther.
She will always want to be somewhat involved and has friends since birth that have been there with her. She won't be leaving them. I have always worried about what could happen down the line with family and kids. She tells me not to tell her what I know about OT3 etc and that can't be good either. She wont read whats on the internet as far as I know.
Wondering if I should agree to meet in person to talk. She says she will if I want it. Not sure there is a point or if it's just a formality.
Shitty part is her beauty and the chemistry will haunt me forever. She claims she wants to be married someday soon but I can't imagine anyone doing better than I did. Especially if they are a non sci like me.
Sorry for the rambling...Not easy to find ex scientologists to get insight from.
Btw, am I at risk voicing all this here? In all seriousness...
Thanks
Confused
Excuse the typos