Oh, and the listing agent has learnt the $cientology art of bypass to get stuff done - he calls someone in the US and Nigel in Oz gets his arse kicked.
God love ya, Scoots, I had to read this twice, cause the first time I made such a mess
The long grasses, the ruined deck... all the things that bring a property's value down tens of thousands at a glance and makes a potential buyer think the whole place needs to be gutted and rebuilt.
The lawnmower is broken.
So the RE agent knows all about how to get smooth-talking Nigel's arse in a sling over these dumbarse excuses. He wants his commission!
Nigel, oh Nigel. I won't ever forget that RPF Christmas and his BS about the Aus RPFers not being there. This couldn't happen to a more deserving bloke.
(And you didn't even mention spiders! All that rotting wood must have loads of funnel webs, redbacks and recluses beneath! )