Oh come on, now. There must have been some funny cute stuff that happened when some of you guys were in...
Pic 1: Peter Hill with me on the front steps of Stonelands, SO berthing place.
Pic 2: On stage. From left to right: Hazel Grafton; Peter Hill; me; David Flood; Carol Beatty; Anna Angel?.
On Sea Org Day in 1974 or '75 we had the whole day off. Remarkable at
the time. We put on a whole costume musical called "Treasury Island".
It took place at Stonelands, a large stone Elizabethan mansion where
the SO crew lived, about four miles from SH. There was a large
ballroom there, with oak-panel walls and a large stone fireplace, which
normally was a men's dorm. I slept in there with about twenty other
guys for seven years.
All the furniture was removed; a stage was built about two feet off the
ground with rudimentary stage lighting installed; Alex Smith painted a
large backdrop; chairs were imported; and we had a show for a couple of
hours with an audience of about 100. There were some other items in
addition to Treasury Island.
There were also games and a roast pig barbecue and soccer and other
goodies to pretty much fill up the day with fun.
This was the best SO Day I experienced in 23 years.
Treasury Island was a take-off of Treasure Island. It was basically
about a Sea Org reg tour to a remote Pacific island to collect some
money from a prospect and get it counted on the Gross Income stat for
that week before 2 PM.
I arrived late on the scene, about a week before the event. Someone
had just discovered that I could write, and asked me to contribute.
Things grew from there and come the night I ended up directing and
performing six original songs that I had written. Oh, I sing too. Or
I did.
My character was the Head Cannibal. My costume consisted of some
leaves sewn onto a pair of brief shorts, so it looked like I was
wearing only leaves about my loins. And make-up to darken the skin all
over. And a large circular-ish metal object on a chain around my neck,
that went well with the native mock-up. I had hair then too.
Sitting in the front seats of the audience were all the senior execs
from the GOWW, as well as from FOLO UK and AOSHUK and SH FDN. My post
at the time was Flag Banking Officer AOSHUK, and almost everyone knew
me as a strait-laced kind of guy. It made for an interesting first
appearance on stage.
There were about ten characters total. The songs were performed mostly
offstage with me directing, with me as lead and a chorus of four or
five. There was a piano and a piano-player, but we had had no
rehearsal, and the guy didn't really know the tunes ahead of time. So
we sang them a cappella. Rehearsal was very skimpy! None of us were
professional or even very experienced singers, but it all went over
very well indeed.
The first song was an introduction. To make it all simple, with very
limited rehearsal time, and because I was lousy at writing melodies, I
used well-known tunes and just wrote fresh words. What follows is just
a few fragments from memory--I never kept a copy of the script. I
think we managed to mimeo it off at the time. I'm sure there's one
floating around somewhere in someone's treasured memorabilia.
Song 1. Sung to the tune of "The British Grenadiers", one of the most
recognizable regimental marches and still a much-loved patriotic
British song (as some web-site says about it).
We came out here on a Rush P.O.*
To get GI** uptrending
If we go home with the GI down
We'll be had for over-spending
Whatever may occur today
We're going to see it through
So come what may
We'll win the day
We're a loyal Sea Org crew
(another three or four verses, now forgotten)
(some syllables have to be extended to fit the music but I haven't
bothered to reproduce that)
*Rush PO = Rush Purchase Order, a basically-illegal way of spending
next week's income
**GI = Gross Income
Part of the accompaniment was some people singing "bom...bom...bom" to
simulate a drum beating in time with the music. Now that I think of
it, the first verse was me bom-bomming my way through the melody to
simulate a marching band. A bit of a skimpy marching band.
At the end of the song, the rhythmic beat kept going, but segued into a
"chhhsh" kind of noise, like a snare drum. It would have been better
with real drums, but what the hell!
Once this was going ahead and I was confident the rest of the chorus
could keep it going, I left the group at the side of the stage (and
off-stage), and crept around the back. My intent was to stick my head
up over the back of the stage and make an appearance that way. I stuck
my head up, but no-one could see me, so I gradually stuck my head and
shoulders up until I got an audience reaction. I looked left and right
in an exaggerated fashion to make sure the coast was clear, then stood
up. I had to stand there for about a minute until the laughter had
almost died away, then I thumped loudly on the stage with a big stick I
was carrying. More laughter... Thump! Quiet. Then the rest of the
cannibal band came on stage, equally sillily made-up. One cannibal
(Dave Flood) was wearing dark glasses. Very authentic. More
laughter... Thump!
The snare drum was still going, so I used that for rhythm and launched
straight into my introductory song.
It was "I'm a Cannibal", sung to the tune of Monty Python's "I'm a
Lumberjack". I would sing a line or two, then the Cannibal Chorus
would repeat them, just like in the Lumberjack song, or as best as I
remembered it.
I'm a cannibal, and I'm OK
I eat human bodies
Nicely cooked o'er a big log fire
With lovely bloody toddies
(Chorus)
(Another few verses I forget).
Later there were another four songs, but I sang them offstage and I
don't remember them now.
Other cast members I recall were Chris Burton as Ben Gun, and Mark
Gardner. I don't remember Mark's character, but he distinguished
himself by performing drunk and falling off the back of the stage. It
wasn't scripted, but no-one seemed to notice. Except Mark.
I had all my attention on the songs, and others had written the
dialogue anyway, and I don't remember a single line of it apart from
Hazel Grafton running on-stage shouting, "Help, help, I've been
GRAPED." Someone said, "Surely, madam, you mean 'raped'?" "No, no
there was a BUNCH of them." It's not even particularly funny, but
since it's all I remember after thirty years I added it to this
historical record.
The whole day went very well. We put the beds back into the ballroom
that night so we could sleep, then completed the move back the next
morning. It was Sunday, so we didn't have to be on post until noon.
And that was my introduction as a performer to the world. And to me
too, astonishingly. I had never done anything remotely similar this
lifetime, except to sing a few quiet songs with a guitar in front of
three people at most a few times.
Paul
I knew at that moment i had won he was so embarassed lost all his altitude.He said to me something along this line we wont have the session today and let me go and did not bother with me again.Guys it really happened and i still get to laugh when i think of it.He was so determined but not more then i was!
tessa
