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Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Nicole, I am a bit confused.

I just read your "confessions" or "coming out of the closet as an OSA spy" on the Anonymous Berlin Forum. http://www.anonberlin.de/forum/showthread.php?tid=205&page=1

So if I get this right, you grew up as part time Scilon kid since your divorced dad and his new wife were scientologists. And you joined every second weekend. But never ever spoke to your mum about it. horrible. Right after finishing school you worked for an authority which you had to handle for OSA. And you did. Then you fell in love and moved to another town, started to study, didn't complete your OSA assignment but wrote your thesis critical about Scientology instead. Which made yourself get fairgamed.
Very short but yes...

Meanwhile you had married your friend and had kids as your father died and this got you back into Scientology. What did your husband say and your kids?
This is privat!

Then you were kind of out again - I did not understand that part well -
No, I was not really "out". I was all the years a Scientologist and I was very ambivalent. It is a very emotional and psychological thing. Difficult to explain. Like an addiction.

and found ESMB and WWP but got an OSA assignment by an OSA contact at WWP and the order to infiltrate Anonymous and ESMB by 3rd partying and finding out things about certain people from ESMB and Anon mods. Did I still get this right?
Wrong. I found Anonymous. First the Berlin Anonymous and than the Duesseldorf Anonymous. Than I found WWP and than ESMB. OSA contact didn't happen at WWP, it started here at ESMB. I started to infiltrate the Duesseldorf Anonymous. Right. I had to take contact German Ex and posters on ESMB. They are informated.

Afair the Anons in Dusseldorf noticed a short while ago that you were spying on them and they confronted you with that.
No, they didn't confront me, they wasn't sure about me. (I guess) I told the German Mods on WWP that I worked for OSA.

So now you became a Scientology critic again but you are scared and you don't know whom you can trust. Am I still interpreting correctly?
Yes, I critice $cientology, but I am on my way out of the mind control. It didn't happen from one day to the other. I have still Scientologist parts inside me. It are two different things my personal healing and the critic against $cientology and I have lots to learn.

I am not really scared anymore. It was here a call for help, that I did. I was really scared about this person and not really about that the authorities got things about my OSA time. I was scared about that everything I said got recorded and some things were very, very privat and I don't want that it gets published.

Honestly - I don't know if I can trust you. You changed your mind so many times from Ex-Scientologist to OSA spy and vice versa. It is hard to believe that this very time you really mean it. Why should you?
I can only say, that I am on my way out. I know that people have problems to trust me.


It seems that your husband and family will stick to you either way you go?
No, they won't! If I would go back, I would lose them. But that is my very privat thing.

So now you write there was an anon, who told you that he will send material about you to the authorities?
Not an Anon. I met him first at FB on a Scientology Critic page. It is a very long story about him and I am not the only person, that got "fair gamed". But it isn't my part to write about the others.

I think you should be the one sending this material to the authorities and telling the authorities what you did!
:unsure: Why should I sent the authorities in my hometown things what I did as OSA. He wanted to send privat things about me to the Stadtverwaltung. This authority has nothing to do with my OSA past. It was a blackmail and the reason it did happen was to scare me and that did work. I felt abused. But it are two totaly different things. I wrote here about my OSA past it is in the public and it is my desicion who I inform. But the authorities here have nothing to do with it and BTW you don't know with who I talked about it or not and who I inform.

If I had anything showing your OSA activities I'd give it to the police.
Everything is written...

Of course! And of course I would warn the people around and inform them about your activity.
Just do it. Everything is written in the public in the internet. Everybody can read it. No problem!

Come on, don't be ridiculous! It just happened a few weeks ago and yet you are a "real" critic? If so, you'd go speak out to the authorities on your own.
Again I am on my way out of $cientology and it is a long way. The rest stands above.


P.S.: We never met.
:unsure: ???
 
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Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Sometimes I think, will it ever stop. I just want to live my life!!! ..and write and tell my opinion about Cof$. The last days I did lots for my personal healing! I just enjoyed life!!!


..and to all criticens against my person, critice me, trust me or don't trust me. Important is that I trust myself, that I can look in the mirror!!! A while ago I wasn't able to do it, but now I can do it. This is a good feeling!:yes:
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Sometimes I think, will it ever stop. I just want to live my life!!! ..and write and tell my opinion about Cof$. The last days I did lots for my personal healing! I just enjoyed life!!!


..and to all criticens against my person, critice me, trust me or don't trust me. Important is that I trust myself, that I can look in the mirror!!! A while ago I wasn't able to do it, but now I can do it. This is a good feeling!:yes:

I like you Nicole. :biggrin:
It will all make sense one day and meantime you are doing well finding the things that matter.:flowers2:
 

Clarence Rockaway

Patron with Honors
Sometimes I think, will it ever stop. I just want to live my life!!! ..and write and tell my opinion about Cof$. The last days I did lots for my personal healing! I just enjoyed life!!!


..and to all criticens against my person, critice me, trust me or don't trust me. Important is that I trust myself, that I can look in the mirror!!! A while ago I wasn't able to do it, but now I can do it. This is a good feeling!:yes:
Scientology ist ein Huenerleiter. Man kommt vor lauter Dreck nicht weiter!
 

morizo

Patron
Sometimes I think, will it ever stop. I just want to live my life!!! ..and write and tell my opinion about Cof$. The last days I did lots for my personal healing! I just enjoyed life!!!


..and to all criticens against my person, critice me, trust me or don't trust me. (...)


Will it ever stop? You just went public with this. It's like throwing a piece of sh... on the desk - the smell stays for a while, people will ask why you did it and people will question your reasons.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Will it ever stop? You just went public with this. It's like throwing a piece of sh... on the desk - the smell stays for a while, people will ask why you did it and people will question your reasons.


Why I did it? Which reason? I had to "Clear" the world. Anons and other critics disturb $cientology on this way. My job was to bring $cientology in the world, to save $cientology and I should do my "job" silent.

I am a person with less self-trust. Easy to influence and without a leader "Führer" I am helpless. I never learned to live in freedom and thinking for myself. ..and I always thought I am something better, something special. That is the reason why I run always in this shit situations.

At the moment I feel like a kid that learns to walk alone.
 

Markus

Silver Meritorious Patron
:bighug:
Why I did it? Which reason? I had to "Clear" the world. Anons and other critics disturb $cientology on this way. My job was to bring $cientology in the world, to save $cientology and I should do my "job" silent.

I am a person with less self-trust. Easy to influence and without a leader "Führer" I am helpless. I never learned to live in freedom and thinking for myself. ..and I always thought I am something better, something special. That is the reason why I run always in this shit situations.

At the moment I feel like a kid that learns to walk alone.

:bighug: You are doing the right thing right now Nicole and I trust you.

Du bist auf dem richtigen Weg und ich vertraue Dir :yes:


Liebe Grüße

Markus
 

morizo

Patron
Why I did it? Which reason? I had to "Clear" the world. Anons and other critics disturb $cientology on this way. My job was to bring $cientology in the world, to save $cientology and I should do my "job" silent.

I am a person with less self-trust. Easy to influence and without a leader "Führer" I am helpless. I never learned to live in freedom and thinking for myself. ..and I always thought I am something better, something special. That is the reason why I run always in this shit situations.

At the moment I feel like a kid that learns to walk alone.

Hope you apologized to the people who thought they were helping you but got betrayed instead. And I hope for you that your children and husband give you the power and support to stick with your goals.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hope you apologized to the people who thought they were helping you but got betrayed instead. And I hope for you that your children and husband give you the power and support to stick with your goals.


Wenn du regelmäßig hier auf ESMB lesen würdest, wüßtest du schon sehr lange was abgelaufen ist und was ich mir für einen Schädel gemacht habe und immer noch mache. Ich habe mich entschuldigt, einige haben diese Entschuldigung angenommen und andere nicht.

...und was meine Familie angeht, sie sind der einzige Grund, dass ich nicht 100 % zurückgegangen bin. So viel dazu. Steht aber auch schon in meinen Posts geschrieben.

Du hast keine Ahnung von mir und kennst mich nicht, also Urteile nicht zu vorschnell über meine Person.





It would be nice, if somebody translate this. Thanks. :)
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
Wenn du regelmäßig hier auf ESMB lesen würdest, wüßtest du schon sehr lange was abgelaufen ist und was ich mir für einen Schädel gemacht habe und immer noch mache. Ich habe mich entschuldigt, einige haben diese Entschuldigung angenommen und andere nicht.

...und was meine Familie angeht, sie sind der einzige Grund, dass ich nicht 100 % zurückgegangen bin. So viel dazu. Steht aber auch schon in meinen Posts geschrieben.

Du hast keine Ahnung von mir und kennst mich nicht, also Urteile nicht zu vorschnell über meine Person.

It would be nice, if somebody translate this. Thanks. :)

Rough Translation:

Lurk moar, you asshole.

I adore my family and because of them would never go back.

You, on the other hand, don't know a fucking thing about me or anything I've been through.
 
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MrNobody

Who needs merits?
Rough Translation:

Lurk moar, you asshole.

I adore my family and because of them would never go back.

You, on the other hand, don't know a fucking thing about me or anything I've been through.

:lol: Well, it's probably not the most exact translation, but it's pretty much the message boiled down to it's essence, IMHO. I have nothing to add. :wink2:
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Rough Translation:

Lurk moar, you asshole.

I adore my family and because of them would never go back.

You, on the other hand, don't know a fucking thing about me or anything I've been through.

Thanks for this translation. :wink2: :biggrin:
 

Ulduz

Patron with Honors
I spent only 4 months in Sea Org (ASHO Foundation), so I did not have enough time to get scared. But the fear was pervasive, I could see it in the others. The only person who was not afraid of the outside world was Roger the Gambler. He spent 4 years slaving at ASHO during the day and playing poker at night; he even had a poker face He did not lose contact with the outside world, so he was not paranoid. Ironically, he got kicked out of Sea Org because of his “gambling addiction” As for my self, after leaving Sea Org I still remained a faithful Scientologist for another 14 months. But I had plenty of contacts outside the Church, so I did not suffer from ill effects of the Scientology cult. Later I read an article explaining why ALL cult members, not just the Scientologists, are prone to unreasonable fears. The main reason for having irrational fears is isolation from the outsiders. Damn cults know how to strike their members with fear. When people are afraid of imaginary things they become controllable, which is exactly what the cult leaders want.
 

Jachs

Gold Meritorious Patron
I get what you saying about the fear.But...

Was roger the gambler on Commanding officer pay? How could he afford to gamble?

and the time? if your working 9am- 11 pm?

Im curious how roger pulled this rabbit out of the hat.
 

morizo

Patron
Rough Translation:

Lurk moar, you asshole.

I adore my family and because of them would never go back.

You, on the other hand, don't know a fucking thing about me or anything I've been through.

@ Nicole
I didn't understand this OSA thing while you were doing it and I don't see much change when I look at this response. You were asking for help then and you're asking for help now. If you have these fears you should get yourself assistance. The authorities in Germany are experienced in assisting ex-Scientologists with this. They do a pretty good job.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
@ Nicole
I didn't understand this OSA thing while you were doing it and I don't see much change when I look at this response. You were asking for help then and you're asking for help now. If you have these fears you should get yourself assistance. The authorities in Germany are experienced in assisting ex-Scientologists with this. They do a pretty good job.
:eyeroll:

Do you want to know with who I spoke about my $cientology past?

... and I do agree the authorities in Germany do a very good job. They are a sword that stings Cof$ everyday.
 

morizo

Patron
:eyeroll:

Do you want to know with who I spoke about my $cientology past?

... and I do agree the authorities in Germany do a very good job. They are a sword that stings Cof$ everyday.

If you are in touch with them things'll be fine. I had in fact not read all your posts at this forum, but had a look at the "Nicole" thread now. Still, I believe in my right to question your OSA activities without getting insulted.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
If you are in touch with them things'll be fine. I had in fact not read all your posts at this forum, but had a look at the "Nicole" thread now. Still, I believe in my right to question your OSA activities without getting insulted.

Again Lurk Moar!

In the past you quoted a post from this forum, so I guess, you understand German. Here is an example how I worked as OSA.

http://www.anonberlin.de/forum/showthread.php?tid=205&pid=1319#pid1319

Here is a thread about me as well... http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?21828-It-s-time-to-tell-my-story... It is a German - English - Mix.

I ask the same question as MrN: where did I insult you and where was your question?

I am a nice person, that is the reason why I still answer your posts. But I don't see your problem. You don't trust me, you still believe I am OSA. So what is your problem right now. People read this thread you wrote your doubts and people can decide who they believe or not. ...and please show me a post, where you believe it was an OSA post in the past. You wrote here things without evidences. I could say this is an OSA tactic as well.

YOU WON'T SEE A GOOD OSA SPY...
 
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