Anonycat
Crusader
Not to oppose what is happening here, but to maybe give the mother's side. - which in turn, might lead to a better understanding of how to approach her, even with legal action pending.
snipped story
My point is child raising is heavy time and money commitment. If you want the mother's help, you might aid her, where she needs help. Whether she asks or not. She can count the money in her wallet. She knows who is going to be dropping him at that pick up basketball game, at the movies with his friends, getting his braces adjusted. All of those things take time and money.
I'm sorry if this comes across as Mr. Asshole, but there are no free rides. If you want the boy's love in thirty years, it may be what you do (or don't do ) now, not anything your kid's mom does.
I'm not okay with revealing her foibles here. If you really want to know, PM me. I have always used summer vacations together to buy him new clothes, shoes, back-to-school supplies. I have made sure he has a good computer in the house, etc. A year ago Christmas I got him a computer and a good cam to go with it, so we could Skype and e-mail, and I made him his own e-mail account. He got to use it once for Skype. Also, he's not allowed to go online, so I have never gotten an e-mail from him. That Christmas his mother said he wanted a drum set, so I researched, shared my choice with her in advance, and when he got it, he wasn't allowed to set it up. The drums set has not been used to this day, a year and a half later. That's about as far as I'll go, because none of it is nice. I wish that was not so, but that's how it is.