A Brief Summary Of My Time Inside

Adam7986

Declared SP
My story in Scientology begins when I was a kid.

My dad owned his own accounting practice and was privileged to have a visit from Sterling Mgmt. They are a Scientology front group that seeks to install Hubbard's ”management technology” in small businesses.

It started off harmless enough. My dad was buying books by the dozen and reorganizing his practice. My sister and I were put on children's courses at CC Dallas. When exactly my parents went from ”this is interesting” to religious fanatic, I have no idea because I was too young. All I know is around this time my dad stopped raising me and started letting Scientology brainwash me into being a ”good Scientology kid”.

I went through several different schools as my dad moved us from Texas to California to be closer to the ”tech”. We eventually settled down in Los Angeles and started studying at a mission. I went on to do my Purif and Objectives and soon had the fire of a euphoria addicted Scientologist in my eyes. It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing.

When I was about 13 my dad would take me to AOLA with him and the Sea Org recruiters would look at me like I was a little league player at a NAMBLA convention. They would tell me how ”theta” and ”aware” I was. Of course I was flattered because I had been taught to believe these people were ”elite” and to me (a kid) they were like G.I. Joe or Power Rangers.

The next two years I spent crying, fighting, screaming, being kept up till two in the morning, practically kidnapped by these people. They would follow me to school, follow me after school, chase me on PAC Base. Call me at all hours if the nights. I had no support from my parents during this time, my Dad blamed me for ”pulling it in” and my mom would only tell me how proud she would be if I joined the Sea Org. At fourteen, I was completely at the mercy of ruthless psychological torture, including mild forms of sleep deprivation and starvation. I felt abandoned by my parents, and I felt like I would never have their respect unless I joined the Sea Org.

I was ”routed onto” staff at AOLA at the ripe old age of fifteen. I had been convinced that I would see my family regularly, get regular days off,and work a regular schedule. I was told how nice the new building was going to be and how nice the area where I slept would be.

Of course it was a much different story when I actually started living there. The rooms on the EPF were nice. That is about all that was true about what I was told. After my parents so generously abandoned me to the church I spent a month on the EPF. Here I was introduced to the dark side of Scientology. I almost immediately wanted to go home I spent every day going through the psychological torture of never being good enough and the old cult trick of putting you down one day and building you up the next day. Switching between screaming at you and being your best friend. It has done a copious amount of psychological damage to me.

After a month of being brainwashed while cleaning dishes and bathrooms and running everywhere, I was put ”on post” at AOLA where I quickly found out that I wasn't allowed to make personal phone calls unless I spent some of my $30 a week salary on it. I was put in a room with 30 other men and boys ranging from 14-60 in age. It smelled horrible, there was no A/C or heating, and I was exposed daily to the company and sight of naked boys my age and older men, during the height of puberty. This is relevant later. I worked 15-20hr days, with maybe one day off a month, if I was lucky. I was supposed to be going to school but that didn't happen. I did eventually get my high school equivalency though. I was screamed at daily about how worthless I was while at the same time being told I was important. It was awful. I was in constant fear of being caught doing something human, like getting sick, eating, taking a dump or having a non post related conversation.

I hardly got to see my parents for the next 2.5yrs. Eventually I was sent to train at Flag in Clearwater, FL. This whole time I wanted out but I ,couldn't mention it to anyone, I had to bury the feeling and hide it from ,everyone. I couldn't even tell my parents how I felt or what I was going through because it is considered a high crime by the religion. Keep in mind I am still a child.

Prior to joining Sea Org I had noticed I had a tendency to find my own sex attractive and eventually I ended up fooling around with another guy at Flag. I was 17, I believe he was 19 or 20. We got caught, I got kicked out. My dad blamed me for everything and threatened to disown me.
,
I still swore by Scientology for a few years before I started to separate myself from it and reflect on all I had been through. I started to doubt my beliefs and I started to feel.scared, and confused. Then I discovered human psychology and I have been studying it to get some grip on what I have been through.

I decided I would no longer practice Scientology after looking into it further and seeing lack of results and shrinking numbers of patrons. I quickly realized what a money pit it was and watching my parents by re-re-released sets of books for thousands of dollars. Seeing that our family had only gone downhill since my patents began participating in the religion. Also after realizing much of Scientology only works within Scientology. I have also lied to the e-meter a few times so I know it doesn't work either.

I'm much happier staying away from the church and having friends that have nothing to do with Scientology. I make more money and have better benefits working for companies that have nothing to do with Scientology.

I still have not told my parents that I wasn't nothing to do with the church because I don't want to lose them and because my dad is ill and doesn't need the stress. I just avoid the conversations and don't go to the events. My parents have invested too much into the church, including their youngest son (my bother) for me to even hope to convince them of my position.

Why I still feel obligated to my parents who have still done nothing but take advantage of me and basically failed me as.parents is beyond me. This whole thing had damaged me in ways I am still, 11 years later, just now starting to see.
 
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AngeloV

Gold Meritorious Patron
Hello Adam...that's one heck of an intro. Thank you so much for posting it.
You will get alot of empathy from folks on this board but you probably know that already.

The psychological torture of children and teenagers in the SO is so terrible.

You are out of the church now and that is fantastic. It's going to take some time for you to pick up the pieces of your sanity that scio has blown apart.

I think you are handling the situation with your parents as best as you can. Live your life like you see fit. Keep reading this board and learn from other folks who have been through it. I think there is also an ex-scientology kids website that you should browse.

Good luck to you!! Glad you are here.
 

maliauctor

Patron
:welcome:

scary to hear once again about the awful recruitment tactics that parents let their children be subjected to.

i doubt they fully understood how bad the harassment was, and/or their cognitive dissonance wouldn't allow them to understand that it was truly harassment.

As time goes on, things may change. Years have a way of doing that. One day, you might find your parents out of the cult and realizing their mistakes.

Someone here has a signature that goes "everybody is an ex-scientologist. they just don't know it yet."
 

Mick Wenlock

Admin Emeritus (retired)
Adam,

an incredibly moving story. What a sad a sorry statement about the inability of both Scientology and scientologists when it comes to the care and raising of children.

Well done on getting on with your life and putting some distance between you and that organization.

I hope some day you will be able to tell your parents what they permitted to happen to you - they do need to know it and they need to deal with it.

But for you - wishing you all the best - and please keep posting, stories like yours are incredibly valuable to understanding this grotesque little cult.





My story in Scientology begins when I was a kid.

My dad owned his own accounting practice and was privileged to have a visit from Sterling Mgmt. They are a Scientology front group that seeks to install Hubbard's ”management technology” in small businesses.

It started off hammerless enough. My dad was buying books by the dozen and reorganizing his practice. My sister and I were put on children's courses at CC Dallas. When exactly my parents went from ”this is interesting” to religious fanatic, I have no idea because I was too young. All I know is around this time my dad stopped raising me and started letting Scientology brainwash me into being a ”good Scientology kid”.

I went through several different schools as my dad moved us from Texas to California to be closer to the ”tech”. We eventually settled down in Los Angeles and started studying at a mission. I went on to do my Purif and Objectives and soon had the fire of a euphoria addicted Scientologist in my eyes. It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing.

When I was about 13 my dad would take me to AOLA with him and the Sea Org recruiters would look at me like I was a little league player at a NAMBLA convention. They would tell me how ”theta” and ”aware” I was. Of course I was flattered because I had been taught to believe these people were ”elite” and to me (a kid) they were like G.I. Joe or Power Rangers.

The next two years I spent crying, fighting, screaming, being kept up till two in the morning, practically kidnapped by these people. They would follow me to school, follow me after school, chase me on PAC Base. Call me at all hours if the nights. I had no support from my parents during this time, my Dad blamed me for ”pulling it in” and my mom would only tell me how proud she would be if I joined the Sea Org. At fourteen, I was completely at the mercy of ruthless psychological torture, including mild forms of sleep deprivation and starvation. I felt abandoned by my parents, and I felt like I would never have their respect unless I joined the Sea Org.

I was ”routed onto” staff at AOLA at the ripe old age of fifteen. I had been convinced that I would see my family regularly, get regular days off,and work a regular schedule. I was told how nice the new building was going to be and how nice the area where I slept would be.

Of course it was a much different story when I actually started living there. The rooms on the EPF were nice. That is about all that was true about what I was told. After my parents so generously abandoned me to the church I spent a month on the EPF. Here I was introduced to the dark side of Scientology. I almost immediately wanted to go home I spent every day going through the psychological torture of never being good enough and the old cult trick of putting you down one day and building you up the next day. Switching between screaming at you and being your best friend. It has done a copious amount of psychological damage to me.

After a month of being brainwashed while cleaning dishes and bathrooms and running everywhere, I was put ”on post” at AOLA where I quickly found out that I wasn't allowed to make personal phone calls unless I spent some of my $30 a week salary on it. I was put in a room with 30 other men and boys ranging from 14-60 in age. It smelled horrible, there was no A/C or heating, and I was exposed daily to the company and sight of naked boys my age and older men, during the height of puberty. This is relevant later.

I hardly got to see my parents for the next 2.5yrs. Eventually I was sent to train at Flag in Clearwater, FL. This whole time I wanted out but I couldn't mention it to anyone, I had to bury the feeling and hide it from everyone. I couldn't even tell my parents how I felt or what I was going through because it is considered a high crime by the religion. Keep in mind I am still a child.

Prior to joining the Sea Org I had noticed I had a tendency to find my own sex attractive and eventually I ended up fooling around with another guy at Flag. I was 17, I believe he was 19 or 20. We got caught, I got kicked out. My dad blamed me for everything and threatened to disown me.

I still swore by Scientology for a few years before I started to separate myself from it and reflect on all I had been through. I started to doubt my beliefs and I started to feel.scared, and confused. Then I discovered human psychology and I have been studying it to get some grip on what I have been through.

I decided I would no longer practice Scientology after looking into it further and seeing lack of results and shrinking numbers of patrons. I quickly realized what a money pit it was and watching my parents by re-re-released sets of books for thousands of dollars. Seeing that our family had only gone downhill since my patents began participating in the religion. Also after realizing much of Scientology only works within Scientology. I have also lied to the e-meter a few times so I know it doesn't work either.

I'm much happier staying away from the church and having friends that have nothing to do with Scientology. I make more money and have better benefits working for companies that have nothing to do with Scientology.

I still have not told my parents that I wasn't nothing to do with the church because I don't want to lose them and because my dad is ill and doesn't need the stress. I just avoid the conversations and don't go to the events. My parents have invested too much into the church, including their youngest son (my bother) for me to even hope to convince them of my position.

Why I still feel obligated to my parents who have still done nothing but take advantage of me and basically failed me as.parents is beyond me. This whole thing had damaged me in ways I am still, 11 years later, just now starting to see.
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
I agree. I should never have been put through that, never ever. My patents failed me in literally the only job patents have, which is to protect your children from harm. They basically just signed me away to the church because ”it was my decision” and fifteen year olds are apparently capable of making such decisions.
 

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
:wave::welcome: Relax and get familiar with the place and the people, Adam. :thumbsup:

Thank you for the background info and you might want to check in on "chat" when you have the time and inclination. There is a wealth of help to be had here as well as shits and giggles! :wink2: It is truly a "big tent" and ther is plenty of room in it. :yes:

EP aka Mike Horton
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Thanks you guys. My parents cognitive dissonance is what would not allow them to even believe my story. I would just be labeled ”anti scientology” and they would disown me and move on. My Aunt, who was also ex staff, had diabetes. My dad talked her into divorcing her husband and then she moved in with us. Well I guess in the typical scientology fashion he snooped through her computer and found she was being promiscuous. So he threw her out and said I don't care if she dies, she would be better off dying anyway because she would come back again with a healthy body. It was, at that point when I saw how scientology devalues human life and the importance of family that I realized there was something wrong. She did die a, few months later and I still have not forgiven myself for not stepping in and saying something and going to go help her take care of herself.
 
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solo

Patron with Honors
Adam,

thank you so much for posting here. You are very welcome here, well done for making a new life for yourself. I hope your family find out the truth for themselves and that you can be reconciled to what happened one day.

Solo
 

secretiveoldfag

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi, Adam, and welcome to the board.

It struck me that you seem particularly clear-sighted about Scientology. For example you say "It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing."

Lots of people never do discover this or even recognise that there is anything to discover.

When you feel able could you go into more detail about this? It might help some others get insight into what has been done to them.
 

maliauctor

Patron
So he threw her out and said I don't care if she dies, she would be better off dying anyway because she would come back again with a healthy body.

What a disgusting thing to say about your own family. :angry:

Definitely heard the same sort of things mentioned when I was in at times, I can confirm that this is not far out for a scientologist to say.
 

Happy Days

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi Adam and welcome

Your story hits home and I thank you for it.

It's great you are out and getting on and enjoying life. This would not be an easy thing to do without your family but it shows you have great character and strength.

All the best
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Hi, Adam, and welcome to the board.

It struck me that you seem particularly clear-sighted about Scientology. For example you say "It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing."

Lots of people never do discover this or even recognise that there is anything to discover.

When you feel able could you go into more detail about this? It might help some others get insight into what has been done to them.

This website did wonders for me.
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Fishman/atack-freedom-trap.html

Also, the book ”Inside Scientology” by Janet Reitman.

I've also just been studying up on psychology through various books.
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
What a disgusting thing to say about your own family. :angry:

Definitely heard the same sort of things mentioned when I was in at times, I can confirm that this is not far out for a scientologist to say.

I have heard many Scientologists talk about people that would be better off dead. Its a theme that is very common in scientology. Scientology is also fond of dissolving the idea of being bonded to your family. Family and human life mean nothing in this religion.
 
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Smilla

Ordinary Human
Welcome Adam, and thanks for telling your story. A lot of people here will be able to empathise with you, having somewhat similar experiences. You have my respect and good wishes.
 

solo

Patron with Honors
Thanks you guys. My parents cognitive dissonance is what would not allow them to even believe my story. I would just be labeled ”anti scientology” and they would disown me and move on. My Aunt, who was also ex staff, had diabetes. My dad talked her into divorcing her husband and then she moved in with us. Well I guess in the typical scientology fashion he snooped through her computer and found she was being promiscuous. So he threw her out and said I don't care if she dies, she would be better off dying anyway because she would come back again with a healthy body. It was, at that point when I saw how scientology devalues human life and the importance of family that I realized there was something wrong. She did die a, few months later and I still have not forgiven myself for not stepping in and saying something and going to go help her take care of herself.

Please be kind to yourself. it wasn't your fault.

Solo
 

GreyWolf

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome Adam. I cannot express my sorrow for you. I am so glad that you are out. There is not enough Napalm in the world to burn out the damage that the church of L. Ron Hubbard has done.
 

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
This website did wonders for me.
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Fishman/atack-freedom-trap.html

Also, the book ”Inside Scientology” by Janet Reitman.

I've also just been studying up on psychology through various books.

Adam, read about the cult and/or cults (there are plenty - some as bad and worse than Scientology) and Psychology/Psychiatry...whatever - until you begin to tire of the whole subject (which you eventually will, in time).:p

You must be around 25 or 26 now, which is a great age to get out and simply live and do stuff. :happydance:

I am 70 now and I "did" Scientology between about age 50 and 65. :blush::duh:

Are you in school?

Do you have a job?

Evaluate your resources and get busy!

You too will be 70 and it will seem like the blink of an eye!

I know. :coolwink:

EP
 
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