A Brief Summary Of My Time Inside

Boojuum

Silver Meritorious Patron
I cringe when reading someone's story if I hear anything apologetic or self-deprecating. For the first seven years after I escaped, I thought it was my shortcomings that made it impossible to be a fully dedicated Scieno. After all, many people manage to do it and seem relatively happy.

Not! Not! Not!

LRH was out to exploit every bit of my life that he possibly could. Working 100 hours a week for Ron and being paid $10, if I was lucky, and I'm supposed to feel bad that I didn't do more?!!! I can't even think of an organization to compare that to--because it's nuts. Working like a maniac and having seniors belittling you on some level frequently is pretty wacky and pretty universal.

Celebrate the fact that you're out. Celebrate the fact that you didn't get sucked in for another 30 years!!! Celebrate your humanity! Enjoy making decent wages and having a nice place to live and plenty to eat. Enjoy whatever your sexuality is.

For whatever reason, you made it out!!!

We think it's great! And more are coming out all the time.:yes::yes::yes:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
I cringe when reading someone's story if I hear anything apologetic or self-deprecating. For the first seven years after I escaped, I thought it was my shortcomings that made it impossible to be a fully dedicated Scieno. After all, many people manage to do it and seem relatively happy.

Not! Not! Not!

LRH was out to exploit every bit of my life that he possibly could. Working 100 hours a week for Ron and being paid $10, if I was lucky, and I'm supposed to feel bad that I didn't do more?!!! I can't even think of an organization to compare that to--because it's nuts. Working like a maniac and having seniors belittling you on some level frequently is pretty wacky and pretty universal.

Celebrate the fact that you're out. Celebrate the fact that you didn't get sucked in for another 30 years!!! Celebrate your humanity! Enjoy making decent wages and having a nice place to live and plenty to eat. Enjoy whatever your sexuality is.

For whatever reason, you made it out!!!

We think it's great! And more are coming out all the time.:yes::yes::yes:

I am so glad I didn't get stuck in there like so many people and sink my whole life into something completely worthless. Thank you for the kind words.
 

Sindy

Crusader
I have heard many Scientologists talk about people that would be better off dead. Its a theme that is very common in scientology. Scientology is also fond of dissolving the idea of being bonded to your family. Family and human life mean nothing in this religion.

images

You are extremely insightful. You may not realize how ahead you are in the Ex-Scientologist process of undoing the mind f__k.

Your story, so far, is so very well written. I was riveted and hope that you feel comfortable enough to continue to share. I believe it will not only help you but many others as well.

Thank you :welcome:
 

Sandie

Patron with Honors
Adam,

So very glad you found your way out and are doing well in life....What a blessing that you did so early and now have your whole life ahead of you!:happydance:
The lessons you have learned already, at such a young age, will allow you to have a worthwhile and happy life. Feel good about that, a lot of us spent so many years being blind.
:duh:

Be kind to yourself! and others and keep learning and growing.....A wonderful future is wished for you:biglove:
 

Natalie

Patron with Honors
Welcome Adam and thanks for sharing. I was just thinking tonight about how damaging being in the Sea Org is to individuals. The wounds do heal, even if the scars remain.

I'm so glad you are out and living your life. Big hugs!
 

Dean Blair

Silver Meritorious Patron
Welcome Adam. Your story was very touching. I was on staff at AOLA as a NOTS auditor and CS from 1979-1991. I left in 1991 and am doing better than I have ever done. I wish you the best. You were quite wise to leave and things can only get better for you.

Thank you again for posting here and I hope we hear a lot more from you.
 
Hi, Adam, and welcome to the board.

It struck me that you seem particularly clear-sighted about Scientology. For example you say "It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing."

Lots of people never do discover this or even recognise that there is anything to discover.

When you feel able could you go into more detail about this? It might help some others get insight into what has been done to them.

I agree. Adam I like the clarity of your writing, and the very straightforward, intelligent way you have of looking at things. That is what probably got you out relatively early instead of wasting decades in the cult.
 

exdivsix

Patron
Thanks for sharing your story! We PMd earlier, and we were on staff together. You were always cheerful when I saw you, and that's how I remember you. I am happy to hear you are doing well. Yes, PAC base berthing was terrible. I was on a friggen submarine in the navy, and my berthing conditions were much better on the boat, even when I had to hot rack(sharing beds). Plus the thieves were out of control in PAC berthing...Anyway, I can rant on and on about berthing, but thank you for sharing your story, and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Kris
 

Reasonable

Silver Meritorious Patron
My story in Scientology begins when I was a kid.

.

Your story is to me truely the dark side of Scientology. Subtle long term invalidation circular logic and brainwashing and it would be so easy for them to deny what you said but we know you are telling the truth.

I'd love to hear your story on Anderson Cooper
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
Adam,

I just read your introduction, which was quite well done. Also saw you on chat last night. Welcome to ESMB.

Seems like you've done extremely well pretty quickly in negotiating your way out of the trap that is the Cult of $cientology. Continued best wishes to you as you continue to love your parents.

Something I have learned rather recently (doy!) is that I cannot control and am not responsible for what others insist on thinking, feeling, or doing. They control that and must bear the responsibility for that.

But I can control how I react (or don't react) to what they think, feel or do.

For the last year or so I've been meditating on that. For me, there's much to learn from that meditation.

All the best to you, Adam.

TG1
 

Cherished

Silver Meritorious Patron
Welcome Adam and CJR!

It's great to have new people joining up and sharing their stories. There are lots of terrific people here and you will find it easy to chat. So, enjoy.
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Adam, I'm so happy that you found ESMB and even happier that you got out of scientology (I know you are having to stay under the radar at the moment, but you know you are done with the madness).

:welcome2::welcome2::welcome2:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Thanks for sharing your story! We PMd earlier, and we were on staff together. You were always cheerful when I saw you, and that's how I remember you. I am happy to hear you are doing well. Yes, PAC base berthing was terrible. I was on a friggen submarine in the navy, and my berthing conditions were much better on the boat, even when I had to hot rack(sharing beds). Plus the thieves were out of control in PAC berthing...Anyway, I can rant on and on about berthing, but thank you for sharing your story, and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Kris

I think motel six has better accommodations than PAC ever had! it was filthy, but the biggest issue to me, was having grown and old men bunking with young boys. That's not right at all.
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Your story is to me truely the dark side of Scientology. Subtle long term invalidation circular logic and brainwashing and it would be so easy for them to deny what you said but we know you are telling the truth.

I'd love to hear your story on Anderson Cooper

One day maybe! It seems the church membership is dwindling, so i'm not too concerned about it. Its only a matter of time before Miscavige skips with his money and is never heard from again.
 
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Adam7986

Declared SP
Adam,

I just read your introduction, which was quite well done. Also saw you on chat last night. Welcome to ESMB.

Seems like you've done extremely well pretty quickly in negotiating your way out of the trap that is the Cult of $cientology. Continued best wishes to you as you continue to love your parents.

Something I have learned rather recently (doy!) is that I cannot control and am not responsible for what others insist on thinking, feeling, or doing. They control that and must bear the responsibility for that.

But I can control how I react (or don't react) to what they think, feel or do.

For the last year or so I've been meditating on that. For me, there's much to learn from that meditation.

All the best to you, Adam.

TG1

One of the hardest things to shake off from Scientology is the idea that everything is your fault and that denying responsibility is the worst sin possible. But when I started seeing that extended to people born with disabilities or mental retardation, I started to see the fallacy of it all.:duh::angry:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Adam, I'm so happy that you found ESMB and even happier that you got out of scientology (I know you are having to stay under the radar at the moment, but you know you are done with the madness).

:welcome2::welcome2::welcome2:

I'm so glad I found this place to. I an ever grateful to the founder of this website. Its nice to have a place to discuss my story with people who understand.
 
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Adam7986

Declared SP
I agree. Adam I like the clarity of your writing, and the very straightforward, intelligent way you have of looking at things. That is what probably got you out relatively early instead of wasting decades in the cult.

Thank you. I pride myself in my objectivity and intellectual way of looking at things. Its so insulting to me when my parents try to attribute that to Scientology.
 

Gadfly

Crusader
One of the hardest things to shake off from Scientology is the idea that everything is your fault and that denying responsibility is the worst sin possible. But when I started seeing that extended to people born with disabilities or mental retardation, I started to see the fallacy of it all.:duh::angry:

Good point. I used to wonder about things like a 6-year old child raped and murdered. She "pulled it in"? Her "past life overts" set her up for this "motivator"? :duh:

Or, when observing some disabled youngster in a playground. How does one align and reconcile the nutty extreme Hubbard view of "total repsonsibility" with such things? :confused2:

I tended to say to myself, even at my most Scientology-deluded state, "geez, there but for the grace of God go I". I remember talking to some dumbass, compassionately-challenged Scientologists about such things, and they said to me things like, "I never feel sorry for any of them, they get what they deserve, they pulled it in, I extend NO sympathy just as Ron teaches". What idiots! They would prefer to "blame" the tortured and murdered little girl rather than extend ANY compassion at all - because in Scientology many of the deluded followers confuse "compassion" with the BAD and UNDESIRABLE "sympathy" (Hubbard places "sympathy" LOW on the Tone Scale). Again, so many of these people are such mindless, over-indoctrinated morons who view and experience the world through their tiny little restrictive Scientology belief system.

Or, walk through a children cancer ward at any hospital. Young children with terminal diseases, who WILL DIE within the year - for sure. And, again, I am supposed to somehow understand that these kids "pulled in" these conditions? :no:

Oh, yes Ron, "they are thetans who experienced everything before", and they ARE "fully repsonsible for getting cancer at age 4". :omg:

I think that a much BETTER "model" or "framework of understanding" is that things happen to each of us to TEACH US SOMETHING. We do seem to "attract" situations, people and experiences to us, but NOT out of this nutty Hubbard model of "overts, withholds, and motivators". Sure, no doubt, overts and withholds DO most certainly affect any person's psychology and behavior, in some ways, and to some degree, BUT these things are very FAR from the whole story.

And, while theoretically, if you ARE a "spiritual being" who has "created all that you see, hear and experience", at every point for yourself past, present, and future, and you MAY POSSIBLY truly be "responsible for it all", THAT realization must come "naturally". It takes life, and possibly even MANY lives to "grow up" and come to a true understanding of "responsibility" in the context of each of us as a "creative spiritual being" (made in the "image of God"). But, you won't get there by reading some books, or by accepting and believing some meager Scientology paradigm.

There are just so MANY MANY things out there, that if you take the time to LOOK, that these honest observations do NOT align with or allow to make sense much of the Hubbard Scientology model of all-that-is. :ohmy:

Also, I currently have the opinion that ANYTHING that interferes with and disables compassion, cannot be the "right way". A "right way" will encourage and bring about more compassion - Scientology fails entirely in THAT regard.
 
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