A Brief Summary Of My Time Inside

Adam7986

Declared SP
Good point. I used to wonder about things like a 6-year old child raped and murdered. She "pulled it in"? Her "past life overts" set her up for this "motivator"? :duh:

Or, when observing some disabled youngster in a playground. How does one align and reconcile the nutty extreme Hubbard view of "total repsonsibility" with such things? :confused2:

I tended to say to myself, even at my most Scientology-deluded state, "geez, there but for the grace of God go I". I remember talking to some dumbass, compassionately-challenged Scientologists about such things, and they said to me things like, "I never feel sorry for any of them, they get what they deserve, they pulled it in, I extend NO sympathy just as Ron teaches". What idiots! They would prefer to "blame" the tortured and murdered little girl rather than extend ANY compassion at all - because in Scientology many of the deluded followers confuse "compassion" with the BAD and UNDESIRABLE "sympathy" (Hubbard places "sympathy" LOW on the Tone Scale). Again, so many of these people are such mindless, over-indoctrinated morons who view and experience the world through their tiny little restrictive Scientology belief system.

Or, walk through a children cancer ward at any hospital. Young children with terminal diseases, who WILL DIE within the year - for sure. And, again, I am supposed to somehow understand that these kids "pulled in" these conditions? :no:

Oh, yes Ron, "they are thetans who experienced everything before", and they ARE "fully repsonsible for getting cancer at age 4". :omg:

I think that a much BETTER "model" or "framework of understanding" is that things happen to each of us to TEACH US SOMETHING. We do seem to "attract" situations, people and experiences to us, but NOT out of this nutty Hubbard model of "overts, withholds, and motivators". Sure, no doubt, overts and withholds DO most certainly affect any person's psychology and behavior, in some ways, and to some degree, BUT these things are very FAR from the whole story.

And, while theoretically, if you ARE a "spiritual being" who has "created all that you see, hear and experience", at every point for yourself past, present, and future, and you MAY POSSIBLY truly be "responsible for it all", THAT realization must come "naturally". It takes life, and possibly even MANY lives to "grow up" and come to a true understanding of "responsibility" in the context of each of us as a "creative spiritual being" (made in the "image of God"). But, you won't get there by reading some books, or by accepting and believing some meager Scientology paradigm.

There are just so MANY MANY things out there, that if you take the time to LOOK, that these honest observations do NOT align with or allow to make sense much of the Hubbard Scientology model of all-that-is. :ohmy:

Also, I currently have the opinion that ANYTHING that interferes with and disables compassion, cannot be the "right way". A "right way" will encourage and bring about more compassion - Scientology fails entirely in THAT regard.

This us exactly what I'm saying when I say Scientology devalues human life. The idea that you ”will come back with a new body anyway” and that people ”pull things in”, Judy makes you not care about anyone. Any ”religion” that strips you of your humanity and compassion is deeply flawed.
 

FoTi

Crusader
I think motel six has better accommodations than PAC ever had! it was filthy, but the biggest issue to me, was having grown and old men bunking with young boys. That's not right at all.

You have my curiosity up here, since you've mentioned this a couple of times.

What happens when grown and old men bunk with young boys?
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
You have my curiosity up here, since you've mentioned this a couple of times.

What happens when grown and old men bunk with young boys?

Well I said what happened to me in my OP.

Its just crazy to me that where most sane individuals would not allow their young 13-16 y/o boys to be taking showers with older men who stand in full unabashed nakedness before them, if it its in the name of the church it is okay. I had never even seen a naked man besides my own father prior to joining the sea org and all of a sudden here I am at 15 being exposed to male genitalia of other men, some four times my age. It was more than moderately uncomfortable. I don't think that is right. Other people here may not see a problem and if it was kids my own age I could understand.

Anyway its not even a major part of my experience. I just expounded on it because you asked.
 

Ogsonofgroo

Crusader
Adam, I'm so happy that you found ESMB and even happier that you got out of scientology (I know you are having to stay under the radar at the moment, but you know you are done with the madness).
:welcome2::welcome2::welcome2:

YARR! Pretty much says it for me, :welcome: Adam & CJR. Continue to peel the onion!

Thanks for your introduction Adam, dat was awesome! (though also frightening and sad too: Frightening that cult gets away with all the abuse and manipulation~ sad what has happened to so, so many children. CoS is a vile manifestation, the deeper I look the sicker its gotten)

Best of life to y'all! :cheers:
 

FoTi

Crusader
Well I said what happened to me in my OP.

Its just crazy to me that where most sane individuals would not allow their young 13-16 y/o boys to be taking showers with older men who stand in full unabashed nakedness before them, if it its in the name of the church it is okay. I had never even seen a naked man besides my own father prior to joining the sea org and all of a sudden here I am at 15 being exposed to male genitalia of other men, some four times my age. It was more than moderately uncomfortable. I don't think that is right. Other people here may not see a problem and if it was kids my own age I could understand.

Anyway its not even a major part of my experience. I just expounded on it because you asked.

I was never in the SO, but this made me think about when I was in high school. My first semester there we were supposed to take a shower after gym class. It was a community shower with all the girls in one room. I felt like I was part of a herd of cows being herded in to strip and wash down, and we were being supervised/watched. It felt very demeaning with no right to privacy. It made me so uncomfortable and exposed. It was disturbing. I hated it. I felt like I was being forced into a stituation I didn't want to be in. I also came from a home where no one was ever naked....so it was a violation of the moral code that I was raised with/in...and it felt really wrong. I didn't like that school.....I went back to my old high school at the end of the semester, where they didn't do stuff like that.

I haven't thought about this in a very long time. But I can see how this would have disturbed you. It would have disturbed me too.

I also never knew that the S.O. lived like that....it just never occurred to me. I agree....it isn't right and you should never have been made to live in those conditions against your will. It's kind of akin to being mentally raped. It's totally bizarre that the S.O. is made to live like this and then they are berated and sec checked for having improper sexual thoughts, withholds and masturbation, when they are shoved into a position, beyond their control, where their attention would be on other naked bodies. What a mind f**k that is. :angry:

Actually, you should never have been pushed and shoved, against your will, into the S.O. in the first place.

My senior at AOLA used to sleep on the cement floor of CF to avoid having to sleep in the dorm with all the other guys. When I would come in to work in the morning, his blankets and pillow were on the floor where he spent the night. When I think of all the money that so called church makes and the living conditions that their staff has to put up with and what they have to do without so that the "church" can become increasingly wealthy and DM can have all the money he wants to spend on whatever his little black heart desires........:grouch::angry:

This 'church' sounds more like a nazi concentration camp.

The more stories I hear, the worse they look.

I'm reallly glad you got out of there, Adam. Sorry you had to grow up in that environment.

It's so sad to think that people think that they have to stay in the S.O. and are afraid to come out and live their lives without the oppression of the CoS.

And I hope your family wakes up and abandons the cult very soon.

:scnsucks:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Thank you FoTi. Yes it was not right imo. At least in your case you were with other girls your same age.

It is strange that for a religion that believes that you are more than just a body, there is such a heavy focus on sex and drugs. :confused2:
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader
To me the people who think more about sex are the people who are surrounded by people who cover up. If you want people to not have attention on sex they should walk around naked. Everyone is naked under their clothes. The terror of nudity is built into western society along with clothes that reveal and tease. A naked body is not a sexual object, it's just a naked body.

When you are not allowed to see them it's an enormous shock when you do. The truth is that very few people actually look sexy naked, you can't see red spots through skin tight jeans, and a low cut blouse can still hide a low slung belly. If you are not used to nakedness it must be like being hit in the face when you see one.

The way Arab ladies dress is hardly designed to stop men thinking about what's underneath.
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Hello there La La Lou Lou.

Just wanted to say you seem like a very cool person.

I just think the mixing of minor and of age groups in such a setting is inappropriate.
 

Magoo

Gold Meritorious Patron
Adam,

It was *great* meeting with you tonight! I can't congratulate
you enough for ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL that you have been through, and
how well you have turned out.

I know there's more to go...but you have a damned great start in getting
out of that CULT early on. Please don't *ever* blame yourself: Your parents
(And ANY Scios lurking who are still "in") your job as parents is FIRST.
What you do with Scientology is after the fact. The fact that your parents
blamed you, and dumped you really without ANY help--------god Damn
that pisses me off.

And ya know what? It used to piss me off way back when I was "in"
when I'd hear parents kicking their kids out, or "Disconnecting" from them.
:wtf: They are their parents. As Scientology says: Clear up the GD word!

Blessings to you. I hope someday you do get to tell your parents all that
you haven't been able to. Thankfully you have a home here, too.

:bighug:

Tory/Magoo
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Thank you for meeting me and listening to me. As much as I resent my parents for way they did. I can't blame them. The blame falls squarely on the church.
 

Type4_PTS

Diamond Invictus SP
I haven't had much time on this board recently and can't believe I missed this thread.
A belated welcome - Adam. :thumbsup: You have some good insight into the true nature of scientology. :thumbsup:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
I haven't had much time on this board recently and can't believe I missed this thread.
A belated welcome - Adam. :thumbsup: You have some good insight into the true nature of scientology. :thumbsup:

As far as i'm concerned it is a fraudulent cult that uses mind control techniques to extract money from its followers and grant power to its leaders (well leadER now). That is all it is or ever will be. I'm so glad that the membership is a lot smaller on the outside than its made to seem on the inside.
 

Type4_PTS

Diamond Invictus SP
As far as i'm concerned it is a fraudulent cult that uses mind control techniques to extract money from its followers and grant power to its leaders (well leadER now). That is all it is or ever will be. I'm so glad that the membership is a lot smaller on the outside than its made to seem on the inside.

Yeah, as I said, you have some good insight into the true nature of Scn. :biggrin:

And I couldn't agree with you more. :yes:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
Thanks! I'm glad you liked the video. I'm happy with my performance, considering it was my first. It's weird because I barely remember being on stage at all. I guess I was so freaking nervous my brain never absorbed the moment. All I can remember is standing up and sitting back down. It's so weird.
 

Ogsonofgroo

Crusader
Thanks! I'm glad you liked the video. I'm happy with my performance, considering it was my first. It's weird because I barely remember being on stage at all. I guess I was so freaking nervous my brain never absorbed the moment. All I can remember is standing up and sitting back down. It's so weird.

You did great Derek! Had me laughing too. The stage thing, I can truly, totally relate. The first time a did a poetry reading in front of a crowd of festival goers on an open stage, I was frikken terrified, my hands shook so badly I could barely see the words, but thankfully I'd memorized a good portion of it and stumbled my way through for some 6-8 minutes. As a goofy side-note, I was so shy at the time I decided to disguise myself as 'The Unknown Poet', wrapping myself in a batiked yellow bed-spread, I donned a helmet/hood made from a silver boxed wine bladder with two holes cut in it. The problem was with how badly I was shaking I had an even harder time reading my stuff through the two hole I'd cut in the bag. Plus it stank like old rotten wine (after many washes too), ugh, and it was like 85 degrees out that day. That brilliant idea lasted about one minute, and yuppers, my 10 minutes of fame flew by like I was in some sort of time warp. It does get easier for most, did for me man, so keep on keeping on :coolwink:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
You did great Derek! Had me laughing too. The stage thing, I can truly, totally relate. The first time a did a poetry reading in front of a crowd of festival goers on an open stage, I was frikken terrified, my hands shook so badly I could barely see the words, but thankfully I'd memorized a good portion of it and stumbled my way through for some 6-8 minutes. As a goofy side-note, I was so shy at the time I decided to disguise myself as 'The Unknown Poet', wrapping myself in a batiked yellow bed-spread, I donned a helmet/hood made from a silver boxed wine bladder with two holes cut in it. The problem was with how badly I was shaking I had an even harder time reading my stuff through the two hole I'd cut in the bag. Plus it stank like old rotten wine (after many washes too), ugh, and it was like 85 degrees out that day. That brilliant idea lasted about one minute, and yuppers, my 10 minutes of fame flew by like I was in some sort of time warp. It does get easier for most, did for me man, so keep on keeping on :coolwink:

It definitely helped that by the time I got to reading this in front of people I had read the story I wrote about 600 times between all the edits and back and forth on changes. I was trying not to shake. I guess since no one commented on it, I wasn't shaking noticeably. I did start to get tunnel vision at one point. I thought I was going to faint. It was such a weird experience all around. Definitely would do it again.

I love imagining someone in a yellow bed spread with a plastic mask. That must have been a sight to behold!
 

Ogsonofgroo

Crusader
It definitely helped that by the time I got to reading this in front of people I had read the story I wrote about 600 times between all the edits and back and forth on changes. I was trying not to shake. I guess since no one commented on it, I wasn't shaking noticeably. I did start to get tunnel vision at one point. I thought I was going to faint. It was such a weird experience all around. Definitely would do it again.

I love imagining someone in a yellow bed spread with a plastic mask. That must have been a sight to behold!

:roflmao: Seriously? Do not hurt yerself imagining it lolol, I looked like an alien pooh-bah member of the KKK :p
The whole day was so much fun anyhow, and I'm pretty sure I was too pissed by the end of the day to ever, ever, be embarrassed at the time. I played with two different bands that day later on, got home just in time to go to work in the morning.... ahhh, to be young and durable again, never to be... :)
Over the years I played a lot venues, most jams were great, but there is always gonna be those which are stressful, no biggie. One of these days I'll have to tell some 'True Tales of the Amazing' again, some really silly/funny/sad things blah-blah.

Just keep on expressing yourself, its good stuff and should not be squandered :yes:

:cheers:
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
:roflmao: Seriously? Do not hurt yerself imagining it lolol, I looked like an alien pooh-bah member of the KKK :p
The whole day was so much fun anyhow, and I'm pretty sure I was too pissed by the end of the day to ever, ever, be embarrassed at the time. I played with two different bands that day later on, got home just in time to go to work in the morning.... ahhh, to be young and durable again, never to be... :)
Over the years I played a lot venues, most jams were great, but there is always gonna be those which are stressful, no biggie. One of these days I'll have to tell some 'True Tales of the Amazing' again, some really silly/funny/sad things blah-blah.

Just keep on expressing yourself, its good stuff and should not be squandered :yes:

:cheers:

I'll be honest, it's a good thing you don't live driving distance because I love myself a good story. I could sit and listen all day to the stories you have to tell. I think I spent hours listening to my grandad talk about when he was a kid in San Francisco during WW 2 and how he met my late grandmother. About how long it took for them to get a refrigerator that didn't require a block of ice in it LOL. My cousin kept interrupting and I think I finally got him to stop by cutting him with my laser glare. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just sit down and listen. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't spend enough time with him when I was younger because of the cult, so there's probably no hope that I could ever hear all the has to tell.

Sounds like a blast you had that day. I love days like that, but unfortunately I have never been musically inclined (no matter how much my dad tried to force me when i was a kid). Words I can write for days. Whether or not that is a talent depends on the reader. Some of them would have my head :biggrin:. What kind of music did you play?
 
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