A Continuation on My Personal Story

alexm

Patron with Honors
Dear ESMB,

I have decided to fully complete my Scientology experience story, as there were a few topics that I left out of my original story. Yes there is more, I know, but good things come to those who wait.

I will continue writing these sections within the next few weeks.

In no particular order:

Scientology and Homophobia (This section will include my experience as a straight dude who knew the members of the now disbanded Clear Rainbow group for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender Scientologists out of Los Angeles and also I will write my experiences regarding homophobia made by Scientology staff and Sea Org members)

I dedicate this section to all of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, ex-members, critics and Anons who I have befriended in the last year.

Abteilung Drei ist Da! (This will include internal org issues such as the dealings of money, the payment of bills, org bank accounts, bank reconciliation, audits, supplies, purchase orders, financial planning, inflated rates for materials and other related topics. This section will be written into sub-sections and may be rather dry but interesting for those who are interested in the internal workings of the Treasury Department)

This section is dedicated to the AGS in Hamburg, Germany, Graham Berry, and all German Anons, as well as to my friends in Anonymous Berlin.

I Love a Girl in Uniform, Even if it’s From a Fake Navy (Includes stories of females that I knew in the SO. This section includes inappropriate comments made on me by female SO members, female SO members that I liked and used to hit on, situations with awkward pauses that suggested attraction, one female who always wanted to be alone with me in a weird way and more)

This section is dedicated to ILived1984 and 8-8008 and to our many conversations about this topic. I will not refer to any female by name but rather by initial or nickname.

To My Best Friend (An open letter to a disconnected friend in Berlin)

This section is dedicated to my friend, fellow staff member and former roommate in Berlin who will be known as DN throughout the letter. Also this is dedicated to anyone who has suffered the pain of loosing a loved one, whether they are a family member or friend, to disconnection.

A Letter to the Berlin Org (Dedicated to all of the staff, particularly to DSA Berlin, HCO Berlin and to my former co-workers)

This letter will be from the bottom of my heart, how I feel today, what my intentions are, why leaving staff and ultimately Scientology helped saved me. I will asks all of those who are out of the Berlin org whether staff or public to please come forth and share your stories.

I Had a Dream (About a remarkably vivid dream I had recently regarding the Berlin org)

Dedicated to the people who helped me got out of Scientology: Jason Beghe, Tory Christman, Mark Bunker, Marc Headly and to all ex-staff and ex-SO out there.

AlexM
 
Last edited:

alexm

Patron with Honors
To My Best Friend

(This is dedicated to my friend, current staff member and former roommate in Berlin who will be known as DN. Also this is dedicated to anyone who has suffered the pain of loosing a loved one, whether they are a family member or friend, to disconnection.)

Dear DN,

I am writing you this letter because you are my friend. In fact you are my best friend. I will never forget Berlin and I hope that you do not either.

I am also writing you this letter as an explanation because this letter has to do with Scientology and the Berlin org.

In May 2008, I left San Francisco and went to Los Angeles in order to explain my situation because I was let go from staff. I was let go from staff because when I was 16 years old in 1999, I read many critical websites about Scientology. I also enrolled in a group called alt.religion.scientology. I did not enroll in this group for very long, maybe an hour or so and I did not even read one post but this is a suppressive group. I did not tell the ethics officer about this when I was asked to write my life history in San Francisco so I was given a dismissal but I did not know that it was a suppressive group. I also told this during a sec check in December 2005 in the old Berlin org.

I was told that I was too “PTS” and that I was no longer qualified for the OT levels or Scientology services until the group alt.religion.scientology goes away. He also told me that I would never be allowed to join staff or the Sea Org for as long as I live due to this enrollment. You also know that my intention was to be in the Sea Org for the rest of my life, so this was serious for me.

When I came home, I was crushed. It felt like I had lost my entire life’s purpose. I cried many days and nights. I felt ashamed, scared and alone. I did not have anyone, like you, who understood Scientology well enough that I could even talk to and I do not want to talk to the people in the local org. My mother did not understand, my father did not understand, not my friends or my family. No one understood what I was feeling. It really felt like the church had let me go for a stupid reason and after everything I went through in Berlin, I was not even qualified to be on staff in Berlin.

In May and June 2008, I went to my computer with all of these feelings in my mind and I began to write my views about Scientology. I wrote 30 pages of criticisms about the church. Most of which are negative because I feel as if I gave my life to the church but they did not want me because I was not perfect enough for them.

During the summer in 2008, I was getting over Scientology. At this point, I stopped thinking like a Scientologist. I did not answer any emails or calls from Scientology and stopped calling myself a Scientologist. I began waking up out of the bad dream that is Scientology and it felt good.

I then began watching video testimonials from former Scientologists on the Internet. One of which was from a celebrity named Jason Beghe who left in the spring of 2007. He went to a man named Mark Bunker who lives in LA and conducted a very long interview with him. I watched Jason Beghe’s video and I almost cried. I loved it because I had a big win. I knew that many other people, thousands of other people actually, feel the same way I do. They know that there is something very wrong with Scientology and not only staff but with the church itself and Hubbard too.

I will never lie to you DN or keep anything from you. I am happy not being a Scientologist. In fact getting dismissed from Scientology was the best thing to have ever happened to me. I will also not hide my opinions on Scientology from you either. I do not believe that Scientology is a religion, or a church. No religion would ever dismiss someone for having doubts or reading critical material and if any church does this, I will not be a member of such a paranoid organization.

I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream when I left Scientology. Scientology puts people to sleep and makes people do things, which they normally would never do; like justifying crimes and overts, harassing people for money, lying to people in order to recruit staff members, working long hours for little pay and many other immoral things which are pseudo-religious and cultic practices. I know that these things are destructive and dangerous for your mental health and spiritual evolution.

Now that I say these critical things, you might feel the urge to make sense that your accidents, falls, trips, colds and other things are a result of me being an SP. Fine, maybe I am an SP for thinking critically but there is one thing more devastating then me being an SP and that is the fact that over 20% of the Berlin org are illegal workers. This is a crime and it is against the law. Remember that Hubbard said Scientology always follows the laws of the land? Well what happened in Berlin?

Scientology’s goals are above the law and this is wrong. The people in the DSA are not stupid people but they have a mission and need staff. They justify their overts by saying that clearing the planet is more important then having someone with a work visa. If you do not believe me then ask yourself when has the DSA chosen to help any illegal workers? Sabine Weber screamed in my face when I was in her office before I left Germany. She told me that she did not want the org to close down because of me being illegal but neither her nor her staff did anything to help me in reality. HCO told me that they would hire people from all over the world regardless of whether or not they were legally allowed to work in Germany. I wanted to write to OSA and they do not care or would do anything to fix the situation and this is criminal.

My final word is that you are 33 years old and it is your choice whether or not you wish to be my friend. The church should not dictate your life or your choices. If you wish to be a Scientologist I will respect your choice as a friend but I will hold my views of Scientology based on what I saw going on in the orgs. In other religions, this would not matter what so ever. I have Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and Atheists friends. I do not agree with all of them but we are still friends because we can see past beliefs. I also know that you have disconnected from me and I know that the church ordered it. I know that we are good friends but I must tell my story.

Nothing will change our friendship, nothing will ever change what I went through in Berlin and I will be forever grateful for your friendship during that time.

If you need any help at any time just let me know.

AlexM
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Scientology and Homophobia Part 1

(I dedicate this section to all of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, ex-members, critics and Anons who I have befriended in the last year.)

I still remember the first gay person that I ever met. You see I grew up with very liberal parents. My mother and father taught my sister and I do love our neighbor no matter who they were, gay, straight, black, brown or what have you. On the street I lived on as a child we had Indian Sikh neighbors and down from them was another family from India who were Hindu’s. We had English Anglicans, Irish Catholics, Chinese Buddhists, West Indian Christians, Greek Christians, Belgian Unitarians, Jamaican Baptists and many Italians Catholics. I never myself ever had any problems with those of another race, ethnicity, nationality, color or creed.

The first gay person I ever officially met, meaning that I knew he was in fact gay, came in high school. I myself had always liked girls and knew I was straight. I was shy and still am to this day. I was never as aggressive as my other classmates and never had a real date until I was 20 years old. I still remember the first girl I ever liked though. Her name was Lauren and we were in the same class in the third grade. She was a very nice looking girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. I could never tell her how I left about her because I always got nervous and said the wrong thing. As time went by, I switched schools and have not talked to or seen Lauren in 18 years.

In high school, there was a kid named Rodney. Rumor had it that Rodney checked out a book from the library entitled “It’s Ok to be Gay.” Most of us who knew Rodney took it as a rumor however some of us were ok with the fact that it might indicate that he were gay. Rodney got picked on allot by my friends. It is never easy being different, especially in high school. One day I saw Rodney in the hall, said hello to him and straight out asked him if he was gay. I did this because I did not think it was fair the way the other kids would tease and make fun of him. After a few moments of him trusting me to keep his secret, he said yes, he was gay. I told him that I knew how hard it is being different since I myself am really tall and had also been teased for my height. The same would go for people who are overweight, short, handicapped or other things like this.

I did not become friends with Rodney but I was happy that he trusted me enough with his secret. I never told a soul about Rodney being gay, until now. Sorry Rodney.
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Scientology and Homophobia Part 2

Fast-forward a few years to my days in Scientology.

One day in 2005, shortly after I joined Scientology, I had made some posts on a website called Beliefnet. I have been a member there for a very long time and really love that site as you can post questions to anyone of any faith at anytime and for the most part you get good answers. On the thread that I was posting at there was a Scientologist who made postings about the gay community and Scientology. (Vinaire and Alonzo should know whom I am talking about). He was making several responses to posts about Scientology’s stance on homosexuality. I quickly replied that I never had a problem with people being gay and that I was interested in learning about this issue. This man, who I will name B, PMed me shortly after with two websites. One was for Affinity International and the other was for a Yahoo group named Clear Rainbow. I had never heard of these groups before but B invited me saying that you do not need to be gay in order to join. He said that there were other straight members in these two groups who were OT’s and very upstat. I thought ok; if they are willing to let me join then they are not exclusive. I thought that I would be able to ask questions about Scientology and the gay community as well as get to know their side of the issue.

Shortly after joining Clear Rainbow (CR), I read many posting from other CR members about their experiences in Scientology. CR is mainly a PR tool that counters Hubbard’s homophobic writings in Dianetics, Self-Analysis and Science of Survival. CR does this, in my opinion, unsuccessfully. I will go into examples later; especially regarding a policy by L. Ron Hubbard called “Second Dynamic Rule.”

The main problem that I saw at the time was that CR misrepresents the Church of Scientology as gay-friendly and pro-homosexuality. This is a mentality that does not exist in the opinions of hardly any Scientologists that I have ever known. Most members often quote Hubbard’s reprehensible homophobic writings in order to support their hate and intolerance against homosexual men and women.

As mentioned already in my story I took my mother to LA in December 2006. This is where we went to the New Years Eve event where I saw amongst other things, DM and the video about the new Berlin org. At this time, I started making good friends with B, Keith Relkin who is the head of Affinity International and Clear Rainbow as well as many gay Scientologists. I even went to a Christmas party back in December 2006 hosted by Keith Relkin and CR. I met B and another gentlemen that I will name GR. I remember very clearly GR saying something very strange about gays in Scientology. He said to me “I’m gay now but if that changes I’m going to want to change with it.” This would support L. Ron Hubbard’s anti-gay position and not CR’s gay-friendly one. The party ended up being interesting, as I was the only straight person there.

However, I did make a connection with an OTVII from Denver whose son is a Sea Org at ASHO. He and I were two of a handful of straight Scientologists on CR but we had many good emails back and forth so we stayed in touch from there. Interestingly enough, this gentleman was the reason why I went to San Francisco after I left the Berlin org. He made another connection there with a Sea Org member who he knew personally.

During all of this time on CR I just assumed that Scientologists simply needed education regarding Hubbard’s Second Dynamic Rule, which supposedly cancels LRH’s homophobic writing from his earlier works. I read Second Dynamic Rule several times over to try to educate other Scientologists on why this is policy and not anything Hubbard said before was the churches stance of gays.

Ok, now hold this thought because I am going to get back to this issue after I tell a few stories.
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Scientology and Homophobia Part 3

I want to move ahead to actual examples of homophobic behavior that I witnessed while on staff in both Berlin and San Francisco. A warning to everyone that it does contain offensive derogatory terms that I do not support the use of but need to repeat in order for these stories to have the emotional impact needed as Scientology’s homophobia should be considered offensive to all, gay or not.

The first incident that I can recall happened one afternoon at Alexanderplatz in East Berlin. Like every weekend the Berlin org takes to the streets but mainly to the tourist areas, selling books on false pretences since the money goes to the org rather then the social betterment groups that the staff say they do. Of course, this is also the time when the staffs administer the free stress tests and hand out flyers. If anyone is interested, yes, you do get slip on, yelled at and insulted by the passers by. It is quite disillusioning to say the least.

One particular day in the summer I was at the bookstand with a fellow staff member from Stuttgart who will be named BD. I always liked BD as he was very funny and he absolutely hated the Berlin org especially the Executives and Sea Org members. BD left staff not long after this due to many quarrels and I have no idea what he is doing now.

On this day two men walked up to the stress test table holding hands. They asked us what Dianetics can do for them and were administered the stress test. After, the two men bought a Dianetics book from us and left the table holding hands. BD then came up to me afterwards, as I was handing out flyers getting yelled at in German. BD started to mock the two men and pranced around imitating them. BD was saying to me that the two men were gay; he said how sick gay men made him and how Hubbard says that gay people are sexual deviants who are covertly hostile. I did not like his public display of mocking these two gay guys, who bought a book form us and asked him if he ever read Second Dynamic Rule. He hadn’t. I told him about my experience in LA with gay Scientologists and he told me that he has never heard such a thing and that gay people either have the choice to change via auditing or leave and become DB’s. I did not wish to talk to him anymore and never had another conversation with BD regarding this topic.

I recall another incident, which happened not too long after this one. While working in Treasury, one of my responsibilities was to collect all the money and invoices that were made and donated to the church at the end of the day. These are called closeouts and were always pretty terrible to do especially if one of the regges hides or looses an invoice. The Public Reg at the time was a young girl who I will name HL. HL was never interested in her post and always screwed up the invoices causing the org to either lose money or be unable to balance out after the week was over. And yet, we were winning the birthday game!

So I am sitting quietly in my office working on something when my co-worker, let’s call her TS, who just so happened to be working illegally on a student visa, storms into Treasury in a fury. She tells me that HL signed up a gay couple, not sure if it was the same one from Alexanderplatz, to a Div 6 course. I asked her how that was a bad thing to do and she said that Scientology doesn’t allow “those people” into the course room. She quoted me from Hubbard’s homophobic teachings that homosexuals are covertly hostile and so forth. I then reach beside me to a bookshelf that had all of the OEC volumes and took out OEC 1 – HCO. I told her to read Second Dynamic Rule as I wanted to show her how wrong she was.

After a few minutes of reading, she asked me why she was reading this policy. I told her what CR believes as far as that one policy cancelling anything negative with homosexual people. TS asked me where it said that and indicated to me that Hubbard only mentions people’s sexuality and not homosexuality. Looking into the OEC 1, I realize that Hubbard is not, has not and was not saying that homosexuality was a person’s business but only sexuality. After looking in at both a green and red dictionary, Hubbard does not clearly define what sexuality is or what it means in this context. Could it mean polygamy? Group sex? Bondage? S&M? Fetishes? Well it’s not clearly defined and in my opinion, while searching for a gay-friendly policy, CR interpreted sexuality in that policy to mean homosexuality but Hubbard did not.
 
Last edited:

alexm

Patron with Honors
Scientology and Homophobia Part 4

A few days later, I cancelled the invoice from the gay couple and gave them a refund. They were not allowed to take their course due to their sexuality and by now my view of CR was, “move on with your lives.” HL was also disciplined for taking their money.

This last story is perhaps the most offensive, sad and disturbing display of homophobia and hate that I have ever seen in my entire life. I kid you not and this is where I have to use derogatory words in order to express the emotion behind the event.

We begin in December of 2007, just a few weeks after my adventure in Copenhagen with the paper bag full of Euros that I am to deliver to AOSH EU. There is a huge international book-a-thon that calls for all org around the world to go and sell books before the year ends. During this time, my fellow staff and I will spend over 100 hours outside from 10 am to 1 am the next morning and receive very little pay for our work. I myself made 11 euros after this 110-hour workweek, which makes about 9 Euro cents per hour. Put into account that it is Berlin, Germany in late December and standing outside for 16 hours is not pleasant when it is below zero both in Celsius and Fahrenheit.

We get to Potzdammerplatz in the morning and situate ourselves to the left of the escalators for the S-Bahn station, to the right of the tall, glass Deutsches Bahn building and in front of the Ritz Carlton. My Berlin Anon friends will know exactly where I mean. Between the S-Bahn station and the Deutsches Bahn building a stage is being built. We do not know for what but it doesn’t matter we go about our day anyway trying to sell books for people who don’t want them.

As the day goes by the stage is being built more and more when finally a sign is hung over the stage. The sign causes a tremendously negative reaction amongst the German staff. The sign of course was in German and I could not read it. I do not recall the name of the organization, which maybe the Berliner Anons could help me find it, that was putting on the event but it was a local non-profit organization interested in support for gay men living with HIV/AIDS.

Shock comes over my fellow staff members who were totally pissed off at this point. I asked a very pissed off staff member who I will name MK what the sign says. He turns to me and says, “It’s for f**king fa**ots with AIDS.” At first I thought that I was hearing things so I laughed and asked him what he said. He repeated, “It’s for f**king fa**ots with AIDS.” He then lost it stating that in the red tech dictionary, L. Ron Hubbard says that a virus is their fault because homosexuals have a 2D aberration. MK repeated calling the people names and I walked away towards my friend who was equally in a pissed off mood. I went back to the table to see the Exec Esto, the one married to the FR and I heard her say to another staff member “I think it’s just disgusting. I hope those fa**ots don’t come near me and make me sick.” My general consensuses at this point was people of CR, “move on with your lives.”
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Scientology and Homophobia Part 5

At dark, the stage was set and lit with several candles. I was thinking to myself, will this be a memorial for gay men who have died of AIDS and if so what are the staff going to do about this? How are they going to handle it since everyone seemed to be so utterly pissed off and disturbed by this gathering.

A little time goes by and we hear music coming from the area around the shopping mall at Potzdammerplatz. We look down Potzdammer Strasse and see a group with lit candles and signs that have pictures of men on them walking slowly towards our area. The music they are playing is very sombre, funeral music, and I am confirmed that in fact this is the memorial that I thought it would be. The staffs with me are in total shock saying profanities and homophobic comments under their breath. I can hear the staff say, “Oh no, the fa**ots are coming… It is their fault they are sick… We need to get these people books and stress tests…” and so on.

As the group comes towards us they gather around the stage and there is a presentation by a man. I do not know what was said as no one translated it for me. However during some of the comments that this man made caused the staff to snicker and smirk as if they we in disagreement with what was said.

The most offensive thing however, as if the comments and derogatory terms weren’t offensive enough, was the reaction of one girl who was a 16 year old from Switzerland that I will name SF. SF, who was born and raised a Scientologist, was jumping around, cheering, running, shouting, laughing and acting happy while the service was going on. When I asked her what she was doing she said that “the fa**ots were making things too down tone” and she was getting the environment uptone in order for us to sell more books. She then repeated something very nasty that I heard all day long: “I hope those people don’t make me sick.”

After the service, the staff continued their hatred while SF kept running around dancing, singing and cheering. As the crowd left the area several men with signs, many of which looked pale and wasting away, looked at us with utter anger and contempt for the displays that SF and others were showing their group. I do not blame them, not one little bit. To this day I am ashamed that I was standing around doing nothing and not telling my former staff to shut up because they were acting like totally a**holes.

After I got home from Berlin in February 2008, I cancelled my CR membership due to the fact that I could not be apart of such an organization after what I saw in Berlin.

I will repeat my message to the people of CR, “move on with your lives.
 
Thanks for taking the time to write this up in detail.

I don't think homophobia is so vigorous in all places and even in scientology
attitudes are different in different places etc.
It does show though that it cannot be assumed that people in general are ok with gays these days. I have seen a few (non scientologists) inadvertently
drop their guard and the old prejudice is alive and kicking -just being held in check by new "rules" in society about not being homophobic.

Your post is interesting as specific examples of homophobia within scientology of course. Interesting about the gay guy in CR who seemed to hoping to be changed into a hetero. The interpretation of that 2d policy is interesting too. I think there were some liberal minded staff at the the org that I worked at who thought that it included the idea that homosexuality was not to be used as a "make-wrong". They still seemed to think though that it was still an "aberration that would get handled somewhere on the "Bridge". Some orgs were also afraid that gays would break the law(before homosexuality was decriminalized) and the GO at the org I was at asked me to sign a paper saying that I would not break the law. I'm fairly certain (from memory) that I had not broken the law in my time on staff anyway. I think I was explicitly told by the GO (2 different people) that they go found out I was gay by way of my pc file. And they were not my auditors. Also a roommate found gay magazines I had - well to find them he had to go looking. It is possible, considering his connections that he actually "spied" or did go looking for stuff. - He did do other GO volunteer work.
The open interpretation of the 2d policy makes things nebulous.
I wonder if CR could ever have ben called OT rainbow, or how abot OTVII and VII rainnbow. Would Scientology give that amount of "validation" to being queer and a scientologist/OT. Not on your life.
Even Clear Rainbow is not explicit. It can be argued that it does not say GAY SCIENTOLOGISTS or GAY CLEARS> It skillfully implies it. Just enough to handle the anti-gay out pr.
Thanks agin for your posts.
 

clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron
Thank you for your posts. The letter to your friend was beautiful. Also, on your other posts, the hatred of homosexuals within the cult is frightening. I've seen it, also. It's vile. I wish I had all my old tapes, as I remember hearing Elron go on about it in a few places. It's all whitewash. Reg the queers while you hate and revile them, and wait for them to "cognite" and come into the fold as an ethical being, a "straight" being. I have a lot of anger with this. Seen people very hurt by it, and I thank you again for shedding light.
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
Fantastic post Alex - you really captured the hate that scientology creates against gays.

I am ashamed to say that I went along with this stupid belief too while I was a dedicated staff member.

There were several gay men on staff in the time I was on staff, and even a few in the Sea Org in the earlier years, but they all were given a very tough time over it.

It's yet another reason that the cult should be dismantled
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Thanks for taking the time to write this up in detail.

I don't think homophobia is so vigorous in all places and even in scientology
attitudes are different in different places etc.
It does show though that it cannot be assumed that people in general are ok with gays these days. I have seen a few (non scientologists) inadvertently
drop their guard and the old prejudice is alive and kicking -just being held in check by new "rules" in society about not being homophobic.

Your post is interesting as specific examples of homophobia within scientology of course. Interesting about the gay guy in CR who seemed to hoping to be changed into a hetero. The interpretation of that 2d policy is interesting too. I think there were some liberal minded staff at the the org that I worked at who thought that it included the idea that homosexuality was not to be used as a "make-wrong". They still seemed to think though that it was still an "aberration that would get handled somewhere on the "Bridge". Some orgs were also afraid that gays would break the law(before homosexuality was decriminalized) and the GO at the org I was at asked me to sign a paper saying that I would not break the law. I'm fairly certain (from memory) that I had not broken the law in my time on staff anyway. I think I was explicitly told by the GO (2 different people) that they go found out I was gay by way of my pc file. And they were not my auditors. Also a roommate found gay magazines I had - well to find them he had to go looking. It is possible, considering his connections that he actually "spied" or did go looking for stuff. - He did do other GO volunteer work.
The open interpretation of the 2d policy makes things nebulous.
I wonder if CR could ever have ben called OT rainbow, or how abot OTVII and VII rainnbow. Would Scientology give that amount of "validation" to being queer and a scientologist/OT. Not on your life.
Even Clear Rainbow is not explicit. It can be argued that it does not say GAY SCIENTOLOGISTS or GAY CLEARS> It skillfully implies it. Just enough to handle the anti-gay out pr.
Thanks agin for your posts.

While it's true that other religions would probably do the same. Other homophobic religions are at least honest in their homophobia and not have a group such as CR. Those individuals need to move on and accept that their "church" :unsure: is homophobic and that LRH's supposed gay-friendly policy they are using to recruit members has been interpreted by CR to make it seems as if the entire church is gay-friendly. Of course, they are not.

Very interesting insight about the lack of OT homosexuals, since they are all probably straight and thank you for sharing your experiences.
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Thank you for your posts. The letter to your friend was beautiful. Also, on your other posts, the hatred of homosexuals within the cult is frightening. I've seen it, also. It's vile. I wish I had all my old tapes, as I remember hearing Elron go on about it in a few places. It's all whitewash. Reg the queers while you hate and revile them, and wait for them to "cognite" and come into the fold as an ethical being, a "straight" being. I have a lot of anger with this. Seen people very hurt by it, and I thank you again for shedding light.

Thank you the letter is from the heart and as honest as I could make it.

Video taping these incidents amongst many others also would have been helpful. If you Scientology didn't make me incapable to resourceful honesty.
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
Fantastic post Alex - you really captured the hate that scientology creates against gays.

I am ashamed to say that I went along with this stupid belief too while I was a dedicated staff member.

There were several gay men on staff in the time I was on staff, and even a few in the Sea Org in the earlier years, but they all were given a very tough time over it.

It's yet another reason that the cult should be dismantled

Gay Sea Org member? Poor dudes.

I was listening to a current BBS radio interview with the DSA from the London org, when asked if a gay person could be in the Sea Org, he paused for quite a while and said yes. I have met allot of Sea Org members, all of which were terribly homophobic and none we gay what-so-ever. Sad really....
 

alexm

Patron with Honors

alexm

Patron with Honors
A Letter to the Berlin Org Part 1

This letter will be from the bottom of my heart, how I feel today, what my intentions are, why leaving staff and ultimately Scientology helped saved me. I will asks all of those who are out of the Berlin org whether staff or public to please come forth and share your stories.

Dear Berlin org,

I know that the only people who are going to read this are from DSA Berlin, possibly high-ranking executives and maybe some HCO staff. The people I once considered my friends will probably not read this or know of its existence, however I still feel the need to write a letter to the Berliner org.

My Intentions

For the record, I do not hate individual Scientologists unless they personally did something against me. There are some individuals, mainly the DSA, D/DSA, Legal Officer, HAS, former Exec Esto now LRH Comm and a few others that I honestly do not wish to talk to ever again and have been happy to be out of communication with them for more then a year. Well, maybe not the former Exec Esto, if she ever decided to leave the Sea Org and thus her husband, I’d be more then happy to get back into communication with her, believe me.

Next, I feel that the disconnection with my friend DN was something ordered by the org and not from his own mind. I know that HCO and DSA ordered this because of my speaking out online. I am very saddened by this but just know that while I may have created a treason in your eyes, I feel as if the trust I had given a friend was all for nothing because in the end what kind of friend is easily manipulated to stop communication? This is equally treason on the part of the org.

Why Am I Speaking Out?

I am simply interested in people learning about what goes on behind closed doors in Berlin and nothing else. I want people to understand the flaps; scams, gimmicks and schemes in order to better educate themselves especially the local Berlin people. On top of that I held an interesting post, which is the body of the org. There are procedures and policies that I believe may hold some keys to why ideal orgs are ideal scam for international management. In addition, Berlin is still not Saint Hill size, only one time when I was there did the org make over the €50,000 Euro per week marker and staff is still receiving no where near the normal salary of your average Berliner. I believe that individual people should be aware of what is going on not only in their community or country but how Scientology orgs get away with paying staff very little money in terms of the amount of hours that they put in.
 
Last edited:

alexm

Patron with Honors
A Letter to the Berlin Org Part 2

My View on Staff Life

Often times I sit and think about the org and the people I once worked with. It is hard not to seeing how so much time and energy is put into the org by over 100 people. What makes me really sad and probably always will is how badly staffs are treated and how menially they live. These are good hard-working people, which are being taken advantage of by local executives and international management. The directives that come down from international management are prime examples of people who are cooped up at Gold base with no realistic views of the outside world and giving staff member’s targets that are unattainable. This is suppressive and in the end only the people at the bottom suffer since most, if not all-local executives in Berlin have rich spouses who support, cloth and feed them.

However, it makes me happy to know that there is a better world out there free from sec checks, battle plans, ethics conditions, PTS handling, stat pushing, ethics officers, guilt, love bombing, Sea Org members screaming at you, unrealistic programs from international management, all-hands, CF Recovery, call-ins, nightwatch and Emeter checks. Ask yourself, do people who trust really need to make sure your ethics are in by putting you on an Emeter and check for evil intentions? No, they would not and this leads me into my next section.

How I feel today

As I said, the world is big, wide and free. You can be just as, if not even more, successful out of Scientology then in it. I know for a fact that 9 out of 10 staff members in any org do not want to be on staff. So, just leave. Nothing but good things will happen to you. You will not become PTS, get sick or fall ill. You will survive and you will find out that the world is challenging yes, but full of opportunities that Scientology, especially being on staff, can never provide.

I only feel saddened for the people who will never know this to be true but I am happy knowing that happiness and true success exists outside of the orgs.
 

alexm

Patron with Honors
A Letter to the Berlin Org Part 3

Three Important Things to Consider

When I was on staff in Berlin I noticed three particular things about the org that never once made sense to me. Still to this day, I think about the justifications that were involved as these three particular things were in my opinion off-policy.

Number Einz is about the schedule of the org. I asked a few people for reference regarding this issue, as there is no policy or directive for what is referred to as a full-full time schedule. In fact the only reference I found regarding schedules were about how every org was to have the standard day and foundation schedule, which both work out to about 45 hour work weeks. So I also thought that the Berlin org was the only org like this but no, it only has one org. There is no policy that I have never found regarding having no day or foundation orgs. Where does it come from? Why do orgs exist like this? Second, there is no policy that states that a staff member should be working the 92 hour full-full time schedule. I thought that Berlin was alone however other not-so-ideal orgs without day or foundation schedules include Buffalo, Mountain View, Steven’s Creek, Los Gatos, Dallas and Madrid just to name a few. The orgs that I listed which are in Northern California, I have visited and asked the staff about full-full time schedules. No one had ever heard of it what so ever and they pointed out to me that such a schedule is for the Sea Org members. Something to consider is that if you are working a Sea Org schedule while wearing one common uniform like the Sea Org members do, then why aren’t you in the Sea Org? Also then why aren't you getting your food and housing provided like the Sea Org member do?

Number Zwei is about the bookstands and stress tables. The Berlin org is only org on the planet, which orders their staff to go out for five hours per week to the bookstand. I am going to repeat that, the Berlin org IS THE ONLY org on the PLANET, which orders its staff to go out for FIVE HOURS per week to the bookstand. So just digest that for a second and think to yourself, why? Well according to the people that were in the org before me it was an order given by our Missionaire First, Second and Third. I want to let you in the Berliner org know that I know the posts of all of our Missionaire’s and understand why you would never say no to them. Missionaire First was at one time C.O.B.’s Project Officer and also held a very high post the Watchdog Committee. Our Missionaire Second held a very high post at CMO Int and we know about Missionaire Third and her post at CLO EU. So again I ask, why? Wouldn’t you think that the Missionaire’s would know their policy? There exists no policy about staff going off their posts and onto a bookstand for five hours. There is no policy that states that you have to go or that any Missionaire whether from CLO, ILO, WDC, CMO or even RTC can order a staff off their post to do the work of another staff member. This is a total violation that needs to be looked into, and is also a cross order with Hubbard's policies. You of course can use the Data Series and Investigation tech but anyone who is has been of staff knows that those things are practiced about as much as personal integrity.

Number Drei not as complicated then the other two points. Considering the fact that the Berliner org is not Saint Hill size after missing several targets and even after winning the birthday game because of stat pushing, the org has lost over 100 students and 60-70 staff members within the first year and probably has lost many more in the second year, gross income to the org is not enough to make the org remain solvent, gross misapplication of basic Esto and Admin tech from International management, the lack of inspection from RTC, why a Sea Org member in Denmark owns the building that the Berliner public donated for and ultimately why doesn’t, not only this ideal org, but all other ideal orgs not live up to the standards of the Ideal Org policy letter? All of these simple facts should make you ask yourself, is it worth it? Are you really helping clear the planet or are you really working for a corporation that uses religion as a mask in order to push an ideological agenda?

Last thing to consider is how much religion do you as a staff member come across in your daily workday? Even auditing is more therapy then religion. In my opinion, only when someone says "thetan", which could be interpreted as philosophy and not religious, is when there is something that might point to religion being discussed. To me less then 10% of what you do is actual religion on staff. The rest is very corporate and and very business yet you are not paid like a regular cooperate exec. Think about it, is that what you joined staff to do? To work for a corporation or a religion?

In my opinion, the Berlin org has been set up to fail with no faults of that being on the local staff member.

Come Forth and Share Your Stories

I know that there have been many publics, about 100 actually, and staff members, 60-70, that blew Scientology within the first year that the ideal org opened. I would love to hear their stories too and I know that I am not the only one out there who is a former Berliner org staff or public. I am inviting these formers staffs and/or publics to share his or her experiences and you can do it anonymously.

There was a TV new reporter who went into the org and exposed allot of the orgs personality and the people inside of it. There was also a terrific report done recently by German TV. The news is getting out and people are becoming more educated on how dangerous Scientology is. Anything, even if it is small, will help.

Conclusion

In the end, I am not mad or angry but I also wish that internally there were more responsibility and less blame by the DSA on those who are working underage and/or illegally. Next time Anonymous shows up at the org’s door, please go inside and help your illegal and/or underage staffs get their permits and leave the Anons alone.

Thank you,

AlexM
 
Last edited:
Top