A small part of my story

Sharone Stainforth

Silver Meritorious Patron
Wow Mick,

From what iv'e read of you and Nancy and Sean in the past,i know you are fantastic parents.I had no idea how much you went through though,my heart goes out to you and what you did for your children.

Please keep telling your story,the more stories i read the more angry i am at what the CoS has done to so many families.

Best Wishes to you
Tamasin:)
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
Never in a million years did I ever think I was joining and even giving my life over to a group that treated its people like this.
 
Never in a million years did I ever think I was joining and even giving my life over to a group that treated its people like this.

Ditto Alanzo. As horrifying and as brutal as Mick's story is, it is not unique, not in it's general theme at least. I hope that doesn't come across as dismissive. It isn't meant to be. I'm just making a point that this criminal organisation has no respect for any individual (man, woman or child).

I hope Mick keeps telling his story.
 

Mick Wenlock

Admin Emeritus (retired)
Mick - have you ever seen the movie called "Pan's Labrynth"? It so much reminds me of being raised in the SO and what it's like.

The movie itself is incredible. It is about the only movie that I would say was perfectly made. I mean perfectly. It is so well directed. Oh my god.

And the story is BEAUTIFUL. About a little girl during World War II and her living in that world, and also her own fantasy world. Just an amazing story.

I could see it a million times and then see it again. Only a few movies I feel that strongly about.

-----------

Your struggle is amazing. And that you went back in? I am curious when you get to that part, if you can elaborate on what made you want to return. Did you at all feel that you could not make it in the WOG world? Or did you consider Scn the ONLY salvation for man?


Bea,

Thanks for the good words - especially as your courage in the telling of your own story was part of the reason for being willing to tell mine.

I have not seen the movie that you mentioned but I will put it on my Netflix queue for sure.

Why did I go back? My wife has often asked that same question...

It is a combination of things I think. The main one is my upbringing - I have never run from a fight in my life. Not ever. I felt that the declare was a complete crock and that a comm ev would prove me right (much to my surprise it actually did). I also thought that if I did not go back then everyone who knew me would always have that slight doubt that maybe there was something to it - not sure if that makes sense or not. Several people wrote KRs to the comm ev - Walter Kotric, Henri Breuer were two of them saying that the declare was a crock. At the time the Finance Police were lording it around everywhere and it was a brave thing they did. I was not about to let them down.

But one thing the whole episode did teach me was that being declared really, in the end, meant nothing. We survived it at the very worst of times - the next time it happened it was rough time but we at least knew we would get through it OK.
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
...

Why did I go back? My wife has often asked that same question...

It is a combination of things I think. The main one is my upbringing - I have never run from a fight in my life. Not ever. I felt that the declare was a complete crock and that a comm ev would prove me right (much to my surprise it actually did). I also thought that if I did not go back then everyone who knew me would always have that slight doubt that maybe there was something to it - not sure if that makes sense or not. Several people wrote KRs to the comm ev - Walter Kotric, Henri Breuer were two of them saying that the declare was a crock. At the time the Finance Police were lording it around everywhere and it was a brave thing they did. I was not about to let them down.

I felt this same kind of pull, too.

With every wrong indication, you want to protest, you want to set the record straight.

With every unjust KR, or justice action, you have to fight back for the truth. You believe that Scientologists stand for the truth, so you fight for the truth.

For me, there came a point where I realized that whatever I said, or did, or wrote or protested, what was really being fought for was not the truth, but the mindset - to keep the Scientology mindset intact. So what I was saying would ALWAYS be indicated back to me wrongly. It would never get through. Because if it did, the mindset would have to change. And the mindset will never change.

I began to realize that the urge to protest a wrong indication, or a misduplication of what I said or thought, was my side of the glue that kept sticking me to an old, dead quest.

It was MY quest. I walked myself in to a Scientology mission so many years ago. And I could walk myself out, too.

The damage to my life and everything I built in it would be tremendous. But at least *I* would still be seeking to live with the truth.

That's what got me in to Scientology. And ultimately, that's what got me out, too.

To seek to live with the truth.

Your story is stirring things up, Mick.

Keep going.
 

Mick Wenlock

Admin Emeritus (retired)
Just after Chris' birthday I got a call on Malc's phone form the FOLO that the Comm Ev was meeting and wanted me to attend. I finally got to see in writing what the declare was about and what "charges" I was facing - the usual slew of "failing to keep Scn working" and a bunch of stuff about financial irregularities. Including such vast things as buying soap for personal use with SO Mission funds. The actual comm ev was fine - I knew all the members, they knew me. It was not some huge trauma. The one thing that did irritate me almost beyond belief was the total indifference to my schedule or family. At one time they asked me to come at 11:00 PM for the next meeting. I arrived at the FOLO at 10:45 PM - having walked all the way of course and having persuaded Malc to keep an eye on the boys. At 11:15 I was told it was going to be a little later. the meeting finally took place at 1:45 in the morning. It went on until 2:45. It was nearly 4 when I got home. The comm ev had asked me to be there at 11:00 the next evening and I told them I would wait 15 minutes but if there was no meeting by 11:15 I was going to leave.

I have to say that I was tired most of the time - Sean had developed a habit of only sleeping with the light on, the physical side of things was an enormous strain after a while - it's not that it was tough if I look back at one day, but it was relentless, day after day for 5 months. The comm ev and it's schedule was very nearly too much.

The comm ev read the findings to me the next evening - almost on time as well. I pretty much figured that the recs were going to be to cancel the declare and it was just going to be a matter of time.

As I found out later my wife, Nancy, was being put through the PTS RD at that time - with guess who as the subject.

So we waited it out. Until one night, around 3 in the morning the phone rang in the apartment and macl came in to tell me it was Nancy on the phone.

Now THAT was a moment.
 

Snuffy

Patron Meritorious
Mick - have you ever seen the movie called "Pan's Labrynth"? It so much reminds me of being raised in the SO and what it's like.

The movie itself is incredible. It is about the only movie that I would say was perfectly made. I mean perfectly. It is so well directed. Oh my god.

And the story is BEAUTIFUL. About a little girl during World War II and her living in that world, and also her own fantasy world. Just an amazing story.

I could see it a million times and then see it again. Only a few movies I feel that strongly about.

Superb film.
 

Mick Wenlock

Admin Emeritus (retired)
I felt this same kind of pull, too.

With every wrong indication, you want to protest, you want to set the record straight.

With every unjust KR, or justice action, you have to fight back for the truth. You believe that Scientologists stand for the truth, so you fight for the truth.

For me, there came a point where I realized that whatever I said, or did, or wrote or protested, what was really being fought for was not the truth, but the mindset - to keep the Scientology mindset intact.

Alanzo - you are very right. How many times have people posted about how some justice or "ethics" cycle was wrong?

I also have another reason for posting my story and I hope it helps some others. Part of the problem for me when I got declared and was on my ass was that I felt that every mistake I made, every time something screwed up, it was somehow "proof" that I really was a screwed up as the Finance Police had said.

And somehow, in the back of my mind has been that nagging fear - never admit that things are less than wonderful. I had it when I was in the SO and in Scientology, after all I could see how badly things were going in places - but admit it? Then after I got out and even after being out for years I always felt that if things did not go well - it was some sort of "validation" of the SO and Scientology mindset - "you will go down the dwindling spiral" .

It took me a long time to realize that its total rubbish.

Things were tough when we got out of the SO, Nancy and I were starting out in the real world but instead of being in our early twenties we were in our mid thirties. We had no credit history we had no savings, neither of us had family who were in a position to lend a hand.

I suspect that many others had as tough a time as we did. Maybe not, but I doubt it.
 

Lulu Belle

Moonbat
Things were tough when we got out of the SO, Nancy and I were starting out in the real world but instead of being in our early twenties we were in our mid thirties. We had no credit history we had no savings, neither of us had family who were in a position to lend a hand.

I suspect that many others had as tough a time as we did.

Yeah.

Maybe not as tough as you, but the same situation.

No credit history.

No work history that would actually help much with finding a "real" job.

No money.

No car.

It was like the whole world had raced past you, and you were still where you were when you were 18.

Only you were 36. :(
 

everfree

Patron Meritorious
I suspect that many others had as tough a time as we did. Maybe not, but I doubt it.

No, you're right. Right now I know of a couple who recently routed out. She got pregnant and this time didn't want to abort the baby as she had the previous times. Because of the previous abortions it is a risky pregnancy so she can't work. She has been crashing with a family member who really isn't in much of a position to help, while her husband has gone off to gain work with his family in another state while she tries to find housing for them both...

Starting out late in life without palpable assets is NOT easy for anyone unless they have a wealthy family -- providing they don't disconnect from you of course.
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
I think maybe there should be a SO survivor's assn. I know that helping SO members who left SO has been discussed on OCMB. What if an assn was started? People could volunteer to help with temporary housing, help with job searches, contribute $$, etc.
 

Bea Kiddo

Crusader
I think maybe there should be a SO survivor's assn. I know that helping SO members who left SO has been discussed on OCMB. What if an assn was started? People could volunteer to help with temporary housing, help with job searches, contribute $$, etc.

I'll do it in my area. Midwest USA.
 

Bea Kiddo

Crusader
Bea,

Thanks for the good words - especially as your courage in the telling of your own story was part of the reason for being willing to tell mine.

I have not seen the movie that you mentioned but I will put it on my Netflix queue for sure.

Why did I go back? My wife has often asked that same question...

It is a combination of things I think. The main one is my upbringing - I have never run from a fight in my life. Not ever. I felt that the declare was a complete crock and that a comm ev would prove me right (much to my surprise it actually did). I also thought that if I did not go back then everyone who knew me would always have that slight doubt that maybe there was something to it - not sure if that makes sense or not. Several people wrote KRs to the comm ev - Walter Kotric, Henri Breuer were two of them saying that the declare was a crock. At the time the Finance Police were lording it around everywhere and it was a brave thing they did. I was not about to let them down.

But one thing the whole episode did teach me was that being declared really, in the end, meant nothing. We survived it at the very worst of times - the next time it happened it was rough time but we at least knew we would get through it OK.

I am honored to be anyone's inspiration!!!!

Please do me a favor and put that movie at the top of your queue. And be ready to cry. Alot. And hard. No man with any heart could go without a shed tear in that movie. Or woman either. IT IS VERY WELL WORTH SEEING. And owning. I am going to buy it and see over and over and over. VERY well directed. Extremely well directed. Perfect. (Can you see I love it?).


I am fascinated - it never ceases to amaze me how many stories are so similar. And the endless no understanding and make wrong from the church.

Please, continue your story!! (I was gonna write "please continue", but that reminded me too much of Dianetics commands, and I did not wanna be a weirdo like that....)
 

Mick Wenlock

Admin Emeritus (retired)
No, you're right. Right now I know of a couple who recently routed out. She got pregnant and this time didn't want to abort the baby as she had the previous times. Because of the previous abortions it is a risky pregnancy so she can't work. She has been crashing with a family member who really isn't in much of a position to help, while her husband has gone off to gain work with his family in another state while she tries to find housing for them both...

Starting out late in life without palpable assets is NOT easy for anyone unless they have a wealthy family -- providing they don't disconnect from you of course.

Everfree - if the person is XSO have them e-mail me, there are many XSO who are more than willing to help out.

It is strange - how hard it is to ask for a helping hand when you get out. How hard to even find a way to find out WHO to ask!
 

everfree

Patron Meritorious
Some sort of assistance program would be a wonderful project to start.

Thanks, Mick. Yes, they are ex-SO, but they are still "in" so sadly I don't think they would be happy to accept help from anyone they knew to be disaffected. Sigh. If things change -- which they very well might after the experiences they've had, I'll keep that in mind.
 

Vinaire

Sponsor
It's OK lulu, thank you for the gentle thoughts. I want to show why it can be as hard as hell to get out of the SO, for a lot of us it was and is not just a question of walking out, calling someone and getting a few days or weeks of breathing room to get sort of set. (not that there is anything easy about that either of course).

This is just the *First* time I was declared. What makes the story even worse is that we went back in.

It all happened again 6 years later


Mick, I feel a lot of respect for you for doing what you did.

The cold-heartedness shown by FOLO terminals was not at all warranted.

.
 

Lulu Belle

Moonbat
Some sort of assistance program would be a wonderful project to start.

Thanks, Mick. Yes, they are ex-SO, but they are still "in" so sadly I don't think they would be happy to accept help from anyone they knew to be disaffected. Sigh. If things change -- which they very well might after the experiences they've had, I'll keep that in mind.


I have to say that it seems like these days, a lot of guys who get out of the Sea Org are either are very disaffected already when they leave, or get very disaffected fast.

Like, real fast.

Look at Victor. Or Blownforgood. Or Bts2Free. They obviously haven't been out for long at all.

There are people who are on XSO who fit into this category as well.

It's either that 1) the internet speeds up the process of realizing how screwed up it is and realizing the truth about COS or 2) it is so insanely bad in there these days anyone with two brain cells to rub together is going to realize that it has long passed the point of anything remotely justifiable for any reason.

Or a combination of the two.
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
I also recommend Pan's Labyrinth. I love the fairy tale aspect, but the rest of the film, the era in which it's taking place, the other things going on (I don't want to give too much away) are very very well done.
 

Peter Schilte

Patron with Honors
Mick, I want to thank you for telling your story. When you have finished it, I would like your approval to put all parts together in a Word-document and place it on my website. Never enough people can be informed about what the cult does to, and with people.
I find it a very touching and it as, again, another example of the fact that persons have no value in the cult.
 
B

bobo

Guest
My grandmother, she died about 3 years ago at the age of 92, told me some stories about the second world war.

Really, the stories I read here are chickenshit stories.

B.
 
Top