...
Why did I go back? My wife has often asked that same question...
It is a combination of things I think. The main one is my upbringing - I have never run from a fight in my life. Not ever. I felt that the declare was a complete crock and that a comm ev would prove me right (much to my surprise it actually did). I also thought that if I did not go back then everyone who knew me would always have that slight doubt that maybe there was something to it - not sure if that makes sense or not. Several people wrote KRs to the comm ev - Walter Kotric, Henri Breuer were two of them saying that the declare was a crock. At the time the Finance Police were lording it around everywhere and it was a brave thing they did. I was not about to let them down.
I felt this same kind of pull, too.
With every wrong indication, you want to protest, you want to set the record straight.
With every unjust KR, or justice action, you have to fight back for the truth. You believe that Scientologists stand for the truth, so you fight for the truth.
For me, there came a point where I realized that whatever I said, or did, or wrote or protested, what was really being fought for was not the truth, but the mindset - to keep the Scientology mindset intact. So what I was saying would ALWAYS be indicated back to me wrongly. It would never get through. Because if it did, the mindset would have to change. And the mindset will never change.
I began to realize that the urge to protest a wrong indication, or a misduplication of what I said or thought, was
my side of the glue that kept sticking me to an old, dead quest.
It was MY quest. I walked myself in to a Scientology mission so many years ago. And I could walk myself out, too.
The damage to my life and everything I built in it would be tremendous. But at least *I* would still be seeking to live with the truth.
That's what got me in to Scientology. And ultimately, that's what got me out, too.
To seek to live with the truth.
Your story is stirring things up, Mick.
Keep going.