A story of Disconnection, neglect and suicide in scientology

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
I'm starting this thread in this forum as overall it shows the devastation disconnection and 'scientology handling' and the fear of talking causes within familes. It's a harrowing read and there are thousands of stories with the same themes. It happened, it happens, it has to stop.

http://tonyortega.org/2016/12/09/di...de-scientology-its-even-worse-than-you-think/

Disconnection, neglect, and suicide: Scientology, it’s even worse than you think

We first heard from Marie Bilheimer more than a year ago. Like so many other former members of the Church of Scientology, she wanted to communicate with us even though she wasn’t ready to go public with her story.

We understood. Marie’s is one of the more disturbing tales that we’ve heard, and we told her we’d be here when she decided she wanted our readers to hear what she’d been through.

We’re hearing from a lot of people now that Leah Remini is changing the public understanding of Scientology in a big way with her A&E series, Scientology and the Aftermath. And one of the people we heard from was Marie. Emboldened by Leah’s show, she’s decided it’s time to come forward.

And we’ll just say, you should brace yourself.

<snip>

So she walked down the stairs, past the area of new construction, and out of the building to the van.

She only found out later that day that she’d walked right past her husband, who had hanged himself in the area of the building being renovated.

Aaron Poulin’s suicide — as a Sea Org worker, and in a Sea Org facility right in the heart of Los Angeles — somehow didn’t make the Los Angeles Times or any other newspaper. Marie tells us that Scientology worked very hard to keep Aaron’s death a secret so that only a very few people ever heard about it. For years afterward, she would run into people who would ask her how Aaron was doing.

<snip>

The certificate June is holding reveals that she had finished the Student Hat, and had learned L. Ron Hubbard’s “study technology.” Usually, this is one of the first courses that a new Scientologist encounters in their church career. But under leader David Miscavige, longtime Scientologists are being pressured to retake beginning courses such as Student Hat. For a veteran educator like June to be holding this certificate, you might imagine a PhD showing off a diploma for redoing an elementary school class. Such is the upside down state of Scientology under Miscavige.

Three days after June posted this photo of herself to Facebook, she made a grim discovery in her own house.

Her daughter Alison had hanged herself.

Comment:

Aaron Smith-Levin • 8 hours ago

It's incredible that Marie has come forward with this story. I was in the Sea Org at PAC when Aaron committed suicide. All I knew of Aaron is that he was a good-looking guy who had a reputation for always being in trouble, but was married to someone at CMO IXU, which was kind of a big deal, because CMO IXU is as close as you can get to Int Management without actually being promoted to Int. CMO IXU is the CMO unit that supervises middle managment. Aaron was just a low-level staff member at AOLA, one of the local service orgs.

I remember when people started asking where Aaron had gone. The security guards would literally say,
"What do you mean? I don't know. He's around. Aaron's not missing", like literally twilight zone shit. You're supposed to think you're nuts for thinking Aaron's missing.

Then later on, when I was working for Kurt Feshbach, I hired a guy who had just left the Sea Org after spending over 10 years as a security guard outside the ASI building on Hollywood Blvd. His name was Bart Zacks. Really good guy. Bart also lived at the Hollywood Inn. One day Bart tells me the story of how he (Bart) found Aaron Poulin hanging from the rafters at the HI, and he'd left a note, so it wasn't an accident.

I could not fucking believe it; that someone I knew, someone I had been in the Sea Org with, had taken his own life years earlier, and that it had been 100% successfully covered up.

Because of learning this...that the Church would cover up a death even of someone who was IN GOOD STANDING and was IN THE SEA ORG, and cover it up from PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WERE ALSO IN GOOD STANDING and WERE HIS FRIENDS...this was part of what drove me to secretly message Karen de la Carriere when I found out her son Alex had died. I thought, "They're not going to fucking tell her...".

Not only did the Church not tell her; they actively conducted an investigation to find out WHO DID.

Man, this shit is crazy. Thank you Marie for telling your story today. It all helps.
http://tonyortega.org/2016/12/09/di...even-worse-than-you-think/#comment-3043959466
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Yep. That story is seriously heavy. But typical. Families ruined, people dead, and all the cult cares about is its PR!

It's so f&',d up how the cult convinces people to think NOTHING is more important than the cult. Devastation all around, but "nothing to see here, move along".
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Another comment that echoes my own feelings.

Mike Rinder • 7 hours ago

Thanks for coming forward Marie. It DOES help for the world to hear what happened to you and your family. Others must not be allowed to suffer the same fate.

This tragic tale touches on all the toxic elements of scientology's "family values" they try to pitch so hard.

Scientology's view: if your family has value to scientology, it's tolerated as a social necessity. As soon as it is seen as any sort of threat to the empire it is ripped to shreds and its component parts treated like garbage to be brushed aside for fear they will soil the soles of Dear Leader's John Lobbs.

Stay strong Marie. And Nichola and Sarah.

The pain you have suffered can be turned to good. This is a giant step in that direction.
http://tonyortega.org/2016/12/09/di...even-worse-than-you-think/#comment-3043959466
 

Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm starting this thread in this forum as overall it shows the devastation disconnection and 'scientology handling' and the fear of talking causes within familes. It's a harrowing read and there are thousands of stories with the same themes. It happened, it happens, it has to stop.

http://tonyortega.org/2016/12/09/di...de-scientology-its-even-worse-than-you-think/



Comment:

http://tonyortega.org/2016/12/09/di...even-worse-than-you-think/#comment-3043959466

Scientology KILLS!

Scientology is extremely dangerous and needs to be shut down.

I have heard of other Scientolgoist's hanging themselves too to get out of their pain. I can't recall their names but they were written up on this board somewhere.

Fuck Scientology! :angry:
Why do these kids hang themselves? Such a horrible way to die.:bigcry:
 

The_Fixer

Class Clown
I have a son who attempted to kill himself on a few occasions and a step grandson who hung himself in his bedroom closet. He was 12.

I could never ever forget the feelings of grief that flooded through me at the time, even though my son did not succeed.

It is a terrible feeling for those who are close.

It took me a while to accept my grandson's death. I still feel it from time to time.

On the other hand, my son has finally found his way forward and I think his dark world is now behind him.

Thank fuck for that.

Now we have something to look forward to over what once was. #fingerscrossed....

Scientology was nowhere in this picture. But I realise just how much it's toxicity it creates.

Here is how it would seem now (song begins @ 1.33):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziv1L2SvYuU
 

PirateAndBum

Gold Meritorious Patron

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
This incident involves a murder rather than a suicide, but also shows Scn's disregard for anything but PR.

Details in this thread
http://www.forum.exscn.net/archive/index.php/t-15197.html

Summary: Mark Harrison, HAS NYF in 1983, murdered Judy Heiss. Shortly after the murder, we were told that Mark was caught. He wasn't. He wasn't captured until 1989. My guess as to the reason for the lie was so that people who had info would not go to the police and get involved, under the mistaken notion that he was already caught.
 

Gib

Crusader
I've had personal interaction and had been audited by two people that committed suicide, one was Doug Long, the other Claudia Ballard. Both were highly trained auditors.

What comes to mind is Hubbard's claim that a trained auditor, among other reasons to get trained in scientology auditing, is senior to a clear. And yet how can two highly trained auditors commit suicide? Why would they commit suicide and not help "clear the planet"? And yet, both had done some of the OT levels to boot.

Just a few red flags for me that I never connected dots while in.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
I know 2 people who committed suicide as well, one 'clear' and the other 'OT3'. I am sure there are many more who have had their sense of self destroyed and nowhere to turn, most we will never know.
 

DagwoodGum

Squirreling Dervish
I know 2 people who committed suicide as well, one 'clear' and the other 'OT3'. I am sure there are many more who have had their sense of self destroyed and nowhere to turn, most we will never know.

"their sense of self destroyed". That's the best way to say what happens to someone who has been taught that we're all composite beings who need to be disentangled to find the one's true identity again.
Once they start to dissect themselves it all comes flying apart like coil springs suddenly released with no one to put poor Humpity back together again...
 

dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
"their sense of self destroyed". That's the best way to say what happens to someone who has been taught that we're all composite beings who need to be disentangled to find the one's true identity again.
Once they start to dissect themselves it all comes flying apart like coil springs suddenly released with no one to put poor Humpity back together again...

:thumbsup:

ESMB has got talent. True talent expressing the truth in so few words. One of the best poems I have ever read.

Grrr how did that get in here?
I meant to quote the following:

umbo Bungo's tyrannical rage spewed
Volcanic gas from deep in his ass
In his wretched breath I foundered
A fondued fool for a flogging
At Jumbo Bungo's Flotilla's Command

Odorous ex church of mine
Odious a funny money sign
Legions of dreams undermined
Beneath shattered illusion & financial bind

Clustered clams, shiny shucked & depearled
Buttered & steamed feast mad fishers of souls
Their oyster was our world

The way out is the way out
The way through is the way further in
 

JustSheila

Crusader
I have a son who attempted to kill himself on a few occasions and a step grandson who hung himself in his bedroom closet. He was 12.

I could never ever forget the feelings of grief that flooded through me at the time, even though my son did not succeed.

It is a terrible feeling for those who are close.

It took me a while to accept my grandson's death. I still feel it from time to time.

On the other hand, my son has finally found his way forward and I think his dark world is now behind him.

Thank fuck for that.

Now we have something to look forward to over what once was. #fingerscrossed....

Scientology was nowhere in this picture. But I realise just how much it's toxicity it creates.

Here is how it would seem now (song begins @ 1.33):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziv1L2SvYuU

I'm sorry to hear about your grandson, Fixer. :bigcry:

But I have to say, I am absolutely ELATED to hear that your son is finally doing well. :happydance: You've spent years struggling at this and I know it has been emotionally painful. So much time and effort. You and your spouse deserve to have a smooth, easy time and worked hard for it. Have a very Merry Christmas and wonderful holiday this year. You deserve it.

=============

As for those suffering from disconnection this year, I am so sorry, and hope that you find some joy in sharing the love and friendship of others this holiday season. I hope it won't be much longer before we create enough pressure on COS to break down that wall and barrier so that you and others can be reunited with your loved ones soon.
 

DagwoodGum

Squirreling Dervish
:thumbsup:

ESMB has got talent. True talent expressing the truth in so few words. One of the best poems I have ever read.

Grrr how did that get in here?
I meant to quote the following:

Jumbo Bungo's tyrannical rage spewed
Volcanic gas from deep in his ass
In his wretched breath I foundered
A fondued fool for a flogging
At Jumbo Bungo's Flotilla's Command

Odorous ex church of mine
Odious a funny money sign
Legions of dreams undermined
Beneath shattered illusion & financial bind

Clustered clams, shiny shucked & depearled
Buttered & steamed feast mad fishers of souls
Their oyster was our world

The way out is the way out
The way through is the way further in

Thanks, it took a long time for this to basically write itself and stay under 500 symbols as required as the upper limit of symbols allowed. I had to leave a lot out but it seems to be complete now so I resist the temptation to mess with what began as the "clustered clams..." part that was inspired by participating in the message board.
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
Thanks, it took a long time for this to basically write itself and stay under 500 symbols as required as the upper limit of symbols allowed. I had to leave a lot out but it seems to be complete now so I resist the temptation to mess with what began as the "clustered clams..." part that was inspired by participating in the message board.

I too was on the verge of expressing my appreciation for your wonderful poetry (not that I actually know anything about poetry except that I know what I like). I was going to ask if you'd had anything published, and if not, why not.
 

DagwoodGum

Squirreling Dervish
I too was on the verge of expressing my appreciation for your wonderful poetry (not that I actually know anything about poetry except that I know what I like). I was going to ask if you'd had anything published, and if not, why not.

Thanks. I've never been connected enough to find a pathway to have anything published, wish I did...
I was inspired to write when I took a creative writing class at a Community College where the professor told me I should pursue a career in writing but I never did.
My best stuff just pops into my head but I've gotten better at forcing my hand in getting the words to flow.
It started out when I had a complete, more or less, passage pop into my head during a moment of two way racial hatred that read:
"Sad the color of the container can so segregate the soul,
when one's brand of pigment so limits one's role,
in a Sinners World- a living quicksand of souls
where the deeper one's hatred
the deeper one's hole..."
But then I got to where I couldn't "not write" and keep the marauding thoughts out of my head, which I then attributed to an out OT3, so I kind of gave it up.
No outlet, basically.
It kind of got me hooked on the message board though.
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
Thanks. I've never been connected enough to find a pathway to have anything published, wish I did...
I was inspired to write when I took a creative writing class at a Community College where the professor told me I should pursue a career in writing but I never did.
My best stuff just pops into my head but I've gotten better at forcing my hand in getting the words to flow.
It started out when I had a complete, more or less, passage pop into my head during a moment of two way racial hatred that read:
"Sad the color of the container can so segregate the soul,
when one's brand of pigment so limits one's role,
in a Sinners World- a living quicksand of souls
where the deeper one's hatred
the deeper one's hole..."
But then I got to where I couldn't "not write" and keep the marauding thoughts out of my head, which I then attributed to an out OT3, so I kind of gave it up.
No outlet, basically.
It kind of got me hooked on the message board though.

I wouldn't have a clue as to who one could approach with a view to getting one's work published, but it seems a shame that it's not 'out there'. How about 'poetrybydagwoodgum.net'? :biggrin: Just a thought.
 

DagwoodGum

Squirreling Dervish
I wouldn't have a clue as to who one could approach with a view to getting one's work published, but it seems a shame that it's not 'out there'. How about 'poetrybydagwoodgum.net'? :biggrin: Just a thought.

That writing class required that we keep a daily journal where you had to spend a set amount of time writing any thoughts that came to mind, or pure gibberish if that's all you had, almost like praying in tongues, so as to open and keep open all creative channels and inspire the words to flow. Probably a common requirement of many such classes, but it seemed to work.
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
That writing class required that we keep a daily journal where you had to spend a set amount of time writing any thoughts that came to mind, or pure gibberish if that's all you had, almost like praying in tongues, so as to open and keep open all creative channels and inspire the words to flow. Probably a common requirement of many such classes, but it seemed to work.

Of course, I don't know if anyone has PM'd you about it, but your work has impressed at least [strike]2[/strike] 3 of us esmb'ers, so I for one hope you keep it up.
 
Last edited:

DagwoodGum

Squirreling Dervish
Of course I don't know if anyone has PM'd you about it, but your work has impressed at least 2 of us esmb'ers, so I for one hope you keep it up.

Thank you so much for the validation, rarely has anyone ever said anything to me about any of this.:biggrin:
 
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