A transformation - Thanks Em and all!

Wisened One


Many, many of your posts have helped ME heal after I'd post some part of my story or my opinion, etc...particularly when I'd be feeling vulnerable and raw and kinda ashamed of what I'd posted.....then you'd post a reply...and I swear I'd feel such relief!

Then when ya called me...at first I was soooo nervous, I'd never really spoken to many exes at that point and even tho we'd been posting..there was still a different aspect when meeting onliners by voice and in person.
But YOU made me feel at ease immediately! :yes: And it was a joy to speak to you and know that you wanted to just TALK, ya know? I needed THAT (still do, call me anytime, I"m free during my evenings now).

Believe it or not, I'm still gettin' used to this aspect of friendship without any agendas kinda thing, lol!

YOU are still helping others (like we all set out to do, ya know? :sadsigh:)

Reading and replying to your posts have been an integral part of MY healing, thanks for that and I loves ya, too! :bighug:

uncle sam

Silver Meritorious Patron
Dear Carmel!!!!!

Thanks for sharing your story.
You are very special to me and for that -I love ya!
I consider it an honor that you accept so many of us on esmb in that special aussie way of yours [a sense of humor-unique to those on that continent].
May your future be as bright as the "southern cross"!


Gold Meritorious Patron
Hi mate :bighug:

All of the above and then some - fantastic post - you certainly helped me when I was first floundering around trying to work out what was truth and what was lies in the scientology conundrum - I remember well that first phone-call on a Saturday morning last year when we spoke about the lies:D

And it's been great to know that you're just a phone call away (when I can catch you that is :coolwink:) and you're always up for a chat if time permits.:yes:

You've always been a great friend since when I first met you back when you first "arrived" in scientology and I am so pleased that you and Kev got me to join ESMB and truly begin my own healing (Gawd knows I needed some:omg: )

Lesolee (Sith Lord)

Patron Meritorious
It's now been 12 months since I got on the net, started looking at all this Scn stuff, and found ESMB. Oh my - It's only been a year, but in that time I feel like I've had a lifetime of gain.
I feel as though I can't compare it to a genuine success story because others have been diss'ing the connection.

Well even this old Sith was moved by your post. :bighug:
I'm very happy that ESMB has helped you in this way. :clap:



You are one of my favorite people on ESMB. I really appreciate the way you look at things and describe them.




The "ideal scene" of ESMB was postulated as a place where people can come together, share, learn and communicate. A place where "the Magic of Communication" can be allowed to manifest. A place for comfort, and healing. ESMB met with some early success, with Bea Kiddo's story unfolding, Alanzo's riveting narratives, Alan, Dart and DullOldFarts contributions, and it just snowballed from there. Tamasin-SP's story of life as a little girl on the Apollo was particularly poignant.

And now, your story. As Emma said, it is bittersweet....I am so happy for the end result, so sad at the crap that went down. But there is power in this magic, and now it seems Scn has lost ANZO, in no small part due to the restoration of comm lines, and the meeting of new friends. Thank you for contributing here, and may you realize your dreams.

Oh, and heres another cool song:



Silver Meritorious Patron


Carmel, what a beautiful profession of your heart. Too mushy? Not at all. Your experience of finding a wealth of information and just being glued for a week or more is similar to my own, but mine happened at a library, in 1996. I thought I was going to get in legal trouble for looking at this stuff! There were very few people who were exes talking about it much, at that point, nevermind people who had some affinity for the tech. When I read your story, I feel a real sense of common experience with you. I think you are SO lucky to have done this with your hubby. I am very happy for you.

I hesitated to come and be a member of ESMB, because when I first found out about it, I was a heavy poster at alt.religion.scientology and alt.clearing.technology, already. I wasn't sure what ESMB would have for me. However, on arrival, I immediately felt much more at home than I had on any previous board or group, because there, in the past, it was usually people who knew only critical information, or people who WOULDN'T look at the critical information. For a while I was spanning those worlds, talking to posters at www.fza.org (which used to be what www.freezoneearth.org is now), which used to have active discussion boards, but never as active as ESMB, on the one hand, and on the other, to flamingly angry critics who assumed I was an OSA stooge on the other. It really was a tilt-a-whirl ride.

I'm glad you came to ESMB, and I hope you're here for the forseeable future. I think you have a wealth of experience, a practical attitude, and I hope to meet you one day. I thank you for understanding me, when most others either won't or aren't capable of it. I hope fence-sitters see your post, and respond with their own entries, knowing that perhaps it will be okay for them, too.

You, my dear, are a good egg.


Gold Meritorious Patron

I put off reading this thread for the longest time. I didn't think I could take it. Aw, Carmel. I know my words will fail me.

Coming here was one of the most frightening things I've ever done. To think that you had trepidations blew me away... I came here seeing you as a leader, as "one of the board". When you responded to my posts on the thread about my life in Scientology, I seriously almost completely broke down. You give me such hope. I've read so many of your posts, understood when you got pissed off, agreed mostly, sometimes disagreed...but always respected you.

I've felt such amazing growth in my own life from baring my soul here. I sometimes assume that the folks who have been around and whose posts I admire have always just 'had it together'. Thank you so much for sharing. It's nice to know you weren't "perfect". Oh, if coming out as an ex and speaking my tale could have even a tenth of an impact on anyone that your speaking out has had on me....I'd be joyous. Thank you for being here. And YES, I'm being saccharine, but I won't apologize, because I truly mean it.:)



Very Well done Carmy.

A truly fantastic post, as proven by the upstats it produced following.

I am proud to know you and have you as a close friend.

As you know, I told execs and "Ideal Org" terminals, that ..... "If you want to Boom ANZO, confront and handle the injustice to the Underwoods".

They never did !

And now the execs / OSA have made an even bigger mistake. They have tried to suppress Carmel. What fools. They can't even use their own tech.


I am so happy for you and the friends here that have b benefitted.

WELL DONE to ALL. Love Greg. :)



Thanks for your post here, Carmel.

May you have many many more sparkles in your heart. I never heard that term before, but I love it.

Patricia Curtis

Patron with Honors
Congratulations on your 1-year anniversary, Carmel! You are an inspiration. You Aussies are really carving the path and I love you all for that.


Gold Meritorious Patron
Congratulations on your 1-year anniversary, Carmel! You are an inspiration. You Aussies are really carving the path and I love you all for that.

Agreed, the Aussies have shown their mettle and character. We state-siders must bow to our kissin' cousins who carry the bright torch of life so high and so well.

Now if we could just get them to drop that damn kangaroo love call, oy, oy, oy, or whatever it is.


Silver Meritorious Patron
Nice write up but I am sorry that it does not have the kind of umph for Source Mag. If you would like to do a re-write and submit again, we can consider it.
Editing Staff
Source Magazine

cc: dm, IJT Int, Cont Anzo EO.

:whistling: :eyeroll: :yes:


Muchas gracias!

Hey Folks, thanks for all your kind sentiments, and the 'warm fuzzies'. :)

It's not so long ago that such responses would have made me cringe, and I would have 'rejected' them. That's not the case for me now though. These days I can 'have' or accept much which I couldn't before, because I'm now feeling better about myself, about others and about pretty well everything. Previously, the slightest whiff of a 'mutual admiration society' would make me sick, but when it comes to us lot here, we've all "done good" - I feel it's OK that we splurge on it and revel in it! :D :thumbsup: (well, at least a little, anyway :coolwink: )