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A transformation - Thanks Em and all!

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by Carmel, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. Feral

    Feral Rogue male

    I love ya Carms, but this thread is a bit touchy feely for me now.

    Your post was great, but I wasn't made for all this sheila stuff.

    Might be time to bring in the SNAGs (sensitive new age guys) now.
  2. Cat's Squirrel

    Cat's Squirrel Gold Meritorious Patron

    SNAG? That's me out of the picture then :) My favourite male character in Neighbours, Brett Stark, called himself a SNAG and did things like building a Masai tent in his mum's back garden. I've kipped out in a tent under the stars in Glastonbury (England), I don't know if that qualifies.

    Anyway. just want to say that I'm glad you've had such benefit from ESMB, though I doubt I've had much to do that. If you were feeling lousy when you joined us I must say it didn't show in your postings which have always been consistently caring and positive.

    Take care,

  3. supafreak

    supafreak Patron Meritorious

    Great post, Carmel! I'm glad that you are a happy person today! :hug:
  4. Spirited

    Spirited Patron with Honors

    Wow!! what a gorgeous post. You are so real! I so love that about you... and like Emma, I really heard that and felt it. Made me want to give you a big :hug:too.
    So glad you have come out the other end hon and THANK YOU for that call earlier!!!! Love ya!!
  5. Outethicsofficer

    Outethicsofficer Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thanks Carmel

    One hell of a journey, I am sure it is only part of a bigger one.

    :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
  6. Sir Facer

    Sir Facer Patron with Honors

    Fantastic stuff Carmel. I love reading these wins on the board as it gives us all great hope that there are some god damn great people in this world outside Scientology. I think this post can help many others struggling through the whole leaving stage. Thankyou so much for sharing this beautiful post.
    Love ya lots.xxxxxxx
  7. Kookaburra

    Kookaburra Gold Meritorious Patron


    I can really relate to what you describe in this post. It can feel so miserable to be out of a group that you have dedicated half your life to. I went through some pretty lonely times after losing every friend I had. I think this is part of the reason why people stay in sometimes, even when they've witnessed things that should push them out. Or why they go back after a rough spot.

    I agree that this board has been a godsend to many. There is a sense of belonging and being part of a group again, and of having true friends.

    I am so glad you found it.
  8. Kookaburra

    Kookaburra Gold Meritorious Patron

    Really? I love it! :lol:

    Do you know where the quote is from? It's one I'd like to forward on to every scilon I know.
  9. Ted

    Ted Gold Meritorious Patron

    Too mushy? Puke material?

    Oh, no! Love ya right back!

    Beautifully written from the heart, as always.

    Don't ya know, Scientology has no heart. The heart is the seat of compassion. LRH and followers revel in knowledge. That's just head talk. Without heart, the head becomes the authority, the know-it-all. Without heart, fixed ideas and ser facs reign.

    Tough, yes, that you are. But, darlin', you also have heart -- with sparkles! :yes:

    Life is grand, isn't it? :thumbsup:

    As for the bullet items above, I always thought that was what Clear was all about. At least it was for me. Anyway, looks like you have arrived at a place that a lot of people, former scios and all, would like to be.

    Thank you for being here.
  10. SchwimmelPuckel

    SchwimmelPuckel Genuine Meatball

    Erh.. Seems I was being sloppy with my syntax there.. It's only 'Splurge on it!' that is an LRH quote.. It slips my mind what we were supposed to 'splurge' on..

    I take credit for: 'Doubt and skeptism is a sure sign of a working mind!' myself.

    I am source.. sauced.. whatever..

    I'd be surprized if Hubbard ever said anything like it. Doubt and skeptism was two 'mindsets' that he worked hard and intensively to suppress. Along with 'needing proof'.. You needed to banish such from your mind, in order to know how to know.

  11. Bee Sting

    Bee Sting Patron with Honors

    Thanks! Mee, too..

    Great Post! :happydance:

    There is much we have in common and on this Board. I just love your personal growth. I'd suppose I am still a bit of a "newbie" around here (about 4 1/2 months) but boy, let me tell you all, what a wonderful experience this has been. I am,too very grateful for everyone that has put up with me so far.

    I lost my son to the Scio 'scuse me eh, bull crap. Ok, that's my opinion subject to change perhaps (I can't promise) for the better or maybe that IS for the better?:confused2: Anyhow, watching kids grow up and leaving home is hard.

    It's been a lot harder than I realized not having my son in my life, not being able to watch him growing into adulthood and not having the experience to feel the sadness we parents feel when our youngens leave home. But, I know now why I lost my son. I understand.

    But, that's enough about me. This is your thread, Carmel and my point is this, in the short time I've been here, I can certainly relate to how you regained your life back and how finding friends on this board has helped. I've been doing some cleaning up myself. It's was kinda scary, still is but everyone here have been just great. (Thanks for putting up with me)

    Thanks and keep sharing ~ life is GRAND and it is getting better. I have only one regret, not coming here sooner. :coolwink:

    Honey Love,

    Bee Sting
  12. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    It's from "The Joy of Creating".

    The Joy of Creating

    Force yourself to smile and you’ll soon stop frowning.

    Force yourself to laugh and you’ll soon find something to laugh about.

    Wax enthusiastic and you’ll very soon feel so.

    A being causes his own feelings.

    The greatest joy there is in life is creating.

  13. Blue Spirit

    Blue Spirit Silver Meritorious Patron


    :clap: :thumbsup:

    Carmel,that is a very wonderful post that was heartfelt
    and touched my heart too.
    I feel I know you somewhat from your posts.

    I knew from the first paragraph it would be a great story,
    so I printed it and took it with me today so that I could read it
    the first chance I got on a trip to the country with my wife.

    I too have hit a LOW not long ago and even before seeing what
    happened to my hopes and dreams with Scientology by reading as
    you did non-stop on the net. Now 3 years worth.
    Actually it made me so angry it may have saved my life by
    bringing me up from the bottom of the tone scale.

    I have a long way to go and some decisions to make, but your story
    has really encouraged me to keep going, although it looks very late.
    More later when I confront writing my story.
    Now my attention is on a large Repayment.

    You have helped me, and there is more to come I'm sure.
    So, Thank You.
  14. Carmel

    Carmel Crusader


    Thanks for your responses/input, Folks - It's cathartic putting this stuff out there, seeing how others view it, as well as having access to what others are putting out there. :)

    I neglected to say in my op, that one of the major or key factors to what has helped "lift" or "shift" things for me, was writing up and posting some of what went down, while I was in the CofS.

    As I described in my "Tag end..." story (and as I repeated more than once :eyeroll: :giggle:), writing and posting that stuff just shifted so, so much. I still don't quite know why, but looking at it, writing it, posting it and getting responses to it, definately moved mountains for me.

    The odd one has wondered about, or questioned, or been concerned about my divulging such 'personal' information on a public forum. The funny thing is, that I have "wondered" about that too, but for whatever reason, any and every time that I have laid it out there, it has just seemed to move mountains for me. I know it has and does for others too. And, quite frankly, what have we got to lose from doing so? - Nothing that I can see.

    We are all human; we do all have feelings and emotions; we do all have our own little 'nigglies' that can wrap us around a pole; we have all made mistakes; no matter how 'able' or 'competant' we may be or 'appear' to be, essentially we are all of the same ilk; and essentially we all have stuff to face/confront and/or deal with, whether we admit it or not. For me it has been better to 'admit' it, and throw it out there, in an effort to see what it IS, and in an effort to let it go. I know and accept though, that this is not everyone's way, nor a method that many others would choose to adopt in order to deal with their "mental baggage". Whichever way we choose to deal with stuff, is up to us, but the concept that some of us don't have "baggage" because we don't express it, is incorrect IMO - We all have it, it's just that some of us won't admit it, and/or have some crazy concept that they may be thought less of, or cut across some kind of 'identity', if and when they expressed it.

    In my op, I made reference to not seeing myself ever giving up on looking at this area of the 'Scn package' or the 'Scn experience'. I was meaning that there is so much baggage in that area, that at various points I have thought it was cleaned out, but later discovered that it wasn't "cleaned out" at all. I wasn't referring to continuing studies or pursuing Scn. I was referring to keeping the doors open; being still willing to 'look' at the whole scene; accepting that it has adversely affected me in more ways than what I was willing to accept it had; accepting that I wasn't impervious to going effect as I thought I was; and that if I ever thought "ah well, you beaut, she's all done and dusted", and closed the door on letting any "baggage" which I do have come to the fore, then that would be a mistake. I'm sorry that I didn't express what I meant here, and that this was misunderstood by some.

    Currently, someone who I am very close with, won't let himself look. He's so p'ssed off with the whole deal and so p'ssed off and disgusted with himself, that he wants to close it all down, put it away, try and forget that it ever happened, and move on. My reckoning is that he won't be able to "move on" unless he opens up those painful boxes of baggage and starts emptying them out - but I can only suggest and offer a point of view, it's his call.

    And so it is, the call for many exes. I would not nor could not have conceived of the effect that my experience in Scn has had on me. I wasn't one to compromise. I had the courage to fight for what I believed in. I went off lines when I could see see that the CofS was requiring "mental compliance" from me. I fought like a bastard for what I believed in, for 16 of my 18 years while 'active' in Scn, and then 'refused' to accept or be a part of something which I didn't agree with, in the next/last ten years when I was "off lines".....before I found the 'truth'. "Why would I need "cleaning up"? - "I didn't go effect, I didn't give them what they wanted", "I didn't sell my soul to them", "They didn't ever own me and I didn't ever accept or adopt their 'culture' which I found abhorrent", "Wtf, they didn't get to me!". :hmm: ? Somehow though, my experience in Scn twisted me around a fu'king pole - I didn't know nor accept this, till after I started posting my 'story' (which incidently, I did for ANZO lurkers at the time), about 2 or 3 months after I was on the board.

    Needless to say - I stumbled across what led to much 'relief', 'insight', and a much healthier and happier mindset, because I threw it out there, despite my 'imagined' consequences for doing so, and I am urging others to do the same. One point of view is that it's finished, that we can and should put it all behind us, and that we should forget about it and move on. Another point of view is that if those boxes of "baggage" (that are bloody hard to look at) aren't opened up and encouraged to be emptied out, then one will be "pegged" at that point and never know it.

    All the best to all of us, despite whatever way we choose to deal with it all. :thumbsup:

    (aka Mother Hen! :coolwink: )
  15. Kookaburra

    Kookaburra Gold Meritorious Patron


    Maybe your friend just needs to back off and take a bit of time for himself. It can take awhile after leaving to get that exterior perspective that then makes it such an interesting thing to re-examine your life and times in Scientology. For me, I've been out almost 20 years and I'm still having viewpoint shifts on the subject and my experiences with it. I'm sure I didn't have the objectivity I needed when I first came out. The best thing for your friend may be to build himself some sort of life outside of the cult, then take a look at it.

    My 2 cents.
  16. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    Totally agree with you Carmel, about getting the story out there - it's one hell of a relief to be able to look at the crap that the cult inflicts and actually see finally what's happened to yourself.

    I'm still plodding along on my story and I'm dreading writing some bits of it up but I do know I'll feel so much better when I get them out of my head-space and into ESMB land and beyond.

    The amount of truth one can see is in direct proportion to the amount of truth one is willing to share - that's what I think anyway.

    And if you can't see truth then you are doomed to live lies.

    Anyway, enough of the Sunday night philosophy from me - I'm :tobed:
  17. Zinjifar

    Zinjifar Silver Meritorious Sponsor

    Carmy baby, what you may think you put out there for your own help is part of what helps so many others. You don't have to *try* to help people. Being honest *does*.

    Thanks :)

  18. nexus100

    nexus100 Gold Meritorious Patron

    This is beautiful. YOU are beautiful. Thank you for posting so honestly and elegantly.
  19. clamicide

    clamicide Gold Meritorious Patron

    Carmel rocks :rock: jus' sayin'....
  20. Veda

    Veda Sponsor

    A beautiful thread by Carmel, and a good reminder of what a wonderful thing Emma did when she started ESMB.

    AnonyMary and Glenda like this.