Advice/help needed I'm at the end or my rope.

[I told you I was trouble]

What an amazing thread ... there is some wonderful advice here and being in a similar situation myself I really understand how your attention remains on this.

It is truly shocking to feel such abandonment by those that you love, but LuluBelle said it perfectly (below) and I'm going to endeavor to take her advice and hope you will too.

The way that this makes you feel is in and of itself enough of a reason to just walk away from it.

Sometimes you just have to quietly walk away and give your attention and love to those that love and appreciate you in the here and now.

I fail to understand how families can be so 'cut and dried' with their own ... but scientology encourages it and one day will (no doubt) try and regain control of us by issuing some kind of amnesty/bribe ... which I will completely ignore.

If my family ever wake up they will have to come and find me and earn my interest again, I'll never stop loving them but their mercenary behaviour sickens me and I will never consider that it was warranted, because it wasn't.

Good luck ExSO.







​

 

[sallydannce]

Wow! This thread just blows me away.

It is a privilege to be amongst such loving warm-hearted wise people.

Like many families, mine has some issues which I have struggled with. This thread has brought me some peace.

The letting go of that which I can't change, of that which is not my business to change, leaves me breathing calmly. The letting go of my expectations eases my mind.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

With little joyous tears of pure heart-felt gratitude
Sally

 

[Panda Termint]

Nice. When you come the the end of your rope, let go.

 

[TG1]

Sallydannce,

There's another piece to this thread for me, which is that many of us here at ESMB "know" Exsomessenger (virtually, mostly -- and on chat) and like him a lot because he's such a good person and great daddy (he has two little young ones). He also loves life and really LIVES it.

IMHO, he's one of the good guys.

TG1

 

[Panda Termint]

^^^ Agreed! ^^^

 

[Free to shine]

You need to take good care of yourself first, get yourself into better shape, before tackling your extended family again, so that you are coming at the problem from a position of strength, not weakness... For sure, stop all writing to the COS "ethics" via you were assigned. That is a stone wall. Chances are good that your Dad has not even seen most of those letters, and it only reinforces the mistaken idea that you are out ethics. You need to re-frame this whole situation.

Wonderful post Sweetness.

This is a very important point actually. Handing over to scientology any kind of power to judge you lessens who you feel you are. I agree, it is extremely doubtful your father would get to see any of your reports anyway and any plea to those who say you are "blah blah blah" just reinforces the idea that they are right. Scientologists will never say they were wrong, so the challenge is to work out for yourself the lines in the sand.

We were indoctrinated from a young age that scientology is the be all and end all "authority" in our lives and when you leave (no matter your age) that authority needs to come back to you.

 

[Adam7986]

My man, you need to do what I did and surround yourself with non scientologist friends. While I have yet to be outed as disaffected, I have surrounded myself with people that are far away from the tyrannical rule of the church. I'm sorry to tell you, but you will not get your family back. They will not listen to anything you have to say. Anything you do say will automatically be ruled a lie and anything bad that happens to you or any plea will be used against you to turn you back to the church.

Again, make some friends that are not scientologists and surround yourself with them.

 

[GoNuclear]

I will attempt to explain this the best I can.

When I left the Sea org my family that is in disconnected from me, pretty normal for Scientology. well over the years I have been trying any and everything to get them to wake up or at least ease up on the complete disconnection.This has put an incredible strain on the rest of the family. This has included handling my family that has never been in on the "black PR" and "acceptable truths" that have come up.

In the present my family that has never been in have taken a hard line and will no longer communicate with me. This includes texts, phone calls and letters. I have no idea what the current "line" is but it appears to be very good as my Grandmother, Aunt, cousins, grandfather etc have cut off all communication with me. Not only will they not talk to me they will not tell me why.

Yes I have kept my attention on this, even more so when I had kids. As I am not looking forward to educating my children about cults and why their Grandfather wants nothing to do with them because of their evil SP father. That is another story all together.

my grandmother has never asked, nor will she listen when I try and tell her what I went through in scientology. All I get told by her (when she would talk to me) is make it right with the church.

Also my father sent a letter out to the entire family (except me) saying that I have disrespected his religion and that is why he has not talked to me in 23years. THis came about because I showed up to a family reunion (with my 10month old son) My father was there and snuck out the back within 5 minutes of me arriving. I became the bad guy for making have to leave by just being there.

How do you let go of the need for family and make a clean break. If I was in scientology I guess I would be told that I am not my meat body and that family is just a consideration. If I do just write them all off does that make me just like the scientologists and scientology that I left behind when I escaped from the church?

any advice or ideas would be of great help. I have tried everything that I can think of ( a few times) Nothing has worked and sort of going to their doorstep and slapping the shit out of everyone I'm at a loss.

thanks in advance.

P.s. please be nice because this is very important to me and it is hard for me to ask for help or advice. I will try and be as nice as possible.

Have someone they know who is still in convince them that you just came into several million Pounds/Euros/Dollars. Of course, you will have to lie. But if they think they can get some bridge money out of you, they will petition their handlers within the Cof$ to contact YOU. Once they establish contact, play them for awhile, reconnect, and then when they try to put the touch on you for money, you can alibi that there was some sort of misunderstanding. They will, of course, feel like absolute shitheels at that point for trying to use you.

Now I know that this approach may be devious and harsh, but, it might just work.

Pete

 

[Megalomaniac]

Have someone they know who is still in convince them that ...

Be direct. Be as up front as possible. Don't set yourself up for more trouble through deception.

Also, if you changed your mind about anything big, for example joining the Sea Org and then discovering it wasn't the right move, you sometimes end up being seen as a "bad seed", as deceptive and evil when you were not.

Thirdly, it's hard to resist the urge to change people. There might be another way to get through this than by trying to change people and convince people of something that they don't want to talk about.

Mac

 

[Adam7986]

Brainwashing is a hard tactic to deal with buddy. I spend everyday sick in internal conflict not sure if I love or hate my parents. You're just going to have to bide your time for now and just wait to see if they come into their own about scientology. If you need anything pm me and I'll share my contact information with you. I have been setting myself up for the day I lose my family since I left the sea org. I am just hoping the church falls apart before then.

 

[Claire Swazey]

It is incredibly sad that family would "disconnect" for something like that. In normal circumstances (by which I mean in the world outside of Scn, Inc.), ceasing contact because one would not live up to the expectations of another is usually something that happens with friends/former friends, not family members. Wise people know that family is or should be forever.

Other than Scn, you only get this kind of crap amongst families where they are religious fanatics of another sort. IOW, it's religious fanaticism that causes people to "disconnect" from family over ideological differences.

That being said, I'll tell you a story. Someone with whom I'm extremely close has a father who is a creep. Although one of the kids was a Scn'ist, still, the rest of the family were not, and five out of five kids left home at the age of 17- just hating hating hating the old man. Each of the five kids- and the wife- gave this man chance after chance after chance, only to be betrayed in a variety of spectacularly toxic ways. So he pushed them away. I'm not telling you this as a defense of disconnection. What I'm saying is that although everyone involved wanted to have a husband and a father in their lives, and really hoped it wold work out with this guy, it didn't. Everyone regrets that it didn't work out. Everyone. (except the father)

They all had to find a way to live their lives without a Dad and, in the case of the wife, without a husband. Each of them was greatly saddened. But they did it.

From what I gather, they acknowledged to themselves that they did their best. They also reached out to other family with whom they were in touch and to their spouses, kids, and friends, and went on to enhance as many loving relationships as they could.

It is not easy and you have lost more than one family member. You are a good guy and do not deserve such heartbreak. But you will, IMO, have to find a way to concentrate on the loving relationships you do have and carry on. And also, just let your family know (the ones still in Cof$) that you do still love them, that your door is always open, should they change their minds.

It is not and will not be a cakewalk. But there is still love in your life.