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After Scientology - Getting Over the Shame and the Guilt

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by Gottabrain, Aug 28, 2012.

  1. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

  2. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    One of my core shames was that I had asked two elderly family members for nearly $14,000.00 to go up the bridge. My request was refused and I went back and got coached by my senior on how to handle this. I returned and asked again for the money and again was refused. I recall seeing these two elderly family members looking at me with disappointment, I thought I deserved that money and was quite brazen about it. I had disrespected them and the look in their eyes at how I was treating them cut me so deeply when recalling this. I felt so ashamed, this is what scientology had lead me to, demanding money I had no claim or right to for a cult. That was very hard to come to terms with because I had no consideration for them.
  3. SchwimmelPuckel

    SchwimmelPuckel Genuine Meatball

    ^^^^ That explains a VERY important aspect of Scientology! - Even current KSW'ing scientologists will be able to see this, and feel excrutiating shame.. To them, I say: Quit rationalizing and up your sorry excuse for confront. Hubbard was an asshole and Scientology is a fraudulent racket.. So get the hell out already!!!

  4. Man de la Mancha

    Man de la Mancha Patron with Honors

    The entire culture was much more trusting and naive in the 60s and 70s, and the testing sites have become a liability since anons can dismantle them like OTs on crack. A pot-luck with free martinis would open them up much better, and they might even find a girl or career.
  5. Caroline

    Caroline Patron Meritorious

    PTSD Symptoms: Why do trauma survivors so often feel shame?
    Wikipedia: Dr. Frank Ochberg
  6. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

  7. Q.

    why are scientologists prohibited from shame blame and regret?


    that's mixing practices with christianity

    this is how it was when i was in. you all sound like you've subjected to a bunch of catholics
  8. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

  9. catarina

    catarina PTS Type III

    For me, shame to a great extent equals trying to hide. It's a position I really don't like very much. That was a major reason I spoke out publicly on the net in the late 1990's, which led to some media appearances - I didn't for a second think that my story was in the least more interesting than someone else's, I just had to get out of secrecy.

    All of my shame didn't go away immediately, it was like peeling an onion with a lot of help from other ex'es.

    The hopefully final parts of my shame were dealt with only very recently, when I met a wonderful therapist. My Scn experience has moved from the present to the past. I still read about it on and off, kind of like I read news articles from my old home town. But the charge is gone.
  10. Claire Swazey

    Claire Swazey Spokeshole, fence sitter

    I suspect that the answer is different for everyone. Some people have become or rediscovered Christianity. Some have delved into other spiritual disciplines and religions. Some, though, may be atheists and so, for them, it may be different.

    Doing life enhancing things like getting on touch with family and old friends, making new ones-being with those we love and who love us is pretty key.
  11. Terril park

    Terril park Sponsor

    Good. You always struck me as someone very sweet. :)
  12. catarina

    catarina PTS Type III

    As an agnostic leaning towards atheism, shame for me is related to interaction with people, nothing esoteric. But I imagine people can have quite differing views.

    I do find loving relationships with people, animals, nature immensely healing.
  13. catarina

    catarina PTS Type III

    Thank you, that is very nice of you. :) Basically, I like most people, even when they are different from me, so I rarely see the need to pick a fight.
  14. scn laugh line from san francisco 1971...

    Q why aren't scientologists allowed to practice shame blame and regret?

    A. that's mixing practices with christianity
  15. Intelligence

    Intelligence Silver Meritorious Patron

    I just noticed this Thread and although I have not read all the posts, "Getting over the Shame and Guilt" has been
    a roller coaster for me and some of my close friends who Blew.

    I was never a Scientologist, only on staff at Narconon with all the evil bells and whistles of an Org.

    Still, to this day, I can't talk about some of what I endured, saw, and did -- only to my Therapst I see each month.

    I'm 1,000% better now than 5 years ago - smile and laugh, but I must be careful to avoid meltdowns on occasion.

    It's a beautiful world as my Therapist said to me about it being like a soft, white, sandy beach. I was encouraged to
    let go of the hand full of sand I carried around, think positive, be around happy people, and avoid thinking too much
    about the people I hurt as a Course Room Supervisor and Registrar.

    I still shake my head sometimes - wondering how I could have been sucked into this mess 5 years ago. I still have the
    occasional nightmare ... waking up in cold sweat, but not too often now.

    My Therapist also advised me to pull away from so many battles with Scientology-Narconon and start thinking about a
    normal life again .... whatever that is? I'm still MAD AS HELL and it's very difficult to let it all go.

  16. Intelligence

    Intelligence Silver Meritorious Patron

    Getting Over the Shame and the Guilt

    As some of you know, I was a Student at NN and on Staff for six months. Since I Blew, I have worked non-stop for the
    past five years ridding Canada of Narconon, helping to do the same in three other countries (very involved right now for
    next few weeks) ... but for me, there comes a time, and that time is close now, where, for my own health, I must back off on doctor's advice.

    YES, talikng about it and fighting against Scientology-Narconon did help a lot, but it also caused several melt-downs
    into anxiety attacks, short bouts of depression, and it took quite a toll on me.

    For sure I do regret many things I did in my past, but I'm learing to leave it there as much as possible. Over
    the past few weeks I have blocked people on Facebook because I didn't want to hear or read the Drama, the
    bitterness, and the hate.

    A Friend posted this today and I shared on my Facebook wall. For me to continue to heal, I must first do what is best
    and healthy for me so that I can smile and laugh and then be able to help others do the same.


    My Son, who I will visit soon ... we both miss each other very much since I've been 1,000s of miles away, posted something
    that really made me think and feel.

    I hope this makes some sense to those who read it?
  17. Lori

    Lori Cheryl E Love

    Makes perfect sense honey. You and your children have been apart far too long. Time to get back to life again surrounded by family and friends. Neither of us will ever TOTALLY stop fighting but....I's time to rest and live. :bighug: :handinhand:
  18. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Yo, finally figured it out, LOL. At least I hope this works . . . :unsure:
  19. catarina

    catarina PTS Type III

    Recently, I have been grappling a bit with still remaining guilt. I'm not afraid anymore to be condemned for having been in Scn, but I do feel dirty from the association. In my view, it is a truly nasty organisation, and all excuses aside ("I was young and clueless" etc.) I was a part of it for several years.

    Then I decided that this is useful guilt, guilt for a reason, a life lesson to learn.

    And no, I'm not shiny and sparkly about it now ;) , I see it as reminder I'm supposed to keep, uncomfortable as it may be at times, to not be that fucking stupid again.
    ThetanExterior and JustSheila like this.
  20. Karakorum

    Karakorum supressively reasonable

    I understand how you feel. I remember that feeling.

    After leaving I for the first 6 months I was too preoccupied with trying to put my life together and was mostly "blank", but the next half a year I felt dirty. It was this feeling of having been a thug and an enforcer. Ii did not stay that way, I learned to look realistically come to terms with both the good and the bad things I did inside.

    Time heals, feeling dirty, angry or guilty is natural. Thiss too will fall into place. Stay frosty, be well. I wish you all the best.