Almost able to come completely out! Woo Hoo!

Good twin

Floater
Congrats Lori! Start by listening with no "handling", just compassion and understanding. Accept her truth and then ask if she wants to know more. Let her know she is not alone.
 

Lori

Cheryl E Love
Thank you one and all for all the wonderful advice. I truly feel the love and compassion from everyone!

She called this morning and asked me to not tell anyone she was coming or that I have heard from her. Hmmmmm. I told her she had my unconditional love and support whatever she decides to do.

I will take the advice to not push her or give her my reality. I remember how terrified I was when I blew. I was fortunate enough to have alot of friends and family waiting with open arms and hearts. She has the same gift waiting.

I will keep you all updated as things unfold. Bless you all!
 

dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
So many good suggestions here.

I would say, consider that she might need to catch up a little or a lot on sleep..like days worth? Some long hot baths? Some food and clothes shopping buying her favorite and needed things? An idle lazy going visit to an art gallery?
Think of some of the things she used to love to do and make it possible to do those if she might like them.

How about some long lost supportive friends coming to visit or going out to visit them? She seems to have had enough of scientology for a while...perhaps forever...don't push...just be supportive and fun.
 
All of the above is very useful advice...just put yourself in her shoes and you will be guided by your own wisdom to do the right thing with her, day by day. :thumbsup: Let love and kindness be your guide. :yes:

One other thought that I haven't seen mentioned here...let her "help" you with something. Make her visit special and valuable in that way. Even while she is resting, etc., ask her advice on some simple practical things... ask for her help with an easy or fun project around the house, or to go shopping and pick out a new outfit, or???

This is one of the biggest emotional or psychological needs that I have found in those newly out or wanting out...

...to still be able to feel that they are fulfilling a good useful purpose in life, helping people, being useful, feeling needed, etc. This is vitally important to them, for their own self esteem and self image, to experience this in the real world outside of the Cult, asap after leaving.

Create some fun, non-stressful projects that the two of you can work on together, and be really grateful for her help. Let her see how much you value her presence in your life, how much you have missed her. Let HER help YOU recover from your bad experiences. Don't treat her like an invalid, or with kid gloves. Treat her as if she is very able and capable of helping you, and your community, and the world, and she will rise to the occasion, even as she is sorting out the confusion over her life and potentially leaving the Cult behind her, even if it's just in leaving staff or SO and being an "Indy" for awhile.

It's a big adjustment. Just mirror to her the emotions you would like to see in her, like calm happiness at having her visit you, and enjoyment of doing things together, like shopping, cooking and eating, watching a fun and uplifting movie, etc.

My perception (based on my own experiences with them) of folks who are in this kind of delicate stage in the process of reassessing their lives and commitment to the Cult, and pondering leaving, are that if YOU set the tone, they will with relief follow you, emotionally.

They are so used to being directed and led, they hardly know what to think or what to feel, or what to do on their own, left to their own devices...so you suggest a plan of action for the day, or part of the day, etc. with a couple of choices or choice in how to structure the day, but don't ask too many very open-ended questions like, "What would you like to do"?, "Where would you like to go?", as that may be too difficult a question...too many mind-boggling choices!

So gently lead and guide her choices a little bit, at first, and see how it goes. Give her some slight structure for her visit to work within, or set some easy to accomplish goals, based on her interests, or your real life needs. (Examples ~ Gardening, planting and weeding is very healing! So is shopping for food and cooking a good meal, and sharing it with a friend or neighbor in need.) :biggrin: I think that will help her to feel more comfortably stable and secure, while she is testing the waters of being covertly "out" for awhile, while visiting you, and de-stressing a bit.

Also, don't over-react if she goes all clammy on you, spouting tech...don't argue or contradict her...just listen, and stay present with her in a caring way. You will have many chances to enlighten her and discuss things in the future. Don't be afraid to let things unfold, in their own good time.

That's my advice to you. :)

VERY happy for you and your family, my dear! :happydance:
 

Outethicsofficer

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thank you one and all for all the wonderful advice. I truly feel the love and compassion from everyone!

She called this morning and asked me to not tell anyone she was coming or that I have heard from her. Hmmmmm. I told her she had my unconditional love and support whatever she decides to do.

I will take the advice to not push her or give her my reality. I remember how terrified I was when I blew. I was fortunate enough to have alot of friends and family waiting with open arms and hearts. She has the same gift waiting.

I will keep you all updated as things unfold. Bless you all!


This is good news...that she has asked you not to tell anyone...it seems unlikely she is coming to 'handle' you... I like your plan, not to push her.

Go well Lori
 

Cherished

Silver Meritorious Patron
Think of some of the things she used to love to do and make it possible to do those if she might like them.
Finding the "pre-cult" personality is a key, according to some very experienced counsellors I've heard speak on the subject.

Lori, your family member has been in half her life. Maybe the simplest of things can help her, then. Like a walk on the beach. A swim in the ocean. A cup of tea with a non-judgemental friend (like you).

Enjoy every moment.
 

Adam7986

Declared SP
This is great news. I wouldn't focus on trying to get her to read anything with regards to Scientology. I would just focus on rekindling your relationship and reminding her that she is still loved.

Too much trash talking Scientology or reading too much bad news about Scientology runs the risk of causing her programming to kick in.

I would just focus on your personal relationship. Share with her everything about you that she has missed and encourage her to share all the happenings in her life that you have missed.

I am very happy for both of you!
 

Lori

Cheryl E Love
She's here!

I just ran a tub full of hot water with calgon body oil for her so I have a few minutes to tell you all thank you so very much.

She is thin and obviously stressed out so I am going to just let her be and give her a chance to get her bearings.

Luckily I live in a very small community where most in town are family one way or another so she will be very safe now.

God bless you all for your support. :)
 

clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron
She's here!

I just ran a tub full of hot water with calgon body oil for her so I have a few minutes to tell you all thank you so very much.

She is thin and obviously stressed out so I am going to just let her be and give her a chance to get her bearings.

Luckily I live in a very small community where most in town are family one way or another so she will be very safe now.

God bless you all for your support. :)

Wow... I'm in tears right now. I remember just how fragile I was when I was first waking up and figuring out getting out and it's palpable reading this. A hot bath. That's beautiful. Just trust yourself... letting her be and giving her a chance to gt her bearings is honestly just a priceless gift. My best to the both of you.
 

Moosejewels

Patron Meritorious
She's here!

I just ran a tub full of hot water with calgon body oil for her so I have a few minutes to tell you all thank you so very much.

She is thin and obviously stressed out so I am going to just let her be and give her a chance to get her bearings.

Luckily I live in a very small community where most in town are family one way or another so she will be very safe now.

God bless you all for your support. :)

Whew ! She's taken another step towards rediscovering her self worth and INDIVIDUALITY. Good luck to you both. The threads they've woven through her mind will continue to unravel. Keep the scinorobots away from her.
Once again, best of wishes.

:thumbsup::thumbsup:
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
Whew ! She's taken another step towards rediscovering her self worth and INDIVIDUALITY. Good luck to you both. The threads they've woven through her mind will continue to unravel. Keep the scinorobots away from her.
Once again, best of wishes.

:thumbsup::thumbsup:

Think carefully about what you will do if they show up. You know, the blow drill. Since you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, you might consider hatting the local police about the blow drill and other potential cult nonsense. DaveB hatted his local PD when he filed his lawsuit, and might even have a hat pack if you ask him.
 
:happydance: Yes, wonderful news that she is with you at last...hot baths, comfort food, sleeping in...nice music, flowers, a fun movie, and good gentle "girl talk" together. I'm sure it will be a wonderful visit together, whatever you do.

Surrounding you both in Love and Light and Peace...Peace...Peace! :happydance:

If she needs to cry, let her cry it out. Cry with her. Reminisce about some happy times together before she got "in". Feed her good!!! :)

You will know what to do, moment by moment. Thanks for letting us know she arrived all right. You both have our love and support during this time of transition. :rose: & :rose:
 

Lori

Cheryl E Love
Think carefully about what you will do if they show up. You know, the blow drill. Since you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, you might consider hatting the local police about the blow drill and other potential cult nonsense. DaveB hatted his local PD when he filed his lawsuit, and might even have a hat pack if you ask him.

Already on top of this! My first cousin is the police chief and uncle the sherrif. So.......We have her back whatever she, on her own free will decides.

Thank you All!!
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
Already on top of this! My first cousin is the police chief and uncle the sherrif. So.......We have her back whatever she, on her own free will decides.

Thank you All!!

Oh good..... At first I felt like maybe I shouldn't have said something that negative / potentially upsetting. And then I though, ah fuckit! She may as well have some notice to prepare for how to handle this potential problem.
 

Lori

Cheryl E Love
Hi guys! My relative has decided to go back to school :)

She was here for 2 days before anyone tried to find her. That was realllly interesting. Since I put an anonymous caller block on my phone someone tried to do a "welfare check" on her! (how transparent can you get) They were told that they would check and IF she were here, and IF she wanted to call them he would be certain to give her the message. They left their number and asked him to let them know if she were here and ok. He told them he didn't get into "family business" and since she was kin folk he would leave it up to her. They haven't called since.

We have been doing a lot of talking and I have let her know that if she still considered herself a scientologist then there certainly were a lot of options open to her outside the corperate "church". All she wants to do now is try and be normal and have a life. I suggested getting her High School equivalency so that is her next step.

One step at a time. :fly2:
 

phenomanon

Canyon
She's here!

I just ran a tub full of hot water with calgon body oil for her so I have a few minutes to tell you all thank you so very much.

She is thin and obviously stressed out so I am going to just let her be and give her a chance to get her bearings.

Luckily I live in a very small community where most in town are family one way or another so she will be very safe now.

God bless you all for your support. :)

Well Done, Lori. A hot bath, soft clean clothes, and some good food. And be quiet and listen.

phenomanon
 
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