I'm not sure if this is the right place to post.
I'm not sure of very much these days.
We did not ask to be born, but we were anyway.
We did not ask to grow up, but we did any way.
Life throws some god damned awful things our way, but we survive somehow.
You just do the best you can somehow, it may not be the best some others would hope for us, it may not be what we want or aspire to, it often isn't what others think should be.
Human nature has a way of letting us down, again and again.
Nobody is perfect.
Scvientology, for me, told me I had to be perfect, 100%, that is a hard goal to follow. Needlessly, I have tried my entire life to accomplish that. Let me tell you, it IS impossable.
Funny thing that my ex husband always said, and I did not understand. You strive to be 'superwoman'. Strangely enough I did, but I never realised it.
Throughout my entire life I have tried so hard to a super human being without even realising it. I work till I drop, I do it continually. I do it again and again and I have never realised why, until recently.
Do you know why?
Because it was instilled in me as a young child.
Relentless, produce, produce, produce. Not just in the sea org, but out side also.Produce, produce, produce, a never ending theme of production. Like your whole life depends upon it. There is no give and take, it's just relentless production. At what cost?
A battle with the mind, a battle with the physical, a constant battle with every thing that life throws at you.
Today, something happened, a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but to me it meant so much. More than YOU could ever imagine.
As I have already explained, my daughters mean so much to me and my youngest daughter raced across town to meet up with me for just a few brief moments. You have no idea what this meant to me, I cannot put into words what this meant to me.If anyone on earth knows what I mean by this, the joy, the love that I hold for my children for time, forever is imeasurable. There is no love a bond greater than that held by a Mother and I love my children beyond anything, any time. any place, anything.
I love them unconditionally, and will forever, regardless of any constraints that are in place, love them until the day I die, and even beyond this, I will always love my children.
From my perspective, Scientology sought to destroy this bond between parent and child and did a bloody good job of causing conflict and needless harm to those who sought to be good people of this world.