As suggested by Alanzo - My counseling sessions

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
ImOut
I still have the same issues I had before Scn. The only thing the Scn did for me was get me out of being "serious". And that may have just been getting older.

Today I spend two hours with my counselor giving her my "history". Then we'll start "fixing" my issues. The next several months should be pretty interesting.

Alanzo
You should start a thread on it, I'm Out!

Give us updates on all the drugs and electro-shock and lobotomies they give you!

Typing is going to be difficult tonight, since my left hand is messed up and I'm basically typing with only two fingers on my left hand and all 5 on my right hand. So, excuse my typos.

First, my counselor is awesome. She has not once tried to evaluate for me. She is not into getting patients on drugs. She in fact tries to get patients off drugs when she can. She knows quite a bit about Scn - which means I don't have to explain a lot of stuff.

We truly haven't gotten into any of my issues yet. We first did an hour meet and greet and she got the quick basic reasons I was interested in counseling - abandonment and abuse from my mother, mother dying when I was still relatively young and recovering from Scn. (Nothing I did in Scn addressed the issues with my mother - in fact she rarely came up in session.)

Then she had me do the Myers-Briggs personality test. The test is used in business a lot for promoting and placing employees in the position that's best for their personality. She did NOT tell me how I ranked/rated. She described the two traits per the four different areas and let me come to my own conclusions. If I couldn't figure it out - she would ask me key questions that would pin point my trait. When I got the book that described my personality - it couldn't have been more spot on.

Last week we went over the nine (9) defense mechanisms - each person fits into one of the nine. I'm sure you could have degrees of the others, but you truly fall into one category. I found mine as she described the nine to me. I got the book today from the library that goes into details about it and the 1st paragraph was 100% spot on. The book is called: Enneagram, Understanding people in your life. By Helen Parker.

Today we spent 2 hours going over my life history. We didn't finish. There's a lot to cover. When the 2 hours were up, my counselor asked how I was doing, since I don't go over my life history every day. Actually, last year I wrote the story of the 19 years I was in Scn. So I asked how she was doing after hearing my story, since I'm sort of used to going over my life story to some degree on what seems like a fairly regular basis. LOL!!!

So next week, we hope to finish my life story. And the following week we'll get into "fixing" my issues. I have no clue what to expect or how it'll all play out. I think there is art therapy involved since she has drawing pads and baskets of markers on the table next to where I sit.

I am expecting a lot of tears. A few times today while sharing my story I almost cried. I know the ex-SO kids went thru a lot. But honestly, I went thru abandonment, abuse and molestation not in the SO - just because I had crappy parents. So we all have our stories about what we put up with as kids. And I do envy those kids that had fairly sane parents.

I'll keep posting about this, if anyone is interested. It won't be daily since I only see my counselor once a week.
 

Human Again

Silver Meritorious Patron
Dear Imout, I am glad you are posting for many reasons. One is that showing how you feel recieving a form of talk therapy helps to dead agent the idea that Scn is all that can bring about releif from past upsets, a big fat lie, I like to see exposed as often as possible. Another reason is your posts are kind of cathartic for me; I didn't speak of my SO experience for over 15 years, other than breifly outlining what happened to my husband, and hearing your story feels good to me.

Anyhow, I am glad you are getting your counseling and grateful that youa re sharing with us.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Terrific stuff!
As long as you feel comfortable sharing this, as it is so personal, I am sure it will help others too.

:rose:

I've not had such help, though one of my daughters did and it literally saved her life.
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
Dear Imout, I am glad you are posting for many reasons. One is that showing how you feel recieving a form of talk therapy helps to dead agent the idea that Scn is all that can bring about releif from past upsets, a big fat lie, I like to see exposed as often as possible. Another reason is your posts are kind of cathartic for me; I didn't speak of my SO experience for over 15 years, other than breifly outlining what happened to my husband, and hearing your story feels good to me.

Anyhow, I am glad you are getting your counseling and grateful that youa re sharing with us.

Then I'll continue posting. My next appointment is Tuesday. You may have to remind me to post. I swear I live 3 days for every calendar day. LOL!!!
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
Terrific stuff!
As long as you feel comfortable sharing this, as it is so personal, I am sure it will help others too.

:rose:

I've not had such help, though one of my daughters did and it literally saved her life.

I probably won't get into the details, or maybe I will. I'm not a very private person, so sharing isn't a big deal to me.

And if sharing my story helps someone else, then it will be worth it. When I shared my story about being in, it helped me in so many ways. And a few said it helped them. So, it was worth it.

I truly think the benefit depends on the counselor. I saw another counselor for 6 - 8 weeks. Basically I paid her to listen to me. We never really got into much. And I fired her when she tried to push drugs on me (which she wasn't licensed to prescribe) and tried to label me as manic-depressive. Completely wrong diagnosis. And that is the one thing I found out from my current counselor, my defense mechanism is often mis-diagnosed as manic-depressive because we are stuck in our abandonment issues and will mask that pain by being active. Yet we tend to be depressed.

I'm learning so much about myself with all of this.

Regarding my personality. Part of the trait isn't into goals - when I've been asked about my goal(s) I usually draw a blank. Then when I was reading about that in the personality book (will have to get the title later since I lent the book to my girlfriend) it said my personality type didn't like having goals. I nearly fell out of bed laughing so hard. I thought I just couldn't come up with one. No, we're just not into them. All those wasted hours on an Admin Scale - I wasn't a flake, I just really don't want to list my goal(s). LOL!!! Because I truly don't have one. And it's totally fine with me now that I know it's not a "bad" thing not to have one. LOL!!!
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm interested ImOUt :) Glad you're doing this. It'll be interesting to see what kinds of experiences you have. It's something I've considered also. . but haven't pulled the trigger.

I'm looking forward to hearing about it.

:)TL
 

Good twin

Floater
Wow Kat. I'm getting excited for you. Thanks for posting this. Somehow reading it sort of makes it more understandable. Don't feel pressured to tell more than you are comfortable with, but it really is interesting and it does help.

GT
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
I saw my Counselor today. We finished my life history. Took over an hour to just cover some points about Scn and the last few years - 2005 to present. I'm exhausted again. No wonder my memory is nearly a blank on 2005 & 2006. Those were some rough times. :melodramatic:

Next week we start with the actual "fixing" of me. I'm a bit scared. But based on my "defense mechanism" - I would be. LOL!!! I was thinking that last night - maybe I don't want to be "fixed". Then read in Enneagram that I would be hesitant about being "fixed". Part of me laughed for having thought it before I read it. Part of me cried, because it's a bit similar to Grade 4 - the promise of a better life and that so did not happen. After Grade 4, things got worse.

I did discuss this with my counselor today. We saw the humor in it. But I'm still scared. I'll know more about how this will all work and how I feel about it all next week.

The start of a new adventure. I feel like I'm taking a road trip and don't quite know my destination or the route I'm taking. Just that I have an idea of how I want my life to be. :nervous: :nervous:
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
I saw my Counselor today. We finished my life history. Took over an hour to just cover some points about Scn and the last few years - 2005 to present. I'm exhausted again. No wonder my memory is nearly a blank on 2005 & 2006. Those were some rough times. :melodramatic:

Next week we start with the actual "fixing" of me. I'm a bit scared. But based on my "defense mechanism" - I would be. LOL!!! I was thinking that last night - maybe I don't want to be "fixed". Then read in Enneagram that I would be hesitant about being "fixed". Part of me laughed for having thought it before I read it. Part of me cried, because it's a bit similar to Grade 4 - the promise of a better life and that so did not happen. After Grade 4, things got worse.

I did discuss this with my counselor today. We saw the humor in it. But I'm still scared. I'll know more about how this will all work and how I feel about it all next week.

The start of a new adventure. I feel like I'm taking a road trip and don't quite know my destination or the route I'm taking. Just that I have an idea of how I want my life to be. :nervous: :nervous:

Can't wait till next week!

Have courage.

You are not only doing this for yourself, but for all of us, too.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
I really appreciate that you are sharing this with us, ImOut!

I feel it's going to help not only me but many....

I'm still not as trusting to really talk to any cousellor yet....(unless they are exes, that is).

I'll get there one day, tho..I'll get there....
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
Can't wait till next week!

Have courage.

You are not only doing this for yourself, but for all of us, too.

No, I'm doing this for ME. I'm willing to share my experience. But I just can't put it into something similar to Scn - do OT levels for the betterment of the planet.

Sorry, I'm being very selfish. But I need this for my well being. LOL!!!
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
I really appreciate that you are sharing this with us, ImOut!

I feel it's going to help not only me but many....

I'm still not as trusting to really talk to any cousellor yet....(unless they are exes, that is).

I'll get there one day, tho..I'll get there....

Had I not seen counselors before Scn, I probably wouldn't be doing this. But one of my prior counselors really saved my life. So, I'm willing to give it another shot.

And so far I really like this counselor. I think if we met at a party, we'd hit it off. Probably not politically - but just as people. She's very down-to-earth looking. And has a nice "space". I get good vibes from her.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
That's good, ImOut.

I had a really good counsellor when I was a teenager, too.

All she did was listen. She was really sweet, she even invited me to her home a few times and took me horseback riding with her own daughter around my age at the time...

She has since, sadly, died. (too young, of a Brain tumor).

But I always remember her fondly and thank her in my heart to this day for helping me during those tumultous years of puberty....:yes:
 

Ted

Gold Meritorious Patron
I truly think the benefit depends on the counselor.


I say the same goes for auditors. Think how unsuccessful the client would be if forced to take whatever counselor the "Director of Counselors" gave him. :bigcry:

Thank you for writing up your story.

--
Ted
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
That's good, ImOut.

I had a really good counsellor when I was a teenager, too.

All she did was listen. She was really sweet, she even invited me to her home a few times and took me horseback riding with her own daughter around my age at the time...

She has since, sadly, died. (too young, of a Brain tumor).

But I always remember her fondly and thank her in my heart to this day for helping me during those tumultous years of puberty....:yes:

My prior counselor got me thru a good part of my postpartum depression. I thought for sure I was a horrible mommy - but she set me straight.

I still think of her fondly and could never fully agree with Scn that all counselors were bad. Had it not been for the one above - I probably wouldn't be here (alive).
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
I say the same goes for auditors. Think how unsuccessful the client would be if forced to take whatever counselor the "Director of Counselors" gave him. :bigcry:

Thank you for writing up your story.

--
Ted

If my experience helps anyone, that's the point of my sharing.

I think we all need something after Scn. But mostly my counseling is for issues from my childhood that didn't get addressed or handled with Scn. And I'm sure there are plenty of us that have issues that didn't get addressed or handled. So, if my experience turns out to be positive and others seek similar, then that will be good.
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
No, I'm doing this for ME. I'm willing to share my experience. But I just can't put it into something similar to Scn - do OT levels for the betterment of the planet.

Sorry, I'm being very selfish. But I need this for my well being. LOL!!!

Got that ImOut! (But we'll still be helped by it if we want to! -- we can be selfish too)

Hey, and I'm really glad that on ESMB we're allowed to talk about our case!! :happydance:

You're awesome, thanks. Looking forward to next week.

-TL
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
If my experience helps anyone, that's the point of my sharing.

I think we all need something after Scn. But mostly my counseling is for issues from my childhood that didn't get addressed or handled with Scn. And I'm sure there are plenty of us that have issues that didn't get addressed or handled. So, if my experience turns out to be positive and others seek similar, then that will be good.

I think Alanzo had a post about that recently -- about how you leave Scientology with the same problems you went in with. It's fascinating to me that Scn didn't handle the real "Stuff of life", though it sure pretended to.

-TL
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
Got that ImOut! (But we'll still be helped by it if we want to! -- we can be selfish too)

Hey, and I'm really glad that on ESMB we're allowed to talk about our case!! :happydance:

You're awesome, thanks. Looking forward to next week.

-TL

You can be selfish too. LOL!!! But I'm not saving the planet, with this. LOL!!! I'm saving me. And if my betterment helps others, I'm all for it.

That's also why I share my experience with natural healing. Some people accept my knowledge, some don't. It will be the same with this thread. Some will benefit. Some won't. All I can do is share.
 
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