As suggested by Alanzo - My counseling sessions

[Kathy (ImOut)]

It can be difficult to find a friend that is the "right" kind of support, but when you do it is very helpful. I have a friend who really gets me and she is very supportive of me and my recovery. She was in a different cult so we have enough in common to understand each other but also enough differences to be interesting to each other.

Having a good friend does help. Maybe you need to find someone else to spend time with?

I'm working on it. In the meantime I figure I'll get myself a treadmill and get back into having a 20-something body. LOL!!! And who knows, maybe the endorphins will be similar to the chemical in my brain that I get from being around people.

I did find an interesting group on www.MeetUp.com in the wee hours of the morning. Women that help each other and have fun hanging out. It's a brand new group and doesn't have it's first meeting until mid-August. But it's what I'd really like.

I'm glad you have a friend that helps you.

Good Twin is that person for me. I just need to have friends in my same area to physically hang out with. As an extrovert, I need people in my life and in person.

 

[Tiger Lily]

Hi Kathy,

Well, shoot! My guess is that it will settle out -- sometimes after a long trip like that you just need to decompress. But I'm glad you're looking for other friends because if she's still raising kids that's where her attention will be. My favorite friends came out of getting involved in volunteering (of course that was for kids' activities) -- but you really get close to people that way.

In the meantime, glad you're still pushing through. I was wondering how you were doing, so I'm glad you posted about it!

-TL

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Hi Kathy,

Well, shoot! My guess is that it will settle out -- sometimes after a long trip like that you just need to decompress. But I'm glad you're looking for other friends because if she's still raising kids that's where her attention will be. My favorite friends came out of getting involved in volunteering (of course that was for kids' activities) -- but you really get close to people that way.

In the meantime, glad you're still pushing through. I was wondering how you were doing, so I'm glad you posted about it!

-TL

No, it's more than decompressing. I obviously had some "considerations" about the friendship before we went on the road trip. Otherwise, I would not have had the fears. The road trip just brought my concerns to the surface faster than they were naturally.

I'm good with it. I'm tired of being the only one "reaching" in the relationship.

 

[Good twin]

An hour on the phone with Kathy is more fun and more fulfilling than any of my "in person" relationships. Last night I laughed so hard I cried AND peed my pants.

I have fun with lots of people, but I really relax when I'm with or talking with Kat. I had no idea she was dealing with the baggage she is now addressing in counseling. I always though that she was the only sane person I know. I guess she always seemed sane to me because she really "gets" me. Come to think of it that's not exactly sane.

Well, anyway...it works for me. Love ya' Babe. Just keep on keepin on!

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

An hour on the phone with Kathy is more fun and more fulfilling than any of my "in person" relationships. Last night I laughed so hard I cried AND peed my pants.

I have fun with lots of people, but I really relax when I'm with or talking with Kat. I had no idea she was dealing with the baggage she is now addressing in counseling. I always though that she was the only sane person I know. I guess she always seemed sane to me because she really "gets" me. Come to think of it that's not exactly sane.

Well, anyway...it works for me. Love ya' Babe. Just keep on keepin on!

I will start reminding you to pee when I call. LOL!!! You were the one that said the super funny last night. "Will you find out if hubby likes me". I know that is totally out of context for those reading this. But it was terribly funny for the conversation. LOL!!!

I had on a very good "mask" for a very long time. I've just gotten to the point that I really don't give a damn if anyone knows how F*ucked my childhood was. What's that quote: The truth will set you free. That's my new philosophy.

If people don't like that I was abused and neglected as a child, which lead to my nine year drug use, then it's their problem. Not mine. And if they have a problem with it, I really don't want them in my life.

To you GT!

 

[small steps]

Kathy,

I have just finished getting up to date with your thread. First of all thank you for pointing me to it. And, more importantly, thank you for taking the time and courage to post it on here.

I don't have a one on one treatment situation going yet. I have been advised that I might have to wait up to a year or more to see a psychologist through the NHS. In the meantime I am attending a 'coping skills' group once a week. Interesting i guess but not yet the right thing for me.

I am very much at the start of this journey and have dealt with the back off of using psych based treatment. It's still early days for the meds i guess (4 or 5 weeks now) but my feeling is that it is not yet right.

You are amazing for posting here like this. I have sat down to start something similar myself several times but cant seem to make myself do it. various 'need of......' phrases keep coming to mind every time i try. These truly are the more subtle indoctrinations that are proving the MOST difficult to exorcise.

I am buying books like crazy at the moment to try and understand for myself where i find i am. the 'coping skills' group has touched on Cog Behav Thrpy so I have several books about that now so i can get a better grasp of what the idea is. I dont know if it will work for me but i'm willing to try it.

I want you to know that reading what you have posted here goes a long way to giving me some hope. hope that there might be a way through this. I find that mere words are entirely inadequate to describe the darkest of places that it seems we are able to go to, but words do seem to be able to help get us out. thank you for yours.

Dave.

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Dave,

My pleasure.

Do you have a close trusted friend you could at least talk to one-on-one? Someone that won't judge you and will basically just listen. I find that very helpful.

I'm glad I found the counselor that I have. She's awesome. And the counseling is helping - A LOT.

I wish you well. You may want to do a Google search on exactly what you want to deal with and you may possibly find books that covers what you need.

Remember, we are all good listeners (readers) here. So, if you can get yourself to post about it - you may get some awesome answers or assistance. I know this board helped me tremendously. As did writing my story here.

I know it's rough getting thru every thing - but remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if at this time it is only a pin hole of light. It will get brighter with time.

God Speed.

 

[FinallyFree]

I'm working on it. In the meantime I figure I'll get myself a treadmill and get back into having a 20-something body. LOL!!! And who knows, maybe the endorphins will be similar to the chemical in my brain that I get from being around people.

I did find an interesting group on www.MeetUp.com in the wee hours of the morning. Women that help each other and have fun hanging out. It's a brand new group and doesn't have it's first meeting until mid-August. But it's what I'd really like.

I'm glad you have a friend that helps you.

Good Twin is that person for me. I just need to have friends in my same area to physically hang out with. As an extrovert, I need people in my life and in person.

Ahhh I too want my 20-something body back! Alas, those sweets constantly detour me! Endorphins are very enjoyable! Definitely helped with my depression!

That sounds like a great group. I also get some of my support here. This site has been a real blessing to me. I am happy to hear Good Twin is ‘that person’ for you! I enjoy her posts as well! I definitely understand needing people in my life. It was when I realized that, that I was able to find my good friend, and YES it really does help!

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Ahhh I too want my 20-something body back! Alas, those sweets constantly detour me! Endorphins are very enjoyable! Definitely helped with my depression!

That sounds like a great group. I also get some of my support here. This site has been a real blessing to me. I am happy to hear Good Twin is ‘that person’ for you! I enjoy her posts as well! I definitely understand needing people in my life. It was when I realized that, that I was able to find my good friend, and YES it really does help!

I'm hoping endorphins are what gets released in my brain when I hang out with people. So, if I get the same from the treadmill - not only will I have energy, but I'll also feel great. And the benefits of walking/jogging on a treadmill supposedly are really good for your figure. Hubby and I will go get me a treadmill tomorrow.

What is also my latest blast - Facebook. I'm hooking up with old high school friends that I haven't talked to in 15 - 30 years. So far I've found three of my guy friends. One was my best friend until about 1991. I didn't know how much I missed him until we talked on the phone last week. And he's so happy I'm out of Scn.

 

[EP - Ethics Particle]

Skype & Googletalk...

Dave,

My pleasure.

Do you have a close trusted friend you could at least talk to one-on-one? Someone that won't judge you and will basically just listen. I find that very helpful.

I'm glad I found the counselor that I have. She's awesome. And the counseling is helping - A LOT.

I wish you well. You may want to do a Google search on exactly what you want to deal with and you may possibly find books that covers what you need.

Remember, we are all good listeners (readers) here. So, if you can get yourself to post about it - you may get some awesome answers or assistance. I know this board helped me tremendously. As did writing my story here.

I know it's rough getting thru every thing - but remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if at this time it is only a pin hole of light. It will get brighter with time.

God Speed.

I am sure that most everyone knows that Skype and googletalk are free downloads which allow you to talk all over the world for free. All it takes is a cheap ($20 +/-) headsite with mic, and you're good to visit.

Just sayin' - in case others are a backward as I was a few months ago!

EP

 

[FinallyFree]

I'm hoping endorphins are what gets released in my brain when I hang out with people. So, if I get the same from the treadmill - not only will I have energy, but I'll also feel great. And the benefits of walking/jogging on a treadmill supposedly are really good for your figure. Hubby and I will go get me a treadmill tomorrow.

What is also my latest blast - Facebook. I'm hooking up with old high school friends that I haven't talked to in 15 - 30 years. So far I've found three of my guy friends. One was my best friend until about 1991. I didn't know how much I missed him until we talked on the phone last week. And he's so happy I'm out of Scn.

I hope it is endorphins that get released so that exercising is another solution for you. I definitely notice how much better I feel emotionally when I exercise (which is why my significant other continues to ask WHY do I stop exercising, well sorry but I am no longer 20! It’s a vicious circle. To get more energy you need to exercise, to exercise you have to have energy….. and I just have had too much on my plate lately! lol) The main thing that I notice is that happy feeling starts to stick with you even when you “come down” from the endorphins, once you have been exercising regularly for a while. This was also true for me when I was exercising regularly in my 20’s.

I also have recently become addicted to FB. It is truly amazing the friends you can find on there!

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

I hope it is endorphins that get released so that exercising is another solution for you. I definitely notice how much better I feel emotionally when I exercise (which is why my significant other continues to ask WHY do I stop exercising, well sorry but I am no longer 20! It’s a vicious circle. To get more energy you need to exercise, to exercise you have to have energy….. and I just have had too much on my plate lately! lol) The main thing that I notice is that happy feeling starts to stick with you even when you “come down” from the endorphins, once you have been exercising regularly for a while. This was also true for me when I was exercising regularly in my 20’s.

I also have recently become addicted to FB. It is truly amazing the friends you can find on there!

I'm having a blast on FB. I was so not interested. I figured if I still wanted to be in touch with those people I would be. Not the case - Scn got me out of comm with a few of them. My choice. But just the same.

I'm hoping the endorphins are awesome. I could do with some "feel good natural drugs". LOL!!

I had a great time meeting this new gal today. We met from 1 - 4:30. I didn't think it would go 2 hours. We have some common interests - black and white photography. We hope to get together in a couple weeks and hit the country roads and take some shots.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

Supporting you, Kathy!

Dear Kathy,
I just wanted to say how much I support you and want to encourage you in all the good work that you are doing on yourself, your life and relationships. I am so glad you are sharing your ongoing healing journey with us here. I know it will do you good to "journel" in our group with us all cheering you on! Just take it at your own pace, even tho we might chime in wanting to hear more from time to time. I hope it will help to encourage other Ex's to unpack their emotional baggage a bit more, too. That stuff can get awful heavy to carry around with you, as you go forward in life!

It's useful to get some professional help with the unpacking from a competent, caring professional, doesn't have to be from an evil "psych", which of course are not all evil. Scientologists are so indoctrinated not to do this, that only Scientology processing will help people, and that's just a lie. A really hurtful one that keeps people from getting help and relief from problems. There are lots of good, caring, effective counselors of all kinds that are available to help one overcome self-limiting issues and past hurts, as well as present time problems that we all have. (Including somatic injury pain and illness problems-the body-mind connection exists.) Seems like your counselor and you are a good fit, glad you kept looking until you found her. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to find the right "match".

I am one of those fortunate ones you were referring to who was blessed to have a very loving Mother who did her best for me, always. Thank you for the ack for good parenting that some of us got. Much of the success I have experienced in life I owe to my wonderful parents and the great job they did in raising me, and also to the atmosphere created by the wonderful progressive community that I grew up in. It's like having base camp above treeline when you're mountain climbing, you still have to do the climb yourself, but it's such a benefit to start out from a high altitude! Both of my parents have passed on now, but the good work they did with me is still evident on a daily basis, and I am constantly grateful to them for it.

I'm glad Kathy, you have your good friend as a "Mommy person", and that you are also learning how to re-parent yourself and be your own good Mother to your own inner child self. You're doing this work for yourself, which is good and proper, but there will be a benefit for others, because the whole world needs Mothering! It's a skill set we all can learn, male and female alike. Having friends is so important to wellness and wholeness in life. And it's so much fun!

That people are able to create friendships and have a desire to help each other on this board is wonderful.

Wishing you all the best,
Much Love from Sweet

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Sweet,

I'm so glad you had good parents. What a blessing for you and those you now touch in your life.

It's work to get through all of my issues. But it's well worth the work. You can't lose weight eating cake and not exercising and you can't get mentally well not addressing what is sitting there. Trust me, I tried ignoring it for most of my life. 43 of 46 years. It just doesn't go away on it's own.

I share what I feel comfortable with when I feel comfortable sharing. The strangest thing is that my life is so paralleling my counseling. Too bizarre.

It's interesting that my half-sister and I are finally getting a bit more acquainted. And she's gone thru what I'm going thru. We talked briefly the other day and she mentioned she also had problems with girlfriends not meeting her half-way in the friendship. So she decided to stop being the "keeper of the friendship". It was go great to get a "title" to what I've felt so often with so many friends. And to know it's not just me that has friends that just don't put in their share. But I also see that we have similar backgrounds - we both weren't raised by our mutual father and we both had issues with our individual mothers. (She and I have the same father.)

Well, tomorrow is another appointment day. We'll see where that appointment takes me. Always an adventure, that's for sure.

And I got my treadmill this weekend. Still getting over the pain from pulling weeds before I venture on to the treadmill seriously. LOL!!!

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Today's appointment (7/28)

It was a great appointment.

I don't remember how much I've said about my road trip from a few weeks ago. But needless to say, I haven't heard a word from the "girlfriend" I took with me. With the help of Good Twin (what we talk about) and me telling my counselor some of GT's views on my "friend" - it became aware to me that my "girlfriend" (here where I live) is emotionally unavailable just like my mom was.

Why did I not see that? No answer required. I'm living life in a way right now that brings various childhood issues to the surface to be addressed with my counselor.

I'm living a parallel life. It's so bizarre and somewhat freaky.

The nice part is, is that I don't feel so hurt by what my "friend" has or has not done in our relationship. And I know to be more careful about the friends I do pick for myself.

And I know what friendship is really about - those that check in with you (even friends that you've never met in person), those that initiate and don't expect you to drag them around and those that are there for you when you really need them (such as GT) and even if you just need to gab about nothing of real importance.

 

[Good twin]

Did you tell her about the new cult you joined? (facebook)

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

Did you tell her about the new cult you joined? (facebook)

Of course I did. She has to know everything that's going on in my life.

 

[Tiger Lily]

lol -- facebook, ESMB -- we're just gluttons for cults aren't we?

Interesting point about making friends with emotionally unavailable people, paralleling what you experienced growing up. It's got to be a huge relief to realize that that is what's going on. It's interesting how we do that, isn't it? My dad was emotionally unavailable (though he tried; he just had his own baggage -- he was a good dad overall); I purposely chose someone very different from my dad, hoping to get around it but I hadn't pinpointed the problem really, and guess what, the one similarity between my dad and hubby; emotionally unavailable! Thank God for girlfriends!

You're doing great Kathy! It's inspiring to see you taking the bull by the horns here!

-TL

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

lol -- facebook, ESMB -- we're just gluttons for cults aren't we?

Interesting point about making friends with emotionally unavailable people, paralleling what you experienced growing up. It's got to be a huge relief to realize that that is what's going on. It's interesting how we do that, isn't it? My dad was emotionally unavailable (though he tried; he just had his own baggage -- he was a good dad overall); I purposely chose someone very different from my dad, hoping to get around it but I hadn't pinpointed the problem really, and guess what, the one similarity between my dad and hubby; emotionally unavailable! Thank God for girlfriends!

You're doing great Kathy! It's inspiring to see you taking the bull by the horns here!

-TL

Thanks, TL. It was nice to realize "it's not me". LOL!!! We or at least me can really run a mind F*uck on myself - what did I do wrong?, how was I not a good enough friend/child?, and on and on and on.

Yes, thank goodness for girlfriends. Where would we be without them?

 

[Kathy (ImOut)]

It's been two weeks since I posted anything. Mostly because I didn't see my counselor last week. She was on vacation.

Anyway, not a whole lot to report this week. We just talked. A lot went on during the two weeks between visits. But that's pretty typical with me - I feel like I live dog years. LOL!!!

I did meet some new women friends last night at a new group. That was a lot of fun. I didn't get home till 11 PM. I'm not usually out after dark by myself - mostly because I can't see to drive. So, I had to come home via the freeways instead of the way I went - back roads with no street lights (that I drove during daylight).

Life keeps changing whether I'm doing my counseling or not. It's constantly evolving. And morphing into new things.

Now if I could sleep, maybe I'd appreciate the changes more and possibly be aware of more changes.