Associate with Positive People after leaving SCN

Doc

Patron
There are a few+ very positive consistent members that have been here on this particular forum over time. When one of those precious gems moves on, they are sorely missed. It's as if the air suddenly gets thicker in that workplace, group, home etc.

Those are the people that add a taste of fun, comic relief, positivity, and are the first ones to pat the others on the back and point out what they like about the person or point out what someone has done to help them in some small way.

Having been a student of the mind, people, and in my current work and studies, I have found that there is surely not enough positivity in most groups. From the workplaces I consult to the corporate trainers I train, to message boards and support groups for recoverees of alcohol, drugs, cults, and abusive situations I work with...this information is always on the top of my list.
Here's one of my favorite articles.
Enjoy, and perhaps this would be a good day to thank those precious gems. The world needs more of them as described below.

Associate With Positive People

Have you ever heard the phrase, "We become part of what we are around?." Have you given much thought to how this principle has been molding and shaping your life? It's worth thinking about. The people you associate with have a profound affect on how you feel and what you'll ultimately achieve.

I'm sure most of you have heard this principle before. Some of you have heard it a hundred times. But this is one of those areas where there is a large gap between theory and practice. In other words, you know it's important to limit involvement with negative people, yet you continue to hang around with them.

By the way, I'm not talking about your relationship with your spouse or significant other. I'm referring to discretionary relationships, both at work and in your leisure hours.

In today's literature, we frequently see the terms toxic people and nourishing people. As you might expect, toxic people are the ones who always dwell on the negative. The dictionary defines toxic as "poisonous" toxic people continually spew their verbal poison. In contrast, the dictionary definition of nourishing is "to nurture or promote the growth of." Nourishing people are positive and supportive. They lift your spirits and are a joy to be around.

Negative people will always drag you down to their level. They hammer away at you with all of the things you can't do and all of the things that are impossible. They barrage you with gloomy statements, problems, and the terrible prospects for the future.

After listening to toxic people, you feel listless, depressed and drained. Psychologist Jack Canfield describes them as "energy vampires" -- they suck all the positive energy out of you. One thing is certain: these "vampires" will wear you down and kill your dreams.

On the other hand, how do you feel when you are around people who are positive, enthusiastic and supportive? I'll bet that you are encouraged and inspired. You start to pick up their attitude, and you feel as if you have added strength to vigorously pursue your own goals.

If you had a choice, wouldn't you rather hang out with nourishing people? Well, in fact, you DO have a choice. It's up to you to determine who you spend your time with. If toxic people surround you in your daily life, you can do something about it.

To begin with, develop friendships and associations with people who are positive and supportive. In addition, seek out people who are action-oriented and service-oriented. As you spend more and more time in the company of people who have these traits, you, too, will develop the same successful characteristics and put them to use in your life.

Consider who you have been spending your time with. Examine your friendships and relationships at work and during your leisure hours. Those who occupy your time have a significant impact on your most priceless possession ... your mind! It is your responsibility to regulate what you allow into your mind.

In case you're wondering, I'm in favor of trying to help friends who are negative. I think we should make efforts to steer them in a more positive direction. But if we've been trying over a period of time repeatedly and the person insists on being negative, maybe it's time to severely limit the amount of time we spend with that person - or to stop spending any time with that individual.

As you increase your associations with nourishing people, you will feel better about yourself and about your ability to achieve your goals. You'll become a more positive, upbeat person -- the kind of person others love to be around. I used to think that it was important to associate with positive people and to limit involvement with negative people. Now, I believe that it is essential if you want to be a high-achiever and a happy individual.

By the way, as you continue to associate with positive people, the law of attraction starts to kick in. That law states that LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. When you are positive, you'll attract more positive people into your life. Of course, if you are NEGATIVE, you'll attract negative people.

So, surround yourself with positive, nourishing people -- they will lift you up the ladder of success.



About The Author
________________________________________
Jeff Keller is a motivational speaker and author of the best-selling book, Attitude is Everything.
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
"In case you're wondering, I'm in favor of trying to help friends who are negative. I think we should make efforts to steer them in a more positive direction. But if we've been trying over a period of time repeatedly and the person insists on being negative, maybe it's time to severely limit the amount of time we spend with that person - or to stop spending any time with that individual."

While I agree that this makes sense, and ultimately, sometimes you do have to make this decision, it's also commonly used as an excuse for "disconnection" in people whose lives have been infected with Scientology. I've certainly had to do this with some people in my life. There have been parts of my life when I have been that person, sadly. I got out by the new environment strategy. Instead of cutting people off, I simply MOVED. Thousands of miles away. Then I could choose my own company. Recently, I moved back, after getting my life on track and moving into a different sphere of responsibility and activity level, pay grade, and all of that stuff. Now I find those people don't negatively effect me any more, and THEY would rather not spend the time with me, because my life is almost too intolerable for them. I seem out of touch to them, because I don't have the same problems they have, any more. It's actually they that are out of touch, but I don't point this out to them. The new environment strategy has the effect of cutting off relationships, but without the drama, without the "make-wrong" of Disconnection. Plus, it gives you an opportunity to spread your wings! Try it!
 

Doc

Patron
Another goody

Consider the “Creed for Optimists” written by Christian D. Larsen in 1912. Use it to inspire yourself choose your thoughts, attitude and vision to release your full potential.

Promise Yourself-

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
 

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
you know, I was chatting to someone about this last night. We were commenting about how people change when they start seeing a new partner. Over time the less dominant partner takes on the others valence to a degree and match tones.

Ineresting topic. Uniqumand, I agree with your point. Some people dont want to be positive. Perhaps they like the sympathy and attention too much.
 

uncle sam

Silver Meritorious Patron
a thought

I will say,"the one true art is the portrait of you being you - which you take your brush to every day".
 

Pixie

Crusader
Consider the “Creed for Optimists” written by Christian D. Larsen in 1912. Use it to inspire yourself choose your thoughts, attitude and vision to release your full potential.

Promise Yourself-

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

I love this. I have this in a framed poster on my bedroom wall beside the Desirada and do my best to read it every day.

This is a wonderfully positive thread. And yes, I have met some very negative people in my life as I am sure we all have, but sometimes I think that some people just feel more comfortable it seems being negative and that's just the way they are and if they don't want help there's little one can do. I agree, better to stay around positive people who are happy to see you grow and do well.

Thank you Doc. :yes:
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
I agree, this is a very positive thread.

And very good advice.

I should probably take it some day....
 

Doc

Patron
Distinguish between SP's and negative people

It is important that one distinguishes between negative people and the automaticity of thinking that a negative person is evil and an SP. Although I do believe that most ex scn's figure out quickly that 99+% of the people they were told were SP's were, in fact, NOT.

The term SP here is being used to distinguish 'SCN' think from 'normal' non paranoid thinking, as my studies and my opinion is that there are no such thing as an SP as it is defined by the SCN.

Realizing that a chronically negative person is not someone that one wants to be around much, and that this person is more potentially 'rubbing off' on you long term versus 'out to get you' or 'conspiring to do you in'. This perspective gives us a less fearful outlook about people in general.This perspective also gives one room to try to help first versus 'running from them' right off.

A negative person is just more lost than the rest of us, and they do deserve a chance at injection of positivity by the rest of us, because innately most of us want to help. Innately many of us know that negative person for sometime and 'know' that the person has a good heart. Unfortunately if that person just 'brings you down' each and every time you are around them, long term this can affect you and sometimes it is best to distance. Most times though, these people only need a good dose of honest tough love first by someone that they respect. If that doesnt work, then IMO, move on.

Formal disconnection and having to write a letter and announce it is purely suppressive in majority of cases. If you know the negative person well enough and you see the heart that rarely peeks out, and you have tried to be honest with them about how they affect you and others and the upcoming repercussions should they continue...and there is still no progress-just distance and fall away overtime. One Oprah show espoused writing a letter to that toxic person to announce the disconnection-this is wrong IMO. This would only apply if one cannot confront the negative person for various reasons.
 

RogerB

Crusader
Doc, I Salute You Sir!


Doc,

I Salute you. Those are wonderfully helpful, uplifting and beneficial posts.

Very, very appropriate for all concerned, and particularly at this time.

There is an underlying phenomena in life that applies here. One that Hubbard spoke of in the Axioms of SOP 8-C that he got relatively right . . . not necessarily perfectly right, but good enough to work with.

Here it is:
(Number) VIII: Duplication
FUNDAMENTAL: The basic action of existence is duplication.
(For those who wish to get the rest of it, try Scn 0-8 or Creation of Human Ability.)

We do tend to duplicate the conditions around us.

The less well learned in the mechanics of the game of life you are and the less causative and more effect you are, the more you can be influenced, even overwhelmed by what you "duplicate" as a result of being subjected to toxicity from either people or despairing ugliness in the environment.

The more learned as to the mechanics of life and the stronger we are in the exercise of our volition the less we are affected by the crap of daily life where it exists. We can duplicate it for what it is, but our knowing power of personal choice is such that we can stay free from being overly affected by it or at all.

Making the wise choice to associate with the positive versus the negative is a very right, proper and correct way to go.:happydance:

Roger

 

Dulloldfart

Squirrel Extraordinaire

<snip>
Roger


Personally, continual use of the non-default font irritates me. An occasional change for emphasis, fair enough. I can understand the use sometimes of a different colour in chat when you might have several conversations occurring in the same space, but that doesn't apply to a message board.

And why make it all bigger? It's not like you are some kind of inferior being needing to show his importance, Rog. :)

Paul
 

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
Tut tut...

Personally, continual use of the non-default font irritates me. An occasional change for emphasis, fair enough. I can understand the use sometimes of a different colour in chat when you might have several conversations occurring in the same space, but that doesn't apply to a message board.

And why make it all bigger? It's not like you are some kind of inferior being needing to show his importance, Rog. :)

Paul

Natter!?:whistling:
 

Doc

Patron
Interesting posts : good examples of negativity we should avoid.

However, I *believe* DOF was being facetious, it would be the only logical conclusion.

If that is the case, this would be the time to chuckle......:lol:
 

Once bitten

Patron Meritorious
Thank you, Doc

Consider the “Creed for Optimists” written by Christian D. Larsen in 1912. Use it to inspire yourself choose your thoughts, attitude and vision to release your full potential.

Promise Yourself-

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

This is really special, thank you.

My daughter has experienced some nasty school stuff with girls at her school, and positive affirmations have really helped her. Girls can be so catty and cruel, and being in an all-girls' school has its ups certainly, but it also has its downs. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as it is a very expensive school) she is on a part scholarship with the other half being funded by her grandmother who wouldn't have her go to any other school, but the nasty whispering behind hands and the exclusion-type of bullying has been very cruel, which made it difficult for her last year. She nearly left at the end of last year.

When we were in Sydney, as you know, we joined the protest. My daughter was immediately welcomed by the Anons and accepted for who she is and what she believes. Totally accepted. They made her feel welcome and part of their group. This built her confidence up so much that she held her head high and went back to school on the first day knowing that she was ok. She didn't need to change herself to fit in with the bitchy girls at school, but she is ok for who she is. I obviously have tried hard to help her overcome this, but it was the Anons who sealed it for her, as well as her other out-of-school friends she has in the music scene that she's part of.

I'm going to put this quote onto a poster for her and she can put it in her room. It will help us all.



:goodposting:

:thankyou:
 

Doc

Patron
This is really special, thank you.

My daughter has experienced some nasty school stuff with girls at her school, and positive affirmations have really helped her. Girls can be so catty and cruel, and being in an all-girls' school has its ups certainly, but it also has its downs. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as it is a very expensive school) she is on a part scholarship with the other half being funded by her grandmother who wouldn't have her go to any other school, but the nasty whispering behind hands and the exclusion-type of bullying has been very cruel, which made it difficult for her last year. She nearly left at the end of last year.

When we were in Sydney, as you know, we joined the protest. My daughter was immediately welcomed by the Anons and accepted for who she is and what she believes. Totally accepted. They made her feel welcome and part of their group. This built her confidence up so much that she held her head high and went back to school on the first day knowing that she was ok. She didn't need to change herself to fit in with the bitchy girls at school, but she is ok for who she is. I obviously have tried hard to help her overcome this, but it was the Anons who sealed it for her, as well as her other out-of-school friends she has in the music scene that she's part of.

I'm going to put this quote onto a poster for her and she can put it in her room. It will help us all.



:goodposting:

:thankyou:

You are quite welcome. I am very glad to hear how she pulled out with her head high. This is a very inspirational story and I thank you very much for sharing it.
 

Zinjifar

Silver Meritorious Sponsor
Thanks for telling that bit of info. It's not something directly Scn related, and, I remember the feeling of being 'foreign' well myself.

I think one book that's seldom noticed, but is perfect for the experience is Hesse's 'Demian'. Siddhartha and Steppenwolf are wonderful books, but, for a kid on the 'outside', I can't think of anything more appropriate.

Good luck to both of you and never let the bastards grind you down.

Zinj
 

RogerB

Crusader
Sorry My Dears. Seems One Can't Winn All nor Please All.


On the theme of the type font I choose:) :) :)

Here is the history of my introduction to our board:

Yes, please pardon my apparent shouting . . . first time using this application, and I selected a type size my poor tired 70+ year old eyes could easily read on the computer screen. Let's see how this looks when it's up:coolwink:

Hmmm, having now used the preview, bloody small type what?

And thank you all you charmers who showed the good graces to acknowledge my little effort at rendering some help:happydance:

Roger
My eyes prefer it when you shout, Roger.
In any event, thank you for your insightful and enlightening post on the Objectives.
My own answer to the Original Poster's question, "How do Objectives work?" is already answered more fully on the early pages of this thread.
Cheers, Panda
So it appears one cannot please all :confused2:

Panda's and my eyes need something we can easily hear:yes:
 
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RogerB

Crusader
Appreciative Enquiry


Doc,

I suspect you are familiar with "Appreciative Enquiry" judging by your game.

For those not familiar with it, google it, it's a worthwhile exercise.

My sweetie, Virginia, and I were running the New York Environs Chapter of the International Society for Performance Improvement some years back (She and I are among the small number Certified Performance Technologists).

One particular chapter meeting we had a team of AE practitioners do a presentation to our members.

The demo we got was based on conflict resolution. In essence, the practice was that, instead of a continuance of the conflict and argument from insular "positions" of what the combatants "wanted" and the continued action of making each other bad. wrong and/or otherwise unreasonable or worse, the AE process was to ask these questions.

1) State what the problem or conflict (condition) is.
2) Have the "combatants" state what the more ideal scenario would be by asking: "What is the positive opposite of that (named negative strife)?"
3) have them noodle the statement of the positive scenario into something they can both agree they should co-operate to achieve.
4) work out an exact plan of steps to be achieved to accomplish that.
5) Implement and carry out the achievement of each of the steps.

Quite a positive process Eh?

Well, it blew my socks off 'cause I could see the application of in a processing context.

I rang Alan, pointing out that magical question: "What is the positive opposite of . . .?"

We ended up including it is some of our R/Ds in appropriate places.

You see, one of the failings of Scn is, that after mid 1963 it really only ever addressed/processed the negative and the unwanted conditions the client had attention on or worse, the C/S said should be addressed. Scn never addressed the positive (after 1963) and never thought to put in and restore to optimum the underlying positive after the aberration had been removed.

Big flunk!

Roger
 
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