Bashing (not criticizing) Scientology

lionheart

Gold Meritorious Patron
Seeing GoNuclear's song reminded me of this one, which I think is worthy of another airing! But cripes is it "criticism" or "bashing"? :omg:

From http://www.newsfrombree.co.uk/stolgy_6.htm

A Modern Scientologist
With apologies to W.S.Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan, to the tune of 'A Modern Major-General' (which was itself poking fun at Sir Garnet Wolesey). Author Anon.

Being a 'patter song', to be sung very fast with as few pauses for breath as possible!

I am the very model of a modern Scientologist;
our founder, L. Ron Hubbard, proudly scorned the word "psychologist".
He founded first a science with no base experimental,
then he made it a religion, free from taxes governmental.
He mesmerized his followers with treatments Dianetical
(and called a few "fair game" when their beliefs became heretical)
and long beyond the day his mortal form had turned to humus, he
still published a new novel every Saturday, posthumously.
The Church provides, along with teaching recondite tenebrities,
a golden opportunity to hobnob with celebrities:
Travolta, Alley, Cruise, and other Hollywood apologists:
I am the very model of a modern Scientologist.

(chorus: He is the very model of a modern Scientologist!)

I am the very model of a modern Scientologist.
My legal killer instinct would befit a criminologist.
When my religion's threatened I assail its foes extensively
(and force Suppressive Persons to defend themselves expensively).
I sue on cue for libel, seeking damages juridical,
no matter if the statements are mendacious or veridical
and when I would intimidate my enemies litigiously
I vest myself in stately robes of copyright, religiously.
The secrets of my faith I guard with reverence fanatical
from eyes that haven't paid to learn, at daily rates piratical,
the gnosis of a mystical sectarian technologist:
I am the very model of a modern Scientologist.

(chorus: He is the very model of a modern Scientologist!)

There's thirty other verses I could sing without compunction,
But I'm not allowed to do it 'cause I'm under an injunction.

(chorus: There's thirty other verses he could sing without compunction,
but he's not allowed to do it 'cause he's under an injunction!)
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
Another Gilbert and Sullivan

That was a great one. I did this one personally, along the same lines. I tossed it out originally on Clambake with the hopes that Anon might pick it up and use it at a picket for their bit of street theatre, unfortunately that never happened to the best of my knowledge, it would have been my way of registering my own personal thoughts on DM in a way that DM might actually hear of it.

Pete


When I Was A Lad
(Parody of When I Was A Lad from HMS Pinafore Comedy Opera)


Anon as Miscavige:

When I was a lad I dropped from school,
And became another Hubbard serving fool.
By nineteen eighty when the law drew near,
I helped L. Ron Hubbard disappear.

Anon choir chorus:

(He helped L. Ron Hubbard disappear.)

Anon as Miscavige:

I sucked up to L. Ron so thoroughly,
That now I rule the Church of Scientology!

Anon choir chorus:

(He sucked up to L. Ron so thoroughly,
That now he rules the Church of Scientology!)

Anon as Miscavige:

My post was to get the coast all clear,
I catered to L. Ron Hubbard’s every fear.
I spotted the major liability,
So I organized a document shredding party.

Anon choir chorus:

(So he organized a document shredding party.)
Anon as Miscavige:
I broke every law with a hand so free,
That now I rule the Church of Scientology!

Anon choir chorus:

(He broke every law with a hand so free,
That now he rules the Church of Scientology!)

Anon as Miscavige:

The old man’s power, t’was on the wane,
Every day passing he was more insane.
The Broeker’s and I, we did conspire,
Then L. Ron Hubbard’s body was tossed in the fire.

Anon choir chorus:

(Then L. Ron Hubbard’s body was tossed in the fire.)

Anon as Miscavige:

And my little Coup de E’ta’ went so mightily,
That now I rule the Church of Scientology!

Anon choir chorus:

(His little Coup de E’ta’ went so mightily,
That now he rules the Church of Scientology!)

Anon as Miscavige:

Of The Churches’ funds I acquired such a grip,
On that I always disallowed a partnership.
The Broekers, they just weren’t as mean,
So now, Pat and Annie, they are never seen.

Anon choir chorus:

(So now, Pat and Annie, they are never seen.)

Anon as Miscavige:

With power so unfettered and free,
That’s how I rule the Church of Scientology!

Anon choir chorus:

(With power so unfettered and free,
That’s how he rules the Church of Scientology!)

Anon as Miscavige:

I grew so ruthless, that I became,
Sole dictator of the big con game.
With Sea Org slaves at my beck and call,
Me thinks that I will never take the fall.

Anon choir chorus:

(He thinks that he will never take the fall.)

Anon as Miscavige:

I killed my conscience so thoroughly,
The lawyers let me honcho Scientology!

Anon choir chorus:

(He killed his conscience so thoroughly,
The lawyers let him honcho Scientology!)

Solo Anon:

Sea Ogres all, whoever you may be,
If you know that Davey’s clear out of his tree,
If you’re being treated like a piece of stool,
Wake up now and realize that just ain’t too cool.

Anon choir chorus:

(Wake up now and realize that just ain’t too cool.)

Solo Anon:

It’s time to blow from the org of the sea,
And get the heck out of Scientology!

Anon choir chorus:

(It’s time to blow from the org of the sea,
And get the heck out of Scientology!)
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
One of my real oldies

I did this one back in 2005 originally on Clambake as well, people seemed to like it.

Pete


Wall of Horseshit (to the tune of Sound of Silence,
originally done by Simon and Garfunkel)

Hello Beetee my old friend,
I've come to audit you again.
Because in my space you've been creeping,
You and thousands like you are speaking,
Cause the implant Xenu planted in my brain,
Still remains
From Hubbard's wall, of fire.

Packed in ice and shipped through space,
More Beetee's than the human race.
Stuffed and H-Bombed in the volcanos,
Beetees clumped together up the nose,
T'ill I held the cans on the orders of my C/S,
What a mess,
It's Hubbard's Wall, of fire.

And in the confines of my head,
I audited those Beetee's dead.
I ordered each Beetee to say his name,
And then march out of my head in shame.
It's a story, with the WOGs I can never share,
Oatee's don't dare,
Reveal the wall, of fire.

"Fool!" said I, I've been so dumb,
In my head I've gotten numb.
Heed my warning, I beseech you,
Don't let yourself be suckered too,
But my words, on the Scilons deaf ears fell,
And echoed on the wall, of horseshit.

And the Scilons borrowed and payed,
For the horseshit bridge Ron made.
And the Espee's hollered their warning,
Though the Osuh minions were swarming,
So the sign, saying "Ron is Xenu" would not
be seen,
Not too keen,
Over the wall, of horseshit.
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
And since I'm on a roll

Another oldie but goodie from 5 years ago on Clambake. WTF, a parody tune revival ... this one for all of you ex sea ogres.

Pete


In The Sea Org, tune of In The Navy by the Village People

Where can you…

Learn to forgo pleasure,
Pluck the WOG's of treasure,
With admin technology?
Where can you begin to,
Think you're super human,
Revel in your insane glee?
Where can you learn to lie,
Act like a James Bond spy,
All for Scientology?
Come on board the big scam,
Help the public clams cram,
Comm ev all your enemies ...

(chorus)

In the Sea Org, yes all your property they'll seize,
In the Sea Org, yes they'll erase your mind with ease,
In the Sea Org, Scilon's make your final stand,
In the Sea Org, yes they always need a hand,
In the Sea Org, first you sell your mother's land,
In the Sea Org, come on and shuck your fellow clam,
In the Sea Org, you'll become a super man,
In the Sea Org, In the Sea Org!

They want you! They want you! They want you for a billion years!

For RPF Adventure,
Don't you wait to enter,
The S.O. Liaison office fast.
Don't you hesitate,
There's no need to wait,
They're betting on how long you'll last.
Maybe you are too young,
To join up today,
but don't you worry 'bout the thing,
I'm sure there will be,
Always the evil Sea Org,
protecting Scientology.

(repeat chorus)


They want you! They want you! They want you for a billion years!
They want you! They want you! They want you for a billion years!

But ... but ... but ... life sucks in Clearwater!!

Hey ... hey ... look, men ... I get sick just watching it on the
TV!

THEY WANT YOU!!

Oh shit!

THEY WANT YOU!!

What am I going to do on the EPF??

THEY WANT YOU!! THEY WANT YOU!!
In the Sea Org. IN the Sea Org.
(fade out)
 
As I said elsewhere:

Bashing is a skill that requires practice to be good at. Anybody can criticize another; but that is not bashing. That is criticism.

I would like to reserve this thread for a skilled bashing of Scientology as a subject, which includes such bashisms as:

1. Scientology Sucks (period).
2. Hubbard Sucked. (long before he died as a drug addicted, BT infested (rich, but poor) excuse for a human being.
3. The tone scale Sucks (based on the overall/underall tone of it).
4. Axioms that are not really axioms Suck (big time).
5. Clears Suck (cause they're not really clear but believe they are).
6. OT's Suck (cause they're delusional clears).
7. Hubbard was physically ugly (unlike Jesus and Krishna whom were pretty).
8. The Factors Suck (cause they only Factor in money).
9. KSW Sucks (cause it, well, just sucks).
10. The Ideal Orgs Suck (cause they're not really Ideal).
11. The members of the IAS Suck (cause they're a bunch of rich idiots).
12. Marty & Mike both Suck (cause they're still sucking at the tit of Ron).


Ok...you get the idea....no criticizing...just pure unadulterated bashing (where the word sucks works in quite nicely).

If you are a weak-kneed mamsy-pamsy true-science type individual with a tendency to be open minded regarding any critical analysis of scientology discussions on an internet forum such as this one, you suck too.

mm&i

P.S. This post is no joke. It is a deadly serious activity. The entire future of every man woman and child on the ESMB for the next two weeks will be decided by your ability to Bash today (at tone 40 command intention).

13. After having two cups of coffee this morning what I flushed down the toilet contributed more to humanity than Hubbard ever did.
 

Zinjifar

Silver Meritorious Sponsor
Criticism implies reform/improvement/restoration

What would reform/improve/restore Scientology?

Fly-swatter.jpg


Zinj
 

Mystic

Crusader
Gilbert & Sullivan are alive and well and living on ESMB!

If it took a nice bash to get Chucky's Lawn back, I'm all for it.
 
Slappy
(*)
The Terrormidget
Mr. Tiny Pants
Mini-Hub (pinkie at corner of mouth)
Bubba's future wife
Tiny Fists o' Fury
The High School Dropout
TC's BFF
The Asthmatic Dwarf

Sucks.

DM gives Dungeon Masters a bad name. He's both both protégé and usurper of a career sociopath, without the charisma which the Old Fart, I must admit, had. Deep down, he knows he's crap, which is why he cannot face the media any more, but has others serve as spokesholes for the cult. He embodies that peculiar combination of arrogance and insecurity which manifests in control-freak micromanagement and yet violently blaming all around him for the failures which inevitably result. He surrounds himself with yes-men, giving everyone within earshot motive to lie and tell him only good news, and yet even he knows the ship is sinking. He's too stupid to do anything other than what he's always done, and is coward enough to tolerate the cognitive dissonance of both being a 'true believer' while simultaneously having a suitcase ready for quick escape to Bulgravia. To know him is to despise him, and many, such as OSA's diligent spies here, know him even better than I.
 

Zinjifar

Silver Meritorious Sponsor
Not to film, literary, or art critics.

Well, it may seem like splitting hairs, but, such 'field' criticism *does* seem to imply that it's done with the intent to improve the 'field', if not the particular turd on the sidewalk or screen/wall :)

Zinj
 

olska

Silver Meritorious Patron
Well, it may seem like splitting hairs, but, such 'field' criticism *does* seem to imply that it's done with the intent to improve the 'field', if not the particular turd on the sidewalk or screen/wall :)

Zinj

Then along that line, criticism of "scientology" (a finished piece of work) could be viewed (or not) as an effort intended to improve the "field" of new religions, methods of self-help, personal improvement philosophies, or however you the individual wish to classify it -- including the "reform" of cult-like organizations by exposing their cultiness -- by offering evaluation, analysis, expressions of disapproval, and debunking of that particular work.

And as critics of art, literature, music, and film sometimes help individuals better understand why they were affected as they were by the work (including feeling confused and/or ripped off by the "artist"), criticisms of "scientology" might help individuals understand why they were affected as they were by "scientology," without any need at all to improve or reform that particular collection of turds.
 

Zinjifar

Silver Meritorious Sponsor
I want to improve reality by eliminating the organization known as the 'Church' of Scientology or any of its mock ups. I think the field of anthropology will be improved, however, by full exposure of all data pertaining to such :)

Zinj
 

Sharone Stainforth

Silver Meritorious Patron
I haven't read all of this thread and I don't need to, If I want to bash Scientology I will, regardless of the so called "Don't bash what you don't understand".

I understand this;

When I was a little girl, I had a Father that loved me and fought for me. When Scientology entered his life, all that changed and it became what L. Ron Hubbard thought would be good for me.

What L. Ron Hubbard thought would be good for me was to give my total devotion to his entire world, that of the sea org and scientology, I tried so hard to make my Father proud of me and became a Commadores Messenger, L. Ron Hubbards messenger and this is what I found; a world devoid of love, a world devoid of acceptance, a world that turned living into a slave culture, a culture that unless L. Ron Hubbard said it, it didn't exist.

He was the law, the law of the land and many peoples followed that law, unwittingly thinking that he held all the secrets to the universe. He didn't know jack shit. He didn't then 1967, he didn't later in 1976, 1980, 1986 and he dosen't now. He's been dead for over 20 years and he ain't coming back, he is not on target 2 finishing his research, he never did any research.

He was just a science fiction that lived off of drugs and alcohol and made a lot of money, while conning the world. Sad to say, he conned some of the finest people I once knew. Its a shame they find that so hard to accept, that they were conned.I've been conned myself, not by L. Ron Hubbard, but conned just the same, by a science fiction writer, whom I put on a pedestal. No more do I put anyone in such high esteem, for it is human nature to let down those that follow you, unless you really are worthy of such praise, few are imho.
 

afaceinthecrowd

Gold Meritorious Patron
I haven't read all of this thread and I don't need to, If I want to bash Scientology I will, regardless of the so called "Don't bash what you don't understand".

I understand this;

When I was a little girl, I had a Father that loved me and fought for me. When Scientology entered his life, all that changed and it became what L. Ron Hubbard thought would be good for me.

What L. Ron Hubbard thought would be good for me was to give my total devotion to his entire world, that of the sea org and scientology, I tried so hard to make my Father proud of me and became a Commadores Messenger, L. Ron Hubbards messenger and this is what I found; a world devoid of love, a world devoid of acceptance, a world that turned living into a slave culture, a culture that unless L. Ron Hubbard said it, it didn't exist.

He was the law, the law of the land and many peoples followed that law, unwittingly thinking that he held all the secrets to the universe. He didn't know jack shit. He didn't then 1967, he didn't later in 1976, 1980, 1986 and he dosen't now. He's been dead for over 20 years and he ain't coming back, he is not on target 2 finishing his research, he never did any research.

He was just a science fiction that lived off of drugs and alcohol and made a lot of money, while conning the world. Sad to say, he conned some of the finest people I once knew. Its a shame they find that so hard to accept, that they were conned.I've been conned myself, not by L. Ron Hubbard, but conned just the same, by a science fiction writer, whom I put on a pedestal. No more do I put anyone in such high esteem, for it is human nature to let down those that follow you, unless you really are worthy of such praise, few are imho.

:thumbsup::clap::clap::thumbsup:
 

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
Sharon, this thread was just a little levity and a counterpoint to the criticizing not bashing Scientology thread. That's all.
 

me myself & i

Patron Meritorious
Criticism implies reform/improvement/restoration

Not to film, literary, or art critics.

Walla!/Bravo! A rather beautiful and succinct display of the underlying distinction between criticizism and bashing. Kudo's to you olska!

(Zinj however is not deterred, lol, as he responded in kind, penning this:)

Well, it may seem like splitting hairs, but, such 'field' criticism *does* seem to imply that it's done with the intent to improve the 'field', if not the particular turd on the sidewalk or screen/wall :)

Zinj

To which olska replied:
Then along that line, criticism of "scientology" (a finished piece of work) could be viewed (or not) as an effort intended to improve the "field" of new religions, methods of self-help, personal improvement philosophies, or however you the individual wish to classify it -- including the "reform" of cult-like organizations by exposing their cultiness -- by offering evaluation, analysis, expressions of disapproval, and debunking of that particular work.

And as critics of art, literature, music, and film sometimes help individuals better understand why they were affected as they were by the work (including feeling confused and/or ripped off by the "artist"), criticisms of "scientology" might help individuals understand why they were affected as they were by "scientology," without any need at all to improve or reform that particular collection of turds.

To which I reply 'A' : "This is rich", (for those that have eyes and those that have ears for something greater than themselves, so to speak).

and B: "While both avenues of intellectual prowess are quite powerful, the upshot for me is in realizing the distinction between criticizism and bashing can be found in the distinction between our intellectual and our emotion being (or our intellectual or emotional 'centers' of being). In so many words (or less), so to speak. Lol.

In other words, both aspects of our being are justifiable and are not at odds. Although according to scientology doctrine any such wedding between such a seeming dichotomy of being is grounds for a lifelong disconnection 'without' (i.e outer) one from the other. Which outer disconnection turns out to not only be a disconnection from another without, but also a disconnection from a part of ourselves within.

Thus we bash/criticisize depending on which center of our being we are momentarily taking lodge in. The mind or the heart. Lol. Being two aspects of our One Being."

Thats all.

Thanks.

For now. (lol)

Mojo
 
Last edited:

olska

Silver Meritorious Patron
<snip>
Thus we bash/criticisize depending on which center of our being we are momentarily taking lodge in. The mind or the heart. Lol. Being two aspects of our One Being.

Yeah.

I completely understand and agree with those who have suffered at the hands of and who now "bash" scientology. Rant, rave, scream, cry, and bash away -- may you find some relief in this release (I think you will, eventually, and hopefully sooner rather than later).

I personally escaped with little or no damage -- didn't lose any family or any friends I valued, didn't lose millions (didn't have any millions to begin with) or decades of my life. It's relatively easy for me to be detached and take the more intellectual approach.

From that stance I, as well as many many others on this board and other venues, have taken the time to work out, write, and offer up our "critical" observations, analyses, and opinions which have, on occasion, helped others to see through the mindfuck.

Thus it offends me (oh well...) that our contributions are brushed off as being nonexistent with a condescending and insulting invitation to do it all over again by someone who presents themself as intellectual but won't do their own research.

And my detachment ends at the stories of and by the children who were victimized by the cult and whose lives were more deeply affected than those of any of us who, as adults, ignored the obvious red flags and still chose to become involved. To those captured and manipulated as children I can only say I pray for your healing.
 
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