SweetnessandLight
Crusader
Welcome SPsince83, glad you could join us! I'm sure you will enjoy yourself here. Hope you do reconnect with some old friends and coworkers. 
be gentle it's my first time
- Thread starter SPsince83
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Welcome SPsince83, glad you could join us! I'm sure you will enjoy yourself here. Hope you do reconnect with some old friends and coworkers.
JustSheila
Crusader
I love that movie!Airplane was a great comedy, too, and Kentucky Fried Movie and The Groove Tube. Have you seen any of those?
[video=youtube;YNMsPHmcLI0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNMsPHmcLI0[/video]
To take the story to the point of first being out, I think the hardest part for the first few years was the shame of it all. You can't really talk about it to non-scientologists because how on earth do you explain it all. How do you explain being duped so thoroughly by a mind control cult that even though you know as certain as can be that scientology was a scam that you still think it has the answers and you might go, no damned sure WILL go back some day and be the class viii c/s you know you should have been. How do you explain that it took 20 years to get up the nerve to look at otiii and that when I did I didn't catch pneumonia like lrh said, but I did get sick....the magnitude of the fraud hit me so hard, that I was explosively nauseated. That was when I knew I wouldn't go back. How can you truly make someone understand. Why did it take a dozen or more years after THAT to even come out on a message board.
I thought by now I'd be over all this. It's just that hearing about Cindy's death like that has made the last month pretty hard to take. It dredged up a lot of the worst of my time there. I go long stretches without thinking much about it. I've enjoyed much of my life since being out and I am interested in a broad range of fields. But this finally made me look at the fact that I have been cramped by scientology all this time. Even though I have been out for over 30 years I'm still stuck somewhat, if for no other reason than I haven't known anyone in the ex community. I've lurked on Clambake from time to time, Lermanet, read some "unauthorized" material, was thrilled by Anonynous and still it took years and the death of the woman I loved more than any other before or since and the fucking heartless reactions I got from some former staff "friends" I was able to track down before I had the impetus to speak up. Oddly, she was dying of cancer while on otvii at about the same time I was reading the otiii materials.
This is gonna take a while. Get the big tub of popcorn if you are interested. This will come in stream of consciousness flows as things come up. Happy to answer questions as they will probably prompt further insight. Or not, whatever. Ask anyway. So thanks all for being here and your kindness. Later.
I thought by now I'd be over all this. It's just that hearing about Cindy's death like that has made the last month pretty hard to take. It dredged up a lot of the worst of my time there. I go long stretches without thinking much about it. I've enjoyed much of my life since being out and I am interested in a broad range of fields. But this finally made me look at the fact that I have been cramped by scientology all this time. Even though I have been out for over 30 years I'm still stuck somewhat, if for no other reason than I haven't known anyone in the ex community. I've lurked on Clambake from time to time, Lermanet, read some "unauthorized" material, was thrilled by Anonynous and still it took years and the death of the woman I loved more than any other before or since and the fucking heartless reactions I got from some former staff "friends" I was able to track down before I had the impetus to speak up. Oddly, she was dying of cancer while on otvii at about the same time I was reading the otiii materials.
This is gonna take a while. Get the big tub of popcorn if you are interested. This will come in stream of consciousness flows as things come up. Happy to answer questions as they will probably prompt further insight. Or not, whatever. Ask anyway. So thanks all for being here and your kindness. Later.
Airplane was a great comedy, too, and Kentucky Fried Movie and The Groove Tube. Have you seen any of those?
[video=youtube;YNMsPHmcLI0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNMsPHmcLI0[/video]
Airplane yes, but the other two came out while I was on staff, and I just never got around to seeing them.
JustSheila
Crusader
I completely understand. My condolences on losing Cindy.
I was in from '77 to '86. Sea Org at Estates and AOLA. The first few years I was out were pretty confusing, trying to be away from Scientologists and yet needing the company because I'd been in so long, I had a hard time relating to anyone else.
After that, well, I sort of blocked it all out for decades. Then it started to hit me in the oddest ways. Then I read about Mary Tabayoyon's forced abortion and was so sick over it, body mind and spirit, that I could barely move. I was in shock. Scientology hadn't gone away - it was worse than ever. And I found ESMB and WWP and a few other sites. My first few weeks I was addicted, typed like a madwoman, all these memories hit me at once and I had so much to say...
Tell your story as you are comfortable. Take things in stride. We get you. We know. We've been through it, and the Anons and never-ins are an absolute godsend, because they understand us without having the odd thoughts or damage and offer really objective views that are sometimes beyond precious.
This is your time to heal. The memories are here now because you're capable of dealing with them. It's okay. Everything will be okay.
(and that vid I linked - it's most of one of the movies, btw, so if things get too serious, play it and have a few laughs)
Hugs,
Sheila
Enthetan
Master of Disaster
When I was in the SO, one of my coping strategies was to go to the public library a block away during my meal times (after wolfing down some food) and just read for a while. Just be alone, without anybody hassling me, and read.
AnonyMary
Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
My leaving had a similar effect and it took me years to come to even think or say the word Scientology. When I got on the internet, I was fascinated but still so locked in this box and afraid. However, I was fortunate to come upon an opportunity to contact someone from the internet, so I seized it. In doing so helped push me out of that box. But I know what you mean. I lived my version of it and lost years to it's power.
I also lost a loved one I had not been able to connect back with in time, and I am still tied on a knot about it, though it's much loosed now and I managed to channel my efforts and focus in trying to do something to help others in the fight to expose this cult that robbed us and so many others of the life and happiness we originally believed possible through Scientology. So I know that pain, too.
It's a grieving process and you took the next step to come here and share your loss and frustration with us. It's good to have you with us.
Best wishes,
Mary
I believe one problem with leaving is: As soon as you think about leaving, you're confronted with a huge pile of questions, one harder to answer than the next one. "Why did I ... ?", "Why didn't I ... ?" "Can it really be true that... ?" "How come that none of my friends/colleagues seem to see that ... ?" "Could really be true that ...?" etc.p.p.
My, what a pile of scary question marks - and the cult can rely on it's scariness.
My, what a pile of scary question marks - and the cult can rely on it's scariness.
hummingbird
Patron with Honors
Hi, SPsince83. I'm SPsince81 :wink2:, and I still have yet to get over the shame of having been duped for so long. I was on COSMOD Sac staff from 1970 to 1981, when I was declared and freed.
We may have crossed paths. I knew the Lauffers, was friends with Amy.
I was sorry to hear of your loss, and I know right now it feels like it just happened. Quite a blow to the solar plexus. I'm sure everything came rushing back.
Just the other night I had a dream I audited someone on his ruds and Op Pro by Dupe. It takes freaking forever to shake this all out.
Anyway, PM me if you wanna chat.
hummingbird
Patron with Honors
Just watched most of the slide show. Some people I'd see, and want to reach through my PC monitor and slap the living p*ss out of those a**holes.
Still have to work on that forgiveness cr*p, huh?
Still have to work on that forgiveness cr*p, huh?
Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.
TrevAnon
Big List researcher
Hi there SPsince83,
I'm a never in, an Anon working on the big list of ex-COS members speaking out. Maybe you have seen it.
Link: http://whyweprotest.wikia.com/wiki/Former_Church_of_Scientology_members_who_have_spoken_out
We're almost at 2,500 so you would be most welcome!
(Just kidding, take your time.)
I'm a never in, an Anon working on the big list of ex-COS members speaking out. Maybe you have seen it.
Link: http://whyweprotest.wikia.com/wiki/Former_Church_of_Scientology_members_who_have_spoken_out
We're almost at 2,500 so you would be most welcome!
(Just kidding, take your time.)
Moosejewels
Patron Meritorious
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Hey SPsince83,
Try this link for some fun :
http://play.smilebox.com/SpreadMoreHappy/4d5445344d4459344e6a4e384d5449344e7a41344d446b3d0d0a
_____________________________
SORRY, I just went through the string and see this has already been posted.
Moosejewels
Patron Meritorious
________________________________________________________________________
Might your encounter at the record store have been Tower Records ?
Amazing similarities with how the trap was sprung on me.
Recently out of the navy. Finishing up at SCC. Friend, who is COSMOD Public, has found this wonderful
thing that can't be explained. It has to be experienced. He introduces be to this foxey nymph, who passes
me off to this beautiful woman, who charms the shit out of me and wham bam. My first drink of the koolaide
and I'm hooked.
My troubles are in the past. I have found the answers.
Fucking beautiful, mindless con-artists.
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Udarnik
Gold Meritorious Patron
Forgiveness would be fine for people you'd like to have/keep in your life, for the others, "emotional distance" should work well enough. :wink2:
Smurf
Gold Meritorious SP
I asked you earlier about this blog, because Suzette Dearing posted her story of leaving the cult.
"“My name is Suzette M. Dearing. I live in Citrus Heights, CA and am a Technical Writer. . .From January 1975 to July 1983 I was a staff member at the Church of Scientology, Mission of Davis (COSMOD) at Sacramento."
https://androvillans.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/ex-scientologist-story-281-mission-slaves-greed-abuse
"Phill Scott had reached on his training and/or processing level: OT 5. class 4, SP/PTS detection, HPE and I courses. He was at 1975- 1986 COSMOD. Sacramento Org. ASHO and AOLA in LA Calif."
https://androvillans.wordpress.com/...9-hucksters-as-registrars-bogus-ethics-cycles
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?8869-COSMOD
I clicked that link and couldn't get anywhere on it. I'll try again. It so happens Suzette contacted me. I never knew Phil.
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