be gentle it's my first time

[JustSheila]

Rasta pasta is VERY pleasing to Our Sauciness! He has been known to bestow ot mmmdccxxxviii on newbies who provide a plate of such to his high priests. Oh, yeah, I'm a high priest. Hook me up

OMG, you're sooo funny! Thanks for putting it all in the correct humorous perspective. You, Lulu Belle and HH have such a knack for pointing out the ridiculous.

 

[SPsince83]

Thanks, guys. I needed that. Had my feathers ruffled up a bit.

BTW, LuluBelle, when was Reggie Caldwell C/O AOLA? How long did it last?

I saw your spat with Maria. While you had a point your questioning was a little clumsy and you might have had a different result with a different tack. M4 *HCOPL "Manners" Drill Natural TRs. This has been your cram of the day.

 

[JustSheila]

Yes, I need to star-rate that. Do you have any moar clay? I got flunked on my first manners clay demo.

 

[SPsince83]

Thank you. Watching the way my dad acted in the wake of his sister's death was telling. She had strayed from the church in her final years of life. I had decided to figure out a way to contact her so I could leave too. My dad and mom had unceremoniously ejected her from our household. I didn't know her number or anything, but I was going to dig through my dad's things so I could find it. Then we got the news. It was heartbreaking enough to lose her, but then to watch my dad shit all over her memory saying she deserved to die for betraying the church. It was horrific. He was trying to find any money he could from her and take over as many possessions as possible. She was like a second mother to me and this is how he treated her. It was that time that I realized two things, (a) I had no way out other than to risk everything, and (b) my dad would eventually think of me the same way. I realized at that moment, too, that my dad and mom never loved me, because a parent's love is supposed to be unconditional, and so is a siblings. But everything is conditional in Scientology.

Damn, dude that's awful. I'm sooooo sorry. But realized your mom and dad are damaged and it's not all their fault. Leave the door open a crack

 

[SPsince83]

Yes, I need to star-rate that. Do you have any moar clay? I got flunked on my first manners clay demo.

I'm going to have to add HCOB "The Greatest Test" to your cram. Redo M1. Retrain PRD, HQS, HAA, all M4*. Write up your o/s and prepare for A-E

 

[JustSheila]

I'm going to have to add HCOB "The Greatest Test" to your cram. Redo M1. Retrain PRD, HQS, HAA, all M4*. Write up your o/s and prepare for A-E

(Isn't it scarey to find out how much one can actually remember of all that Scn indoctrinations, decades later? Brrrrr!)

Okay.

See how politely I said that and how easily I acquiesced? That's good manners, right?

(Pastavarianism is starting to look like a great religion.)

I'll start all of that as soon as I finish this clay demo of "Scientology and Me."

 

[Lulu Belle]

Thanks, guys. I needed that. Had my feathers ruffled up a bit.

BTW, LuluBelle, when was Reggie Caldwell C/O AOLA? How long did it last?

After you left; lucky you. I think it was maybe in the early 90s. RTC eventually sent in a mission, put her on the RPF, and replaced her with someone else. I actually don't even remember who now.

I think she was on maybe six months.

She was totally bonkers. She's one of these people who is great on projects and evolutions if she has one thing to do because she is like a rabid dog. She will just sink her teeth into it and stay up day and night until it's done. They used her a lot for these "making the orgs send trainees" cycles. She did great at them.

But running an org? Where you need common sense and need to know how to deal with people and need ... perspective on what's important and what's just bullshit.

Uhm ... no.

Gotta admit, Ivan had that gift.

Reggie? Definitely not.

She was psycho.

 

[Lulu Belle]

Thank you. Watching the way my dad acted in the wake of his sister's death was telling. She had strayed from the church in her final years of life. I had decided to figure out a way to contact her so I could leave too. My dad and mom had unceremoniously ejected her from our household. I didn't know her number or anything, but I was going to dig through my dad's things so I could find it. Then we got the news. It was heartbreaking enough to lose her, but then to watch my dad shit all over her memory saying she deserved to die for betraying the church. It was horrific. He was trying to find any money he could from her and take over as many possessions as possible. She was like a second mother to me and this is how he treated her. It was that time that I realized two things, (a) I had no way out other than to risk everything, and (b) my dad would eventually think of me the same way. I realized at that moment, too, that my dad and mom never loved me, because a parent's love is supposed to be unconditional, and so is a siblings. But everything is conditional in Scientology.

There are no words.

I am so sorry.

 

[JustSheila]

Thank you. Watching the way my dad acted in the wake of his sister's death was telling. She had strayed from the church in her final years of life. I had decided to figure out a way to contact her so I could leave too. My dad and mom had unceremoniously ejected her from our household. I didn't know her number or anything, but I was going to dig through my dad's things so I could find it. Then we got the news. It was heartbreaking enough to lose her, but then to watch my dad shit all over her memory saying she deserved to die for betraying the church. It was horrific. He was trying to find any money he could from her and take over as many possessions as possible. She was like a second mother to me and this is how he treated her. It was that time that I realized two things, (a) I had no way out other than to risk everything, and (b) my dad would eventually think of me the same way. I realized at that moment, too, that my dad and mom never loved me, because a parent's love is supposed to be unconditional, and so is a siblings. But everything is conditional in Scientology.

How awful.

Adam, this is the false personality Scientologists assume. It's completely understandable if you can never forgive your father, but I would not assume that your parents did not love you. This was the way they were taught to express their love. Warped, twisted, destructive - but it was still their concept of love by what they knew. They knew Scientology. Scientology makes parents believe children are better off without them, that parents are bad for their kids and if they love them, they should stay away from them. So the twisted think is that love means not ruining your kids by too much love, compassion, etc. Hubbard did this to some of the warmest, most well-meaning people you could ever know. Many ex-Scientologists return to becoming the loving person they were before Scientology after they leave.

The ultimate sacrifice, giving up one's child for the child's best interests - that is what Scientology teaches parents.

On another note -

Sometimes people react oddly when a loved one dies. Angry exhibitions and exaggerated offenses of wrongs done by the now deceased person is not limited to Scientologists. Sometimes it is just part of the grieving process - anger and denial.

If you take Scn out of the picture, when someone loses a loved one and reacts this way, it is from the shock of loss. They think, "How could this person leave them?" They feel cheated by the person, by life. It's not rational or logical, but a huge emotional response never is.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
   You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
   As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
   
   You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase/
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
   Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
   
   You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

flawhttp://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.htmld
Try to understand that your parents are/were brainwashed and had flaws, Adam, and that none of it was ever a reflection of you.

(and btw, thanks for removing that flashing cartoon from your sig line. It was hard for me to even look at your posts with that, much less look at them long enough to read them well and answer them.)

 

[David C Gibbons]

Thanks folks! I really would like to hear from any exes from Sac, Delphi or SF, so if you know any, shoot them my way.

Hello, SPsinc83! I was at Davis Mission, Delphian School (1975-1977 or so, working w Art Phelps), and Portland Mission, until I joined the Sea Org in 1978. (Ys, that was jumping from the frying pan into the fire...)

My Ex-wife, Marian, is still in. Art Phelps is still alive, Bill Bauer died of Cancer a few years ago. I've lost track of anyone else from Delphi that I knew.

COSMOD (Church of Scientology, Missions of Davis) in those days was wonderful because of the people, and terrible because of Scientology , even though we had not fully realized it at the time.

 

[SPsince83]

Hello, SPsinc83! I was at Davis Mission, Delphian School (1975-1977 or so, working w Art Phelps), and Portland Mission, until I joined the Sea Org in 1978. (Ys, that was jumping from the frying pan into the fire...)

My Ex-wife, Marian, is still in. Art Phelps is still alive, Bill Bauer died of Cancer a few years ago. I've lost track of anyone else from Delphi that I knew.

COSMOD (Church of Scientology, Missions of Davis) in those days was wonderful because of the people, and terrible because of Scientology , even though we had not fully realized it at the time.

oops my reply got eaten. I do remember you Dave. And Marian. I gave her an assist when she fell off her bike on the hill. I seem to recall that she got a huge ration of shit from Diana Samuels for some imagined incompetence or other. Sorry she didn't come to her senses with you. I hope she wakes up soon. I always liked her and thought you were a lucky guy to have her.

You are absolutely right about COSMOD. Imagine if that group had done ANYTHING else than scn?

Sorry to hear about Bill. He was a good guy.

 

[hummingbird]

COSMOD (Church of Scientology, Missions of Davis) in those days was wonderful because of the people, and terrible because of Scientology , even though we had not fully realized it at the time.

Well, as ex-COSMOD, I can say there were at least a couple of nasties in the barrel. But, you have a good point in that we didn't realize the scam we were in.

And LuluBelle said about Reggie Caldwell/Cota/Whatever

She was totally bonkers. She's one of these people who is great on projects and evolutions if she has one thing to do because she is like a rabid dog. She will just sink her teeth into it and stay up day and night until it's done. They used her a lot for these "making the orgs send trainees" cycles. She did great at them.

But running an org? Where you need common sense and need to know how to deal with people and need ... perspective on what's important and what's just bullshit.

She was psycho.

Nailed it. I had the misery of serving under her. I remember the big "Unreasonableness" campaign and her chain-smoking and berating us until 3:00 a.m. Thanks for posting that she was RPF'd. Brought a smile to my face, it did.

 

[David C Gibbons]

oops my reply got eaten. I do remember you Dave. And Marian. I gave her an assist when she fell off her bike on the hill. I seem to recall that she got a huge ration of shit from Diana Samuels for some imagined incompetence or other. Sorry she didn't come to her senses with you. I hope she wakes up soon. I always liked her and thought you were a lucky guy to have her.

You are absolutely right about COSMOD. Imagine if that group had done ANYTHING else than scn?

Sorry to hear about Bill. He was a good guy.

She is a nice lady, and I still feel sad that she decided that Scientology was more important to her than me. (She may well feel sad that I thought getting away from Scientology was more important than her...)

Ah, the bike accident. I felt terrible, I had worked on the bike's brakes, and must have messed up. I haven't thought about that for years. Could you PM me with your name, kind person? I can't think of who you were, even with the details you have kindly shared. (And thanks for helping Marian at that time.)

Scientology is all about 'opportunity cost': That is considering what else could have been done to improve lives, families, and society with the energy and money drained away by Hubbard's evil creation. We all missed many opportunities because of Scientology.

I kept in touch with Bill through the years, and always enjoyed time with him.

 

[Moosejewels]

She was known by many to have been a repressed lesbian. Think she ever had a session that WASN'T done over a PTP?

And her dog, "Blue" was it ?

 

[Moosejewels]

I'm a recently converted Pastafarian.

I am currently a devout Jambalayamon. A splinter group that broke off from the Pastafarians before we were all stuffed down a volcanoe and blown to teeny weeny bits of goo. Seriously

 

[Lulu Belle]

She was known by many to have been a repressed lesbian. Think she ever had a session that WASN'T done over a PTP?

I often wondered abut that. That was certainly the vibe I got.

She looked and acted like a bull....dog.

 

[Two Cents]

Hey there, glad you are connecting, SPsince83.

I have read the posts on your thread and have noticed something very interesting to me.
What people seem mostly to care and talk about here are each other. It sounds as though you met many good people in your time at mod.
And some, not doing very well, also.
But the important parts in anyone's story seems to me to be about the people they knew and what they shared with them.

Some of the sweetest people I have ever known were a part of an org at some point or another.
Some still are, including my own child.

Sharing a purpose to help each other and life, and working together for it can be a treasured part of our existence for many of us.
It was for me.
I feel that our willingness to help does not demean us as long as we don't demean ourselves or each other.

The C of S management unfortunately does specialize in the degradation of the individual, as you have noticed yourself.
The tech evaluated and labelled us as beings, in general fencing us in as opposed to delivering greater freedom, although some gains were made.
Lessons learned, right?

But our love (or other feelings!) for each other feels like the constant here, doesn't it?

Best wishes to you.

Love,

Two Cents

 

[SPsince83]

Hey there, glad you are connecting, SPsince83.

I have read the posts on your thread and have noticed something very interesting to me.
What people seem mostly to care and talk about here are each other. It sounds as though you met many good people in your time at mod.
And some, not doing very well, also.
But the important parts in anyone's story seems to me to be about the people they knew and what they shared with them.

Some of the sweetest people I have ever known were a part of an org at some point or another.
Some still are, including my own child.

Sharing a purpose to help each other and life, and working together for it can be a treasured part of our existence for many of us.
It was for me.
I feel that our willingness to help does not demean us as long as we don't demean ourselves or each other.

The C of S management unfortunately does specialize in the degradation of the individual, as you have noticed yourself.
The tech evaluated and labelled us as beings, in general fencing us in as opposed to delivering greater freedom, although some gains were made.
Lessons learned, right?

But our love (or other feelings!) for each other feels like the constant here, doesn't it?

Best wishes to you.

Love,

Two Cents

Been away for a minute with computer problems.

COSMOD was an amazing group of people. As hummingbird noted there were some truly bad actors there but we were largely in our twenties, most of us had some college if not a degree, and we were all dedicated to clearing the planet. Delphi in 74-5-6 was an incredible place where we were doing ecological and agricultural research as well as building a school. I mean, 1300 acres of farmland, riverbottom, hillside and forest. Nearly equidistant from Portland, Salem and Tillamook. Now there is a federal prison in the same town. Weird.

 

[SPsince83]

I am currently a devout Jambalayamon. A splinter group that broke off from the Pastafarians before we were all stuffed down a volcanoe and blown to teeny weeny bits of goo. Seriously

I understand the Jambalayamon are fond of cow-patty mushrooms from deep in the bayou

 

[Adam7986]

Damn, dude that's awful. I'm sooooo sorry. But realized your mom and dad are damaged and it's not all their fault. Leave the door open a crack

It's absolutely their fault. Getting my family involved in the cult in the first place is their fault. After the things they have said and done to me, they will be lucky if I look at them through the peephole. I don't feel any obligation to forgive them and if they ever want it then they will have to earn it from me--something that will probably never happen.

That's probably one of the most important things I have learned since leaving Scientology. I used to be heavily co-dependent. I used to listen to Hubbard's crap about always leaving someone a path back (i.e. A-J steps and all that). At some point I realized that I don't really want them back in my life as long as they are professing Scientology. They are toxic and my relationship with them was toxic to my well being.

I have succeeded in doing exactly what a child is supposed to do: grew wings and left the nest. If they want to see me again it will be on my terms and they will have to earn forgiveness from me because I owe them nothing. Which is such an empowering feeling.

The difference between the way I feel and Scientology's disconnection is that disconnection is only done to preserve the cult of Scientology and for no other reason.