Boo! Another Scary Story

[EZ Linus]

I've been meaning, or wanting, to share my story for a long time. I haven't yet. One reason is because I wrote a book and I want to wait for it to be published and rip the band-aid off all at once, even to all the people that know me in my current life (and career) that never even knew I was involved in Scientology in the first place. Once the book goes public, it will all be out there. I can stop keeping secrets.

However, my book is not all about my life in Scientology. In fact, it's probably not even half of what the book is about. The book is about my absurd and tragic life and how I somehow kept my sense of humor throughout it all. I managed to climb out and survive. So it's more a book about survival and coping, finding yourself. It would've been impossible to write my entire life in Scientology anyway. Twenty years is a long time, and there were peaks and valleys. I was just 12 when I was first introduced to it. It could be a whole other book.

The other reason I have not told my story is simple: FEAR. I even have fear in admitting to having fear. I don't want people that are still in (OSA) to know I still have fear, I don't want people who are newly out to know I have fear, and I don't want veteran SPs to know it either. It means that the ruse got to me somehow, and I guess it did a little. I am also in fear that I will be judged for being stupid -- that I got into it in the first place, especially because I struggled for a very long time with wondering if Hubbard was right after all. I know that it sounds ridiculous. In my right mind I KNEW it was ridiculous, but some little residual, indoctrinated bit of me kept feeling fear about this whole track story. Kind of in the same way other people might think: What if the Christians are right about Jesus and Hell?

Anyway, I can't tell you everything, but I will state what I can and start at the beginning.

I was lured into Scientology concepts through my older brother who was being introduced to it through a major celebrity who may or may not have been playing in the Free Zone at the time. I never walked into a church until I was a bit older and didn't really understand that there was a whole community of Scientologists in Los Angeles until I was about 16. Before that, I was reading L. Ron Hubbard books. I read many, starting with New Slant on Life, Self-Analysis, 0-8, etc, and was mostly sold on the Factors because it coincided with the beliefs I already had before then, which were pretty set in stone from ages 6-12 after the death of my great grandmother.

My brother was three years older and I, of course, looked up to him, too much though. Everything he said was like the word of God. He was extremely bright and in special classes for math and science since he was very young. He understood physics and Einstein's theories, so I trusted him.

My brother and all our friends (ages 14-16, and me being 12) were reading these books and thought we were some kind of OTs or something. We acted as if we had powerful secrets that no one else had access to. But finally our group sort of collided with real young Scientologists at CC and I would up getting my first auditing at AOLA from a friend that was doing an auditor's course -- the one where you audit CCHs. She was a couple of years younger than I was and she was a Clear and I was impressed with this.

At first, she almost couldn't audit me. You see, I came from a pretty fucked up family background, and by 15, I wasn't even living at my parents' house. There was abuse and a lot of other problems. I also did a lot of drugs. That was why the C/S almost said "No" to me receiving the auditing. He said I may need a Purif first after we did a drug intake. But I didn't have to and we proceeded with the auditing. We did, "Give me that hand," the book duplication, and some days went by. I wound up moving into her family's house because I was on the street again. Her parents were cool about it, they were both OT7s.

By the time we got to: "Look at that wall," things started to fall apart. She stayed in her auditor's valence even when we were at home together shooting the shit, which was almost like a robot. I was freaked out by this, and we were running this process five days in a row for at least four hours a day, all the while I am basically Bull-baiting her trying to get her to stop acting like a robot and bring my friend back. I did it to no avail felt like she was trying to brain wash me. Hearing the repetitive commands over and over started making me feel crazy and I thought about jumping out of the window of the third floor of the AO. I waxed on an "EP" so I could get the hell out of there, packed my stuff and "blew" Scientology for a couple of years. I still considered myself a Scientologist I just would not go into an org. I hated their rules, especially about drugs and sexuality. Funny thing was though, I'd occasionally hang out at CC with friends, but I'd never do any services or anything. It wouldn't be until some significant things happened that would lead me into the mind set of wanting to save the planet.

This is Part One. Thanks for reading.

 

[Knows]

What a story and thank you for sharing it.

The mind fuck of Scientology runs deep and dark.....it is horrific when one finally realizes just what a mind fuck it really is.

Healing from that mind fuck is hard.

I say we ban together and force our government to protect people from Scientology.

There is absolutely NO DOUBT that Scientology destroys people - it is carefully masked but it is very apparant now that OSA and Scientology have failed at keeping it a secret.

Everyone send letters to President * VP of US, Congressmen, Governors, Senators of your area and ask them to BAN SCIENTOLOGY FOREVER!

 

[Glenda]

- snipped -

The other reason I have not told my story is simple: FEAR. I even have fear in admitting to having fear. I don't want people that are still in (OSA) to know I still have fear, I don't want people who are newly out to know I have fear, and I don't want veteran SPs to know it either. It means that the ruse got to me somehow, and I guess it did a little. I am also in fear that I will be judged for being stupid -- that I got into it in the first place, especially because I struggled for a very long time with wondering if Hubbard was right after all. I know that it sounds ridiculous. In my right mind I KNEW it was ridiculous, but some little residual, indoctrinated bit of me kept feeling fear about this whole track story. Kind of in the same way other people might think: What if the Christians are right about Jesus and Hell?

- snipped -

This is Part One. Thanks for reading.

I understand this thing about fear. I understand the fear of being judged. The fear of being re-wounded with accusations of how stupid I was. And it is re-wounding at its finest when this happens.

I remember being terrified that maybe I was wrong and Hubbard was right. I remember being at war with dissonance, disorientation and disillusionment. I never wanted to think about it all ever again. I wanted to disappear into the world, start a new life, never admit I had been in scientology. I wanted to start a new life where no one knew me.

It takes so much fucking guts to talk about it, like you are doing here. So I'm going to sit quietly beside you and listen. I am going to respect you and listen. And maybe later when you are ready, feel you have said enough to find a little more peace, maybe we can dream together about a world without scientology in it. We can dream about fairness.

 

[Lurker5]

MOAR !

 

[EZ Linus]

Thank you Glenda and Knows. Your support helps me, feeds me to go on. It helps me feel a bit more brave and less fearful. I knew it would, but didn't realize how much. Kind of the way Leah's show began to make me feel. As if there will be justice, and I am not alone. I also know, from reading so many books now, that "idiots" don't fall for cults. Smart people fall prey to them in their most vulnerable moments. Idealistic people. People looking to change for the better. NOBODY enters Scientology with any knowledge that they will eventually (possibly) believe in other lifetimes, other planets, let alone Xenu. Nobody. Some may have leanings towards reincarnation, but not the space stuff. That stuff is not on your "whole track." That stuff was made up by Hubbard. He has a whole stack of SciFi novels as evidence of that.

But anyway, I was one of those vulnerable, idealistic, buttered-up souls just waiting for the vultures to swoop down on me. By the time I was 19, my brother was no longer reading Scientology, or progressing in school or college, or interested in science or any subjects. He was addicted to crack. By then, he'd burned several bridges with his celebrity friend and most of his family. He had also gone back to Scientology "proper" and couldn't have any bad PR attached to him, so if my brother wasn't going to quit drugs easily with his help, he didn't want to keep helping. I stopped doing drugs and made it a kind of mission to help my brother to stop and no matter what I did, I could not help him. I felt useless. He was the only person in my own family I cared about. A tiny bit of background was that my mother was a severe bipolar (this is all before the invention of Prozac BTW) and that was just one tough aspect of childhood. He was my only sibling. He started to lose friends and one of them was the love of my life -- who got lymphoma and very quickly died at just 22. A couple days later I got into a major car accident. I was devastated and severely depressed.

Luckily, I won a large settlement and was able to get an apartment for a while. I got a job at a pharmacy. I still had Scientology friends that were pressuring me about my job (they thought it was unethical) and going back to AOLA, do my Student Hat, or go to CC and pay for my Purif. My job wasn't paying enough and I needed a roommate, so one of my Scientology friends moved in to help pay the rent, he was also somewhat of a celebrity. He and his girlfriend suggested looking into a job at Narconon. The only thing I knew about NN was that it was a rehab that used Scientology to get people off drugs -- and all I could think about was that if I worked there I could try to get my brother in there. I found an ad in the SCN newspaper, "Needs & Wants," a small classified looking for someone to work nights part time and it seemed perfect, so I went in to interview.

It turned out that the job was not part time, or just at night. They originally said they needed a night watch for detox, which I did a couple times, after just ONE day of training. I need not tell you how they talked me into a contract, right? Save the planet...Until we can get your brother in here, why not save 100 others? What is more important, handing out psych drugs at a pharmacy or getting people off drugs forever? Also, while you train, you yourself can do part of your bridge (at least what they delivered at NN) which was the Comm Course, Purif, and Upper Indocs. If I trained to be the OES, they may even have to flip the bill for more auditing for me and maybe I can touch on some Grades too. At that time, there WAS no effort to hide the Scientology affiliation with NN. We used E-meters, had an auditor at the org, did Sec-checks, handled over-runs, or whatever else may be needed for clients and staff. It was during my time there that we got orders from NN Int to stop using meters, or at least "keep them out of sight."

My semi-celeb roommate moved out shortly after I signed my contract. He was a musician and went on tour, and a fellow worker from NN moved into my extra bedroom. He was in the process of leaving Narconon after having working there for five years. He was the current OES.

In the meantime, I hardly ever got paid, and I was working at the most expensive NN too. It was unbranded and that's about all I can say about it for now. Fear and all that. I actually want to research more into what I can and can't allude to, legally.

That's part two for now. I don't know when I will come back for Three, but I travel. Milan Org, a little mission in Italy, I wind up at Flag for a while, I marry two times. I even ask RTC for a $10,000 refund, receive it, and do not get declared for it. Ha! That will be in parts later on.

 

[dchoiceisalwaysrs]

I like how you write EZ. It is so uhmm conversational style...and I am right there along side you as you recount..

Of course so many details in there, I would bet OSA knows well who you are. But you are incredibly brave and I very much believe what you reveal in your story will be helpful to many over the days, months and years as they also read your story.

There was an anony meme going around about 'we are not your personal army'. Well they sure opened a lot of territory up and then to a large degree moved on. Now it is the ex members who are stepping up and going forward with further exposure of the truth. So thank you to all, Old Guard, anony and individuals all who like you EZ Linus add to the day when disconnection will cease, when the torts will screech to a stop.

Of course as you say, there is more to your life than the scn experience and of course I am also interested to hear that.

Sending my heart felt care package now...you can open it whenever you ever wish to do so.

For now I will just read and save my questions and comments for a later time.

Thank you

 

[EZ Linus]

Thank you Lurker5 and dchoiceisalwaysrs. I really appreciate what you've said, dchoiceisalwaysrs. It scares me to know about OSA already knowing who I am, but you are right. They do. And if they don't I am absolutely positive NN Int does. And my conversational style is just from years of writing this way I guess. Some people like it and some people do not, but it's me. It gives me away too.

So I left off with the current OES of NN moving into my apartment. He was trying to route out after his "contract" was up, even though he'd never actually signed a contract. He'd always worked there just to "help out" and the agreement was always on a part time basis. There were a couple of technicalities as to why this was, but whatever the case, NN agreed to it. That didn't matter though. Now they decided to ComEv him for abandoning his post. By then I was the Course Sup and ran the Purif -- yes, at the same time. Now I was called in as a witness and this guy was my best bud by then. Luckily, Scn and NN ComEvs are separate, but they still are considered in Scn ethics. My OES friend was just about to do his OT5, so this was going to hold him up. When I began working at NN, it seemed pretty clear that I was going to eventually be his replacement, so the whole thing seemed like bullshit. I was contracted. I was secured. I even had to sign a ream of paper promising I would never name names, and all kinds of confidentiality stuff, this is why I wondered about talking about this stuff, because it wasn't just any NN.

In writing my book, which I started in 2010, I'd gone back and forth about fictionalizing it just to avoid problems, but about a year and a half into it, I realized that one of the best things I had going for it was that it was all true -- and I don't mean specifically the Scientology stuff. I mean my entire story, which for some might be too incredible to believe because of the sexual abuse and neglect, etc. I also thought that throughout these years of working on the book, I'd be able to get my brother to come forward on what may have happened to him with his celebrity friend, if anything, but he swears that nothing occurred. I finally decided that I just had to write MY truth and MY story, not my brother's, and I could use first names and make it pretty obvious who these people were without giving up last names. Then, if a publisher took it on, it would be up to them how I would handle it from there.

When I first started at NN and I did my A to J (I think that's what I was doing) and this stuff came up about my brother, the celebrity, his entourage and what I knew, it was a potential flap and they all made a big deal about it. The OES was the only person I was able to confide in. He was also the only one high enough up on the bridge to hear what I was about to say. They had to switch him out with the ethics officer during the interview. The whole thing spooked me. I held a lot back and for many years, I THOUGHT I knew what the OT levels were all about. But at that point, I just wanted to get my brother in there.

So, nothing ever became of that ComEv. The OES got a slap on the wrist and was dismissed and went FREE! I was jealous. We remained roommates and all that, but I stayed working at NN. Though, I wasn't able to make my rent. NN's solution for this was for me to take on detoxes in my home. Then they would pay my rent for me with the client's money. All KINDS of whack shit like that happened. I wouldn't even know where to begin or when to stop. Lots of crazy people stayed on the couch in my house. People had seizures back at the org, a guy set fire to one of the apartments, people reverted constantly, and another guy came into the org after he was kicked out and held a gun to my head.

Toward the end of my contract, NN Cholocco was just being developed and that was a huge deal. It would be the biggest rehab and training facility of its kind in the country. I was able to send two of my graduates out there to start training well before my contract was up because I wanted to make sure my post was totally covered. I wanted to be out, free and clear. I didn't want no ComEv. They both came back completely trained. But the Exec Director still gave me shit when I wanted to leave. I just had to cut the cord.

After all that was said and done at NN, I DID get my brother into the NN program. He'd hit so many rock bottoms, I thought he was going to die for sure, but somehow, he gave up fighting me, and in a strange intervention outside of a motel near MacArthur Park, I got him to come in for a detox. I then went to confront my parents, whom I hadn't talked to or seen for some years, and begged them for thousands of dollars for the program and they paid it. Not only did he finish his program, he was a huge success, helped out after the program, and donated his labor to countless NN and ABLE projects (because in some of his sober stints he managed to get his certs in electrical engineering and contracting). Now he was a real Scientologist. My work was done.

The last year I worked there, I made less than $7,000. I took a lot of other odd jobs under the table, but I don't know when I fit them in because I worked about a 60 hour week. I sold a lot of possessions, including my car in the end, and unbelievably PAID BACK the ED money that he borrowed to pay my bills for the last couple months -- because I felt guilty.

After I left, ANY job was like gold! If it paid, I felt rich. I really only had to work part time to pay my bills because I was splitting the rent with the ex-OES. His family was well-to-do and was paying his rent -- a Scientology family that owned a mission in Europe.

I did a lot of hanging out with my friends and went to Scientology parties. I was antiquated with all those young, soon-to-be celebrities like Leah, Beck, Vonny, and so on. Then, somehow I fell into a close friendship with a guy who was socially considered "King of the World" in the Scientology community. We both had similar goals in the arts and one of the reasons I wanted to get away from Narconon was to start working on MY life. Well, I had a good hunch that this "King" was important and all, but I didn't realize how beyond reproach he truly was. I was stepping into another inner circle, this one with more arbitrary rules than Scientology proper. He was part of a group I would call the Untouchables, but will I actually talk about that relationship here? I do not know. I wrote a chapter about it in the book. But I'm not sure I want it on line.

Maybe I'll just skip to when my ex-roommates girlfriend (now his Ex) began calling me from Flag. I guess she considered herself my FSM. We'll call her Nosy T. She was calling me a lot because I went through a big break up with someone. I left my apartment and moved in with this person, it didn't work out and now I was living in my parent's garage to save money. My brother and I rebuilt it into a livable guesthouse. Still, I felt down on my luck because I'd taken this risk on love and it was all for the birds.

I thought she was crazy for calling me to try to get me to go to Flag of all places because I didn't have money for that, but we stayed in touch and she started dating an Italian guy, much younger than her, an OT8, who was the son of THE richest family in Scientology.

They moved in together and I'd talk to him over the phone and he seemed really cool. He was insanely funny too. Shortly thereafter this, they announce that they were going to Italy to see his family. I guess I got a bit jealous. I'd always wanted to go to Italy, so after I hung up, I charged a round trip plane ticket to Milan. It was during the first Golf War, so it was cheap. I had nowhere to stay, no plans and no other money really. Just a backpack.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

... The book is about my absurd and tragic life ...

I'm sure it can't compare to MY absurd and tragic life.

But we'll just have to see. Post an Amazon link or something as soon as it's available, would you?

Helena

 

[EZ Linus]

Helena, it's not a contest. However, when you said those words to me, I did think it was quite the coincidence. I've been using just that wording in the latter half of my opening statement in my query letter to agents. It sounds like we may be writing something similar -- tying a sense of sarcastic humor to it all. That was the only way I was able to survive it all anyway.

There won't be an Amazon link for a long while since I'm only just now shopping it to agents. If they don't bite, I'll move onto indy presses, and if that doesn't work, I'll self publish it, but in any case, I don't see a publish date for a long time.

Is your book out now or are you still writing it?

 

[tesseract]

Keep going, dude. Keep going... :wink2:
Thanks for the story.

 

[EZ Linus]

Thanks tesseract. You're too kind. And that's a really funny cat picture. I wish I was that cat. That's funny because it reminds me about the time I got mugged in Italy, but it was not the time I was there at 22. It was later when I was 28 on my honeymoon. Another story for later maybe. It doesn't have anything to do with Scientology. It's in my book though. We were mugged by children.

Anyway, It was obviously during the Gulf War, not the "Golf" War. By the time I read it back it was too late to edit it. So I did the pretty low-budget thing around northern Italy for about a week and finally met up with T and her young OT8 boyfriend. They were staying in the Alps with some other OT friends that ran a mission and I wound up staying with them for a bit. We all did. It kind of became home base while I took off to see other touristy places around Treviso. I didn't have much money, so I couldn't really afford to get train fare everywhere I wanted to go, but I had a network of Scientologists I was able to stay with in different cities. I had a choice between taking a train to Germany and staying with an "untouchable" (he was best buds with my friend, "King of the world"), or trading that out to see a handful of places in Italy like Venice, Florence, Bolongia, Verona, Milan, etc. I chose to stay in Italy. I was also kind of hoping that the young OT8 might foot the bill for all of us to go down to Rome, possibly, but that didn't happen. In any case, I was spending a lot of time with both couples. They had a permanent three-bedroom apartment back at Flag on the base and were all pushing at me to come stay in the extra bedroom and get my Grades done. I thought they were out of their minds because I had no money, no source for money, no family to borrow money from and they just did not get it. These were rich people that didn't live in reality, but they'd keep at me every couple nights about having a "make it go right" attitude, which I did not have...yet.

What began to change me was when I met another Italian family. They were somehow invested in that little mission -- a husband, a wife and their 10 year-old son. I'd stop in there during dinner hour and hang out with everyone when I wasn't hanging out with the other four. I liked the town and was interested in possibly moving there and working at that mission translating PC folders for the C/S. It was all because I came to find out that the 10 year-old boy was studying to be the mission's OES and was currently the Course Supervisor, and was already OT4. This pretty much blew me away. It was similar to the whole Narconon scenario. I kept going there on course breaks to talk to this kid to ask him questions about how he came to be OT at such a young age. He told me that he remembered his full name from his previous life and Flag just fetched his folders and that was that! What the Hell?! I'd only heard rumors about these kinds of things. But this kid was a pistol. I wound up checking him out on his Purif Hat materials and he was sharp. I believed that what he was telling me was all true. His parents were there on some dinner breaks to back up his story. This started to "sell" me on keeping a theta mind. Perhaps Flag was operating at some higher level, and if I went there, I'd be able to fly by the seat of my pants and just magically figure it all out in some way. Still, this was only in the back of my mind and not exactly a real idea I ever thought I'd act on.

A couple weeks went by and T and her BF went back to Flag. I hung out in Milan after making friends with a couple people at the Milan Org. I stayed at a staff member's apartment until I had to return to LA. (The Milan Org was just a Class IV Org at that time, so there were part time staff members that had lives, and apartments.) But the org happened to have a couple of very young cadets they were sending to Flag that were on the same flight as I was, at least until New York to go through customs. They must have been 16 or 17. Just two young, scared girls. The Org wanted me to see them through customs. They didn't speak a word of English and my Italian was so-so. I promised I would and we even managed to get them seats near me.

After we arrived at JFK and got through customs, we came upon a magazine rack and saw the brand new TIME magazine. The bottom part of the covers were blocked off by the shelf, so all we saw was the top of the volcano and "Scientology." We got so excited that we were on the cover of TIME! I got to the stands first and pulled up a single magazine, revealing the the rest of the cover with an evil squid wrapped around the volcano and the words below it that stated, "The Cult of Greed." I was horrified. The cadets did not know what the words meant, but could tell it wasn't good. We started turning all the magazines around. One of the girls were crying. Her billion year contract was about to start after her next flight. I started to feel bad for her, for both of them. I patted them on the back and took them to their gate and went outside to have a smoke. My flight wasn't leaving for a while. I needed to clear my head. So much had happened in the last month.

Outside the terminal were all the taxis were lining up, waiting for passengers to be taken into the city. I was only one of two people out there smoking. I wound up smoking two cigarettes and thought long and hard about returning home and going back to my parents' garage. I felt like a loser. But here I was in NYC. I'd always wanted to go to New York. I just didn't want to go there piss poor broke. I had less than $200 on me in that moment. I had artistic goals and NY was THE city that mattered for the field of work I'd been working toward all of my young life. I wondered if I'd ever be that close to Manhattan again. I wondered if I was squandering an opportunity. So I took my connecting ticket, threw it in the trash and hailed one of those taxis to drive me into the Village. And I had absolutely no plan.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Helena, it's not a contest. ...

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply I saw it that way. I just meant that my life was absurd and tragic, too.

... Is your book out now or are you still writing it?

It won't be ready for a good long time yet.

Helena

 

[EZ Linus]

... I just meant that my life was absurd and tragic, too.

Then we should stick together. From what I hear, lives like ours are interesting and meaningful to other people and can even be inspiring for mere the fact that we survived it all. I bet yours will inspire me.

I never wrote my book with the intention of publishing it. I mean, I had that in mind of course, but I had to write it for me first. I couldn't make it about Scientology per se. It had to be about releasing the tragedy, which is on such an absurd level, I though, who would even believe it? And it isn't like it has some Hollywood ending about how I'm all better now or ride off into the sunset either. It's just a story (or stories) from ages five to 40. I've had plenty more stories since too (I'll keep writing other books, probably fiction). Because the hardest parts to write were my childhood as non-fiction -- before I ever got involved with Scientology.

It won't be ready for a good long time yet.

I really look forward to reading your book(s) when they're. I like your overall "personality" on the forum and I'm sure your books will be extremely interesting .

 

[strativarius]

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply I saw it that way. I just meant that my life was absurd and tragic, too.

Helena

It's not just yours Helena, all our lives are absurd and tragic given that individually we're all just turning into compost and the entire universe is ultimately destined to disappear completely.

 

[EZ Linus]

Once I was dropped off in Greenwich, I called my friend who I knew from CC that frequently worked at the Canteen. They were well-traveled and had a name of a Scientologist that lived within walking distance of the phone booth. Luckily, it was totally cool with him that I stay with him for a couple nights until I figured out what the hell I was doing there. He was also involved in the arts and could appreciate my story, and was very cool for letting me crash on his couch for three nights. One of the nights I was there, I came back from dinner and saw that TIME magazine on the coffee table and kind of freaked out, but he said he didn't let the church dictate or censor what he wanted to look at. His opinion was that the article was bullshit anyway. I thought he had a point about censorship, so I read the article.

Well, I couldn't read it in full. It began to make me a little dizzy, the more I dug into it. It gave the EP of a lot of the points on the Bridge and I skimmed up at the highest OT levels. It said something about discovering that LRH was God. That was it, I couldn't look at it another second. The guy I was staying with caught me slamming the mag shut and throwing it back on the table, noticing that my reaction was not good and laughed a little. He tried to ease my worries. He kept telling me it was a rouse and complete bullshit. Then he suggested I maybe go down to Flag and get it all cleared up. He knew it was one of my ideas/options anyway.

Before I got into Scientology, I already had a belief in God. I was probably one of the only Scientologists who even had this belief. It wasn't exactly biblical, but it coincided with the Factors. To think, even for a moment, that Hubbard was accrediting himself with this first incident, the Big Bang if you will, upset me very much. And that after OT8, this would be our revelation? He's the One? None of this sat right with me at all.

To skip forward, I did decide to take a Greyhound down to Clearwater and stayed in the extra bedroom at T and her OT8 BF's place at the Hacienda Gardens. I literally spent my last dollar on that bus ticket. T was just so happy I came, she was convinced I would somehow drum up money once I got there. In the meantime, the other Italian couple (the one that owned the mission) were bringing two guests back with them that just finished the Narconon program in Rome. They were going to stay in the apartment too. But they came from money and had already paid for some Flag services, so I was to now sleep on the couch. The other guest would also sleep on the couch near me (it was a big L-shaped couch). I was "warned" by my friends that I should not try to sleep, have sex with, or even flirt with the guest that I was sleeping in the living room with. I was warned by all four of my friends on separate occasions. I was like, who do these people think I am? I was offended to say the least. I'd also recently been through a bad break up before I left for Italy in the first place. I wasn't interested. But the first night there, despite the language gap, despite that person not being my cup of tea, we slept together.

The next morning, everyone found out and you'd think I'd just slaughtered the princess baby Jesus or something. Both of us were sent straight to ethics to Cosimel, the Italian Ethics Officer that screamed at both of us, but especially me because I was "the American that should have known better." She slapped me with lower conditions and I had to get my Liability signed by practically everyone at Flag, so it was also a kind of Non-E at the same time, or I mean humiliating. It took me forever to get out from under that ugly situation. Having a full-time job during the day and only being there at night probably helped. People started to forget about it after a couple of months. I, by the way, worked for an OT8 that was over 400 pounds.

Eventually I got my own two-bedroom across the courtyard and shared it with a friend of mine who came in from LA that had been stalled on OT3 for over a year. It was during that time, another month or so, when I met a different Italian whom also lived in the Hacienda Gardens that I began seeing. I also started making a little bit of money because lo and behold, my father semi retired, but still wanted to work, so for tax reasons, he put his business in my name. In return for doing his books, he paid me a monthly fee and I was getting enough money to sock away for courses. Still, not really much for auditing.

The person I was seeing didn't have any trouble getting money though. They came from a well to do family, and in fact, this bothered me because life was just so easy by throwing Mom and Dad's money at everything. This didn't really become apparent until we moved in together. My friend/roommate from LA was very quickly kicked out of Flag the minute they mentioned wanting to commit suicide to me and another friend. We wrote KRs -- seriously hoping to help. We were worried, but it backfired and it was over. We couldn't even speak because of a Non-Enturbulation order, and they were gone. I moved in with my new 2D and we started talking about getting married. The only thing was that my 2D had already signed a Sea Org contract and had failed to tell me. Suddenly I was being recruited by my own 2D to come into the Sea Org too.

 

[EZ Linus]

If anyone out there is still listening, I am just going to go on and write more. This has been cathartic.

At Flag, my 2D did not talk me into joining the SO, but instead I was a main influence to keep them out, which at the time, I did NOT want to be. In fact, the day they were going back into the recruitment office I practiced drills and made sure that whatever they were to do in life, they were still hitting their goals in life regarding "clearing the planet" and all that. Maybe open a mission, or whatever. Because somehow -- and to this day I have no idea how this worked/works -- they were able to sign the contract, but not officially route into the Sea Org. I don't know how you can do that. I thought once you sign on the dotted line, that was it. You were stuck. But not so in this case.

I was pretty good with getting recruiters, even the absolute best recruiters off my back. I hadn't taken LSD, but there was an iffy chance I took PCP. Well, they called it iffy. I knew it was PCP. They were always willing to get me on the meter to "find out for sure." But I never let it get to that point because I had much better ways of getting out, namely being counter-intention to the goals and purposes of the Sea Org. They didn't know what to do with that one. We'd talk in circles, I'd hold my ground and that would be that. They'd lose. Not that I didn't feel like an asshole at the end of it, but I'd win the argument and they would not get me to sign.

Anyway, I'm sure I had an influence over my 2D, and I just didn't want the recruiters at Flag to blame me, or think I was an SP or something, so we actually prepped for how to frame it. When all of it was done and clear, we decided to get married.

Did I mentioned that my 2D was Italian? Throughout the months we were together, I built a bit of a relationship with the family over the phone: the mother and the sister. The father worked in the Middle East so we didn't speak too often, but they were all waiting for us to head on the road to marriage. They even bought me a couple intensives of auditing, just because they loved me so much. The only thing now was we didn't want the Sea Org to know our marriage plans. I left on Leave from course back to LA, my 2D would come about a week later and get to see Los Angeles, then we'd both fly to Italy and be married with the whole family there, and spend time there and decide where we wanted to live. But this never happened. Because during the week I came back to LA, my 2Ds FSM and Sea Org recruiters did a mindfuck on them and we broke up over the phone. I was dumped and accused of all kinds of shit. I was so pissed, I just had my young OT8 friend box up my shit and send it to me. I would not go back to Flag. For another round of humiliation.

However, I was able to transfer those two intensives from Flag to AOLA, plus the one I'd already saved for, and made three. I was able to do my Grades and attest to Clear. What's funny is that my ex turned up in LA almost six months later -- with the intention to find me -- and we made up. The very next day we ran off to Vegas and got married. So stupid (young and dumb). We lived in Los Angeles for less than a year before we broke up again for good. We broke up because they didn't have any goals or purposes and was floundering around mind-changing every other day -- even after doing the Key to Life Course, which was brand new at the time and could only be done at Flag. My 2D came back from that not even knowing the difference between a goal and a purpose. We broke up over it, because my career started to take off and I didn't have the time or patience for someone who was jealous and wasn't accepting help to get on track with their own purposes. They just wanted to watch TV all day. I didn't even own a TV before that 2D, so I was irritated. Half the time a friend of theirs was staying with us too and they both ran off to Hawaii for a week while I was working over time. I was done. Now I did the dumping.

Not too long after this, I wasn't able to afford the Hollywood apartment we had together and went back to the garage and started saving for an apartment I could afford. But in the meantime, my brother went back on drugs and my life was not good. I'd been hyper focused on my artistic endeavors and one of them started panning out, so at least that was good. But then I had huge falling out with my ex-roommate who I used to work at Narconon with. He wasn't necessarily on board with me about helping my brother get back into the program. He felt really burned and wanted nothing to do with helping me. That sucked. I tried to just move on with my life and my career. I moved in with a couple other people in a house, Scientologists that were in the same artistic group I was in. We didn't have any major celebrity status, but enough to where CC started to take notice and treat us all a bit differently. I was able to work part time, if at all. I did a couple different things in the creative arts. When one wasn't paying off, the other might. This momentum went on at a pretty good speed over the next four years while we traveled all over the country until I met my next 2D that was not a Scientologist at all. I feel guilty, but I am responsible for the making of one here (and a few others I might add).

We lived with each other for almost two years before we got engaged. The first year, we were both still in the group, which was like a little cult in itself. It was run much like an org and took the art right out of the thing. I became miserable after the first three years. The last two years I was trying to figure out a way to leave without causing a huge flap, plus I had to replace myself and my 2D since they were so green. It was one of the more stressful things I've ever had to do in my life.

Anyway, our engagement lasted about a year, and in that time, I sold one of my cars to get my fiance onto the Purif. I always had a couple cars in a state of restoration and was able to get some income from that. I also was in session at AO, I think doing some repair at the time -- and after we got married we got a gift from my 2D's parents for $10,000. We were to use it to get out of credit card debt so we can get start prepping our credit to buy a house. I told my 2D that when they go into the org (LA Org was where they were doing their Purif) not to ever mention this money because the regs will try to lure it away or swoop down like money hungry vultures. I paid all our creditors -- sent the checks out on a Sunday night, then that Wednesday night, my 2D came up the stairs to our apartment: LATE. I just had a feeling too. I asked where they've been, "in the regs' office?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Did you buy something?"

"Yes, I bought an auditing package to Clear."

"With what money?"

"With the $10,000."

I flew off the handle and was livid and screamed about how all our other checks were going to bounce now and how I warned them. I started kicking the side of my desk and acted crazy and angry. Angry at the regs and angry at my 2D.

In the midst of this, my 2D tells me that the regs told him that I would react this way and that I was counter intention to their Bridge. That I was an SP. they got them on the phone while I was mid-conniption. I told the male half of the team that he just ran an off policy reg cycle on my 2D and didn't even ask me if it was all right to spend the money because they money was already spent! He says they don't need the spouses' permission. He was so smug too. I called him out on him or his female reg partner calling me an "SP," which he confirmed they "saw." So I told him that their perception was completely correct, because now I had two words for them: "Refund cycle!" Then, I threw the phone across the room.

 

[exbritscino]

Absolutely brilliant story...... Witnessed many a similar situation when I was in this nutcase cult.

Hope the story comes out good in the end. Please tell more. And thanks!

 

[Lurker5]

Keep going EZ, we are still here, reading . . . .

 

[dchoiceisalwaysrs]

Definitely reading.....and all ready to have coffee all night to keep reading....but wait, where is that downstat EZ...where is the material for me to read...grrrrrrrrr...
It's okay EZ, I will try and relax..no pressure here from me just hurry up...I got a lot of coffee in the pot.. ha ha..
more

 

[EZ Linus]

Hurray! I needed a cheer-leading section. Thank you very much. Sometimes when you write you feel like you are writing into a void, and getting these great responses give me the incentive and inspiration to continue, so I really appreciate it. Thanks.

So after that crazy breakdown, my 2D realized that I was giving up my ETERNITY over this entire situation and as the night went on, I got a lot of "I'm sorry"s and all that. All I wanted to do was get to the bank first thing in the morning and put a stop payment on that $10,000 check. ...And by the way, it was a counter check. Do you guys know what that is? This is a tactic only, or particularly Scientology regs know how to use. You don't need your checkbook with you while you're getting that hard sell from the regs. (This is back in ye olden days mind you.) You don't even need to know your account number! You only need to know which bank you use, the amount you want taken out and your signature. You write it down on a thing called a counter check and it works exactly like a check. You can do the same thing on the back of a napkin if you wanted and it's legal. Anyway, I needed to get to the bank before this counter check was deposited Thursday from the Church. I was first in line when the bank opened and by the time I got to a teller, she informed me that the check had been cashed at another branch near Sunset and Vermont. Cashed! At nine AM. Not deposited at 2:00 PM. They were playing Beat the Clock with me because they knew I would be putting a stop payment on that thing as soon as I woke up.

So all my real checks bounced like crazy and all the fees came rolling in: $1600 in fees! Now we were overdrawn and our credit was fucked too. If I was a bank, I wouldn't loan us money to buy a house anymore, so there went that plan. Now I'd be declared, broke, divorced, with bad credit, and very angry and bitter. I thought about killing myself. But something inside me hoped maybe, just maybe, there was justice for me in Scientology. I just kept writing the whole thing up to RTC, explaining what happened and why I was asking for the refund. You bet I was still asking for that refund. But I wanted them to know how unfair the entire cycle was. My 2D shouldn't even have been in the regs office to begin with! For one thing, my 2D was on the Purif and in Ethics at the time. You're not allowed to reg anyone mid-service, especially in Ethics.

A couple months later, I was given a date, but it wasn't a ComEv. It was called something else (don't remember), but we met with members of the RTC, the Exec Dir of LA Org, the Ethics Officer of LA Org, and some MAA Int or something. Those two regs were there too. RTC had a check issued to me for $7,340 from LA Org. $2660 of it was to be credited to AOLA for an intensive for me, and these were the terms they were offering me to settle. There wouldn't be any ethics actions on me for asking for the refund and in fact the regs from La Org would be taken off their post and dealt with, they said. I did push a little though. I was willing to settle this way, but I wanted $1600 more for all the fees we endured and they sort of laughed, explaining that that was the price we had to pay for allowing it to happen and being in that position in the first place. I wasn't responsible, but my 2D was to a large extent. They didn't expect conditions from me, and didn't expect those regs to do conditions (to me anyway) either.

After the meeting, the regs smoked with me down stairs out in front of LA Org -- still smug -- saying that they weren't going to be demoted or anything and they still wouldn't apologize for calling me an SP. The conversation was fake friendly. Really gross.

I forgave my 2D. I used my intensive to complain, but I knew to stop at a certain point. I was still just so mad. Mad at a lot of things, not just that. Perhaps years of other things. Things I'm not listing out in this story, but other injustices. Friends that were raised in the Sea Org without ever seeing their parents, friends that when they were just children married men three times their age, women that got abortions because they were Sea Org, stuff that happened with me firsthand that I write about in my book but just won't describe here, people tattling on other people, using Scientology to justify unethical behavior when they were OTs <-- that always bothered me deeply because growing up I put a lot of stock into people that were higher up on the Bridge. In fact, once I attested to Clear I felt a responsibility to uphold a kind of air that I was more sane than someone who was not yet a Clear -- well after the "Clear feeling" wore off.

But I was still treated slightly special in the Church because of what I did and the company I kept. I also showed that I wasn't afraid to ask for a fucking refund, and do what was right. I had a past working a little with OSA when my brother came back into Scientology for a minute and wasn't being genuine. He was secretly using drugs and running a fraudulent business and saying he was a Scientologist and getting their business. I was trying to shut him down and declared a Type "C." And I maybe was connected to too many important sort of people. I'm not really sure why I was given nice attention.

But I guess I can pretty much end my time in Scientology here when I fast forward about a year, after my 2D and I were able to buy a small property and we were both basically in the same place on our Bridge than we were before. I'd finished the PTS/SP course though. I internally thought it was a load of hooey, and this was all after the whole "Golden Age of Tech" ordeal. That whole thing left me very angry -- just another way to repackage everything and sell it all over again. I was becoming very disillusioned with everything, and we were heading for a divorce. The marriage was never built on anything strong to begin with.

But this was coinciding with some health issues I was having. (Now I will really give myself away here). Long story short, I was diagnosed with something big -- not cancer, but something chronic and incurable. I hid it for a long time until some friends saw it - some of my symptoms - and started urging me to go to the org. My 2D was not really on board to possibly take care of me in the future so young being a few years younger. (I was 31 then.) My auditor told me that my only terminal was the MAA and then I knew it was over and I walked out of AOLA knowing I'd never step foot in there again. However, I still considered myself a Scientologist in my heart and mind and "practiced" it and believed in the "tech," until...

(I'll do my best to come back later today and finish this.)