philTmonx
Patron
hello and thank you for the space. I found it on ESK, i have learked around there for a while, read and reread the stories.. Im enamored with those girls, they are close to my age, yet have more strength in ways than I can muster for myself... I felt compelled to post here as it seems rather active, and well that would be the point if i were going to interact on the subject online. I have been off put by alot sites about the church etc, frankly it is easy to get enturbulated and dismiss others, for me at least, that i dont belive have an understanding of the experience. Yes, Im sure that from the outside it may be easy to laugh and talk trash to the point of attacking and humiliating those involved. This is why i choose to speak here, thank you, I feel safe..
I will work on my part to share my own experience, but for now want to thank all the constructive participants here. This is very difficult to confront, and I do know why. as some others here, I was born into scientology, home birthed to staff members the whole 9.. Its been 2 years for me from my disconnect letters from my father and his family, and Ive been a blow from pts1 audit for 7 years. My mother attested clear in 79 a year after my birth. I have have alot i need to cycle out, but im very conflicted. my fathers family, wife and 2 kids are connected to powers for the church.
I am hurt and I feel disrespected by the org and its practices. I am very gratful for having been raised as I was, it did help me to develope myself into my current being, would I wish it on any other, NO. This is not an attack on the church, I mean my home enviroments and choices made by parents etc. I do belive that there is great data there, but as with any religion, any man who blindly follows an other without question is a fool or slave. I do belive as with any group there are zelots.
At the exact same time, I feel guilt for the greater good. I want to talk, to comm cycle what is on my mind and heart, at the same time THAT IS THE EFFFING PROBLEM.. its frusterating, i want to yell out for help, but cant.. As much as I need that for me, it kills me that in doing so, others will suffer. I am not vindictive or malicious, I am ethical and good.. if others belive Im a suppresive, then I may well be. I am not as far as I know declared, but after my last few rounds with Brian the head reg at celebcentrral, I would not be shocked..
My reason for not yelling from the hills is not fear of being declared, but rather that my family will continue to pay penance for my choices.. I know writing me those letters hurt them as much me.. unlike most staff, my family are for the first time in their lives making good livings, they as i said are connected to a power and as such are paid well, and woking sci hours get that good good overtime(not orger diet no more)... I fear them loosing their jobs.. I fear that my choices would cause them harm and suffering from what they hold so dear and close.
I do have friends, but I dont share, I do not wish to burden anyone.. I belive that was well ingrained along with the at cause at all times. The idea that you are responsable for everythig that happens to you is alot to carry as a kid, and it is the reason I am so independent and dotn ask for help..
Ill work on putting something worth a read together, and appologise for the blert...
but you know what it felt damn good, so thanks for that
I have always loved the WOG world, and am proud to be able to be one of the ordinary working and at times a gentleman.
lovesphilth...
I will work on my part to share my own experience, but for now want to thank all the constructive participants here. This is very difficult to confront, and I do know why. as some others here, I was born into scientology, home birthed to staff members the whole 9.. Its been 2 years for me from my disconnect letters from my father and his family, and Ive been a blow from pts1 audit for 7 years. My mother attested clear in 79 a year after my birth. I have have alot i need to cycle out, but im very conflicted. my fathers family, wife and 2 kids are connected to powers for the church.
I am hurt and I feel disrespected by the org and its practices. I am very gratful for having been raised as I was, it did help me to develope myself into my current being, would I wish it on any other, NO. This is not an attack on the church, I mean my home enviroments and choices made by parents etc. I do belive that there is great data there, but as with any religion, any man who blindly follows an other without question is a fool or slave. I do belive as with any group there are zelots.
At the exact same time, I feel guilt for the greater good. I want to talk, to comm cycle what is on my mind and heart, at the same time THAT IS THE EFFFING PROBLEM.. its frusterating, i want to yell out for help, but cant.. As much as I need that for me, it kills me that in doing so, others will suffer. I am not vindictive or malicious, I am ethical and good.. if others belive Im a suppresive, then I may well be. I am not as far as I know declared, but after my last few rounds with Brian the head reg at celebcentrral, I would not be shocked..
My reason for not yelling from the hills is not fear of being declared, but rather that my family will continue to pay penance for my choices.. I know writing me those letters hurt them as much me.. unlike most staff, my family are for the first time in their lives making good livings, they as i said are connected to a power and as such are paid well, and woking sci hours get that good good overtime(not orger diet no more)... I fear them loosing their jobs.. I fear that my choices would cause them harm and suffering from what they hold so dear and close.
I do have friends, but I dont share, I do not wish to burden anyone.. I belive that was well ingrained along with the at cause at all times. The idea that you are responsable for everythig that happens to you is alot to carry as a kid, and it is the reason I am so independent and dotn ask for help..
Ill work on putting something worth a read together, and appologise for the blert...
but you know what it felt damn good, so thanks for that
I have always loved the WOG world, and am proud to be able to be one of the ordinary working and at times a gentleman.
lovesphilth...