Cadet Org Rugrat Story

ignatz

Patron
Hi I’m posting my story. I been debating how to write this and its ending up being way to long. I may in the future just stick to the details of events that happened to me in the future. But because I’m a terrible procrastinator. I felt like If I don’t just post something I never will and since this story is like 30 yrs old I thought I would just post what I have so far or I never will. Sorry it cuts out right in the middle of the Heber Jentz story ill finish it as soon as I have time.

My main memory during my time In Scientology, specifically living on base in the Sea Org was the neglect. This was not only emotional but things like, hygiene, school, money, how to get a job or an apartment etc. Things that seem obvious if you’ve been taught or seen someone else do them but the details of living in the real world were completely unimportant in the church so as a result when I Ieft I was literally ten years behind in practical real world skills. The emotional effect was more devastating though.

My mother is more central to my story to the story than the church because the church was not my parent but it’s more complex than that. My mother used the church as a dumping ground for me and was able to justify it by convincing herself that she was saving the planet. The conditions at the church where deplorable for children but even at the time( or at least as soon as I was able to formulate such a thought) I didn’t think it was the churches job to raise or protect me. A point I tried arguing with my mom on several occasions at one point asking her point blank if she thought she was a good parent. She said she thought she was, I would have been about 12. I didn’t believe she believed that. I knew she didn’t want to face the real world so much so that she was willing to throw me under the bus. The denial was frustrating. I found out later (when I was thirty) she had a secret child before me that she had to give up for adoption. I believe this had a traumatic effect and drove her to Scientology in the first place.

With the guilt of giving away a kid I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my mother worked at the CEO most of the time I was there although I hardly ever saw her. I know she was the CO at one point and usually had a high post of some sort except for when she was getting demoted or put on the rpf. As I mentioned my mom was not really around that much not really sure what happened except for what I would overhear. I overheard her one time talking about how she got in trouble for going ahead and purchasing the CEO food supplies before the PO was approved because she had to order it before it was too late. Apparently no one had gotten back to her on the PO so she just went ahead and made the order. I think my mom was generally well liked and thought of as someone really dedicated to the kids

Ok before I go in all that I think a little background info is in order but after starting to write this it feels really self indulgent but also important to my story so Ill just say if you just want the detail of Cadet Org life and not some self indulgent background skip the rest of this post and wait for the next post

I was more or less born into the church my mom was a Sea Org Member by the time I was 5. I was in and around the church in LA in the late 70's through the 80's living on Beacon street, Melrose Ave, the Fountain Ave House, The Cadet Estates Org (on Bronson,) The Celebrity Center and 6724 Hollywood blvd. I was a real Sea Org rugrat. In those days it was easy to float between the different Orgs and buildings and later in my teens various houses in the neighborhood owned by Scientologists.
Prior to Melrose I lived on Beacon st but it may have been Wilcox or Belvue those are names I remember as well . This was 73/74 before my mom “blew” for this first time I was possibly five or six a lot of things like dates hazy from this period. I was very young of course so this make sense plus I was moving a lot. My reality could change at any moment. (I lived in at least 25 places both on and off base Between 73-85.) so this may also be fucking with my sense of time.

I had no real guidance during my stay at the church and wasnt developing a sense of self. Of course children in general may not have a well developed sense of self but with resolute neglect there isn’t the natural parental process of reinforcing positive behavior or acknowledging personal strengths that promote a child’s development. The future didn’t have a significance. I mostly I just existed. During this time I was in a living state of suspended animation.

I was however, smart and more importantly had strong survival instincts. Children can adapt to anything. Being smart, I could also be manipulative but my manipulation was as far as I can remember used mainly for my survival.

By no means was I an angel. Being smart didn’t stop me from being an out of ethics little shit at times. Of particular note was crime ring perpetrated by me and two of my friends, a Sea Org Members kid well call Tony and the son of a staff member who lived off base we’ll call Robby. Sometime around 80 I would have been twelve or thirteen we were breaking into Scientology offices and dorms stealing money mainly to buy comics books, which we were obsessed with. Ultimately I got caught and ended up rolling over on my friends in about two seconds flat. I was glad it was over.
Expecting the RPF or worse village shame (which in the case would have been warranted) nothing came of it. Considering all the shit that didn’t amount to anything you could get into trouble for I was sure I was fucked this time but nope. I imagine I was written up but never heard about it. Then I was routed back to the CEO. You have to understand the system for handling kids was really fucked up. I don’t think anyone knew what to do with us . I think it was easier to ship us back to the CO or the CEO and let them deal with us. Anyway this is not something I’m proud of I’m just telling you what happened, but much more on this time period later, it was still years to come at this point.

So anyway back to the Beacon street house and two or three events that happened there. My time here is not the most eventful or damaging but the only way I could think to write was from the beginning,

This is the haunting of my dorm story which was exercised by Heber Jentz. This name could be wrong although not sure why I would remember it being him. I will have to confirm this if I can at a later time but I’m pretty sure it was him.

This was at Beacon or Belvue or wherever I was at the time was a room that was used as sleeping quarters for the younger children. I think it may have been the attic. The room was really long with an open floor plan. It was an old house with wood floors and I remember it having a pitched ceiling although that could be wrong. The room was long, maybe thirty feet and was arranged dormitory style on each side of the room there was a long row of beds where the kids would sleep. There was enough room to comfortably walk between the rows of beds down the center of the room. I don’t remember being much other furniture or mest. It was right out of the 19o0’s orphanage. My mom lived in a house next door. It would be about this time 73/74 she met the guy she would end up marrying and as a significant aspect in my life this fact is hardly worth mentioning except to note that later on this was the guy she blew ( the first time) with when we moved back to San Francisco … but I digress.

The house was creepy at night and I don’t know how long I was there before something kept walking me up in the middle of the night. Maybe it was my imagination I don’t know but I’ve never been targeted by a ghost before or since. It wasn’t clear to me at first what was going on other than would wake up scared. I might chalk it up to nerves of living at a new place but I had already lived in 6 places ( or more) before 74 and I was only 6.

…I’m going to finish the rest of this story as soon as I can
 
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Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Crikey.

Stories like yours hit to the heart....how utterly horrible the whole Cadet org thing was. You're doing well in the telling.

Yeah popcorn it is. :drama:
 

Kutta

Silver Meritorious Patron
Ignatz, I sense this is hard for you to write up. I feel for you, and I hope that by writing it down, you achieve some healing from the criminal neglect you suffered as a child and growing up. :yes:
 

Bea Kiddo

Crusader
Ignatz, We must have grown up together based on your story but I can't place you. I guess you know who I am. You are about my brothers age (he is older than I). Curious!

PASS THE POPCORN!!!
 

ignatz

Patron
Ignatz, I sense this is hard for you to write up. I :yes:

Thanks guys! Its not really that hard to write from an emotional standpoint but it is hard to organize and edit everything in a way that makes sense. It does make me realize though how all this stuff i never really addressed continues to effect me
 

ignatz

Patron
Ignatz, We must have grown up together based on your story but I can't place you. I guess you know who I am. You are about my brothers age (he is older than I). Curious!

PASS THE POPCORN!!!


haha yea I cant place you either but I must know you. I just pm'ed you. you have specific memories that I remember too. You mentioned those sisters who ate in their room with thier family... I remember that too because it was so unusual. I remember I thought the older sister was so cute
 

Bea Kiddo

Crusader
haha yea I cant place you either but I must know you. I just pm'ed you. you have specific memories that I remember too. You mentioned those sisters who ate in their room with thier family... I remember that too because it was so unusual. I remember I thought the older sister was so cute

Chin Dao, Mettayya, Dharma, Sayadina and Lahia (don't know last one's name really - but its pronounced la-hai).

I PM'ed you back.
 

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hi Ignatz, yes you're right, you *are* smart -- to have the perspective you have despite the overwhelming handicap of having been raised in the SO.

Keep writing ... it helps, and we're all interested!

PD
 

ignatz

Patron
Hi Ignatz, yes you're right, you *are* smart -- to have the perspective you have despite the overwhelming handicap of having been raised in the SO.

Keep writing ... it helps, and we're all interested!

PD

thanks Petey... it does help to write about it but i hope my story isnt sounding like a sob story haha I would probably say it was an major set back more than overwhelming handicap but by no means do i dwell on it. That was a long time ago i've graduated from a top college, blah blah blah since then
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
I wrote this on another thread:

My advice for writing your story is to take it in bits. Write about what comes up first, it doesn't have to be in order. Don't be surprised if emotions erupt, that's kinda normal and it's good to experience it and then share it as it happens. Many of us have been there and the support for the 'dark times' is nice. This is hard learned advice.

Oh and I like to add, there are no exams. :)
 

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
thanks Petey... it does help to write about it but i hope my story isnt sounding like a sob story haha I would probably say it was an major set back more than overwhelming handicap but by no means do i dwell on it. That was a long time ago i've graduated from a top college, blah blah blah since then

Good for you. It's a challenge to write honestly about one's own experiences. You seem to be doing OK at it.

PD
 

ignatz

Patron
This is the haunting of my dorm story which was exercised by Heber Jentz. This name could be wrong although not sure why I would remember it being him. I will have to confirm this if I can at a later time but I’m pretty sure it was him.

This was at Beacon or Belvue or wherever I was at the time was a room that was used as sleeping quarters for the younger children. I think it may have been the attic. The room was really long with an open floor plan. It was an old house with wood floors and I remember it having a pitched ceiling although that could be wrong. The room was long, maybe thirty feet and was arranged dormitory style on each side of the room there was a long row of beds where the kids would sleep. There was enough room to comfortably walk between the rows of beds down the center of the room. I don’t remember being much other furniture or mest. It was right out of the 19o0’s orphanage. My mom lived in a house next door. It would be about this time 73/74 she met the guy she would end up marrying and as a significant aspect in my life this fact is hardly worth mentioning except to note that later on this was the guy she blew ( the first time) with when we moved back to San Francisco … but I digress.

The house was creepy at night and I don’t know how long I was there before something kept walking me up in the middle of the night. Maybe it was my imagination I don’t know but I’ve never been targeted by a ghost before or since. It wasn’t clear to me at first what was going on other than would wake up scared. I might chalk it up to nerves of living at a new place but I had already lived in 6 places ( or more) before 74 and I was only 6.

I don't know how long this went on (being woken up by a ghostly presence) but one night I finally had enough I got up walked over to the dorms in the house where my mom lived. (Odd that no one noticed a six year old leaving in the middle of the night.) In any case found my moms room and told her there was a ghost in my room, up until this point I had never mentioned it The next day there was some commotion among the adults about the previous nights events. I think there might have been some awareness that the place was haunted not sure I was young so all I knew for sure was the adults where talking about it.

The next night after we where asleep I woke up again. Only this time there was a guy ( Heber Jentz) he had a lot of hair he was wearing a tweed suit jacket and a priest collar I recognized him from around and knew was respected. He was sitting in a simple fold out style chair at the end of the room between the two rows of beds. there where several other adults standing around excited to watch what was about to happen. It was a festive atmosphere for the adults I think they where both curious and humored by the situation. If the hair, suit jacket and priest collar wasn't enough all the people standing around made him seem even more important. I was very impressed. I could tell this was the right man for the job. AThey saw I woke up and ask me where the ghost was. I told them she was in the closet even though I new she wasn't but there where several people standing around and I felt like I should say something. I think Heber started talking to the ghost and taking care of business but I fell back asleep since I was only half awake in the first place. I do know I was very comforted at the time. Surely no ghost could refuse this man.

Good news, after that I was never bothered by the ghost again. Its weird but the presence was completely gone. Could just be the fact that I felt comforted that I had back up by I have to say i've never slept more soundly from that night forward.

Another more serious thing that happened around this time again I would have been about 6 was when I was severely burned by the scalding hot water from the industrial dishwasher when I was playing in the galley ( unsupervised of course) with a hose connected to the sink. when I was thinking about this story it seemed unbelievable how hot that water was that it instantly could remove a large amount of skin from my side like that. When I say instantly I mean it the skin from my side virtually melted. If this didnt actually happen I'm not sure I would believe the severity of what hot water could do. Fortunately I guess the the damage was limited to my stomach hip area and not my face because it left a pretty nasty scar.

One other other thing I remember was the time that one of the older girls she might have been our babysitter or the nannies helper (I think she would have been about 12-13) brought several us boys (again I was six) into the bathroom laid herself over the back of the toilet and tried to get us to play with her vagina. we where giggling I think we ran out. It was odd for sure but honestly I was not traumatized at all and have no ill will toward that girl she was just a kid herself. But this does point out another problem at the time which is kids watching other kids unsupervised by adults which was a common occurrence but more on that in my next post
 
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