Calling Doctor Zinj

Good twin

Floater
I'm ready for some dream analysis again. I've been working with several different methods in my recovery from the scam cult of Scientology. I have labeled myself as a recovering ex cult member with mild bouts of depression and fleeting PTSD symptoms. I have embraced squirrel tech, wog tech, psych tech, and mainstream religion tech as potential solutions to my recurring symptoms. Some of these things have been surprisingly effective.

I am getting better. I am enjoying life more and I am functioning fairly well with day to day activities. I am learning about myself in a whole new way and I actually like myself without the cult filters. This is good and I am looking forward to continuing my journey through self awareness. I've also been able to let go of my purpose to save the world and am content to just do the best I can to be a positive influence in the lives I touch. I've learned to allow myself to relax. I learned to allow myself to choose less stress and less pressure in my life. I feel good about my progress since leaving the cult.

This message board has been a very important resource for me and has become my community and home. I am still working on interacting in real life communities and building relationships with live people. I'm getting better at that to. I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but I do still check the board at least several times a day.

None of the things I mentioned are of major concern to me at this point. I know I have more healing to do and I'm pleased with the progress I've made. However.......there is one thing I'd like some help with.

I have been dreaming about going back to the cult.

Last night it was very realistic. I was sitting in a registrars office paying for a course and I handed her my credit card and she handed me my materials (looks like a thick book like 'What is Scientology?') and routed me to the course room where I set my schedule and it all felt really good. It felt familiar and it felt safe and fun and it felt like I was home.

Then as I leave the org I think "WTF I'm Good twin on the internet. I can't do this. Even if I want to I can't because I've burned that bridge, and what the hell am I saying, I DON'T want to do this stupid course and I can't afford to spend more money on credit cards. What the hell was I thinking??? Why am I allowing myself to be seduced by this insidious and evil cartoon philoshophy?"

Then I realize I'm dreaming.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Got any ideas? Tips? Anything at all?
 

Alanzo

Bardo Tulpa
I'm ready for some dream analysis again. I've been working with several different methods in my recovery from the scam cult of Scientology. I have labeled myself as a recovering ex cult member with mild bouts of depression and fleeting PTSD symptoms. I have embraced squirrel tech, wog tech, psych tech, and mainstream religion tech as potential solutions to my recurring symptoms. Some of these things have been surprisingly effective.

I am getting better. I am enjoying life more and I am functioning fairly well with day to day activities. I am learning about myself in a whole new way and I actually like myself without the cult filters. This is good and I am looking forward to continuing my journey through self awareness. I've also been able to let go of my purpose to save the world and am content to just do the best I can to be a positive influence in the lives I touch. I've learned to allow myself to relax. I learned to allow myself to choose less stress and less pressure in my life. I feel good about my progress since leaving the cult.

This message board has been a very important resource for me and has become my community and home. I am still working on interacting in real life communities and building relationships with live people. I'm getting better at that to. I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but I do still check the board at least several times a day.

None of the things I mentioned are of major concern to me at this point. I know I have more healing to do and I'm pleased with the progress I've made. However.......there is one thing I'd like some help with.

I have been dreaming about going back to the cult.

Last night it was very realistic. I was sitting in a registrars office paying for a course and I handed her my credit card and she handed me my materials (looks like a thick book like 'What is Scientology?') and routed me to the course room where I set my schedule and it all felt really good. It felt familiar and it felt safe and fun and it felt like I was home.

Then as I leave the org I think "WTF I'm Good twin on the internet. I can't do this. Even if I want to I can't because I've burned that bridge, and what the hell am I saying, I DON'T want to do this stupid course and I can't afford to spend more money on credit cards. What the hell was I thinking??? Why am I allowing myself to be seduced by this insidious and evil cartoon philoshophy?"

Then I realize I'm dreaming.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Got any ideas? Tips? Anything at all?
You're such a good writer, you can even make a nightmare funny!
 

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
Good twin, FWIW ,if I may add my 2 cents, since I experienced an unexpected dream of a similar kind:

Leaving Scientology is a process of re-evaluating and accepting truths and discarding falsehoods. Our experiences in being in and then leaving are not all black and white and neither are they all bad or good.

Because of this evolution we go through an All or Nothing way of thinking to understanding different perspectives of how we came to where we were when we were in, to eventually arrive at a place of freedom from "must haves" and "should haves", All Bad, All Good to acceptance of the different distinct + or - aspects of Scientology and it's meanings to us as we experienced the in the past. This helps us separate ourselves from the past and gives us free choice.

Joining Scientology was an act of desire for many. Desire to have or know or feel or gain or remove. Many of us were young, uneducated or unworldly, and so our desire to accept Scientology as a means of finding truth or freedom was done with an innocence or ignorance of what was available to compare the offering to.

Leaving Scientology includes remembering the good and the bad, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the situations are that bring back memories. We need these things to sort out lies from truth and to gain freedom from the fears, pain, betrayals and confusions of the past.

The desire to have more understanding of life never went away and you should not hold your past to a standard that does not include acceptance of this desire and the trap that was set because it included a bit of truth. I would revisit your purposes for joining Scientology, what it was you were trying to find or know or be at cause over, or remove or lose or have. What lead you into Scientology may well be what is necessary to look at, at this time in your progress in leaving Scientology. It could well be that you never had the interest in the first place, but it was forced on you during recruitment or a meeting with a reg or FSM or family member. No matter what the situation, your freedom of choice and your understanding of how you were lured in are essential to the process of leaving. I have found that accepting the good and the bad, the truth and the lies, is the only way out.


Hope all goes well on your journey.

Mary McConnell
 

Krautfag

Patron Meritorious
I'm ready for some dream analysis again. I've been working with several different methods in my recovery from the scam cult of Scientology. I have labeled myself as a recovering ex cult member with mild bouts of depression and fleeting PTSD symptoms. I have embraced squirrel tech, wog tech, psych tech, and mainstream religion tech as potential solutions to my recurring symptoms. Some of these things have been surprisingly effective.

I am getting better. I am enjoying life more and I am functioning fairly well with day to day activities. I am learning about myself in a whole new way and I actually like myself without the cult filters. This is good and I am looking forward to continuing my journey through self awareness. I've also been able to let go of my purpose to save the world and am content to just do the best I can to be a positive influence in the lives I touch. I've learned to allow myself to relax. I learned to allow myself to choose less stress and less pressure in my life. I feel good about my progress since leaving the cult.

This message board has been a very important resource for me and has become my community and home. I am still working on interacting in real life communities and building relationships with live people. I'm getting better at that to. I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but I do still check the board at least several times a day.

None of the things I mentioned are of major concern to me at this point. I know I have more healing to do and I'm pleased with the progress I've made. However.......there is one thing I'd like some help with.

I have been dreaming about going back to the cult.

Last night it was very realistic. I was sitting in a registrars office paying for a course and I handed her my credit card and she handed me my materials (looks like a thick book like 'What is Scientology?') and routed me to the course room where I set my schedule and it all felt really good. It felt familiar and it felt safe and fun and it felt like I was home.

Then as I leave the org I think "WTF I'm Good twin on the internet. I can't do this. Even if I want to I can't because I've burned that bridge, and what the hell am I saying, I DON'T want to do this stupid course and I can't afford to spend more money on credit cards. What the hell was I thinking??? Why am I allowing myself to be seduced by this insidious and evil cartoon philoshophy?"

Then I realize I'm dreaming.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Got any ideas? Tips? Anything at all?

Looks like the Id is complaining because it wants its fuzzy warm safety back and it wants it now, ffs! What is good that you already in your dream are aware that you not gonna back there. Id doesn't like that at all and sends a feeling of uncomfort as a punishment, which let's you sit up awake.

Overall I'd say your brain is trying to undrill the hypnosis on the subconscious levels now. Good thing, even when it comes at the price of restless nights.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
I have been dreaming about going back to the cult.

Last night it was very realistic. I was sitting in a registrars office paying for a course and I handed her my credit card and she handed me my materials (looks like a thick book like 'What is Scientology?') and routed me to the course room where I set my schedule and it all felt really good. It felt familiar and it felt safe and fun and it felt like I was home.

Then as I leave the org I think "WTF I'm Good twin on the internet. I can't do this. Even if I want to I can't because I've burned that bridge, and what the hell am I saying, I DON'T want to do this stupid course and I can't afford to spend more money on credit cards. What the hell was I thinking??? Why am I allowing myself to be seduced by this insidious and evil cartoon philoshophy?"

Then I realize I'm dreaming.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Got any ideas? Tips? Anything at all?

I've been there! I've also dreamt of still being Staff doing Call-In at my desk. I am looking out the window sort of enjoying the fact that that's what I'm doing and I love it (Like I *used* to at times when I was Staff).

Then I'd feel the tension of knowing I have to make my quota of appointments, First Starts and Re-Signs for the day, etc. Then I'd wake
up and be so glad it was a dream!

You'll find as the years go by and you're living your daily life and enjoying the people around you, the dreams will be less frequent. The 'tension' graudally melts away from your being....

I'm so glad I found you again, Patti! :hug:
 

Telepathetic

Gold Meritorious Patron
I used to get these sort of dreams but have not had them for a while now. In fact I used to get them when I rejoined staff!

I have also experienced a weird phenomenon at work. I sometime forget that I am actually at my "wog" job and for a very brief moment I get the feeling that I'm back in the Org! Is this weird or what?

TP
 

Wisened One

Crusader
TP: Me too! I used to feel that way while at my non-scn job! :eyeroll:

You'll fnd as the years go by, you'll relax more of the time in your life, than not. Just find things, situations and people to ENJOY every day! It works! :yes:
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
I've been meaning to make a reply.. But have been torn between two threads and the reply apparently lost in between.. As can happen when your attention is divided..

I do dream from time to time.. I usually forget what the dream was about.. Even while trying to recall it upon awakening.. Like I'm witnessing my brain-operating-software cleaning up the temp directory.

Sometimes, when I do recall something, it seems I can 'create' or 'change' the dream to my liking.

Like when I was carried off by evil scientologists in a box, like a coffin. I could hear the scientologists talking about me. My 'case' and how I needed to get 'ethics' put in on me..

Then the box was set down and the lid opened. Scientologists peering down at me. Their eyes unblinkng and tracking me like heatseeking missiles.

I tried to get up, but they pushed me down: "We'd rather have you dead than incapable!", said a bearded scientologist in priest attire.

At this point I thought the dream sucked. I didn't likke being pushed down.. So I 'caused' all the scientologists to sort of melt and turn to dust.. Like the Germans in the Indiana Jones movie, when they opened the lost ark.

When all the scientologists had melted while screaming in agony, I got up and went away through the billowing dust to the happy tunes of Rick Astleys song!

:yes:
 
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Good twin

Floater
Wow. I am so very lucky. I have two threads full of useful advice and good wishes. I love you all so much and appreciate your replies.

Alanzo, this thread is better because you are posting here. :coolwink:
 

Good twin

Floater
You just hurt my feelings. :bigcry:

You have permission to slap me for that trangression also. Of course you are the most important person on this thread. Sorry Twinny!

It's on the internet. So it's true. Kathy can slap me silly if I sign up for Scientology service or make a donation to the IAS or any of the social reform front groups Scientology pushes. She also can beat the crap outta me if I ask for Scientology auditing. Signed sealed and delivered here and now for all eyes to see.

Good Twin aka Patti

(no one else has permission to do this - btw)
 

Mystic

Crusader
I...I... I donno which thread to post into. So ignore this posting and let's see what happens.

Dream interpretation? Naw, panty interpretation.
 

Feral

Rogue male
Gee, GT that was a pretty peaceful dream considering it was about Scn.

Both Mrs. Pattycake and I used to have dreams that we'd somehow been forced to go to Flag for our 37th six mth check. It was a feeling of "shit, how did I let them force me into this again?" The sec check was looming and I was Feral on ESMB.

I just knew they had some maze to rout me through which would alter my attitudes and take some more power of choice away from me, then I'd wake up in a cold sweat.

Hey Zinj, come over to this thread and have a look at this!

Six month checks were the most mind bending activity I ever did in my life. I felt like I was caught between the enormous pressure of my desire and commitment to complete the path to "total freedom" and the threat and duress that came with every tiny new rule on security and conduct.
 

Lucretia

Patron with Honors
Dreams are doing something...I don't know what though.

I used to smoke - about a pack a day, so it was a significant habit. I gave up in 1988, and I still dream about smoking. I happily puff away at a few then realise I have given up smoking, and berate myself for being a total fool for taking it up again. Then I wake up.

I was also in quite a stressful job for 15 years - I have been doing other things for 10 years, but I still dream about my old job and I make a god awful hash of it, and then I wake up. When I first left this job, I would wake up sweating most nights, but now the dream is only occasional.

I also dream I am about to do an exam, and am not prepared for it. I have done lots of exams - but not for 30 years!

I have never dreamt bout being on staff, thank goodness. My repertoire of repeating dreams is enough (I haven't told you half of them!!)

It would be lovely to be able to intervene in these dreams and turn them around like S, instead of being dragged along completely at the mercy of my subconscious.

But thinking about it - I did not feel in control in any of these three situations in real life, and this feeling certainly comes back to haunt me at night.

I wonder if this applies to your dreams too GT. Being regged and coughing up the money is an out of control situation. Being in the cult was certainly out of control after the first decision to walk in the door. The problem is I don't know how to revisit the past, to get back into control!!!!! Maybe you need to walk into the regges office at your local org and yell NO and them walk out.

Hey - we could make it a movement. Exes everywhere walk could into a regges office and yell NO and then walk out. For those of you old enough to remember "Alice's Restaurant", you'll know what I'm basing this on!! It could be the Anti Mind Fuck movement.

But - GT - be thankful it is a dream. It's awful to have, but it's lovely to wake up!!! And I don't think you are in danger of walking into a regges office in real life and signing up!!
 
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