Good twin
Floater
I'm ready for some dream analysis again. I've been working with several different methods in my recovery from the scam cult of Scientology. I have labeled myself as a recovering ex cult member with mild bouts of depression and fleeting PTSD symptoms. I have embraced squirrel tech, wog tech, psych tech, and mainstream religion tech as potential solutions to my recurring symptoms. Some of these things have been surprisingly effective.
I am getting better. I am enjoying life more and I am functioning fairly well with day to day activities. I am learning about myself in a whole new way and I actually like myself without the cult filters. This is good and I am looking forward to continuing my journey through self awareness. I've also been able to let go of my purpose to save the world and am content to just do the best I can to be a positive influence in the lives I touch. I've learned to allow myself to relax. I learned to allow myself to choose less stress and less pressure in my life. I feel good about my progress since leaving the cult.
This message board has been a very important resource for me and has become my community and home. I am still working on interacting in real life communities and building relationships with live people. I'm getting better at that to. I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but I do still check the board at least several times a day.
None of the things I mentioned are of major concern to me at this point. I know I have more healing to do and I'm pleased with the progress I've made. However.......there is one thing I'd like some help with.
I have been dreaming about going back to the cult.
Last night it was very realistic. I was sitting in a registrars office paying for a course and I handed her my credit card and she handed me my materials (looks like a thick book like 'What is Scientology?') and routed me to the course room where I set my schedule and it all felt really good. It felt familiar and it felt safe and fun and it felt like I was home.
Then as I leave the org I think "WTF I'm Good twin on the internet. I can't do this. Even if I want to I can't because I've burned that bridge, and what the hell am I saying, I DON'T want to do this stupid course and I can't afford to spend more money on credit cards. What the hell was I thinking??? Why am I allowing myself to be seduced by this insidious and evil cartoon philoshophy?"
Then I realize I'm dreaming.
This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Got any ideas? Tips? Anything at all?
I am getting better. I am enjoying life more and I am functioning fairly well with day to day activities. I am learning about myself in a whole new way and I actually like myself without the cult filters. This is good and I am looking forward to continuing my journey through self awareness. I've also been able to let go of my purpose to save the world and am content to just do the best I can to be a positive influence in the lives I touch. I've learned to allow myself to relax. I learned to allow myself to choose less stress and less pressure in my life. I feel good about my progress since leaving the cult.
This message board has been a very important resource for me and has become my community and home. I am still working on interacting in real life communities and building relationships with live people. I'm getting better at that to. I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but I do still check the board at least several times a day.
None of the things I mentioned are of major concern to me at this point. I know I have more healing to do and I'm pleased with the progress I've made. However.......there is one thing I'd like some help with.
I have been dreaming about going back to the cult.
Last night it was very realistic. I was sitting in a registrars office paying for a course and I handed her my credit card and she handed me my materials (looks like a thick book like 'What is Scientology?') and routed me to the course room where I set my schedule and it all felt really good. It felt familiar and it felt safe and fun and it felt like I was home.
Then as I leave the org I think "WTF I'm Good twin on the internet. I can't do this. Even if I want to I can't because I've burned that bridge, and what the hell am I saying, I DON'T want to do this stupid course and I can't afford to spend more money on credit cards. What the hell was I thinking??? Why am I allowing myself to be seduced by this insidious and evil cartoon philoshophy?"
Then I realize I'm dreaming.
This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Got any ideas? Tips? Anything at all?