Can someone help with my relationship issues please? Sci/Non Sci breakup

Not only does $cientology NOT handle psychological problems, it creates a great deal that weren't there before.

My poor husband knew nothing of Scientology when he met me, yet I was still displaying all of the false personality of a cultie.
We managed to stay together, partly because at my core I'm not that crazy, but mostly because of his patience.

Also, as the Internet has become such a rich resource of stories from other exes, I slowly started to unravel my brain, while also explaining to him what was happening.

For instance, you say your GF never apologizes. That is a pure Scientology trait. They are trained from the start to never admit to an outsider that they are wrong. It is a "show of weakness". Another big one is "always attack, never defend".

These sorts of screwed up beliefs are at the core of their fake power they think they have from the "tek".

Oh, and your poor girlfriend was brought up in it, without so much as the benefit of a public school. This is tragic.

I don't really have any advice, but unless you truly love her to the ends of the earth,I almost can't see this working out at all:/

Now that you have the advantage of so much information about this evil cult, you could try to see if she has any interest in recovery. If she did possibly the two of you could work through it.

But with her parents being prominent Scientologists, she would only have a couple of choices.

Live a lie.
Tell them she has realized its toxic and be forcibly disconnected from them as a result of church policy.

Thank you for the insight. I'd like to hear more from you if you have anything come to mind. I am adding some futher descriptions but I think I get he idea.
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
One last thing, regarding picking people for long-term relationships:

Beauty fades. Then what you are left with, is who they are on the inside.

Ignore her looks, mentally visualize her ten years older and 40 pounds heavier, and ask yourself "Will I still enjoy her company? Is this the person I want to grow old with? Is this the person I want helping to raise my children?"

If the self-honest answer to any of the above is "no", then walk away.
 
Thank you all for the helpful insight...As you can imagine it's been a hell of a time and I'm in a lot of pain...I had an uncle die a week ago and she has timed this right along with it. Even suggesting she used my time away to think about ending us. Very cold and calculated

A couple things to add...


1. We were having issues for the last couple months yet I've tried to always fix things and work for her. Maybe too hard. It's the irratic behavior, mood swings, seemingly multiple personalities, hot/cold feelings and inability to appologize or admit fault (even when starting a fight while intoxicated that was all her doing).

Despite how bad this sounds we have had wonderful times and amazing chemistry. It does make me question her honesty and commitment though.

2. As of now we are over. She wanted to end it. I don't know if she actually realizes there is something wrong on her end that wont be workable and she's protecting me, or not but it is being framed as she would simply be happier without me. She maintains that she loves me and is incredibly attracted but feels this is the right decision. She doesnt want to disconnect for whatever that's worth.

She just happened to make this decsion final in the last 10 days while I was away with a terminally ill relative and for the most part conducted it over text. That last two months have been strained with my family situation but she has also had a brother come to stay with her. They have enabled each other over the past weeks with a mutual drinking problem and she's changed.

I'm wondering about the possible sociopathic actions and tendencies that are being shown. The lack of heart and empathy for my recent loss, her cold separation, lack of remorse for her actions. Is it from the abuse of growing up in such a nightmare of a family? (She's witnessed and been subjected to horrible abuses I'm not sure I can mention here). Cleary real help is needed beyond whatever ill's the church claims it can heal.

3. THE FAMILY: Her mother as well as extended family and most of her friends seemed to love me. Her mom raved glowingly about me, even knowing I wasn't going to be a Scientologist.

---------

I guess I wonder what my girlfriend expects from dating someone on the outside? Obviously we all have questions and struggle to undertand the attraction to SCI. She was of the mindset we could get married at one point knowing I'd never join. She even told me she never wanted me to join.

I have been there for the last year with helping with rent, trips, vet bills, the most romantic dates, gifts, car repairs etc... I was helping her through hard times cause we were so into each other. I even rewrote her resumes and cover letters / follow up letters. She landed a temp job and has disapeared while I was away with the family illness. It all seems so fickle, robotic and heartless.

Its all confusing but was I just getting played by the Hubbard tek? Can Scientologists really manipulate and drop so called love so easily? She has ties to some prominent celebs in the cult and has reconnected with former best friends who are moving up the bridge. Can't be a good thing for me.

I'm left here with the want for that connection and love and she seems gone. My reason for coming here was to ask if I should pursue it and work for what we had, but it seems like you all say CUT THE CORD...On the phone two days ago she did actually sound tearful and hurt while saying "I'm sorry for any hurt I caused". It seemed very hard for her to get those word out.

Amazed she has the coldness to do it at such a time in such a way. I would work for it if there was a point. When we are good we are amazing togther.

She will always want to be somewhat involved and has friends since birth that have been there with her. She won't be leaving them. I have always worried about what could happen down the line with family and kids. She tells me not to tell her what I know about OT3 etc and that can't be good either. She wont read whats on the internet as far as I know.

Wondering if I should agree to meet in person to talk. She says she will if I want it. Not sure there is a point or if it's just a formality.

Shitty part is her beauty and the chemistry will haunt me forever. She claims she wants to be married someday soon but I can't imagine anyone doing better than I did. Especially if they are a non sci like me.

Sorry for the rambling...Not easy to find ex scientologists to get insight from.

Btw, am I at risk voicing all this here? In all seriousness...

Thanks
Confused

Excuse the typos
 
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TheOriginalBigBlue

Gold Meritorious Patron
Terril, I think you're misunderstanding BB.

He never said or inferred YOU are disingenuous. We all know you believe what you say and tell things honestly the way you see them.

He said he found the comparison to other religions disingenuous. It wasn't a personal insult.

It's not a straightforward comparison and can't be done without omitting the majority of facts of how COS operates. Kind of like comparing the mafia to a humanitarian group because it gives out loans when desperate people need them. That would be a misleading (disingenuous) comparison.

Some think it's a religion or church, some do not. I don't. You do.

This is correct.

According to KSW, which I think is fair to characterize as the most senior written public Scientology policy, Scientology is not Scientology without a totalitarian authoritarian component. As soon as you apply it outside of the "religious" regiments it devolves into as many interpretations as there are people. It becomes a personal philosophy "based" upon the tenets of Scientology. If you pick and choose the good bits and try to ignore the bad bits then you might as well be discussing a litany of ideas that have been ripped off and repackaged from other sources. Then just go to those sources if they are so great. The RPF is LRH tech. So is PTS Type III incarceration. It was always just a matter of time before this resulted in a horrible tragedy and I hold LRH personally responsible for setting the groundwork that caused Lisa McPherson's death. Now THAT is being "Source". Even the RPF and "Babywatch" policies were ripped off from other previously well established practices. With the RPF LRH was channeling Mao and with Babywatch he was expressing a weird kind of envy for the same authority exercised by 19th century psychiatry which he so ardently condemned. Where are the independent versions of these kinds of things that remain true to LRH's vision?

If Scientology is comparable to other religions - it is to religions that have not evolved away from old abusive feudal policies.
 

TheOriginalBigBlue

Gold Meritorious Patron
I respect your opinion.

I do not agree with it however, and feel that falling in love with a Scientologist that won't look at everything is dangerous for your financial, mental and spiritual well being...

Every person I met was hurt by Scientology....they may not admit it but I would dig and LOOK at their financial situation, divorce and shattered family and friends situation and their abilities NOT gained and actually lost by Scientology.

especially those that are in the closet cuz eventually they will need some help and support and reach for the cult's "tech" and auditing...and they will be harmed.

That is a money ( NOT backed )guarantee

(which should have been my first clue Scientology IS and was always a big, huge, terrible scam)...

Statistically I think you are correct but I'm an Ex now and no longer have 100% certainty. Life is random and unpredictable and time has a way of changing the field. Maybe this girl is really worth taking on. Maybe the whole family is ready to bail. There are variables that only the OP is in a position to know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86gCYjwVB78
 

Victoria

Patron Meritorious
Have you ever heard of Stephan Molenuex?
I believe he gives sound relationship advice.

And he's very logical about it, but as we know logic is weak when you're in love;)

He has quite the collection of youtubes on relationship advice, but I'll just post this one to get you started.

Even though $cientology crazy is a special breed of crazy, this stuff applies anyway.
The fact that she has a drinking problem on top of it all just really makes the whole thing seem quite unmanageable.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Sometimes hitting a broken heart with a cold shot of logic is just what the doctor ordered.

http://youtu.be/gSV3R5hwMsM
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
I guess I wonder what my girlfriend expects from dating someone on the outside? Obviously we all have questions and struggle to undertand the attraction to SCI. She was of the mindset we could get married at one point knowing I'd never join. She even told me she never wanted me to join.

I have taken care of her for the last year with rent, trips, vet bills, the most romantic dates, gifts, car repairs etc... She was hurting for money and I was helping her through hard times cause we were so into each other. I even rewrote her resumes and cover letters / follow up letters. She landed a temp job and has disapeared while I was away with the family illness. It all seems so fickle, robotic and heartless.

Its all confusing but was I just getting played by the Hubbard tek? Can Scientologists really manipulate and drop so called love so easily? She has ties to some prominent celebs in the cult and has reconnected with former best friends who are moving up the bridge. Can't be a good thing for me.

Perhaps I've gotten too cynical as I've gotten older, but the part in red above is a serious concern for me.

It's not that Scientologists can "really manipulate and drop so called love so easily?", but rather that some beautiful girls find out early that they can manipulate some guys easily to get what they want, and that feeling of power is more addictive than cocaine.

Carefully re-read what you posted. You are describing a girl who is pretty, but doesn't have much beyond that. She needs somebody to "take care of her" because she's in her late 20's and still can't hold onto a decent job. You describe her as "fickle, robotic and heartless". She disappears when it looks like she has a job that will pay the bills without you. Then what happened? Did she come back because she missed you, or was it because the job didn't last, and she again needed you to help pay the bills?

It doesn't matter that she's a Scientologist. It matters that she appears to be using you. She doesn't want you in Scientology. Is it out of concern for you, or because she recognizes that Scientologists get the money sucked out of them, leaving them poor and less able to spend money on HER?

It doesn't matter how gorgeous she is, or how good she is in bed. This woman looks like trouble. Run, and don't look back.
 

Victoria

Patron Meritorious
Yes, by giving information here the Office of Special Affairs could determine who she is. They will have a go at her first, which will effect you negatively. They could in the end come after you also.

Even if they have already driven the parents broke, it sounds like she's friends with some "assets" they don't want to lose, so OSA would act on that.

If you do have a talk with her, please do try to listen to some of that Molenuex first and try your best to think about this logically.

Judging from how much you have done for her finacially and in other ways, the damaged drunk girl might just happily be using you.

I started to mention my friend on a previous post, but decided against it, because it was all so complicated.

This was a little girl I met when she was only 12. Her parents were sea org members and she'd been raised, (and neglected) in the cherch.

I befriended her, and for many years was a best friend to her and her primary emotional support system. But as sad as it was I finally just walked away from her when she was forty.

Even though she had been away from Scientology for decades, she never changed. She still operated heavily with Scientology beliefs, and was a completely dishonest person.

She also became an alcoholic and still is to this day. Just that drinking problem is enough to make your girls completely dysfunctional.

Im sure not everyone turns out like her, but the things she was still doing at age of forty were so horrible I can't even mention them here.

Of course you can't see the future, but if by some off chance you guys discuss getting back together, you have every right, and would be quite smart to demand she get help with her alcoholism before anything else can happen.
 

cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
Perhaps I've gotten too cynical as I've gotten older, but the part in red above is a serious concern for me.

It's not that Scientologists can "really manipulate and drop so called love so easily?", but rather that some beautiful girls find out early that they can manipulate some guys easily to get what they want, and that feeling of power is more addictive than cocaine.

Carefully re-read what you posted. You are describing a girl who is pretty, but doesn't have much beyond that. She needs somebody to "take care of her" because she's in her late 20's and still can't hold onto a decent job. You describe her as "fickle, robotic and heartless". She disappears when it looks like she has a job that will pay the bills without you. Then what happened? Did she come back because she missed you, or was it because the job didn't last, and she again needed you to help pay the bills?

It doesn't matter that she's a Scientologist. It matters that she appears to be using you. She doesn't want you in Scientology. Is it out of concern for you, or because she recognizes that Scientologists get the money sucked out of them, leaving them poor and less able to spend money on HER?

It doesn't matter how gorgeous she is, or how good she is in bed. This woman looks like trouble. Run, and don't look back.
Scientology doesn't have a corner on the market on this. This was new info to me but I may have missed it. I didn't realize you had given her a bunch of money for things. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Ever hear the term gold digger? Harsh I know, but the more I learn the worse this looks. I am not even sure Scn is the main problem now.
 

Terril park

Sponsor
Thank you all for the helpful insight...As you can imagine it's been a hell of a time and I'm in a lot of pain...I had an uncle die a week ago and she has timed this right along with it. Even suggesting she used my time away to think about ending us. Very cold and calculated

A couple things to add...:yes:
:bigcry:
:hifive:



1. We were having issues for the last couple months yet I've tried to always fix things and work for her. Maybe too hard. It's the irratic behavior, mood swings, seemingly multiple personalities, hot/cold feelings and inability to appologize or admit fault (even when starting a fight while intoxicated that was all her doing).

Despite how bad this sounds we have had wonderful times and amazing chemistry. It does make me question her honesty and commitment though.

2. As of now we are over. She wanted to end it. I don't know if she actually realizes there is something wrong on her end that wont be workable and she's protecting me, or not but it is being framed as she would simply be happier without me. She maintains that she loves me and is incredibly attracted but feels this is the right decision. She doesnt want to disconnect for whatever that's worth.

She just happened to make this decsion final in the last 10 days while I was away with a terminally ill relative and for the most part conducted it over text. That last two months have been strained with my family situation but she has also had a brother come to stay with her. They have enabled each other over the past weeks with a mutual drinking problem and she's changed.

I'm wondering about the possible sociopathic actions and tendencies that are being shown. The lack of heart and empathy for my recent loss, her cold separation, lack of remorse for her actions. Is it from the abuse of growing up in such a nightmare of a family? (She's witnessed and been subjected to horrible abuses I'm not sure I can mention here...but real things like molestation as a child for years). Cleary real help is needed beyond whatever ill's the church claims it can heal.

3. THE FAMILY: Her mother as well as extended family and most of her friends seemed to love me. Her mom raved glowingly about me knowing I wasn't a Scientologist. She may have told her mom I have been critcal in some regards about the religon based on what I have seen and read.

If I mentioned the family name I'm sure most of the users would know immediatley and may have stronger opinions, but I can't do that. They were very tied in business wise and donated lots of money. They are deep in and may owe money and services. This was found on my own research.

---------

I guess I wonder what my girlfriend expects from dating someone on the outside? Obviously we all have questions and struggle to undertand the attraction to SCI. She was of the mindset we could get married at one point knowing I'd never join. She even told me she never wanted me to join.

I have been there for the last year with helping with rent, trips, vet bills, the most romantic dates, gifts, car repairs etc... I was helping her through hard times cause we were so into each other. I even rewrote her resumes and cover letters / follow up letters. She landed a temp job and has disapeared while I was away with the family illness. It all seems so fickle, robotic and heartless.

Its all confusing but was I just getting played by the Hubbard tek? Can Scientologists really manipulate and drop so called love so easily? She has ties to some prominent celebs in the cult and has reconnected with former best friends who are moving up the bridge. Can't be a good thing for me.

I'm left here with the want for that connection and love and she seems gone. My reason for coming here was to ask if I should pursue it and work for what we had, but it seems like you all say CUT THE CORD...On the phone two days ago she did actually sound tearful and hurt while saying "I'm sorry for any hurt I caused". It seemed very hard for her to get those word out.

Amazed she has the coldness to do it at such a time in such a way. I would work for it if there was a point. When we are good we are amazing togther.

She will always want to be somewhat involved and has friends since birth that have been there with her. She won't be leaving them. I have always worried about what could happen down the line with family and kids. She tells me not to tell her what I know about OT3 etc and that can't be good either. She wont read whats on the internet as far as I know.

Wondering if I should agree to meet in person to talk. She says she will if I want it. Not sure there is a point or if it's just a formality.

Shitty part is her beauty and the chemistry will haunt me forever. She claims she wants to be married someday soon but I can't imagine anyone doing better than I did. Especially if they are a non sci like me.

Sorry for the rambling...Not easy to find ex scientologists to get insight from.

Btw, am I at risk voicing all this here? In all seriousness...

Thanks
Confused

Excuse the typos

Sounds complex and difficult to understand.

My veiw is do whatever you
can to achieve what you wish.
 

Terril park

Sponsor
This is correct.

According to KSW, which I think is fair to characterize as the most senior written public Scientology policy, Scientology is not Scientology without a totalitarian authoritarian component. As soon as you apply it outside of the "religious" regiments it devolves into as many interpretations as there are people. It becomes a personal philosophy "based" upon the tenets of Scientology. If you pick and choose the good bits and try to ignore the bad bits then you might as well be discussing a litany of ideas that have been ripped off and repackaged from other sources. Then just go to those sources if they are so great. The RPF is LRH tech. So is PTS Type III incarceration. It was always just a matter of time before this resulted in a horrible tragedy and I hold LRH personally responsible for setting the groundwork that caused Lisa McPherson's death. Now THAT is being "Source". Even the RPF and "Babywatch" policies were ripped off from other previously well established practices. With the RPF LRH was channeling Mao and with Babywatch he was expressing a weird kind of envy for the same authority exercised by 19th century psychiatry which he so ardently condemned. Where are the independent versions of these kinds of things that remain true to LRH's vision?

If Scientology is comparable to other religions - it is to religions that have not evolved away from old abusive feudal policies.

I have no interest in Scn Authoritan concepts. The tech is another matter.
 
Scientology doesn't have a corner on the market on this. This was new info to me but I may have missed it. I didn't realize you had given her a bunch of money for things. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Ever hear the term gold digger? Harsh I know, but the more I learn the worse this looks. I am not even sure Scn is the main problem now.


I hear you all and I know how it looks. Trust me I have questioned things as well. I have really put in more than she has to the relationship but we were in love and all about each other. I simply may have messed up by treating her too well. If I'm committed to someone thats what I do. I hope and I'll never know if she was entirely loyal but we did practicaly live together between out two places. Unfortunatley I have my suspicions. She is an entirely different person than a month or two ago.

The job I mentioned was temp gig landed about 2 weeks ago. Shes on it still on it but our communication has died asided from a long call the other day. She claims the job has done wonders for her moral. I don't know, more strange behavior.

I'm hoping there wasn't dishonesty under all of it and I was close with a couple of her friends so I'd hope they would let me know if they did. I do get the sense of a very dark past and I wish I could speak to one of her exes to see if the experiences aligned.

In any case, having never met a Scientologist before, I was just gauging you all to see if that upbringing was the root of her problems and behaviors. The way she dealt with or didn't deal with things. The way she was emotionaly unavilable some of the time. The non appologetic and attacking nature to questions and conflicts. I just didnt buy her stance that scientology had already handled the past demons or that the party line of "everyone in Sci is so happy" was true. If so, she wouldnt have nightmares of the past, anxiety and drink to numb pain. I dont know why she stopped practicing with the church a few years ago but she nver LEFT. Something doesn't add up. She only said she liked what she had learned, it helped and she wanted to beable to go back someday when needed or interested.

She minmized the role it had in her life growing up as well as the families.

Her describing herself as easy going, a free spirit...telling me how exes always wanted her back. Saying all her realtionships ended becasue of the boyfriends faults and never hers. Even saying a couple of them cheated on her because they felt she had one foot out the door and could move on to something else at any moment.

It's pretty clear eveyone says RUN...I wish it was that easy to turn of the feelings. I'm trying but it's not as simple as the ARC triangle for me.

To be fair we all make mistakes and I wasn't perfect. I said things I regret (about the family, beliefs, money, I have mentioend the gold digger mentality) but when trying to undertand such wild behavior and being given crumbs for information I guess that happens. Despite the bad I have lots of feelings for her and this will hurt for a while. Sad part is she did have a good side. It just disapeared too much and you couldnt tell when or where it would come and go. I think I was questioning more and putting up with less and she knew that the religon would always be an issue as well.

Never been in a break up like this that really screwed up the mind so much. Trying to figure that all out. Venting helps I guess. Heart is still smashed. Thank you all

In ending don't want anything coming back to her nor me for harm so if anyone was serious about OSA looking into these things please let me know what to remove ASAP.
 
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Yes, by giving information here the Office of Special Affairs could determine who she is. They will have a go at her first, which will effect you negatively. They could in the end come after you also.

Even if they have already driven the parents broke, it sounds like she's friends with some "assets" they don't want to lose, so OSA would act on that.

If you do have a talk with her, please do try to listen to some of that Molenuex first and try your best to think about this logically.

Judging from how much you have done for her finacially and in other ways, the damaged drunk girl might just happily be using you.

I started to mention my friend on a previous post, but decided against it, because it was all so complicated.

This was a little girl I met when she was only 12. Her parents were sea org members and she'd been raised, (and neglected) in the cherch.

I befriended her, and for many years was a best friend to her and her primary emotional support system. But as sad as it was I finally just walked away from her when she was forty.

Even though she had been away from Scientology for decades, she never changed. She still operated heavily with Scientology beliefs, and was a completely dishonest person.

She also became an alcoholic and still is to this day. Just that drinking problem is enough to make your girls completely dysfunctional.

Im sure not everyone turns out like her, but the things she was still doing at age of forty were so horrible I can't even mention them here.

Of course you can't see the future, but if by some off chance you guys discuss getting back together, you have every right, and would be quite smart to demand she get help with her alcoholism before anything else can happen.

********I don't want anything coming back to her nor me for harm, so if anyone was serious about OSA looking into these things please let me know what to remove ASAP********
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
There are lots of Scientologists who are warm, loving trustworthy people. And there are those who are complete sociopaths. Every group of people has the good, the bad, and the crazy.

The more I hear about your girlfriend, the more I become concerned for you. Not because of her being a Scientologist, but because it looks like she has mental issues. The more I hear about her, the more I get the feeling that she's a charming sociopath.
 

Ogsonofgroo

Crusader
Oh man, is this like, um, your first 'love attraction' type of thingy thing? Sometimes you must re-assess your own view, seriously, that person you have fallen head-over-heels for may have many features which enthrall you (cute/tits/brain/etc.etc.), but it seems to me that in this instance there are near as many negatives. I guess it depends if you are strong and brave enough to take on a 'project'? Savior of mis-guided/manipulated soul? Careful there imho. Is the end result worth it? How strong is your own heart? With almost 8+billion people on the planet, is it worth your heart to fixate on one person in particular?
Based on what I've read thus far, my suggestion from years of different failed relationships, is to step back, look after/build your own space, get to feeling free to discover other people, it is her loss, as far as I'm concerned, if she does not realize how good your qualities are, but you're in a tough place of unrequited love, so I'd suggest just to stay 'friends' and not tangle up your brain on it all. Way too easy to over-think this type of thing, and that is not good for you.
Look after yourself, make a good life for it, the 'right one' will eventually precipitate into your world, patience man, it is not, and never has been, 'that One or nothing'.
Not sure if making any sense here but one thing for sure is that writing it out is definitely a cathartic endeavour, and a few weeks down the road, when you are calm and reading over it all, you would be amazed at how clear things become. At least this has been my experiences, mileage may vary.

:cheers:

Ogs
 
M

Moderator 3375

Guest
********I don't want anything coming back to her nor me for harm, so if anyone was serious about OSA looking into these things please let me know what to remove ASAP********

I've sent you a PM (Private Message). Look at the top left of the screen for the link.
 

uncover

Gold Meritorious Patron
There are lots of Scientologists who are warm, loving trustworthy people. And there are those who are complete sociopaths. Every group of people has the good, the bad, and the crazy.

The more I hear about your girlfriend, the more I become concerned for you. Not because of her being a Scientologist, but because it looks like she has mental issues. The more I hear about her, the more I get the feeling that she's a charming sociopath.
That is the male version. The female version is the Borderline Personality Disorder:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

The main difference is that a sociopath is interested in power, money etc. while the motivation of the borderliner is to achieve affection from reference persons.

The behaviour is very similar:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3323706/
 
Oh man, is this like, um, your first 'love attraction' type of thingy thing? Sometimes you must re-assess your own view, seriously, that person you have fallen head-over-heels for may have many features which enthrall you (cute/tits/brain/etc.etc.), but it seems to me that in this instance there are near as many negatives. I guess it depends if you are strong and brave enough to take on a 'project'? Savior of mis-guided/manipulated soul? Careful there imho. Is the end result worth it? How strong is your own heart? With almost 8+billion people on the planet, is it worth your heart to fixate on one person in particular?
Based on what I've read thus far, my suggestion from years of different failed relationships, is to step back, look after/build your own space, get to feeling free to discover other people, it is her loss, as far as I'm concerned, if she does not realize how good your qualities are, but you're in a tough place of unrequited love, so I'd suggest just to stay 'friends' and not tangle up your brain on it all. Way too easy to over-think this type of thing, and that is not good for you.
Look after yourself, make a good life for it, the 'right one' will eventually precipitate into your world, patience man, it is not, and never has been, 'that One or nothing'.
Not sure if making any sense here but one thing for sure is that writing it out is definitely a cathartic endeavour, and a few weeks down the road, when you are calm and reading over it all, you would be amazed at how clear things become. At least this has been my experiences, mileage may vary.

:cheers:

Ogs

I appreciate that all but by no means my first. Ive had long relationships. This was a different kind of crazy love though.
 

oneonewasaracecar

Gold Meritorious Patron
It sounds like a horrible situation. I am very sorry for your trouble. I will say that making decisions while you are vulnerable is never a good idea.

I suspect OSA read this thread and because the person was high profile, they intervened. The timing and the texts leads me to this conclusion. She may have had someone standing over her shoulder while she texted. Someone else may have texted on her behalf. I wouldn't bother removing anything as it will already have been saved.

The lack of empathy represented to you is trademark Scientology behavior and it seems it's not who she is as a person. The person crying on the phone to you was probably her. My guess is no one was standing over her when she made the call. She wouldn't want to appear 'downtone' in front of a Scientologist.

I don't think she realizes anything is wrong and is trying to protect you. If she has doubts, they haven't found a solid form in her mind.

I think until she is out, you should definitely not get involved romantically with her. I hope you maintain contact and don't talk about Scientology with her. If she ever really needs out she will really need you. She will be totally cut off.
Perhaps I've gotten too cynical as I've gotten older...
Confirmed. Your capacity for self reflection is encouraging. :coolwink:

It doesn't mean you're wrong, though. She maybe using SoConfused as a means of having independence from the constrictive network she is in. She may not be doing this deliberately, and I can't really tell one way or another.

Children of Scientologists have a tendency to be uneducated and unemployable for intellectual and emotional reasons.
Oh man, is this like, um, your first 'love attraction' type of thingy thing?
SoConfused has made comparisons to other women but I agree that your maxim of 'know thyself' is pretty important. This may be his first very manipulative/abusive girlfriend, if that is what she is. Of course, none of us can really know from behind a keyboard.

SoConfused, maybe you should take a step back and have a chat about her to one of your close friends who has seen you with other women and talk it out. Maybe someone who knows you and the situation can help you figure out what is going on.

By the way, as someone with experience in this area, I don't get romantically involved with people who have alcohol problems. For one thing, some of the chemistry you think you have is the alcohol for you and her are drinking. Also alcohol + relationship = disaster.
 
It sounds like a horrible situation. I am very sorry for your trouble. I will say that making decisions while you are vulnerable is never a good idea.

I suspect OSA read this thread and because the person was high profile, they intervened. The timing and the texts leads me to this conclusion. She may have had someone standing over her shoulder while she texted. Someone else may have texted on her behalf. I wouldn't bother removing anything as it will already have been saved.

The lack of empathy represented to you is trademark Scientology behavior and it seems it's not who she is as a person. The person crying on the phone to you was probably her. My guess is no one was standing over her when she made the call. She wouldn't want to appear 'downtone' in front of a Scientologist.

I don't think she realizes anything is wrong and is trying to protect you. If she has doubts, they haven't found a solid form in her mind.

I think until she is out, you should definitely not get involved romantically with her. I hope you maintain contact and don't talk about Scientology with her. If she ever really needs out she will really need you. She will be totally cut off.

Confirmed. Your capacity for self reflection is encouraging. :coolwink:

It doesn't mean you're wrong, though. She maybe using SoConfused as a means of having independence from the constrictive network she is in. She may not be doing this deliberately, and I can't really tell one way or another.

Children of Scientologists have a tendency to be uneducated and unemployable for intellectual and emotional reasons.

SoConfused has made comparisons to other women but I agree that your maxim of 'know thyself' is pretty important. This may be his first very manipulative/abusive girlfriend, if that is what she is. Of course, none of us can really know from behind a keyboard.

SoConfused, maybe you should take a step back and have a chat about her to one of your close friends who has seen you with other women and talk it out. Maybe someone who knows you and the situation can help you figure out what is going on.

By the way, as someone with experience in this area, I don't get romantically involved with people who have alcohol problems. For one thing, some of the chemistry you think you have is the alcohol for you and her are drinking. Also alcohol + relationship = disaster.


Thanks for the input. I just posted here last night for the first time and haven't spoken to her in days so I doubt someone was over her shoulder. It is quite scary how it's being described that people would intervene.

The realtionship is done and there was never a threat to SCN at all in any way. Nothing to worry about on their end. May not be for me but I think people can believe what they want. Just moving on.
 
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