Chicken Joe in the Cauldron
- Thread starter clamicide
- Start date
Woggin' out
Patron with Honors
What he said!!Clammy
Moar?
clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
The wedding from hell
They say every little girl dreams of her wedding day. When mine was coming up, I was too exhausted to get excited or plan it. I wanted a simple nighttime affair, outdoors, with tiny lights. That wasn't flying with my fiance's family. People were driving a bit, and wanted to be able to get back home that night. I didn't know why we had to plan the thing around people I didn't even know. I didn't know anyone outside of the org anymore.
My mom and I half-pretended it was going to be a real wedding. Perhaps in an attempt to keep PR in, I was allowed a Sunday morning off and we bought a wedding dress. Harking back to my Catholic days, I felt the ceremony should be on a Sunday. Sunday was also technically my day off, so I felt I could get married without CSWing for the day off. So, I CSWed for the next a.m. off of course, so I could hang out with the new hubby for a few hours before post. (Yes, I was back on post the day after my wedding).
It's just weird to look back on it. A woman in qual, (who soon left) was very protective of pregnant women. She decided to audit me on pregnancy stuff. I'm continually amazed as I write this, to remember all the people I knew in the cult who were just so good...just duped like the rest of us, and would do anything to help. I don't remember much about the auditing. Just something about having been a hooker in the Old West, and the fact I was in SERIOUS doubt about getting married coming up as a withhold. That withhold wound me up in front of the Ethics Officer the next day.
Ugh. Lower conditions? Noooooo.....I ensured her I was fine, couldn't wait to get married, it was just "case", and I'd knock it off. A few days later, I'd be in the car with Lee as I spoke of above, and admit I felt I was doing the wrong thing, but I felt I didn't have a choice. Don't get me wrong, I did love my husband, but this whirlwind was insane. Being on staff was insane. I wanted out of this life, and marriage to him would cement it. Man, tears are coming to my eyes just writing this right now. I can't believe what a scared little girl I had become.
The night before our ceremony, I asked my fiance what his plans were for our future. I was scared. He told me that he wanted us to move to LA and do our Briefing Courses and become field auditors. I was ecstatic. My fears were allayed, and I now joyfully threw myself into the idea of marrying him. He would end up paying for the BC and Class VIII. Every dime disappeared. I got an e-meter from him for Christmas one year, but that's all we got out of it. Everything ended up getting "booked". At one point, there was supposedly a collector's edition of some book we bought, but in the end, it all ended up going for dono's. Thousands and thousands of dollars, spent on Dianetics books and Road to Freedom cassettes and other crap handed out to public. The account chipped away every time ASHO's book stats needed a boost that week. Idiocy.
Family planned our wedding. I showed up. Delusionaly, I felt it was important to have the ceremony in one location, and the reception at another. That was the extent of my input. So, the ceremony was at the org--and the reception was at a local mission. Having a wedding at an org is a stupid idea. I have no idea what family thought about hearing folks running down the halls screaming about stats (no, they couldn't even contain themselves for the wedding).
The wedding was in the courseroom and my senior did the honors. It was pretty ridiculous. A courseroom still looks like a courseroom. Lovely to have your ceremony site decked out in things like tone scale posters and pictures of Ron. Our Scio staff "photographer" apologized after the ceremony and handed us the camera. He hardly got any pictures, because he had started feeling really ill. Someone could use the camera to capture the reception. My sister was my bridesmaid, and my husband's brother was the best man. It was supposed to be hubby's best friend, but his brother screamed and bitched, so hubby "gently" let down his friend and replaced him. Wedding in one courseroom--reception in another. It was a low-rent cheesy affair that looked like we were trying to do it up but were clueless. Wish I could paint the picture--it just was....bad. Deli meat and a cake from Albertson's (actually, the cake was damn good--the cold cuts, not so much). A Scio band played, and everyone left early. We helped clean the place up.
Family got us a suite in a new inn for our wedding night, and we were blown away. We were SO excited! I felt SO in love. We kept talking about how THIS (eating fancy food in this hotel) was what life was about. And we'd DO this someday...often! Way to Happiness! Flourish and Prosper! When Scientology became more accepted, how fabulous it would all be. We'd be auditing our pc's, living the high life, all while saving the planet. We truly believed it. Instead, we'd soon be filing bankruptcy. Couldn't even pay the hospital bills for the birth of our son. We'd drift far apart from each other. At first, it was a big dose of "preventive Dianetics"--we were afraid of the harmful engrams sex would cause our unborn child and we lost our physical intimacy. With staff schedules, we had hardly any time together. Later, I'd be off staff and he'd be constantly told what an "enemy" I was and be on the watch for any CI. Well, during the little time that he managed to spend at home anyhow. It's painfully sad. He is really a wonderful guy, and we never had a chance. It kills me that he's still in the cult.
Oh...and as we were exiting the ceremony, a face looked up at me. There were tears in his eyes, but he was smiling. It was Lee. He made it to the wedding, and had made sure that music was played while I walked down the aisle.
They say every little girl dreams of her wedding day. When mine was coming up, I was too exhausted to get excited or plan it. I wanted a simple nighttime affair, outdoors, with tiny lights. That wasn't flying with my fiance's family. People were driving a bit, and wanted to be able to get back home that night. I didn't know why we had to plan the thing around people I didn't even know. I didn't know anyone outside of the org anymore.
My mom and I half-pretended it was going to be a real wedding. Perhaps in an attempt to keep PR in, I was allowed a Sunday morning off and we bought a wedding dress. Harking back to my Catholic days, I felt the ceremony should be on a Sunday. Sunday was also technically my day off, so I felt I could get married without CSWing for the day off. So, I CSWed for the next a.m. off of course, so I could hang out with the new hubby for a few hours before post. (Yes, I was back on post the day after my wedding).
It's just weird to look back on it. A woman in qual, (who soon left) was very protective of pregnant women. She decided to audit me on pregnancy stuff. I'm continually amazed as I write this, to remember all the people I knew in the cult who were just so good...just duped like the rest of us, and would do anything to help. I don't remember much about the auditing. Just something about having been a hooker in the Old West, and the fact I was in SERIOUS doubt about getting married coming up as a withhold. That withhold wound me up in front of the Ethics Officer the next day.
Ugh. Lower conditions? Noooooo.....I ensured her I was fine, couldn't wait to get married, it was just "case", and I'd knock it off. A few days later, I'd be in the car with Lee as I spoke of above, and admit I felt I was doing the wrong thing, but I felt I didn't have a choice. Don't get me wrong, I did love my husband, but this whirlwind was insane. Being on staff was insane. I wanted out of this life, and marriage to him would cement it. Man, tears are coming to my eyes just writing this right now. I can't believe what a scared little girl I had become.
The night before our ceremony, I asked my fiance what his plans were for our future. I was scared. He told me that he wanted us to move to LA and do our Briefing Courses and become field auditors. I was ecstatic. My fears were allayed, and I now joyfully threw myself into the idea of marrying him. He would end up paying for the BC and Class VIII. Every dime disappeared. I got an e-meter from him for Christmas one year, but that's all we got out of it. Everything ended up getting "booked". At one point, there was supposedly a collector's edition of some book we bought, but in the end, it all ended up going for dono's. Thousands and thousands of dollars, spent on Dianetics books and Road to Freedom cassettes and other crap handed out to public. The account chipped away every time ASHO's book stats needed a boost that week. Idiocy.
Family planned our wedding. I showed up. Delusionaly, I felt it was important to have the ceremony in one location, and the reception at another. That was the extent of my input. So, the ceremony was at the org--and the reception was at a local mission. Having a wedding at an org is a stupid idea. I have no idea what family thought about hearing folks running down the halls screaming about stats (no, they couldn't even contain themselves for the wedding).
The wedding was in the courseroom and my senior did the honors. It was pretty ridiculous. A courseroom still looks like a courseroom. Lovely to have your ceremony site decked out in things like tone scale posters and pictures of Ron. Our Scio staff "photographer" apologized after the ceremony and handed us the camera. He hardly got any pictures, because he had started feeling really ill. Someone could use the camera to capture the reception. My sister was my bridesmaid, and my husband's brother was the best man. It was supposed to be hubby's best friend, but his brother screamed and bitched, so hubby "gently" let down his friend and replaced him. Wedding in one courseroom--reception in another. It was a low-rent cheesy affair that looked like we were trying to do it up but were clueless. Wish I could paint the picture--it just was....bad. Deli meat and a cake from Albertson's (actually, the cake was damn good--the cold cuts, not so much). A Scio band played, and everyone left early. We helped clean the place up.
Family got us a suite in a new inn for our wedding night, and we were blown away. We were SO excited! I felt SO in love. We kept talking about how THIS (eating fancy food in this hotel) was what life was about. And we'd DO this someday...often! Way to Happiness! Flourish and Prosper! When Scientology became more accepted, how fabulous it would all be. We'd be auditing our pc's, living the high life, all while saving the planet. We truly believed it. Instead, we'd soon be filing bankruptcy. Couldn't even pay the hospital bills for the birth of our son. We'd drift far apart from each other. At first, it was a big dose of "preventive Dianetics"--we were afraid of the harmful engrams sex would cause our unborn child and we lost our physical intimacy. With staff schedules, we had hardly any time together. Later, I'd be off staff and he'd be constantly told what an "enemy" I was and be on the watch for any CI. Well, during the little time that he managed to spend at home anyhow. It's painfully sad. He is really a wonderful guy, and we never had a chance. It kills me that he's still in the cult.
Oh...and as we were exiting the ceremony, a face looked up at me. There were tears in his eyes, but he was smiling. It was Lee. He made it to the wedding, and had made sure that music was played while I walked down the aisle.
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clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
Dealing with Non-Scio Family
Man, writing that about my wedding, it just hits me how family ceases to be family when you are in the cult. Family is only relevant when it's a "sit" to be handled. And Scientology seems to piss folks off, so there's a good chance there will be sits to be handled. It becomes easier not to deal with them.
My hubby was several hours late to our wedding rehearsal. He was upstairs with a pc who got stuck in some incident, and couldn't end off. My dad was going ballistic and threatening to burst in on the session. Family just didn't "get it".
Holidays were the worst. I would usually show up on time, and just be dying...waiting for my husband to arrive. Folks bitching that he wasn't there, but was at "that fucking church". There was always some course to be comped or some pc to be audited on a holiday. I don't remember if he EVER showed up in time for the dinner.
I remember one birthday I had. I was hanging out with my Father in Law as he got drunker and drunker. Being off staff, and afraid to let people know the lifestyle I was leading, I had no friends. So, FIL decided I needed to have some sort of party, and he'd put this together. Hubby was hours and hours late (again), when FIL starts going off. Swearing that he was going to buy a Sherman tank and "blow that fucking church up". I heard this rant from him often. He lost hundreds of thousands of dollars that he had lent to churchies that never paid him back. He initially had "gone along with the program" because they had "gotten (hubby) off of drugs". A lot of those people who stiffed him are still onlines, in good standing. Never bothered to pay him back. He told me if it was him, he'd tell my husband to either choose "the church or me". He didn't realize, that I suddenly knew in that moment, that the answer would be "the church". I instantly felt completely and totally alone.
Over the years, I'd cut off from my family. So ashamed of what my life was like, and I didn't want them to get "the wrong idea" about Scientology by basing it on how horribly things were going for me. Effing cult....
Man, writing that about my wedding, it just hits me how family ceases to be family when you are in the cult. Family is only relevant when it's a "sit" to be handled. And Scientology seems to piss folks off, so there's a good chance there will be sits to be handled. It becomes easier not to deal with them.
My hubby was several hours late to our wedding rehearsal. He was upstairs with a pc who got stuck in some incident, and couldn't end off. My dad was going ballistic and threatening to burst in on the session. Family just didn't "get it".
Holidays were the worst. I would usually show up on time, and just be dying...waiting for my husband to arrive. Folks bitching that he wasn't there, but was at "that fucking church". There was always some course to be comped or some pc to be audited on a holiday. I don't remember if he EVER showed up in time for the dinner.
I remember one birthday I had. I was hanging out with my Father in Law as he got drunker and drunker. Being off staff, and afraid to let people know the lifestyle I was leading, I had no friends. So, FIL decided I needed to have some sort of party, and he'd put this together. Hubby was hours and hours late (again), when FIL starts going off. Swearing that he was going to buy a Sherman tank and "blow that fucking church up". I heard this rant from him often. He lost hundreds of thousands of dollars that he had lent to churchies that never paid him back. He initially had "gone along with the program" because they had "gotten (hubby) off of drugs". A lot of those people who stiffed him are still onlines, in good standing. Never bothered to pay him back. He told me if it was him, he'd tell my husband to either choose "the church or me". He didn't realize, that I suddenly knew in that moment, that the answer would be "the church". I instantly felt completely and totally alone.
Over the years, I'd cut off from my family. So ashamed of what my life was like, and I didn't want them to get "the wrong idea" about Scientology by basing it on how horribly things were going for me. Effing cult....
Woggin' out
Patron with Honors
( I don't remember much about the auditing. Just something about having been a hooker in the Old West)
________________
_________________________________________________
I ran the same thing in session!!!! I never met another past life Old West hooker other than me!! 
Enjoying your story tremendously!!
________________
_________________________________________________
I ran the same thing in session!!!! I never met another past life Old West hooker other than me!! Enjoying your story tremendously!!
fogfreetimes2
Patron
What a horrible trapped feeling.
clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
This is where it gets really hard. This is where it truly starts to suck. Because I look back at this time and I just see that part of me KNEW it was insane. Yet, I continued on for years. The child I gave birth to here has now disconnected from me. I listened to the idiocy, and thought I was saving his eternity. He won't talk to me now...what an awesome legacy. I taught him well. I was going to post more of my story, but I don't think I'm up to it after all. I'll plug on and get on with it another day. Just not this day.
Kookaburra
Gold Meritorious Patron
I am so sorry this happened to you, Clammy.
Every story I read just re-affirms my realization of just how evil the cult of Scientology really is. And steels my resolve to bring them down. It won't be much longer now.
clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
It's been a while. And part of me thought, I was done, even though I touched on just a part of my story. Then I saw over 5000 hits on this crazy thing. Amazing. Every one of our stories is important. It just breaks me up inside--just believed for so long that what I went through was worthless, or I pulled it in.
Anyhow, being pregnant on staff was horrible. I already mentioned the morning sickness. I was becoming a fat cow. I had been a size 5 at the beginning of this ordeal, but when you go from working out 15-20 hours a week with real sleep and healthy food, then you are at a desk all day long and just getting food to survive, it's not pretty. I also was cringing at the thought of leaving my baby in the nursery. I'm very 'alternative' in so many ways, but I always thought I'd want to stay home with any children I had. I have an old-fashioned streak that I knew was not going to play well in the cult.
During this period, I had a very odd experience. I was listening to the PDC tapes one night. Huckster mentioned that a thetan could be in more than one place at once. Wow...I conceptualized it, and it happened. So, I thought, does that mean a thetan could be "NOWHERE"???? Things suddenly exploded. It was like I was exterior, but there was nothing to be exterior to. Felt totally blown out, and decided I sort of needed to "get back". It was a bit difficult. I figured I had to 'remock' the physical universe. It was bizarre as hell. Everything was sort of morphing and wavy--and I could see down into the next few apartments. I was "putting it all back there" so I could get back into the physical universe. One of those things that hooked me. I made a point to verify what I'd seen in the other apartments later, and it matched. Oh...I woke up with one hell of a headache the next day. Screaming, psychotic headache.
Luckily, my senior had pull, and even though I was at the bottom of the org board, I went in for Int handling, with one of the top auditors. Running recalls, I got pissed off--first one was that Norma Jean Baker showed up. And I was like FUCK THAT!!! One of the reasons I liked Scientology was that I didn't get 'famous person' recalls. I was a pauper as often as I was a prince. THEN--it comes up that I'd spent some time at St. Hill. I was becoming more and more pissed off and thinking that auditing was bullshit. Finally...the auditor was practically yelling at me "What is THAT??!?!?!" and I didn't want to tell him what I was thinking. Actually, he handled it correctly, that's the only way I would have coughed it up. The THAT was..."uh...I think I'm Clear." I thought I'd gone Clear in Book 1. "THANK YOU!" uh... I tried to explain how I 'knew' that wasn't possible. Didn't know they were trying to figure out why I just wouldn't fucking originate and were pretty relieved I finally spit it out. Didn't realize at the time that I was C/Sed for End of Endless Int so I wouldn't run recalls because they figured I probably was Clear. Anyhow...
The next day, posters went up around the org. There was a new release. Something called the "Clear Certainty Rundown". hmmm.....
Anyhow, being pregnant on staff was horrible. I already mentioned the morning sickness. I was becoming a fat cow. I had been a size 5 at the beginning of this ordeal, but when you go from working out 15-20 hours a week with real sleep and healthy food, then you are at a desk all day long and just getting food to survive, it's not pretty. I also was cringing at the thought of leaving my baby in the nursery. I'm very 'alternative' in so many ways, but I always thought I'd want to stay home with any children I had. I have an old-fashioned streak that I knew was not going to play well in the cult.
During this period, I had a very odd experience. I was listening to the PDC tapes one night. Huckster mentioned that a thetan could be in more than one place at once. Wow...I conceptualized it, and it happened. So, I thought, does that mean a thetan could be "NOWHERE"???? Things suddenly exploded. It was like I was exterior, but there was nothing to be exterior to. Felt totally blown out, and decided I sort of needed to "get back". It was a bit difficult. I figured I had to 'remock' the physical universe. It was bizarre as hell. Everything was sort of morphing and wavy--and I could see down into the next few apartments. I was "putting it all back there" so I could get back into the physical universe. One of those things that hooked me. I made a point to verify what I'd seen in the other apartments later, and it matched. Oh...I woke up with one hell of a headache the next day. Screaming, psychotic headache.
Luckily, my senior had pull, and even though I was at the bottom of the org board, I went in for Int handling, with one of the top auditors. Running recalls, I got pissed off--first one was that Norma Jean Baker showed up. And I was like FUCK THAT!!! One of the reasons I liked Scientology was that I didn't get 'famous person' recalls. I was a pauper as often as I was a prince. THEN--it comes up that I'd spent some time at St. Hill. I was becoming more and more pissed off and thinking that auditing was bullshit. Finally...the auditor was practically yelling at me "What is THAT??!?!?!" and I didn't want to tell him what I was thinking. Actually, he handled it correctly, that's the only way I would have coughed it up. The THAT was..."uh...I think I'm Clear." I thought I'd gone Clear in Book 1. "THANK YOU!" uh... I tried to explain how I 'knew' that wasn't possible. Didn't know they were trying to figure out why I just wouldn't fucking originate and were pretty relieved I finally spit it out. Didn't realize at the time that I was C/Sed for End of Endless Int so I wouldn't run recalls because they figured I probably was Clear. Anyhow...
The next day, posters went up around the org. There was a new release. Something called the "Clear Certainty Rundown". hmmm.....
Tiger Lily
Gold Meritorious Patron
Clami that's fascinating. . . I can relate; I had very similar experiences with Int and subsequent past life clear origination. . . though I never unmocked the physical universe (interesting though, I had a friend who was not a Scientologist who described a similar experience to me).
Thanks for telling that. It really shows why people get so into the CofS -- these weird things happen that just capture your attention and the adventure is really something.
-TL
Thanks for telling that. It really shows why people get so into the CofS -- these weird things happen that just capture your attention and the adventure is really something.
-TL
clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
Cool. Thanks. I actually thought I went Clear this life in my first 'real' book 1 session, so past life would "explain" why this could happen. I don't know what I actually believe anymore. It's just all (at this point) part of the story of my journey.
Tiger Lily
Gold Meritorious Patron
Yea me either -- don't know what I believe and finally realize it's not that important. But it's such an important part of the story, because we believed it at the time and it affected us. Thanks for sharing yours!
-TL
-TL
clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
Silent CCRidity (with a bow to Queensryche)
awww....why the fuck not?
Billy Idol..."With a rebel yell she cried 'moar, Moar, MOAR!!!:
Nobody said anything to me about the CCRD--the posters were there the VERY next day. I thought maybe it was a portent, but nobody said ANYTHING. Huh. Yeah. Life was basically sucking. I mentioned earlier in the threads how things were going to hell. My hubby at the time was being sucked dry, my body was giving out--I was mentally fried...but.....
One day, ASHO came to town. They told me I was C/Sed for the CCRD! Well, I decided to put $3000 onto the Mastercard that I had acquired before Scientology. ASHO and my hubby had been good friends. He'd paid for his BC and Class VIII and donated more books than a billion new recruits could listen to. My Christmas present had been a 'brown leather meter' that came off of account. I took it as validation that he believed I could be an auditor. I was actually touched. Barf-vision is 20/20 on hindsight.
My hubby was pissed at me for doing this. I was indignant. We'd paid everything for donos and stuff for him, and THIS was my CCRD! This was one of the most important steps on the Bridge! How the hell would he dare to stop me when I went along with all his donos in the past? And even on my pitiful staff pay (uh...that would crash out when they put in the proportional pay plan), I thought I could handle it. This was MY State of CLEAR we were talking about. In FACT, he'd already had been regged for by ASHO and OWNED a Clear Bracelet reserved for me when I attained this mystical state.
I look at it now, and I'm stunned. I couldn't even afford maternity clothes. We were still living with my mother and I'm coughing up my credit for the fucking CCRD. We were so bad off that at one point, the PES (SPG) decided that I should not be allowed in the courseroom because I looked so downstat (really needed some UPSTAT CLOTHING). This was the same bitch that regged my husband within every cent of his life each week, so he couldn't buy me any maternity clothes. But, of course, my clothes needed to at LEAST be clean...but when you are pregnant, and exhausted and working over 100 hours per week...how do you get your laundry done on the posted hours in the apartment laundryroom? Guess I just wasn't making it go right.
Everybody on staff seemed to be pregnant or recently had given birth, so I got a few hand-me-downs, but I was starting to lose my mind. I was hormonal and I had no sleep and improper nutrition. My OB was concerned. I had been used to working out every day, but you can't do that on staff. I was suddenly sedentary, my body was freaking out, and my obstetrician was also getting a bit concerned about his bill. He was actually very kind--I should have been cut off, but he still took care of me.
I just couldn't imagine going back to full org hours after our kid was born, but I knew I'd pay if I held onto that idea...and I did wind up feeling like I should raise my son. Boy, did I end up paying.
Thanks for the update Clammy- moar soon?
awww....why the fuck not?
Billy Idol..."With a rebel yell she cried 'moar, Moar, MOAR!!!: Nobody said anything to me about the CCRD--the posters were there the VERY next day. I thought maybe it was a portent, but nobody said ANYTHING. Huh. Yeah. Life was basically sucking. I mentioned earlier in the threads how things were going to hell. My hubby at the time was being sucked dry, my body was giving out--I was mentally fried...but.....
One day, ASHO came to town. They told me I was C/Sed for the CCRD!
Well, I decided to put $3000 onto the Mastercard that I had acquired before Scientology. ASHO and my hubby had been good friends. He'd paid for his BC and Class VIII and donated more books than a billion new recruits could listen to. My Christmas present had been a 'brown leather meter' that came off of account. I took it as validation that he believed I could be an auditor. I was actually touched. Barf-vision is 20/20 on hindsight.My hubby was pissed at me for doing this. I was indignant. We'd paid everything for donos and stuff for him, and THIS was my CCRD! This was one of the most important steps on the Bridge! How the hell would he dare to stop me when I went along with all his donos in the past? And even on my pitiful staff pay (uh...that would crash out when they put in the proportional pay plan), I thought I could handle it. This was MY State of CLEAR we were talking about. In FACT, he'd already had been regged for by ASHO and OWNED a Clear Bracelet reserved for me when I attained this mystical state.
I look at it now, and I'm stunned. I couldn't even afford maternity clothes. We were still living with my mother and I'm coughing up my credit for the fucking CCRD. We were so bad off that at one point, the PES (SPG) decided that I should not be allowed in the courseroom because I looked so downstat (really needed some UPSTAT CLOTHING). This was the same bitch that regged my husband within every cent of his life each week, so he couldn't buy me any maternity clothes. But, of course, my clothes needed to at LEAST be clean...but when you are pregnant, and exhausted and working over 100 hours per week...how do you get your laundry done on the posted hours in the apartment laundryroom? Guess I just wasn't making it go right.
Everybody on staff seemed to be pregnant or recently had given birth, so I got a few hand-me-downs, but I was starting to lose my mind. I was hormonal and I had no sleep and improper nutrition. My OB was concerned. I had been used to working out every day, but you can't do that on staff. I was suddenly sedentary, my body was freaking out, and my obstetrician was also getting a bit concerned about his bill. He was actually very kind--I should have been cut off, but he still took care of me.
I just couldn't imagine going back to full org hours after our kid was born, but I knew I'd pay if I held onto that idea...and I did wind up feeling like I should raise my son. Boy, did I end up paying.
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clamicide
Gold Meritorious Patron
I Gots Me Some Stars....
I just noticed it...but you LIKE me...You REALLY, REALLY LIKE ME!!!!!
and if you guys take that too seriously...dammit, ya don't know me! 
Study your Sally Field, and irony. Actually, it does tickle me that some folks might actually get something out of this. I know I did, and if others actually do, it's beyond awesome for me. Now, how many sexual favors do I owe folks for those stars???? (keep clicking guys...and gals )
I just noticed it...but you LIKE me...You REALLY, REALLY LIKE ME!!!!!
and if you guys take that too seriously...dammit, ya don't know me! Study your Sally Field, and irony. Actually, it does tickle me that some folks might actually get something out of this. I know I did, and if others actually do, it's beyond awesome for me. Now, how many sexual favors do I owe folks for those stars???? (keep clicking guys...and gals )
Tiger Lily
Gold Meritorious Patron
I just noticed it...but you LIKE me...You REALLY, REALLY LIKE ME!!!!!
Aw Clami -- we'd love you even if they were nooses! (I hope you remember when Emma took Alanzo's stars away and gave him nooses. . . otherwise that makes no sense!)
Yes, I know I'm getting a lot out of it . . there is so much there that I can relate to -- especially the thoughts you were having along the way. I just kept nodding my head as you were drawn deeper and deeper into the same abyss I was . . .the only difference being that I was already married to a "wog" who just never bought in . . and I had a career and kids, and a lifestyle that depended on my being an "upstanding citizen" which kept me somewhat grounded in terms of what I DID, but my thoughts were all there with you. It's hard to say you "enjoy" a story like that, but it really helps to know that you aren't alone and to dissect that "WTF" surrounding the whole thing!
. . . and it's great to "get to know you" -- you're amazing!
-TL
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