Chris Shelton: Come on In, the Sand is Fine!

CommunicatorIC

@IndieScieNews on Twitter
The Minnesota Critical Thinker: Come on In, the Sand is Fine!
http://mncriticalthinking.com/2014/07/17/come-on-in-the-sand-is-fine/

Excerpt:
Last year, after I had quit Scientology’s Sea Organization, I was alarmed to start discovering on the internet the sorts of covert operations and stalking that this group routinely engages in against its ex-members and critics. But what I really should have recognized as the red alert danger signal was my fiancé’s fear of what I was doing: reading anti-Scientology materials on the internet.

She is a Scientologist. It wasn’t the truth of the information that she had a problem with. One could hardly argue with a news story which featured the mug shot of the Scientology leader David Miscavige’s twin sister having been incarcerated on drug charges. Or deny the church’s finger prints when confronted with video coverage of Scientologist “Squirrel Busters” outright harassing critics and former members on their front porch.

While this was disturbing, the real conflict for my fiancé was that I was looking at any of this in the first place. Couldn’t I just leave well enough alone? Why did I have to be looking at this bad news – what Scientology calls “entheta”? This entered a bit of a wedge in our relationship and I didn’t deal with it as I should have: by being open and honest about what I was seeing and getting her involved in what I was doing. I was still in the Scientology mindset of “hide hide hide lest ye be found out” and that was definitely not healthy.

A few months later, she was handled by Scientology’s “ethics officers” to disconnect from me and my suppressive ways. She didn’t even tell me in person – she wrote me a letter. This was a woman who had agreed to marry me, we were talking about children and were already planning when and how the marriage would take place.
 
Well at least we're making progress.

In my day any Scientologist would have laughed at the "enTheta" because we had total certainty.

So it's an improvement, although a pathetic mindset to have.

The Anabaptist Jacques
 

HelluvaHoax!

Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
..

The entire concept of a grown adult "writing a letter" to their fiancé to break up is a perfect showcase of cult cowardice and fear that Scientologists like to think of as "cause".

What a tragic way to lead a life or leave a lover.

It provokes one to wonder what the chronological maturity is of an "adult" Scientologist who has to have their parents (senior scientologists) permission to date someone.

I would guess that the emotional maturity of a Scientologist would be somewhere in the 8-12 years old age band.

They need "permission" to do things so they don't get punished. When they psychologically turn 13 (teenager!) they start to rebel (blow).

Three big cheers for all the JDs on ESPN. Jokers/Degraders and/or Juvenile Delinquents. lol
 

lotus

stubborn rebel sheep!
..


I would guess that the emotional maturity of a Scientologist would be somewhere in the 8-12 years old age band.

They need "permission" to do things so they don't get punished. When they psychologically turn 13 (teenager!) they start to rebel (blow).

Three big cheers for all the JDs on ESPN. Jokers/Degraders and/or Juvenile Delinquents. lol

what you said
:biggrin:
 

Chris Shelton

Patron with Honors
This point on the emotional maturity of my ex-fiance and of Scientologists in general is actually a very important one to make and I'm glad it came up here.

For the last 1.5 years since I left the Sea Org, and the last 6 months since I really left all of my pro-Scientology connections behind me, my emotional baggage and experiences have been broadsiding me in ways I never imagined, mainly because I didn't know how to deal with them. It's been a major process dealing with things in life that you are not prepared for when you come from the bubble world of Scientology/Sea Org. You come out thinking you are so entitled and that you know everything there is to know about communication and interpersonal relations and what life is really all about. Then when you fall on your face over and over and over again, you start questioning just how much is it that you really know. In the bubble world, when everyone agrees with everything Hubbard said, you can get along well enough. But out in the real world, which Hubbard claims to be giving you the tools for, these things just don't work so good! Sure, they work sometimes but they aren't universal. And more often than not, people and situations are a lot more complicated or diverse than Hubbard's "truths" allow for.

People who claim that Scientology doesn't cause emotional and psychological damage have no idea what they are talking about. It most certainly does! Just realizing this, though, is part of stripping off the "onion layers" that Lerma refers to. Even two or three months ago, I probably would have continued to assert that "I'm fine. It's all good." But it wasn't. I just wasn't yet up to realizing what a trained professional I was at having "no case on post" meaning I had no real means of confronting or dealing with my emotions other than stomping them into the ground and denying they existed.

I've been being helped all the way along by some real friends and close family and I'm now seeing that there are other alternatives to dealing with grief and loss and some of the other "misemotion" which we are so carefully trained to deny or bury when we are on staff or in the Sea Org.

My ex, unfortunately, is still stuck in that same Scientology boat and I feel really bad for her and for all staff/SO who are stuck in that situation. They have to first come out of the "us versus them" battleground which they cling to so tightly before they will ever graduate up to realizing that something might be wrong with their thinking and with their emotional maturity. It's such a road to recovery out of Scientology or any cult or mass movement, for that matter. That's why I try to write about or video about things that I think will be real to those still in. I think it would be over their heads to start pontificating about emotional maturity to people who believe that Hubbard had it all wrapped up with the Tone Scale.

This board is helpful for that process of regaining all of ourselves back, as is having good friends and family who understand what we've been through and can help us along the way with the little bumps in the road. That's what I'm most thankful for right now. I think recovering from cult-think is a work-in-progress for anyone for a long time but every day brings new discoveries and new joys that make life better and better. At least, that's been my experience.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
You know Chris, you have done incredibly well in such a short time. It took me years to get to the point you are now, not months. Yes part of that is having the appropriate and vital support, which it seems you do.

It certainly is an onion layer peeling process. There are many concepts so deeply ingrained we don't know they exist until suddenly one day it hits you in the face and you go WTF? Especially when you start to really delve into the emotional side, everything that has been squashed down and ignored is still there. I just wanted to tell you that if one day you feel like you are adrift on an ocean with waves of feelings so strong you feel like you will drown, it's ok and normal. We were not allowed to feel ...to unconditionally love ... to have compassion and empathy. It's something to learn all over again without such concepts as "Arc breaks, O/Ws, HE&R" and all the other thought stopping shit that contributed to being miserable on the inside while trying to appear as expected. There are many ways to deal with emotional storms, or even understanding what is actually normal, lots on this board. I am not saying this will happen, but it is not unusual if it does and I write for the lurkers too. :)

You are truly an inspiration - and guess what? That comment does not come with any expectations. Do what seems right to you now, and thankyou.
 

lotus

stubborn rebel sheep!
It's good that you tell so, about how much it is challenging to get out an make it through ''normal'' life.

As you said it's a process of recovering the self, analyse what is not of help and build a new path of mind, spirit, behavior, faith...
That reminds me how much work it is and how we can only be supportive, on their path, for people who recently left the CO$ or the $cientology mindset. :yes:

Anyway, despite it's not easy,

(I can remember my first steps, out of the cult family, alone - comptelety destroyed in my self-confidence, emotionnal strenght, totally in confusion, severly ill and nobody to talk with..)

I can see that you are walking your path and it's obvious I see the true Chris, with a critical mind. You did great in such a short time!
I am certain everything will settle fine, a step at the time, and that life will be generous to you.
One good sign is the ability one has to talk freely about oneself thaughts, experiences, and emotions. Which means he\she is not trapped in an emotional isolation as in the cult.

You are wise, intelligent, a beautifull being with such a smile.
You will rebuild a new life with your very good abilities and strenght
Anything that there is to learn, out of the bubble, you will learn it fast and easy!


May I suggest you a wonderfull reading Chris ????
It's been of a tremendous help for me an other people , and wish it could be of help for you too!

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?34950-The-Mindful-Path-to-Self-Compassion-Freeing-Yourself-from-Destructive-Thoughts

Best to you and keep being confident in you !
 
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Boojuum

Silver Meritorious Patron
I love this post!!!

This point on the emotional maturity of my ex-fiance and of Scientologists in general is actually a very important one to make and I'm glad it came up here.

For the last 1.5 years since I left the Sea Org, and the last 6 months since I really left all of my pro-Scientology connections behind me, my emotional baggage and experiences have been broadsiding me in ways I never imagined, mainly because I didn't know how to deal with them. It's been a major process dealing with things in life that you are not prepared for when you come from the bubble world [Great analog "bubble world", so true] of Scientology/Sea Org. You come out thinking you are so entitled and that you know everything there is to know about communication and interpersonal relations and what life is really all about. [Exactly! This is precisely the mind set I held onto for years while trying to make it in the non-Scieno bubble. There I was handling people with LRH tech and failing miserably. Well, I wasn't a total failure and some of the things about Scientology were helpful to me, such as study tech and being able to work incredibly hard while being abused. But the recurring theme in Scientology is about how able you've become. You are a big being, high-toned, homo novis. The truth is that as a really "able" Scientologist you are exactly and only that, an able Scientologist. One tends to find out that you're not a great salesman, a great manager, a great teacher, a great orator, or a great scientist. You know how to operate in the closed off world of Scientology where yelling is completely acceptable, rotten teeth are common, working with people who have terrible hygiene is normal; and you are so broke you have virtually no comprehension of how someone can afford a vacation or a new car or a nice home. Your notion of learning a trade and having a career is fuzzy, where all the non-Scienos you meet have avocations that they are skilled at. And the folks that seem to be doing very, very well aren't necessarily all that uptone or energetic or even capable. And you're not 20 years old and the people you meet at work don't understand where you've been for the last 15 years. You don't make sense to them. You're not one of the guys. You aren't a non-Scieno; you're an ex-Scieno trying to gain footing in the real world. It's a BIG change! But the great news is that for all the weirdness, you're free of that nagging feeling of oppression and having to do more, more, more. And the food is much better and there's a tangible future. You're not rich but you can afford decent clothes and you have free time. You've lived through many trials and escaped. You make new friends and my major cognition is that life in the middle class is pretty darn good compared to the oppression of Scientology.] Then when you fall on your face over and over and over again, you start questioning just how much is it that you really know. In the bubble world, when everyone agrees with everything Hubbard said, you can get along well enough. But out in the real world, which Hubbard claims to be giving you the tools for, these things just don't work so good! Sure, they work sometimes but they aren't universal. And more often than not, people and situations are a lot more complicated or diverse than Hubbard's "truths" allow for. [Chris, This is more true than you may realize. LRH's one sentence solutions to virtually everything work really well in fiction stories or in barroom bullshit sessions. The reason why LRH and org management penalize or scream so much is because they are stuck with unworkable methods with unrealistic goals. A continual temper tantrum is about the only way to get relief. Try screaming or penalizing in a non-scieno world and see where you end up. I work in an environment where successful projects can last years and have multiple inputs from various groups. The notion of trying to impose LRH management "tech" on my world would be ridiculous, patently, laughably ridiculous. Product Officers? Esto Officers? Various I/C's running around demanding compliance?!!! Evals?! God help me, my organization does enough nutty stuff but nothing compared to a COS. Then again, my organization has to pay people real salaries. The non-Scieno business doesn't have an RPF or cramming and doesn't live in an environment where every time an error is made your beingness, willingness and ability are questioned. You don't get sent to ethics. You don't sent people to ethics. And it's okay! You're not trying to isolate SP's or folks with CI. Life just isn't that complex UNLESS you're a Scientologist. So breathe and enjoy. ]


People who claim that Scientology doesn't cause emotional and psychological damage have no idea what they are talking about. It most certainly does! Just realizing this, though, is part of stripping off the "onion layers" that Lerma refers to. Even two or three months ago, I probably would have continued to assert that "I'm fine. It's all good." But it wasn't. I just wasn't yet up to realizing what a trained professional I was at having "no case on post" meaning I had no real means of confronting or dealing with my emotions other than stomping them into the ground and denying they existed.

I've been being helped all the way along by some real friends and close family and I'm now seeing that there are other alternatives to dealing with grief and loss and some of the other "misemotion" which we are so carefully trained to deny or bury when we are on staff or in the Sea Org.

My ex, unfortunately, is still stuck in that same Scientology boat and I feel really bad for her and for all staff/SO who are stuck in that situation. They have to first come out of the "us versus them" battleground which they cling to so tightly before they will ever graduate up to realizing that something might be wrong with their thinking and with their emotional maturity. It's such a road to recovery out of Scientology or any cult or mass movement, for that matter. That's why I try to write about or video about things that I think will be real to those still in. I think it would be over their heads to start pontificating about emotional maturity to people who believe that Hubbard had it all wrapped up with the Tone Scale.

This board is helpful for that process of regaining all of ourselves back, as is having good friends and family who understand what we've been through and can help us along the way with the little bumps in the road. That's what I'm most thankful for right now. I think recovering from cult-think is a work-in-progress for anyone for a long time but every day brings new discoveries and new joys that make life better and better. At least, that's been my experience.
 

Gib

Crusader
In the bubble world, when everyone agrees with everything Hubbard said, you can get along well enough. But out in the real world, which Hubbard claims to be giving you the tools for, these things just don't work so good!

There's that word again: agrees, or agreement, or agree.

Hubbard said the most important point of the ARC triangle was communication.

But, alas, it isn't true, The most important point is agreement.

And hubbard used rhetoric, the art of persuassion (agreement), to get agreement with Hubbard. The apparency is that Hubbard spoke millions of words, communication, one thinks, to explain. But all Hubbard did was get agreement in his endless talking.
 
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lotus

stubborn rebel sheep!
Mine in red :biggrin:

There's that word again: agrees, or agreement, or agree.

Hubbard said the most important point of the ARC triangle was communication.

But, alas, it isn't true, The most important point is agreement.

And hubbard used rhetoric, the art of persuassion (agreement), to get agreement with Hubbard. The apparency is that Hubbard spoke millions of words, communication, one thinks, to explain. But all Hubbard did was his own agreement in him enjoying people listening his endless talking.
 
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