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Christmas and Disconnection

Discussion in 'Fair Game and Disconnection Victims' started by Free to shine, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I actually posted this on another thread in the Member's only area, and have decided that it warrants a more general discussion. There are thousands of people affected by disconnection and if anyone needs help at this time, here is a place to talk about it.

    No matter how 'right' scientologists think they are to work so hard on destroying the lives and relationships of people who are "labelled", they really aren't. There is no escaping the consequences of destructive actions, even if we don't get to see it. Relationships based on the apparency of success and goodwill, that are in fact deliberate lies and misinformation, will eventually crumble and reveal the bleak emotional landscape within. Not a happy place.

    This year my scientologist ex husband died, a gorgeous grandson was born and I am recovering from a major operation. Throughout that time I have experienced true love and support from dear friends on this board who are more my family than my (scientology influenced) birth family. At the same time the scientologist who for some reason sees me as such a threat has successfully managed to get three of my sisters, one daughter and goodness knows who else to disconnect from me and two of my brothers who refuse to buy the party line. The family has been successfully split in two.


    Because scientology does not know about love, forgiveness and compassion. It’s all about the bottom line and how they are perceived, ie must be seen as successful and right no matter what. It’s a hollow dream and only achieved by deception. And it’s incredibly sad and unnecessary for all concerned.

    So here’s to the people here who understand love and awareness.

    And sending love to all those who struggle to make sense and survive disconnection.

  2. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Is there anyone reading here who is also subject to a campaign of disconnection?
  3. Intentionally Blank

    Intentionally Blank Scientology Widow

    We have a child with whom we have no contact because s/he spoke out against scientology and how s/he was treated. S/he also has mental health issues.
  4. Two Cents

    Two Cents Patron with Honors

    I am so sorry about what has happened with your family due to the disconnection. Love and compassion are no part of that, it's true.
    The idea that any technology or tool to assist mankind is more important than the people who make up mankind is a complete fallacy.
    I have been through the agonizing process of disconnection from my family in the past and can say that there is no understanding involved in it at all.
    It is a deliberate brutality to the human race, in complete alignment with the management practices of the C of S, which are not humane, and do not belong here.

    My heart goes out to you, and I wish better times for you and your family in the future.


    Two Cents
  5. mockingbird

    mockingbird Silver Meritorious Patron

    This situation is like far too many others horrible and utterly despicable as Hubbard and now others push this inhuman and oppressive control and terror tool .

    It uses fear to silence opposition as people stay quiet to keep family and jobs .

    I was pressured thousands of times to disconnect from loved ones as the source of my problems and unhappiness and always regretted doing it or considering it .

    I have probably ruined or lowered the quality of ten thousand days of my family member's lives that I can never give back .

    I can try to give another ten thousand but may not live long enough .

    I hope the main cult falls soon so tens of thousands may be reconnected and see the truth that Scientology is , was and always will be a fraud with no workable technology and a terrorist mind control cult .

    I hope you can find some peace of mind in this time and regain what you have had unfairly taken from you soon .
  6. Claire Swazey

    Claire Swazey Spokeshole, fence sitter

    Compassion should extend to all. One never knows what others may be feeling or going through.
  7. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    :rose: Disconnection sucks but never give up hope.

    I have learned along the way, from having disconnected from loved ones when I was a scientologist, to being disconnected from because I left, that the important thing to remember is that one should persevere in trying to keep contact, no matter how unwanted. Be it sending cards, post cards or notes with a hello or an I live you, or a message through another relative, periodically ( even anonymously), the one thing to not do is retreat and let the communication be severed completely.

    My mother never gave up in reaching out to me in the simplest of ways, despite my disconnecting with her by HCO demand. When I was out, I encountered being disconnected from with an acute sense of feeling there was nothing much I could do. I didn't think about using this manner of approach my mother had used, I often backed off and didn't persist in reaching out often enough ( because each rejection hurt) until it was too late and a loved who refused communication with me all along had died. In retrospect, I had a defeatist frame of mind, approaching the person only after I'd allowed too much time to pass to make an impact, and then retreating again because of the lack of response.

    The simple idea of not giving up, of allowing time and inertia and emotions on both our parts to control the situation, was lost in time. If I had to do it all over again, I would send love the person's way, no matter what the reaction is, and keep sending it because I know now that it worked with me, whether I knew it or not at the time.

    So this is what I would suggest, if anyone were to ask. Not everyone can do this, but if it's possible it's a better alternative than feeling like there is nothing that can be done.

    My thoughts and prayers are always with you FTS. :bighug:
  8. Lermanet_com

    Lermanet_com Gold Meritorious Patron


    and a comment on the techniques use to accomplish it...

    Frank Oliver described a technique they use, "Turn a scratch into a broken arm" and just the other night

    I was watching Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, for the 3rd time, and there was a scene with Gollum that captures one of the techniques used to alienate affections. Despite searching
    I failed to find a movie clip of this 'cause its a terrific scene, emotionally memorable..

    "Gollum leads Sam and Frodo to a secret staircase that leads into Mordor. Frodo is pulled toward the front gates, and Sauron’s giant eye burns, sensing the nearness of the ring. Gollum tells Frodo that Sam will turn on him and come after the ring. As the hobbits sleep, Gollum throws away their remaining food after sprinkling crumbs on Sam to make it look like Sam ate the food himself. When they wake up, Sam discovers that the food is gone and accuses Gollum, who points to the crumbs on Sam’s cloak. Sam beats up Gollum and then asks Frodo if he needs help carrying the ring, which triggers Frodo’s doubts about Sam. Frodo decides that Sam, not Gollum, is the problem and decides to continue on with only Gollum. "
  9. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Very good advice Mary. I have such a large extended family who are affected and most don't understand what is really going on, so sending love to them is the way to go. It is only a couple of active scientologists within the family who stir things up using the considerable arsenal of scientology disruption and destruction techniques. I do have a hope that one day they will wake up and that bubble shatter, I won't give up on that hope because I have seen how completely people can change direction when they are out. Then they can begin to find the true love and family structure they (or at least one of them) so desperately seek instead of trying to "handle" something into existence that is a hollow structure built on lies and PR.

    Merry Christmas to you!
  10. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    Thank you. Glad you explained further. Remember, there is power in numbers! :)

  11. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    6:00am Christmas morning. 12 years bereft (remember looking that word up?), by the golden rod, of 3 kids with whom I had enjoyed a deep bond.

    I recall, during the years of my quiet apostasy, looking to the future with dread of eventual disconnection. I sought refuge with consorts of the pipe, (whom I found more genuine and less destructively greedy than my Scientologist ex-wife) even missing a daughter's 12th birthday. I am so so sorry.

    I had to stop reaching out to them because it made me indescribably hopelessly sad. Desperate for hope, I vowed to heal myself from the damage done to me and my life by my seduction into Scientology. Since my 2002 SP declare, I had lived as a degraded being, certain that any postulate I made was doomed to a 180 degree fate.

    I remember searching the internet for Scientology and finding nothing - nothing, then ARS. I went back to school. Desire lost some of its charm.

    ESMB has sustained me. I come here daily as a way to live my love for my lost children, now with children of their own whom I have never met.

    I have been sure my OT8 ex-spouse and OSA would find a way to make my personal restoration fail. I still feel like the moment I speak my truth, my love, my being, they will destroy me, or fate will destroy me with a 180.

    In the past month, I got a job where I fit in with people I like and can complete the apprenticeship component (30 years of experience denied by bureaucracy) of my long path toward professional license. In this same month, a doctor found a lesion on my larynx.

    The biopsy was postponed because I had partied a few days earlier. The following Monday I did a 4-person hour and a half interview to get this job. I have been worried I was too old to hire-no job, no license, wasted school. If I had had the biopsy, I might have been unable to talk for that long.

    Then, I got hit with 2 summons for jury duty, which I was able to postpone.

    There are few presents under the tree this year. But my little clan, growing from a different mother (long story) is warm and dry. Oh-and my car is on the road after 3 years of bicycle. My daughter-by-another-mother bought me a suit, and my previous job as a handyman/janitor for a landscape contractor helped me fix up the car so I could drive to my new job.

    Yesterday, I had the pleasure of visiting with a gentleman from a nearby town who runs a multi-generational sawmill in the course of getting some rough-sawn lumber with which to make my now-wife a rack for her cast-iron pots and pans. You know how sometimes you meet a beautiful salt-of-the earth soul who just makes you feel like character and wisdom do exist? I still feel warm and fuzzy about that encounter. My wife gets some rough-sawn pine boards with a bow this year...and a plaster repair and paint job of her kitchen and sewing room I guess.


    Your thoughts and prayers I succeed in un-breaking the circle would be sweet.

    The advice about persisting in loving communication with disconnected loved ones given in posts above is so sound. I think I can withstand the fear and pain of reaching out in 2015.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2014
  12. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    You got it.

  13. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    Waldorf High School kids - Hallelujah. The song remains the same!:thumbsup:

  14. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    Ditto! :flowers:
  15. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Thanks so much for sharing, I hoped someone would.

    There is a deep and dark pain that is hard to describe, because it's mixed with so many things ... anger, shame, vulnerability, self doubt. Life of course brings them to everyone in some form and surviving that and healing makes us into the people we are.

    I think for myself what makes it harder is sometimes a feeling of helplessness to change the circumstances we find ourselves in as a result of scientology’s particularly nasty ways. It’s hard to counter whispers and innuendos and straight out lies, especially as we often don’t actually get to hear them ourselves, only see the results in how others treat us. Even after the last family member has stopped being an active scientologist – if that ever happens – the ripples will always affect my life, and I have come to accept that.

    The only answer is to care for ourselves and undertake that daunting but so rewarding personal journey of forgiving self and accepting those fears and vulnerabilities. We are not the Gods we were taught we were, we are normal people ... good and bad ... weak and strong ... and that is OK. And when we truly understand that, then healing really begins.

    My own journey has been a long one and of course continues, and I have learnt so much! I felt such guilt that my children were indoctrinated before they could form their own opinions, and I see them struggle now with issues they tackle with that wrong indoctrination, not even being aware of it. The same for my siblings. Yet I also realise they have their own life journeys and the only thing I can really do is be here and be the best person I can, should they ever want to reconnect.

    Yesterday was Christmas Day and I had the most wonderful time with an extended in-law ‘normal’ family! Oh my goodness, I have not experienced that since I was a child and my grandparents would make Christmas an event with all the aunts and uncles and cousins ... before my father dragged us overseas for the cult and we lost them all. These warm and social people just accept each other for who they are and any issues they may have with each other, (and all families have them) were just swept under the table so that the love and joy of a family being together was the most important thing. In fact the main focus of the day was watching two toddlers and a baby connecting with each other and the adults. It was really quite profound for me and I find the tears coming remembering it and at the loss of such sharing within my own birth family. But just for a moment.

    The thing is to really, really appreciate what we have. Dear Wants2Talk – you have created a new family and you have the love and care that we Esspeas are not supposed to. You’re doing good! Whether our children come back to us is IMO in the lap of the Gods, and all we can do to help it along is send love from our hearts, even if not in a physical form. I am so grateful for yesterday, it showed me again what is possible and how much love is in fact in my life now. I hope you also had a wonderful Christmas and the love within your current family fills your heart instead of the pain.
  16. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    I am so happy for you, FTS, that you had a loving, wonderful 'normal' Christmas. You deserve that joy!
  17. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    Yes - a delicious miracle of a day. I am so proud of my daughter (by a non sci, non custodial mother). She paid to ship her half sister (same mother) to our house to share Christmas. This 18-year old is troubled (living with her mom's ex boyfriend) and dropped out of high school. I hope the love under our roof touched her.

    FreeToShine: May we interest the Gods!