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Christmas and Disconnection

Discussion in 'Fair Game and Disconnection Victims' started by Free to shine, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Many of us face hard times at Christmas due to the disconnection or loss of family or friends. You can't help but be reminded of how things used to be, should be, could be if it weren't for (insert reason). For ex scientologists it is particularly due to disconnection, that brutal ripping apart and destruction of families that leaves devastation in it's wake.

    All we did was speak our truth, walk the talk with our integrity, so the loss seems so very unfair.

    It is unfair, it is evil, yet sometimes we may need reminding that standing tall and walking away was the right thing to do. I think gratitude for the lives we now live, for the freedom of speech and thought is also something to be treasured and helps a little in maintaining balance.

    For me the hardest thing is the alienation of extended family, those who have been cleverly manipulated by the scientology influence and who don't even know it. It's easy enough for a scientologist to do - love bomb relatives while waging a whispering campaign. Find a relative's "button" and push it for all it's worth, lie and point it in my direction, until it's just easier for the relative to take the easy path and go along with the flow. In my family there has been an intense and prolonged campaign that has lasted over 8 years to do this. And it has been successful regarding disconnection of most relatives.

    But you know what? I have come to appreciate so much the few who have stood beside me, who are aware enough to understand what integrity means, what 'family' means even if we didn't have an upbringing that taught us that. We have a small core family ourselves and we care and support each other. I forgive those who don't question what they are told and who take that easy path. I grieve for the loss of contact with three of my children and most siblings and their families, the sad scientology influenced death of my parents, and deal with it when that grief arises. And I am so, so grateful for those who have come into my life as substitute family and given me love and support. There are indeed angels out there.

    This is a good article to read if the grief is hard ....

    Merry Christmas to all and I wish you love and happiness. Be kind to yourself.
  2. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    :thumbsup::thumbsup: Great post! Merry Christmas to you, too, FTS. :hug:

    This year, especially, I've found that family is not so much a dependable base, but a flexible, changing dynamic (not in the Hubbard sense, but "characterized by constant change, activity, or progress.")

    Families change. Divorces happen, children grow up. Some estranged, some not. Some return, some don't. New or extended family members become closer and friends become equal to family members. We age, we grow. We obtain wisdom from falling and getting back up and do our best to help the younger ones. And always there are new younger ones added to the extended family, even when the immediate family may or not all be available.

    Some are wanderers, explorers and questioners, as we once were. As we must accept once we no longer wander.

    My family is sensational. The wanderers, the lost, the focused, the successful, the older, the younger, the spirited, the tired, the shy, the bold. I love them to bits.

    I am so happy to enjoy a part of my family over Christmas and to know that every year that part changes and so does the rest and so do I. Maybe I just expect less, or maybe I don't try to control every which thing anymore. IDK, but I am happy for what I have and this year I am not the least bit concerned about what I don't. People are people, flaws and all, and they're beautiful. :heartflower:

    Wants2Talk likes this.
  3. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    Heavy sigh. I feel like a vivisection, a Nazi experiment, left to live with phantom pains.
  4. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    I'm sorry to hear that, IWant2Talk.

    Great memories or hopeful expectations can really deepen pain at holiday time.

    I sincerely hope you make it happy for yourself and others, anyway and get out there. There are all sorts of orphans of all ages who would welcome your company, I'm sure, and it is an opportunity to bond with others, sometimes those you would never expect.

    Wishing you a happy holiday. Sincerely.

  5. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I get it, I know it, I feel it. And platitudes just don't cut it do they? The author of the above article link has some other great thing to read on his site on the subject. I don't mean anything I have written as a platitude either, it's just my survival mode and things that truly helped. And some days there is nothing that does. And it is ok to feel that ... and then on we go, because we have to.

    I really believe that one day this evil will end, though I am not optimistic that the damage will ever be repaired. So we adjust.
    Hugs to you.
  6. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    For most of the year I have been in a better place. I drank too much at the office xmas party earlier this week. The shocking shame I feel for my latent rage and resentment has left me without zen.

    Love to all of you and to the family I have today.

    I got it from both ends. My wog extended family distanced themselves from me for joining a cult.
  7. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Well, for me, it is this way : a person I care about can decide to not communicate with me on a PHYSICAL level however I so deeply believe that each of us always exist on a non-physical level.

    I continue to communicate on a non-physical level to all the people I care about or love.

    On my end there is no difference & when they think of me - and, bless their hearts, they do - my communication is right there on 'em.

    Please, my friends, do NOT buy into this bogus concept of " disconnection " as it exists ONLY on a physical level & they insist that is not the biggest part of any of us ( & on that, they are correct ! ).

    On their own game their rules are worthless.

    Please, send love to the people you love - they really will get it !
    Wants2Talk likes this.
  8. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    Thanks so much for reminding me of this truth. I used to call it the "heart phone". Feeling better.
  9. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    With all my heart, soul, beingness, or any other name of ourselves one is comfortable with , I deeply sincerely believe that each of us are in communication with whomever we choose to communicate with on a non-physical level.

    It is we who get to decide our " communication lines " in our " universe. we get to put it there. We are responsible for our " end " of it. .We get to put it there.

    I do that every day. I will continue to do that because it is what I get to do. They get it. Oh, they get it.
  10. Glenda

    Glenda Crusader

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    Last edited: Dec 22, 2015
  11. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I had to sit awhile with your post Glenda. Let the tears come, sit with the grief and let it loose a little to float out the window. There's no finite amount here, it comes when it comes and a lot depends on your attitude to dealing with it.

    This, to me, is the crux of the matter:

    A lot of the coming to terms with my disconnection story has been about my own attitude to myself, of course. And during the course of the last 8 years I have slowly come to know who I am, really. And I am proud of the person who had the courage to stand up, with shaking legs and a mind full of confusion, and walk out that door. What courage it takes for people to walk away from scientology! Anyone who does so has my respect, because no matter what state they emerge in, they are on the way to finding themselves again.

    In that last conversation before I was cut off forever for refusing to stop posting here, my daughter said "You know what happens now." Yes I thought I did know, and contact was cut. And for many years that is all that happened and I dealt with it, and my relationship with extended family continued, even though we were scattered across the world and 'contact' was usually on celebrations and events.

    A few years ago, and I don't know why, a program seemed to begin to get all possible relatives to disconnect from me. It was intense and my scientologist ex husband was included as well, so it affected all our children, my many siblings and their families and so on. It actually included interstate visits to and 'handling' of my adult children, which is indescribable, at least one 'family' dinner where to the horror of the brother who hosted it the conversation turned to insulting and degrading me. (Thankfully he has integrity and it didn't affect my relationship with him.) I wasn't doing anything different so I assume it was a scientology push of some kind, perhaps as the result of an 'ethics action' or qualification for another 'level'.

    It was worse than intense, it was horrific. And during these last 3 years my ex passed away and then both my parents. The scientology daughter was right in the middle of all that, so I had little input on my ex's passing and none at all for my parents and their awful last years of decline. Then came an unexplained mass unfriending on Facebook, abusive emails and so on. I struggled at times to maintain my dignity in the face of such an attack and thankyou to those who helped me through it.

    Now the dust has settled somewhat and I realised that because I've had some major surgeries and was not in the physical or mental shape to deal with such viscous evil, the quiet and still needed for physical healing was also good for mental healing.

    Yes Gizmo, love them from afar, and I do. Yet I still see Facebook pics of weddings, babies and so on that I am not allowed to be part of because of scientology. It hurts and I am not going to gloss over it or pretend in any way that it doesn't affect me, because the "physical level" matters too. To lose so much in a short time is a very hard thing to face and has been a challenge. I know that each and every one of us is on our own journey so all one can do is let them go with love. I don't fight it like I did in the beginning .... I am just here and will be here should any of them wander my way again. I hope that one day the lies will be revealed, the manipulation seen for what it is. And meantime I have a great deal of joy and love from being with those who actually see me. Those bonds have now been tested and have endured and they are the ones that I concentrate on.
  12. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    This Xmas the Scooter family are going to be with a whole bunch of my nieces and nephews and their families for 5 days. Just like family xmases used to be for me before I got sucked into the cult so bad.

    It's a response - planned, discussed and fine-tuned - after a family tragedy that saw a few family members (who were always at least slightly "individuated") try to split the very large extended family we have.

    I'm blessed with a family that doesn't fall prey to the sort of crap that OSA has managed to inflict on others. In fact, we'll probably have a family showing of "Going Clear" this xmas and me doing a reprise of my Q & A session afterwards.

    What the Fanatics will never understand is that this reprehensible behaviour FTS and others have been subjected to is exactly what creates the enemies that have decimated this toxic cult to the current point of almost-collapse.

    And the final death of this organisation cannot come too soon.
  13. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    The physical thing does matter. It matters very much.
  14. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    It's very, very hard Purple ... sitting here in front of a monitor, feeling someones devastation and not being able to do a damn thing about it ... but wanting to.

    If I could take it away from you, if only to give you a break, you know I would ... but I can't.

    What you are currently coping with goes beyond anything most of us have had to deal with and I know that and I also know that platitudes are irritating ... I wish your Denise was still here because she would know what to do and what she would probably do is to just hold you tightly and say little.

  15. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I totally agree ...
  16. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    I'm actually very okay with platitudes as long as the sentiment is real. And I know this varies because people grieve differently and have different needs. But the truth is that there are limited things that people can say.

    So what matters for me is that someone cares enough to say it and feel it - that they are sending warmth and love and that they care about somebody else's sadness - that they wish it hadn't happened and would change it if they could, and that they want to do or say something comforting - that adds a little happy to the sad - a little sunshine to the rain.

    For me, the kind words of others have been like nourishment for the soul, or a kind of net that appears when the bottom falls out of your world. Your world is still gone, but they catch you before you smash on the ground.

    One of the Bible readings I chose for my daughter's funeral was Song of Solomon 8:6-7:

    6 Set me as a seal over your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is as strong as death, passionate love unrelenting as the grave. Its darts are darts of fire— divine flame! 7 Rushing waters can't quench love; rivers can't wash it away. If someone gave all his estate in exchange for love, he would be laughed to utter shame.

    And that is so true. I honestly believe that love is the strongest power in the world. My daughter's body has gone, but our love bond remains.

    And love from others... How priceless! Who can put a price on that? I have so little and I have lost so much, but still I am rich.
    Wants2Talk likes this.
  17. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    I would never advocate glossing over the hurt or ignoring the pain. What I do suggest is to continue to love even when the cult does it's best to demolish our relationships.

    And, yes, the physical matters - really matters.

    I'm going to continue to believe that I can reach those I love on a non physical level even though they feel their best path right now is - above all else - to " do their bridge".

    Yes, I've had friends with tears in their eyes tell me they are going to have to disconnect from me. Also gotten harshly worded letters.

    As much as it hurts and as much as the cult INTENDED it to hurt that leaves me searching for a way whereby I don't give the cult the pleasure of causing me constant pain over the enforced loss of loved ones.

    So, I look at continuing to send love on a non physical level & put it there constantly. I do NOT mean to make less of the physical loss anyone else experiences.

    I'm just trying to find my way to deal with it.
  18. Freeminds

    Freeminds Bitter defrocked apostate

    Significant insight here.

    Disconnection sucks... but time and again it is seen that the agony of being denied your loved ones is chosen over the agonies of continuing in the Scientology UFO cult.

    People who blew, despite disconnection and an uncertain future... I am in awe of you. Your courage is an example to us all. Scientology ruins lives, and it's long overdue that we put an end to the scam.

    Better times are coming: keep on spreading the word about the evils of Hubbardism.
  19. DeeAnna

    DeeAnna Patron Meritorious

    Wow. Just wow. My heartfelt sympathy to those of you who are disconnected. I am six months into a non-Scientology related disconnection from a child and beloved underage grandchildren. It hurts. A lot.

    Thankfully, I will spend the holidays with my other child and grandchild. So I still have that.

    As with other bad times in my life, I just keep on putting one foot in front of the other. Whether I feel like it or not.

    Best wishes to all of you.
  20. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Well I tell you what - it separates the wheat from the chaff so to speak! Those who stand by you no matter what are worth their weight in gold, I know what you mean.

    I hope you have a wonderful Christmas my friend, despite everything. I've learnt to really appreciate the little things that happen because often they turn out to be more important than you think.