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Christmas and Disconnection

Discussion in 'Fair Game and Disconnection Victims' started by Free to shine, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    You raise a good point actually. For years I was careful of what I posted on these personal matters, I didn't want OSA or anyone to "have a win" at causing pain and ticking off programs. I was also working to protect my parents from further stress and attempts to stop Dad speaking to me ... he really, really appreciated our connection in those awful final days. And then after they passed I have more freedom to speak and I really don't care what they think and if they get a "win" then so be it. Sick and evil it is, so that's their problem. I actually hope they do print off my posts to show my rellies, because it all 'is what it is'. By showing the truth of the matter we also show our humanity, our freedom to speak and experience the good and the bad without fear of judgement.

    I am not in constant pain or sitting in a dark room sobbing or anything else they hope and expect. I have a good life with love and laughter ... it's just that when the reminders of the losses caused by scientology come into focus then I have some sad times too.

    Merry Christmas to you!
  2. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    What a lovely thought - the Scooter family sitting around together watching Going Clear. Makes me smile. Have a good one mate and love to you and yours.
  3. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

  4. prosecco

    prosecco Patron Meritorious

    Oh my god, your daughter's funeral. I have no idea what happened, but no parent should have to go through this. I am so so sorry.
  5. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    So, the big decision for Christmas this year is what time on Christmas Eve do we open the Champagne & have a roast to love.

    There'll, by choice of being laid back, be no elaborately prepared meal !

    Added : I went to get the Champagne & thought bew years Eve was a worthy celebration, too.
    So, bless my black heart I got 2 bottles of Champagne to celebrate with loved ones on both days.

    I do sincerely wish each of you a very great Christmas Season !
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2015
  6. WildKat

    WildKat Gold Meritorious Patron

    It's a season for sadness but also thankfulness for a lot of us. Sad for what we've lost and thankful for what we've gained (a life free of cult influence.)

    The focus is on family and friends at this time, and partly due to the cult (but not completely) I am celebrating without the comfort of kids and grandkids. I say not completely because when I had the chance to have kids, I chose not to because I just felt like it was too much expected and I wanted to rebel, and "I'm just not maternal material" and then there was the selfishness aspect, etc. etc. But the concept of "don't waste this brief breath and the chance to go free and make it" blah blah, that just helped cement the choice not to have kids. Made it "OK"

    All water under the pun intended.

    What I am thankful for is having my new mate (who is a never-in) who really loves and cares about me. And though we just have each other this Christmas....all other family dead or with their own kids and grand kids) we are celebrating with new neighbors. One of them a near alcoholic with no family at all, who would probably be completely alone if not for our invite to come and share ham and potatoes with us tomorrow. He was in tears as he accepted the invitation.

    This is the spirit of Christmas for those of us with no family.
  7. Gizmo

    Gizmo Rabble Rouser

    Had I not walked the path I walked I can't see how I'd arrived at now having the people with me who are in my life full of love.

    The past ? All I have to do is change my mind. Looking forward I see beauty, Love, goodness so giving thought to what happened in the past just doesn't see to add to my current journey.

    I'm not sad. I see life full of love.

    It'll all come right.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2015
  8. heart breaking :(
  9. uniquemand

    uniquemand Unbeliever

    Being true to yourself is important. Modeling leaving Scientology for others is also important.

    One day, barring something tragic, the person will, themselves, leave as well. When they do, they'll remember the way you left, and maybe come find you.

    I lost my kids for over ten years, but they came to find me when they left.

    I hope this happens for everyone else. Remember, more than 99% of people who were ever Scientologists no longer are.
  10. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    I've seen the photos of you and your kids now... I remember the heartbreak you posted when it looked so bleak. It warms the heart, thanks mate.
  11. Jump

    Jump Operating teatime

    That's a great fact to remember.

    It also means that many of the millions of members that Scientology claims are now actively protesting against the calculated evils that Scientology commits daily.
  12. Miss Ellie

    Miss Ellie Miss Ellie

    I would love to have a national re-connection day - where everyone who is disconnected from anyone, in or out of the Sciobots, just calls, drops a postcard, e-mail, etc.

    Just say I was thinking of you today and how much I love/like/admire/whatever you. Give me a call/visit/e-mail/whatever when you want.

    If everyone on the same day did the same thing there would be a ripple in the universe that might become a hug wave that crashes on the spiritual shore.

    Might or might not make a difference.... ya never know.

    Until then my thoughts are with those that live with disconnection everyday. I hope that today your pain is eased and that your tomorrow is always filled with hope and joy.

  13. degraded being

    degraded being Sponsor

  14. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    On Christmas Day I Skyped with my two youngest remaining daughters, which was precious as it always is. Tom and I were just going to go out and eat at the truck stop alone because it was one of the very few places open on Christmas. The night before we had wandered around taking pictures of the Christmas lights to maybe post in the other Christmas thread, and in the early hours of Christmas morning, just after we got home, I got up the courage to message Tom's daughter and invite her to join us. I was pretty nervous about it, because I hadn't met her before, and she had been raised a Jehovah's Witness.

    I really wasn't sure where she stood in relation to those things, but Christmas and birthday celebrations are huge no-no's for members of that group according to Tom.

    Anyway, to my surprise and delight, she was awake and willing to come out to lunch with us.

    I took my daughter's ashes with me - discreetly because I didn't want to freak anyone out, but it felt too wrong to leave her at home - and the little koala bear I bought for Denise, which still looks like new.

    I was really worried about giving her a present on Christmas, but it felt right to do, and I really wanted to.

    It was too late to go shopping for something, but I thought of the little bear and it just felt so right. I felt like Denise would be happy about it - maybe even gave me the idea. Then I put it in a gift bag covered with pink roses that my daughter had used to give me a golden bracelet with Scarlett's name, which also looked like new even though it had been jostled around in my handbag for weeks.

    It was so nice to have her there with us. It felt like a family. Even though I talked too much because they are so quiet, and I laughed nervously a lot of the time, I felt truly happy on a difficult day.

    Then I awkwardly offered my gift, and her face lit up like a little child, and that moment just made my day.

    Later, one of my daughters posted pictures of the family Christmas. It was an odd feeling, like when Tom's parents died and people kept posting pictures of events he wasn't allowed to go to, and that funny feeling of pain and sort of not existing. Especially seeing pictures of my daughter who doesn't speak to me was hard.

    I didn't "like" the pictures on Facebook, although I am glad they had a nice day.

    The day started with me thinking of Scarlett and wishing her Merry Christmas, and ended with me taking her ashes out of the drawer in the middle of the night because I felt that she wanted a cuddle.

    It was also hard because it was our anniversary and I was sniffling over my daughter's ashes instead of wrapping myself around Tom.

    A year ago she was still alive and we were discovering each other for the first time. So much has changed in a year.

    On the bright side we have arranged to spend New Year's with Tom's daughter and catch up for a meal every few weeks, so it is like a reconnection happening in a way.
  15. exseaorgclocmoflagetc

    exseaorgclocmoflagetc Patron with Honors

    bumpity ..bump (lol..someone told me I have to "bump" on old threads, not sure if I do it right)

    Its been a long journey with me out and family still in, many(nearly all) missed holidays due to dissconnection. Last text at Christmas "I hereby disconnect" I hereby? lol(but not lol)

    after much pushing for a family together for christmas. the conversation revolved around the church and nothing more , nothing less. That gets annoying when your just trying to relax and enjoy the holiday and family and want to get close and know how their lives are.

    I finally realized there is nothing I can do to help release the robot body snatcher from within that has overtaken their soul. I believe after so long, its more robot now and less human in there, the human part is ,use it or lose it, and its lost probably forever. In a sense its a relief, no more struggles

    Happy Holidays!:cool::confused::surrender::hourglass:

    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
  16. This is NOT OK !!!!

    This is NOT OK !!!! Gold Meritorious Patron

    You're doing just fine with the bumping - and I'm glad you're digging into some old threads - they bring back many good memories from this board while at the same time refreshing our understanding of evils unleashed on the world by Ron.

    Thanks for being here.

    Merry Christmas
  17. Wants2Talk

    Wants2Talk Silver Meritorious Patron

    Loving thoughts to all of you.