Voltaire's Child
Fool on the Hill
Hi. When I left CofS in 2000 (the cult making it formal with the decree a year later) I still very much wanted to be a Scientologist. I resisted being thought of as a Free Zoner and just knew that I was on my own with it.
Then I tried the Free Zone and got some benefit, I did feel. I still do. Later, I decided I was more an indie or heretical Scientologist but still supportive of the Free Zone and those who wished to be part of or affiliated with it.
I have always liked to debunk stereotypes and look at more than one side of the issue. Sometimes if there's no other side immediately perceivable, I'll just make one! When I was in CofS but hangin' on a.r.s. and still feeling pretty party line, if I saw a critic saying or doing something cool, I'd give credit where credit was due. Later, if I saw a churchie or someone else with whom I disagreed doing something cool, I continued on in this tradition. I also remember the things I liked about certain theories Hubbard had and certain things I did- drills, auditing, and so on- that I really liked.
Somewhere along the line, my identity as a non CofS Scn'ist (another term I've used frequently) became more important than ... well, me.
I can't be this anymore. I can't be a label and, more importantly, I can't be this label. My beliefs have wandered a bit too far afield for me to use it even if I did want to be a label which is the reason it couldn't be that label.
I still have use for some Scn ideas but for quite some time now, I've been interested in other ologies and isms. I have said so a few times here, too. I think maybe one can be an heretical what-sis and still do that but I think that in my case, I'm not an heretical Scientologist. I'm not any kind of Scientologist.
This does not mean that I won't stop taking up for my FZ and indie friends (not that I don't stick up for other people in the critic's scene- I do.) . I will. I know some nice people in the FZ and, while I know some of you may not agree with this, I think they're doing jut fine and are not hurting themselves or anyone else. In fact, I think that Scientology can be beneficial in some cases. Saying this doesn't make me a Scientologist any more than the fact that I still watch Christian evangelist shows (I was very excited a couple months ago when I found a Catholic channel on cable. I was brought up Catholic. Mother Angelica rocks!) has made me go back to Christianity. It hasn't. But I maintain that there's much beauty and truth there and I don't have to be of that faith to see that. So that's about how I feel about Scn.
I wrote a post about prayer recently and I had a couple things happen soon after I sort of sent up a plea. I wasn't unhappy or angst ridden but I knew some things needed to happen. As usual, the answers to my prayers weren't what I expected. But that's always how it goes, isn't it? So a couple things happened that were important. This is one of them. I was pretty excited and pleased to get this idea as it does resolve some things. But now I am feeling really weird. I guess I am struggling with it. I am not questioning my stance. I know I'm an ex Scientologist. I'm just struggling with coming to terms with that fact. I felt a lot more sprightly about this Saturday. I may need some help with this and god help the person who writes something along the lines of "I told you so" or "It's about time you woke up"!
I hope that my Free Zone and indie friends won't be disappointed in me. I rather think y'all will be cool with it. The kind of people I make friends with do not put conditions on their affection.
I will cap this by saying that not only am I not OSA, but I never was. Not when I was in CofS, not when I considered myself to be a Freezoner and not during my heretical indie term.
Then I tried the Free Zone and got some benefit, I did feel. I still do. Later, I decided I was more an indie or heretical Scientologist but still supportive of the Free Zone and those who wished to be part of or affiliated with it.
I have always liked to debunk stereotypes and look at more than one side of the issue. Sometimes if there's no other side immediately perceivable, I'll just make one! When I was in CofS but hangin' on a.r.s. and still feeling pretty party line, if I saw a critic saying or doing something cool, I'd give credit where credit was due. Later, if I saw a churchie or someone else with whom I disagreed doing something cool, I continued on in this tradition. I also remember the things I liked about certain theories Hubbard had and certain things I did- drills, auditing, and so on- that I really liked.
Somewhere along the line, my identity as a non CofS Scn'ist (another term I've used frequently) became more important than ... well, me.
I can't be this anymore. I can't be a label and, more importantly, I can't be this label. My beliefs have wandered a bit too far afield for me to use it even if I did want to be a label which is the reason it couldn't be that label.
I still have use for some Scn ideas but for quite some time now, I've been interested in other ologies and isms. I have said so a few times here, too. I think maybe one can be an heretical what-sis and still do that but I think that in my case, I'm not an heretical Scientologist. I'm not any kind of Scientologist.
This does not mean that I won't stop taking up for my FZ and indie friends (not that I don't stick up for other people in the critic's scene- I do.) . I will. I know some nice people in the FZ and, while I know some of you may not agree with this, I think they're doing jut fine and are not hurting themselves or anyone else. In fact, I think that Scientology can be beneficial in some cases. Saying this doesn't make me a Scientologist any more than the fact that I still watch Christian evangelist shows (I was very excited a couple months ago when I found a Catholic channel on cable. I was brought up Catholic. Mother Angelica rocks!) has made me go back to Christianity. It hasn't. But I maintain that there's much beauty and truth there and I don't have to be of that faith to see that. So that's about how I feel about Scn.
I wrote a post about prayer recently and I had a couple things happen soon after I sort of sent up a plea. I wasn't unhappy or angst ridden but I knew some things needed to happen. As usual, the answers to my prayers weren't what I expected. But that's always how it goes, isn't it? So a couple things happened that were important. This is one of them. I was pretty excited and pleased to get this idea as it does resolve some things. But now I am feeling really weird. I guess I am struggling with it. I am not questioning my stance. I know I'm an ex Scientologist. I'm just struggling with coming to terms with that fact. I felt a lot more sprightly about this Saturday. I may need some help with this and god help the person who writes something along the lines of "I told you so" or "It's about time you woke up"!
I hope that my Free Zone and indie friends won't be disappointed in me. I rather think y'all will be cool with it. The kind of people I make friends with do not put conditions on their affection.
I will cap this by saying that not only am I not OSA, but I never was. Not when I was in CofS, not when I considered myself to be a Freezoner and not during my heretical indie term.