I'm not looking to grow. I'm not a plant. I am looking to "actualize". I have lifelong dreams that I have not lived. These don't include perfect calculation, eidetic recall, etc. My goals are basically to live in my own home, decorated like a starship, but built in a sequoia tree, near the sea. I don't think that my goals need to be static, but I would like to live this one for a while.
Perhaps you are misreading what I am saying, and associating it too strongly with what Hubbard was saying. I never understood being Clear to mean you were a functional robot who was always Hap Hap Happy as Fucking Hell living in a John Madden-size house, 2.5 cars in the yard, life used to be so hard type of thing. I'm talking about approaching your goals without living in a state of "enturbulation" (though being able to roll with unexpected or unwanted changes as they arise, which is likely).
We are all so different. I'm lucky in that I pretty much have everything I ever wanted. I really hope you get what you want. Believe in it. Go for it.