Coming out of the closet?

[BeenLiedTo]

I was born into this cult....back then it was a way of life, a direction, something that gave me peace as I knew where I was going and what I was. Now, as an adult who learned the truth about 4 years ago, my world is rocked and I am unsure about many things. My mother, father, brother, sister, and many many family friends are all still in, and some even in the SO. Do I come out? I want to fight the lie that is the Church of Scientology, but how do I do that? I'm looking for advice. What should I do? Ask me anything, tell me anything. I feel like I am at a cross roads. For the last few years I have just not brought it up in conversation with my Scio family members, but now I am beginning to feel different. If I came out, it would be a huge "flap". But I feel like I must help put and end to this cult, or at the very least, not be a part of its lie anymore. How do my parents, who are on OT7 and starting OT6 NOT KNOW?!!?!?!?! You have got to be the biggest dumb ass to not realize that there are no BT's on you, that Zenu is a fuckin lie, and that the biggest hoax ever was laid upon their little lives!!! All these so called "new abilities"???? I don't get it!! I suffer from PTSD from all of the horrible things that happened to me as a kid and teenager.....trust me, it was bad. I cannot let that happen to another kid. Help.

BeenLiedTo

 

[NoName]

Talk to Derek Bloch. He's on this site as Adam7986 (or something like that). He's easy to find on google. He's helped people in your situation and can relate. He's a genuinely good person who is easy to talk to. I ultimately didn't come out as a result of his advice, but only because my friend went offlines and UTR disaffected at the time I was considering coming out.

 

[Enthetan]

It all depends on what you want to do.

If you want to spread the word to the non-Scn world, there are plenty of us already doing so who do not risk losing all contact with our families.

If you want to ease your family out, it's probably best done on a gradient. Go too hard, and you'll just be declared and they will disconnect.

Express interest in the real stats. How many people are really on course these days at your local org, and in the SO orgs? How does that compare with 20 years ago (or whenever your older family members got in)? Given enough cognitive dissonance, people may start questioning.

 

[Enthetan]

I suffer from PTSD from all of the horrible things that happened to me as a kid and teenager.....trust me, it was bad. I cannot let that happen to another kid. Help.
BeenLiedTo

Sometimes it helps to tell others what happened. We try to make this a safe space for people to tell their stories.

 

[Leland]

Welcome BeenLiedTo....

You've certainly made a couple of the first steps....out.

I guess you realize....if you leave in a big way....or attack the cult in anyway.....you will be cut off.

Since you were raised in the Cult....I assume most of your friends....jobs...and such are in the Cult..

You have to realize you will have to "make it on your own..." Which can be tough.

#1 in my book is education. You will have to have some sort of skill or education to make enough money to support yourself...and your future...

or you could talk to Magoo or Karen#1 here on ESMB. Also check out Ex Scien Kids....at their web site.....they were all cult children....and left.

Good luck

 

[BeenLiedTo]

Welcome BeenLiedTo....

You've certainly made a couple of the first steps....out.

I guess you realize....if you leave in a big way....or attack the cult in anyway.....you will be cut off.

Since you were raised in the Cult....I assume most of your friends....jobs...and such are in the Cult..

You have to realize you will have to "make it on your own..." Which can be tough.

#1 in my book is education. You will have to have some sort of skill or education to make enough money to support yourself...and your future...

or you could talk to Magoo or Karen#1 here on ESMB. Also check out Ex Scien Kids....at their web site.....they were all cult children....and left.

Good luck

Hello Leland,

In that respect I am lucky. I have a great non-scio job, and I don't live in the same State as my family. I'm married with kids and they are all non-scio. The part that is getting me is that if I do come out in a big way, I will be cut off, but I'm almost ok with that now....its taken me 4 years to come to this point. I have my degree, and will be ok in that area. If I come out, there will be a lot of people sent to flag lol.

BeenLiedTo

 

[BeenLiedTo]

Sometimes it helps to tell others what happened. We try to make this a safe space for people to tell their stories.

Thank you Enthetan. I wish I could find a local Cult Survivors group or something. Maybe that would help?

BeenLiedTo

 

[AngeloV]

First, congratulations on getting out and realizing the depth of the con that is the cult of scientology.

Next, prepare.

Your dislike and even hatred for the cult will eventually come out, either slowly or with suddenness. Your entire family will know this and you will be shunned. Even if you tiptoe around the issues you have and try to sow doubt in your family members about the cult, you may very well fail and be declared.

Before 'outing' yourself, make sure you are financially prepared to take care of yourself. You should not be dependent financially on any of your cult family members. That will give them enormous leverage over you both emotionally and psychologically and will cause much pain and suffering on your part.

Second, build a network of friends that are NOT in the cult. You can do this in several ways by joining a health club or perhaps attending classes for anything that appeals to you. This network will lessen the fall if/when your family finds out and distances themselves from you. Make no mistake about it, you need to be prepared for total abandonment by your family if you state your true feelings about the cult. Disconnection is real and extremely cruel.

Anyone who has reached the upper OT levels is firmly entrenched in the mind-fuck and it will be extremely difficult to sway them. They have invested 1000's of hours and 1,000 of dollars over many years.

It may also unburden you psychologically to tell your story here as much as possible without risking being found out.

Good luck to you, friend.

P.S. I just read you post where you say that you have kids. You should be prepared to tell them (and how to tell them) what is happening should you get declared. They will most likely never see those family members again.

 

[BeenLiedTo]

First, congratulations on getting out and realizing the depth of the con that is the cult of scientology.


Anyone who has reached the upper OT levels is firmly entrenched in the mind-fuck and it will be extremely difficult to sway them. They have invested 1000's of hours and 1,000 of dollars over many years.

It may also unburden you psychologically to tell your story here as much as possible without risking being found out.

Good luck to you, friend.

I am ready.....I think I will start posting small things on FaceBook that I "question". I am financially independent and live in a different State. I can't live this lie anymore. I just cant do it!!


BeenLiedTo

 

[Leland]

Hello Leland,

In that respect I am lucky. I have a great non-scio job, and I don't live in the same State as my family. I'm married with kids and they are all non-scio. The part that is getting me is that if I do come out in a big way, I will be cut off, but I'm almost ok with that now....its taken me 4 years to come to this point. I have my degree, and will be ok in that area. If I come out, there will be a lot of people sent to flag lol.

BeenLiedTo

Thats wonderful BeenLiedTo.

Congratulations on you success!

 

[Adam7986]

I was born into this cult....back then it was a way of life, a direction, something that gave me peace as I knew where I was going and what I was. Now, as an adult who learned the truth about 4 years ago, my world is rocked and I am unsure about many things. My mother, father, brother, sister, and many many family friends are all still in, and some even in the SO. Do I come out? I want to fight the lie that is the Church of Scientology, but how do I do that? I'm looking for advice. What should I do? Ask me anything, tell me anything. I feel like I am at a cross roads. For the last few years I have just not brought it up in conversation with my Scio family members, but now I am beginning to feel different. If I came out, it would be a huge "flap". But I feel like I must help put and end to this cult, or at the very least, not be a part of its lie anymore. How do my parents, who are on OT7 and starting OT6 NOT KNOW?!!?!?!?! You have got to be the biggest dumb ass to not realize that there are no BT's on you, that Zenu is a fuckin lie, and that the biggest hoax ever was laid upon their little lives!!! All these so called "new abilities"???? I don't get it!! I suffer from PTSD from all of the horrible things that happened to me as a kid and teenager.....trust me, it was bad. I cannot let that happen to another kid. Help.

BeenLiedTo

Hey Buddy,

Unfortunately there isn't a simple answer to, "What do I do?" I felt as you did for years. When I was 15 years old I was broken down by Sea Org recruiters after almost a year of daily harassment and my parents signed their parental rights over to a Sea org member. I ended up being there for 3 years. Eventually I ended up starting a relationship with a fellow staff member of the same sex and so I was thrown out of the Sea Org, unceremoniously, just 2 or 3 days after my 18th birthday.

I spent the next 8 years building a life outside of Scientology. I got a job at a company that was not run by a Scientologist, I made friends that knew nothing of Scientology and I started to see that life away from the cult was better. My friends didn't care that I was gay, and if I had an accident or became ill they were concerned for my well being, not accusing me of being PTS. It was a whole different ball game outside of Scientology. There was less stress, more privacy, and no promises of becoming a god or super being. People were just living their lives and having fun. It made me feel sad for all the people that had been in Scientology and had died without experiencing how wonderful life really is if you aren't constantly chasing a carrot on a stick trying to get rid of body thetans and become an OT.

I was also diagnosed with PTSD, a major depressive episode, and generalized anxiety disorder as a result of my time in the Sea Org. I am currently on Zoloft, and it has done wonders for the symptoms. There are many people here who will still denounce psychotropic medications, but they are effective. If I were to ever make a recommendation to anyone in your position it would be to get yourself some therapy and medication so that you can make further decisions with a clear head. I know it would be difficult to keep secret from your parents, but it is an effective first step.

I felt similar to you when I found out what OT3 was. I kept thinking to myself, how could my father possibly believe this crap? He's not stupid. Since doing some reading of human psychology, I understand the mechanisms that Scientology uses in order to trick people into believing it. It's funny because Hubbard set everything up ages ago so that it could function even after his death. Scientologists have no idea what they are doing to people when they do it, but all they are doing is taking advantage of subtle manipulation of the human psyche. Hubbard and Miscavige know exactly what is going on, but the peons do not. They call it things like "admiration" and "affinity" but really it is "love bombing". They call it "finding a ruin" but really it is "breaking someone down and making them vulnerable to manipulation". It would be hilarious if it weren't so insidious.

There are a lot of questions I have for you, but the first one would be: Are you dependent on your parents? if you are, it might not be a good idea to come out to them about how you feel about Scientology right now. It might be a better idea to secretly go to therapy and just learn to deal with it for a while until you are able to move out on your own.

The worst thing to do is to make poorly thought-out decisions. You want to take your time. After all, your parents being in Scientology isn't going to kill you, and they aren't going to force you into the org. Just keep avoiding the topic as you have been. You'll be okay. In the meantime, start building your life outside of Scientology, if you haven't already.

If you already have a life outside of Scientology then consider what is more important to you: keeping in touch with your family or sharing your story with the world? In my case, I had the additional stress of being gay and born to homophobic parents on top of Scientology. Not to mention my parents had stolen money from me, and tried to trick me into getting back on course. I went online and shared my story because I was angry at what they had put me through and I wanted no more of it. The decision I made came with permanent consequences and I lost contact with my family. However, in losing contact with them my quality of life has improved considerably, and so I do not regret what I did. I know it was the right thing. Sometimes that is not always the case.

I would need to know more about your life and you as an individual and for the time being, do not share any identifying information on here. You already gave the case level of your parents. Anything more and OSA might be able to locate you. Take it from me. I didn't believe the people that told me the cult monitors this website, and yet they tracked me down.

My name is Derek Bloch. You can Google me and see my story. It's all over the place. Please feel free to PM me on here, or skype me. I'll happily share my Skype name with you.

 

[Adam7986]

I just read some of your other posts and it seems like you are in a good place to go ahead and tell your parents how you feel. That's a personal decision and no one can ever tell you the "right thing" to do. The truth is that in this world everything is relative, including good and bad, and right and wrong. I would involve your spouse, and your kids in this decision. I would go to therapy, and get yourself in a healthy mental state first. Make sure that you are really doing this out of what you feel in your heart and not just because you're mad at your mom and dad. There is nothing wrong with flying under the radar. There's no requirement for you "speak out". That's a common feeling that people carry with them from Scientology. That you always have to "do something about it". Truth is, no you don't. Sometimes doing nothing is a better option. In fact, most times it is the best option.

Make sure that anyone who is not a Scientologist and close to you, that is going to be affected by this is aware of what you are thinking. Consult them for advice. Drink a relaxing drink. Sit outside on the porch and stare off into the distance for a good long while, without any stimulation like music or TV; just the ambient noise. Take a long drive by yourself and think about what you're doing and make sure that in your heart you really feel that this is necessary and the right thing to do. It's easy enough for you to tell your kids not to listen to Grandma and Grandpa's crazy alien stories. it's more difficult to try to convince Grandma and Grandpa that they have been wrong their whole time in Scientology and that there's no such thing as body thetans.

In the end, you are going to know what the right thing to do is.

By the way, start sharing doubts on Facebook and expect mom and dad to cut you off on the quickness. It doesn't take much these days for those culties to start circling the wagons. Slow your roll and take your time. There is no sense of urgency here. There's no need to do anything "right now". That's a feeling that you're carrying from your Scientology days and this is a good time to learn to break yourself of it.

 

[Operating Wog]

One thing I'll mention is that you don't HAVE TO dramatically "come out" to the world. I've been out for 15 years outside of my family, nobody in my current life knows I was in. You're not under any obligation to start waving the flag against Scientology just because you're no longer in it. A lot of people do feel the need to do something to spread the word against it and help others avoid it or get out. And there's nothing wrong with that. But ultimately it's your decision. Don't let others guilt you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. After all, that's probably one of the reasons you got out, right?

 

[Operating Wog]

As for your family, if you're not active, not going to the org, doing services, etc. they probably know what the score is and just don't want to confront it. I went for years just telling "in" family that I was taking a break and would be back. Eventually it got to a point where they were pushing harder and I had to say, "no, I'm done." Eventually, some of my family got out, and apologized for trying to handle me.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

My advice (based on no personal experience in this area) -- stay in the closet. It's a one-way trip if you get declared.

Instead, find some other way to help. Help out financially. Don a Guy Fawkes mask and show up at a demonstration, or make signs and stuff. Do a "Margery Wakefield" -- tell your story under an assumed name.

Perhaps the best thing of all you can do is let your still-in family know that if they suddenly have no place to go, they are welcome to come to you.

Good luck.

Helena, making people wonder who's side she's on

 

[MrNobody]

I was born into this cult....back then it was a way of life, a direction, something that gave me peace as I knew where I was going and what I was. Now, as an adult who learned the truth about 4 years ago, my world is rocked and I am unsure about many things. My mother, father, brother, sister, and many many family friends are all still in, and some even in the SO. Do I come out? I want to fight the lie that is the Church of Scientology, but how do I do that? I'm looking for advice. What should I do? Ask me anything, tell me anything. I feel like I am at a cross roads. For the last few years I have just not brought it up in conversation with my Scio family members, but now I am beginning to feel different. If I came out, it would be a huge "flap". But I feel like I must help put and end to this cult, or at the very least, not be a part of its lie anymore. How do my parents, who are on OT7 and starting OT6 NOT KNOW?!!?!?!?! You have got to be the biggest dumb ass to not realize that there are no BT's on you, that Zenu is a fuckin lie, and that the biggest hoax ever was laid upon their little lives!!! All these so called "new abilities"???? I don't get it!! I suffer from PTSD from all of the horrible things that happened to me as a kid and teenager.....trust me, it was bad. I cannot let that happen to another kid. Help.

BeenLiedTo

Hi BeenLiedTo.

I'm a never-in and to me, it all boils down to a relatively simple risk/cost/benefit analysis.

So what are your options?

A) You go back into the cult.
You can give a much better estimation of what the risks/costs/benefits of that would be than I could, and it seems that option is already out of the question for you - which is a good thing, IMHO.

B) You stay out, but quietly and under the radar.
Costs/risks: Hard for me to give a realistic estimate for that, but there might be quite a few risks and costs involved.
Benefits: You can probably stay in touch with any still-in family members, friends or business partners.

C) You "come out", loud and proud.
Costs/risks: You'll probably lose any connection to those still in and chances are, that you will be publicly shunned by them. If your coming out being loud and proud is somewhat potentially effective, the cult will probably create a Dead Agent pack on you and use it against you. They might even send some manufactured dirt on you to your employer.
Benefits: Since most of the relevant facts are now openly on the table, there isn't much left for you to fear.

IMO, option C is the best, fastest, clearest and cleanest solution, as long as you are willing and able to deal with anything that might come from that. It might not be the easiest, most pleasant solution, though.

 

[Glenda]

Welcome to ESMB BeenLiedTo. I feel for you. It is like a cross-road and trying to make the “right move” is not black and white. It is also a very personal journey – learning to trust yourself and your inner voice. Knowing the potential consequences if we speak out, but feeling so disturbed inside if we don’t. Which way forward?

Others on this thread have already given some excellent input/ideas.

Something that was pivotal for me was really inspecting my decision making process. In scientology we were trained to make decisions based on the “greatest good”. On the face of it that sounds sensible but when I dug a little deeper I discovered how this is actually a thought-stopping method.

The group is always given the highest priority when making decisions. The protection of the group is entrenched in many many bits of the tech. This taints how we see ourselves, our own worth and, in an unconscious way, heavily impacts on decision making.

I had a big moment one day when I was faced with making a serious decision (involving a legal issue). I simply could not think straight, felt numb and completely confused. The person I was with (a trained therapist), noticed something was not right. She said “do what is best for you”. I became even more confused when she said that. I had no idea what she really meant. Then she gently asked me “what process did you use to make decisions when you were in the cult?”

All these bells went off in my head. I could not talk (the dissonance in my head was so loud) and had to go away on my own to begin to sort out the big mess in my head.

The way I had made decisions all my (20) years in the cult were all tainted by the 3rd dynamic and protecting what I perceived as “total freedom”. I had identified myself so heavily with “all things scientology” I had no idea what was best for myself.

It has taken a lot of time and patience to “master” trusting my own inner instincts without the “voice” of the tech rattling in my head. It gets easier and easier as the “muscle” gets stronger.

You’ve already come a long way BeenLiedTo. Keep moving forward, your way, at your own pace. Do it with kindness, love and compassion (things totally missing in scientology). Do what truly empowers you. You, and only you, know what that is.

Do what’s best for you. Our “greatest friend” was not Hubbard, it is ourselves. Hope this helps, if perhaps only a little.

 

[Frankie Greene]

Ultimately, you've got to figure out how free with being you you want to be.

In my personal situation, the contact with family and friends who were still in was not worth it. Regardless of all of the experiences they saw myself and others go through, they stood back, complicit with Scientology.

I had to stop and really look. If my family and friends don't think that abusive treatment toward myself is enough to leave or at least question, well then, I don't have much to say to them. I don't need their judgments, their own mistreatment of me for the church's ends, or for them to completely deny, justify for the cult, or invalidate my experience.

You can chose to say whatever you want to say to whoever you want. Just remember that if you still don't feel like you can be yourself with these people, you probably don't want them around, anyway.

I've been out of Scientology for about three years, been on an antidepressant for one year, and have been in therapy for five months. Those things there changed my life COMPLETELY around. There is a future out there waiting for me again.

It takes time. You will eventually find your way through this. Good luck to you!

 

[Enthetan]

By the way, start sharing doubts on Facebook and expect mom and dad to cut you off on the quickness. It doesn't take much these days for those culties to start circling the wagons. Slow your roll and take your time. There is no sense of urgency here. There's no need to do anything "right now". That's a feeling that you're carrying from your Scientology days and this is a good time to learn to break yourself of it.

I dislike Facebook as a communications medium. Phone or face-to-face is better. You can get a better feel for how your communication is being received and tailor what you say accordingly. You also risk having your communication being relayed to OSA, who will give your whole family an ultimatum.

 

[cleared cannibal]

I think you need to ask yourself why you want to come out. Is it to tell the cult and world what you think of them? Is it to damage the cult? Is it to try to wake up your family? All the above?

I know it will make you feel better and that may be reason enough. Unless you have a really abused past from the cult or are a celebrity the damage you cause to them will be minimal. For the immediate future you will lose all hope of helping your family with the disconnection which will follow.

I have a lot more to lose than you and I have chosen to live a lie for the time being. I take solace in the saying" revenge is a dish best served cold"

I think the best way to put doubt in a cult family member is to live a happy and sucessful life away from Scn so they might realize it is at least possble without Scn.

My two.