The problem here was, that I felt me unfair treated. I was posting here in this threat like other... ok I posted more against marjan than other... than one person posted about "me and OSA" on WWP and another person, read that and posted here without to proof what did happen against me and what I did here. The words OSA and Nicole were enough to react... I feel me reduced on "Nicole and OSA"... I am more than that, I am over that point.... I could shout and scream and say NO, that was not the reason and nobody believes me. I am the evil OSA and imo I will ever be. After this post here I thought WHY... Why have you spoke about it? ..and what else should I do to get away from "Nicole and OSA"... I can nothing do against this, the more I do, the more the doubts grew... I felt helpless... I could say I let go this now, this post on WWP, but it hurts me, "not that OSA post on WWP", it hurts me like people react on it... If there stands tomorrow eg I followed anybody, I am sure nobody would proof it, nobody asks for dox... I can do what I want, my past will allways be there, I can't walk away from this and to walk away, to let that go is a personal problem for me, because it hurts so much...
The problem I see here is: You didn't take the time to realize that you're being played with. Someone pushes the "Nicole=OSA" button, and you fly right off the handle. So predictable. So counter-productive. So unhealthy.
It would have been so much more pleasant had you just taken a step back, watched the whole from a distance for a while, and then given a rational response if you still thought that a response was necessary and justified.
You're smart enough to know that drama export/import is usually frowned upon, and you know why that is. You know that it serves no good purpose, but you don't see it when your emotions get in your way.
You see "Nicole=OSA" and all your rationality goes poof. Once again, you're manipulated. You're played like a modern keyboard which already has all the rhythms, patterns, sounds and songs stored in it's memory. It doesn't need a skilled musician to play that one - just someone who's able to push a button. One button is all it takes and you go off.
Being a bit more self-observant can protect you against being played like that.
I'm not against being emotional and I love my own emotions a lot, the good ones as well as the bad ones, but when I recognize that someone tries to play on my "emotional keyboard", I just turn that thing off and let rationality rule. This doesn't make me immune against manipulations, but it takes more than a simple "button-pusher" to manipulate me.
Apart from that: Your past is your past. It can not be undone, and wherever you go, your past will be already there - either out in the open, or hidden somewhere in a dark corner. I think it's a lot easier to deal with when it's out in the open.
A very good hint MrN... Thanks for being there again. Ich weiß gar nicht mehr, wie ich das gut machen kann.
I don't know. Buy me another beer perhaps?
Nicole
&
, MrN