David Miscavige – Wow, what an event!

fishdaddy

Patron
David Miscavige! Hi, it’s your old friend Jeff again. Well, I just watched most of the “2009 LRH Birthday Event” before it got taken off the internet for “copyright infringement.” Really, Dave, you are too modest! You should keep it up there for all to see!

A few comments. I know you appreciate my feedback. After all, as we both know, you are surrounded by yes-men who will only tell you, “Sir, that was great, you’ve really outdone yourself” and so on. You know you can depend on me for some constructive comments.

First, that opening montage. Brilliant. With all of the talk about Scientology being a ”sci-fi religion,” any lesser being would have shied away from that wall-to-wall science fiction imagery. But not you! No, siree! You didn’t flinch from presenting Scientology like a cheesy sci-fi video game! You must have had the Gold Special Effects guys (didn’t know there were any left!!) up day and night. Oh, right, they work day and night anyway.

And I see you’re still using Jeff Pomerantz, the over-the-top voice of Scientology. I have a suggestion: Have your Survey Network (if you still have one) ask Scientologists what they REALLY think about Pomerantz’s voice (clue: they hate it and make fun of it).

And that set. Amazing. It looks…well…exactly like every other set Henning Bendorff has ever designed for you. I guess there’s a virtue in monotony.

About the speeches, uh, one little point. Danny Sherman keeps larding these things with clichés. You know, those phrases we’ve heard over and over that make all your speeches sound the same?

“And, yes…”

“which in turn…”

“which is to say…”

“And it all begins like this…”

“All of which in turn…”

“Which sums up like this…”

“Notwithstanding…”

“Moreover…”

“And that has everything to do with…”

“So, then, yes…”

“More to the point…”

“And that brings us to…”

And so forth. Maybe you should ease off on these things just a bit and try to make the speeches sound different from, um, every other speech that you or Danny has ever given.

Question: are you still claiming credit for personally writing the speeches that Danny writes for you? Does he know you do that? And is he really as gay as he sounds?

And the “rolling thunder” technique you told us fledgling speechwriters about so many times. Yes, I remember, that’s what you called it. Brilliantly executed here. How could I forget “rolling thunder” – your way of presenting information that just builds and builds and builds – all on one long run-on sentence preferably - leading up to a massive applause point. It goes sort of like this: “Take hundreds of orgs and missions spanning the planet and add to it thousands of missions, groups, dog grooming franchises and ice cream vendors, add in all the people who have ever Googled “Scientology,” add all of the people we’ve ever even thought about disseminating to, and you have a worldwide juggernaut spreading the truths of Scientology to billions of people worldwide, reaching into every school, police department, drug cartel, Subway sandwich franchise and government on the planet, with LRH’s message now reaching 76 quadrillion beings planetwide, and THAT’s what I call Clearing the Planet on a gargantuan scale!!!” (thundering applause).

Brilliant technique. And the good news is, you don’t have to have any actual statistics or information that demonstrate any real expansion, you can just roll off the generalities and exaggerations and outright fibs like a freight train, leaving the faithful Scientologists aghast at all the “expansion.” And voila! They are convinced! They know THEIR local org is empty and failing and can’t pay the rent, but they assume that ALL OTHER orgs must be booming! And they know THEIR local “ideal org” building is a big empty white elephant, but assume all others are racing forward on their renovations schedule!!

You should copyright your technique, “rolling thunder.” I’m sure politicians would love it.

But why take the event off the internet? Everyone could enjoy it! And maybe someone could do you a favor and fact-check all the information you gave. Like, for instance, all of the organizations “now using LRH tech.” We could write to them and…

Oh, that’s right, you don’t want it fact-checked.

And “The Basics” released in 50 languages. Amazing! Oh yes, Urdu and Tagalog and all the rest of it. But wait, how do you make money from that…Oh wait – Library Donations!! Another reason for Scientologists to GIVE MORE MONEY!!!

And the “Ideal Orgs” presentation? Brilliant as well. Much classier than simply stating “We have officially gone out of the business of training auditors and making Clears and OTs and are now 100% in the real estate business. Coldwell Banker, move over!”

Oh, and “We’re going to fund it with YOUR money! So cough it up! Bernie Madoff, move over!”

Like I say, brilliant event. Flashy, exciting, in-your face. Let’s hope it was flashy and exciting enough to keep people from noticing what was NOT there.

Let’s hope it was flashy enough to keep people from asking embarrassing questions, like “where’s Heber?” Or “Where’s Marc Yager?” “Where’s Ray Mithoff?” Or where’s anybody? What happened to Marty Rathbun? Where’s Mike Rinder? And where, oh where, is Shelly?

Questions like “Whatever happened to the Superpower Building?” “Where is the new Mark VIII E-Meter (manufactured and on the shelf as of four years ago)?” “Where are the rest of Hubbard’s lectures (all mixed and mastered as of four years ago)?” “What about OT IX and X?”

Hopefully, the event was flashy enough to distract people from the complete lack of any actual statistics. Oh, that’s right, you don’t do statistics any more. You’re beyond that now, you announced that at an event. Nowadays, Scientology’s expansion is measured in the awesomeness of its video special effects, the elaborateness of its event sets, and the hours of hyperbole spewed at events.

And let’s hope they don’t notice the substitution of “Ideal Orgs” for that pesky term, “Saint Hill Size Orgs,” which required that somebody actually DO something – hire people, deliver training or auditing. In other words, actually exchange with the public. No, “Ideal Org” is much better – all you have to do is buy a big empty building.

And let’s hope that your faithful Scientologists don’t notice the biggest omission. No mention of getting trained. No mention of going Clear or OT.

The biggest omission? Scientology itself.

Because you’ve got a better scam.

Donations. Pure donations. For buildings, for IAS, for books into libraries. The biggest con in Scientology’s long history of cons. And you don’t have to do anything but make speeches. And rake it in. And bank it in offshore accouts.

Anyway, that’s my take on the event. You know you can depend on me for honest feedback.

Keep that thunder rolling.

And maybe no one will notice what you’re really doing.

Jeff
 

Magoo

Gold Meritorious Patron
Thanks, Jeff! Excellent.

The biggest omission, imnsho? That DM Himself hasn't had ANY auditing since
1997!

Hey! That's when *I* quit OT 7, also. (*and no, he wasn't on OT 7---but the same year I gave it a "That's IT on this :bs:)

Pomeranz was and is a running joke amongst those "in" and out. To anyone who's never heard him................listen to any local, yuckie, yelling Used Car
dealer, pitching "COME ON IN >>>>>>>>>>>>>NOW!!!" and that's Jeff.

Thank GOD and the NET we're OUT :happydance:

Tory/Magoo
 

clamicide

Gold Meritorious Patron
Bravo!

Absolutely classic post! Hope they don't listen TOO carefully, all that beautiful monotony coupled with a darkened room--events were one of the few times us staff members could catch a little cat-nap. Being able to clap in your sleep was a highly-developed skill.
 

Magoo

Gold Meritorious Patron
:lol: Good one, clamicide.

We "OT's" used to also always sit in the balcony at the Shrine,
so we didn't have to stand and to the clap clap, or "hip hip hooooray" Crap.

Uh oh....hope that doesn't get anyone "in"in trouble, but maybe that's
a good thang, too, eh?

Happy Saturday, one and all :happydance:

Tory/Magoo
www.youtube.com/ToryMagoo44
 
About the speeches, uh, one little point. Danny Sherman keeps larding these things with clichés. You know, those phrases we’ve heard over and over that make all your speeches sound the same?

“And, yes…”

“which in turn…”

“which is to say…”

“And it all begins like this…”

“All of which in turn…”

“Which sums up like this…”

“Notwithstanding…”

“Moreover…”

“And that has everything to do with…”

“So, then, yes…”

“More to the point…”

“And that brings us to…”

And so forth ...

And so on ...
 

Once bitten

Patron Meritorious
Great post

Great post Fishdaddy. It's the same all orgs over .....

My hubby was watching that video and I could only hear it from where I was. I thought it was a TAKE OFF it was that bad. :roflmao: I honestly didn't believe that it was genuine ... that voice sounds like a stand up comic for sure.
 

Telepathetic

Gold Meritorious Patron
I was there*live* and after just a short while,wanted to puncture both my ear drums and eyes out with the #2 "survey pencile" left on my seat!

I'm still reeling:omg:

TP
 

knn

Patron Meritorious
About the speeches, uh, one little point. Danny Sherman keeps larding these things with clichés. You know, those phrases we’ve heard over and over that make all your speeches sound the same?

“And, yes…”

You forgot one that we hear at every event:

"Make no mistake".

:nervous:
 
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