David Miscavige PR Victory


Patron with Honors
Congratulations to the ecclesiastical leader of the Church of Scientology Mr. David Miscavige on your recent PR accomplishment.

Between the Ruth Eckerd Hall recent distancing of themselves from the Church of Scientology, the Valeska Paris imprisonment scandal and the Tampa Bay Times expose on the financial raping of your parishioners, you have achieved the social acceptance level of groups like NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) and that of Nazi sympathizers.

When your head hits the pillow this evening Mr. Miscavige, know that you and your gang of Al Qaeda wannabes have accomplished what no one has yet been able to.

No external influence can take the credit that is due to you in your pursuit of the total obliteration of social acceptance of the Church of Scientology. :clap: Your cult is now just a punch line on Jay Leno.

Benito Mussolini would be proud. Long live David Miscavige! Hip, hip hurray! Hip, hip hurray!


Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

A Scientology child's bedside prayer before going to sleep.


Dear God,
I pray that Mommy and Daddy are always safe and healthy.
I give you thanks for letting me go with Mommy and Daddy tonight
and staying up real late so I could go to my first Scientology event.
All those bright colorful pictures were moving so fast, Lord, and the
man from the navy was talking so fast that it was like the time when
my Chipmunk DVD was stuck on fast-forward and I couldn't stop giggling.
And dear God, please let my mommy and daddy not be mad at me
tomorrow for having to take me out in the middle of the event because
I was laughing so hard that cal mag was coming out of my nose.
God, I also pray that Mommy and Daddy are okay, like mentally, because
they kept jumping up and down and applauding and yelling "hooray!" I
never saw them like that at home and it kind of scared me to be honest.
Lord, I pray that you send me some kind of message or sign because I can't go
to sleep worrying that Mommy and Daddy actually believed all those crazy
graph numbers being flashed on the big TV.

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
And speaking of His Miscavigeness (His Lowness), here's a song we used to sing and dance to at Happy Valley back in the day (when the security guards weren't looking).


I love Randy Newman. The song's only flaw is the "nice" bit in the middle. But I'm sure he's singing this bit sarcastically.

Voltaire's Child

Fool on the Hill
He's a destructive person. If we are to refer to Hubbard's theories, I think it would appear that DM wants the cult to fail. I mean, he does everything he possibly can to fuck it up. There were already all sorts of problems there before DM got there, yes. Problems in policy, things Hubbard did, etc. But I think DM surpassed those and that's really saying something.


Definitely, yes, hooray for El COB David Miscavige. We have an excellent deep, deep mole in this man (man?).