After my wife and I discussed the fact that we wanted to leave staff, I left her in our room with our baby and went to tell the Special Unit ethics officer. I wanted to tell her and not another not in that department so as not to violate the policy “leaving and leaves”.
So I told her and she was in shock. She asked me to wait in another room and I know she called “uplines” for help. When I was called back into the room she had Marty Rathbun with her, trying to help her. She and Marty tried over and over and over to talk me out of it but I said we were leaving. After a few more breaks and then meetings with Marty and Marion I still said we were leaving.
Then they conceded and said that “of course” that my wife and I would be doing deck work while we got leaving security checks. And I said “of course” we would not be doing any such thing. I told them that my wife and I would agree to sec checks but alternately and one would be with our daughter while the other was sec checked. And that when we were not in sec checks we would be free to be together in our room without deck work and would even do our shopping as needed for moving.
They said absolutely no way and I replied that they had two choices. The first was that they agreed with what I said above and in turn I would agree to allow them to freely sec check me as much as they wanted even if it was every day for weeks. And, if they refused and insisted that we had to do deck work, my wife, daughter and I were leaving that night. After much back and forth where they again tried to talk me out of it and after more recesses for them to speak with whomever, they finally agreed.
Marty was very upset and said I was completely “out ethics”and told me that I needed to do the Rehabilitation Project Force (“RPF”), organized scientology’s version of a highly abusive gulag. I said that there was nothing “rehabilitative” in the RPF, it was a prison, we were not criminals and would not do it.
And so began what was to be maybe 4-6 weeks of daily sec checks for me for maybe six to eight or so hours a day. A “special” sec checker from RTC (Gelda Mithoff) was sent to do mine. It would take pages and pages to explain what all happened in those sec checks but I think many who read this have been through their version of this and so understand. The bottom line is that they were terrified that I was going to go to the FBI or IRS or otherwise “the bad guys” and actually tell the truth of the abuses, corporate shell games, the religious cloaking and how Hubbard and Miscavige were really running it all. And they checked over and over and over to ensure I had no plans on doing such things.
And then countless hours were spent digging into everything in my life that they felt could be embarrassing to me. And this included every sexual act I ever had with a guy which they considered homosexual and I considered heterosexual. (I would say that that was a “long story” but if you have read this thread to this point you will understand why I felt the way I did).
And over and over and over they tried to spin me in that my perspective of being “transsexual” or “a girl” was because I was such an awful and insane person and was so completely “out ethics” and/or it was spirits in my body and not me that had this feeling. And every time I was to protest this, they would come up with another twist to try to show me how crazy and bad I was. (I say “they” here as years later I found out from Geoff Shervelle then in Special Unit’s “Intelligence” department that nightly a bunch of them would go over what was said in my sec checks that day, laugh at me and then work out ways to spin me in. If I was not to commit suicide at least they hoped to control me. And Geoff would tell me that the reason he fled staff and would not submit to such interrogations was because he saw what they were doing to me and he could never go through that himself. They would actually have been quite happy to see me dead but it would have to be by my own hand).
And every time I pointed out an abuse or a crime or something bad about Hubbard or Miscavige, they tried to get me into a spin and think that I was the one with the crimes for even daring to say it.
But I had great strength in my wife and my daughter and I knew I could and would take this or else they would never get to freedom.
And while I never doubted my decision to leave or to protect my loved ones, they did in fact get me to think that somehow it was I that had no “confront of evil” in that I could not “harm others in a good cause” which was all Hubbard was doing. What a load of crap that was but this and what followed as covered below kept me to myself and not speaking out and thinking there was something horribly wrong with myself for basically just being a loving and kind person. And in one way they were right, I was not able to really confront evil. I did not confront that THEY (Hubbard, Miscavige and the people actually carrying out abuses in their name) were evil. It was not in fact me or all the good souls harmed by these people or who protested their abuses that were evil.
In the last day before we were “allowed” to leave I was tohave three friendly visitors. One was Vicki then running RTC who "just wanted to make sure I was ok”. Another was Lyman Spurlock from Author Services with whom I worked closely on corporate matters. I considered Lyman a friend and I knew he hated it just as much as I hated it that the corporate structure we designed was used by Hubbard and Miscavige to make things even worse, get even more money improperly to Hubbard and all the things we hated. Lyman was to take me to lunch that last day and we had a long chat. Like me, Lyman never wanted to be some big exec, he hated all the “pretend navy” abusive stuff and the like. Like me he even hated all those musters and ceremonies and all those mindless “three cheers of LRH”. I remember Lyman saying that Miscavige had talked him into going to scientology’s last remaining ship (the Freewinds) to do some basic Sea Org training. He didn’t really want to but agreed to give it a try.Years later I was to see a photo of Lyman in all the big Sea Org “dress blues” in what seemed like some super “no nonsense” executive planning. And I remembered thinking “oh gawd they got Lyman”.
But then you never can tell the truth from the pictures that organized scientology uses in their promotions. As I said in a posting onanother thread 2-3 months ago;
The third person to see me off on my final day there was Sherman Lenske, one of Hubbard’s attorneys with whom I worked a great deal and even had a friendship. Sherman told me that I was one of the best people he ever worked with and that if I ever needed a reference he would be happy to give me one. He told me I could call him anytime.
Then we flew across country to live with my parents who had a huge house to themselves, all their seven children having moved out. Sandy and I were lucky to have such an option as so many other ex staff have no support network to help them decompress and get on their feet.
I am going to skip over everything in this period except to point out the deception within organized scientology in how they were trying to control me and do anything in their power to keep me quiet.
The first example would be a week or so after we moved in with my parents, I was selling door to door and my wife had an administrative job. I got a call from Dan Feeley who took over from me in Special Unit Corporate. He asked me if I could please make sure I was at my parent’s house that following Saturday at 1PM as they desperately needed me in on a conference call with an attorney I worked with a lot, Elwood Rickless. I bought it.
But when I got to my parent’s house at 1pm (I had been working on the road earlier in the day) there was an RTC sec checker chatting with my father. His name was “Hansuli” (spelling??). I was in shock but was polite.
Hansuli asked me to go with him to set him up in a motel room and said he needed to sec check me for a few days. And I agreed and had many hours of security checks a day for about a week. The nature of the sec checks were checking from every possible angle if I had gone to the police, the FBI, the IRS, even thought of it, was I speaking with anyone antagonistic to scientology, did I even have bad thoughts about Hubbard or Miscavige?? And the rest of it was just another attempt to spin me in to make sure I “knew” I was the one wrong all along, I was the one with the “insanities” of being transgendered, etc.
I guess they were satisfied as he went away eventually.
The next was a month or two later my getting a call from Mike Rinder. Mike told me that they really, really needed me in Los Angeles to help on a legal matter involving the separation of Hubbard and scientology corporately and protecting them both. He said they were not asking me to come back on staff, but they just really needed me for a week or two and scientology would fly me out, give me expense money and put me up in a nearby motel. Once again I bought it and met with Mike and went up into the Special Unit conference room with him and actually did help with some small write-up about Hubbard and corporate scientology and how to protect the interests of both. And while I was sitting there in the room writing it and reading it to Mike, he would just ask me when I would be coming back to staff as if he knew I was going to do so.
But the shocker for me was that I was to find out the real purpose of the trip was many more interrogations of me on the emeter once again trying to find out if I “talked” or planned to do so. But this was even worse. It was a “pilot” of what they called security checks “FPRD style” and I was never to have been so spun in my entire life.” Hubbard was not wrong, Miscavige was not wrong, I was the one that was wrong, I was the one who could not confront evil, I was a sickening affront to nature even thinking I could be a girl, I was twisted and I was disgusting”. And only because I still believed in scientology could all this take a hold on me. Thank God I had my family to go back to and to be my connection to sanity.
Their last great move to control me was to be maybe a half a year or so after that. I get this amazing call from a guy running legal matters in a software company called “RealWorld Corporation” in New Hampshire. And he tells me how they just found out I was off of scientology staff and they wanted me up there to check out their company. They flew my wife, daughter and I up there (from Pennsylvania) and put on this huge party for us. It was a recruitment party and I was to see many scientologists there, even other exstaff I had worked with in the Guardans Office or the Sea Organization. The president of RealWorld, Larry Byrnes, was an old friend of mine from staff times. And a number of David Miscavige’s family members were working there including his twin sister Denise, his brother Ronnie and his mother Loretta.
Bottom line was I got recruited to be their VP Legal and then over the years became their VP sales and then their CEO and President. In my early weeks there, over my objections, I got talked into becoming an annual member of the new membership group, the “International Association of Scientologists” . And RealWorld lent me the money for that. And over my not-strong-enough objections I get talked into getting back into scientology by going to their “mecca of technical perfection” in Clearwater, Floridato get all “cleaned up”. And again RealWorld lent me the money to do this.
And I was to be sucked back into the scientology I was hoping to escape and end up being a “good” public scientologist who gave them hundreds of thousands of dollars. And now I was still to be reminded just how awful I was for being who I was and how right Hubbard was and I fell for it AGAIN. And to add insult to injury, this time I would even pay for the “privilege”of this reminder.
It would not be until years later that I was to find out that the entire matter of me being recruited into RealWorld was an actual moved designed by scientology management to get me back into the fold and make sure I never spoke out.
And when I did start to break away from scientology they would use my daughter who was now on staff and through her they thought they could forever keep me quiet by trying to take advantage of my love of her and hers of me.
But what they did not realize was that my daughter’s love of me and mine of her were in fact stronger than their hold on us.
But through their deception and how they can prey on and take advantage of people of good heart, they did manage to delay my breaking free of them and speaking out for decades. It would take me all that time to work my way out of scientology. And it would take me even longer, the subject of my next postings, to find the courage to even believe I could ever find an inner peace and be myself. And I would have to help a lot of other people before I would be able to help myself.
I would be in a very dark place after I Ieft scientology and struggled through so many wrong turns to believe I could be true to what I really am, justme.
Lol!
