Thanks for the reply. Some places you have referred to "you guys", I'm assuming you mean the anons, I can't answer for anyone else, but below is what I feel.
TMT, apologies for derailing your thread and talking as if you are out of the room. I will answer this and shut up, promise.
Hi Anonomog,
I don't take what you said as anything more than a thoughtful reply.
My concern is when the man says he is staying up to answer every single email from individuals and goes nearly 3 days without sleep because he is that stressed out and upset by the fact he has upset people here when he only intended to make them feel good..
You cannot take responsibility for anyone else's life, however well meaning it is to worry about him. If it is TMT's choice to stay up for 3 days, that is his choice and responsibility.
Its on the thread. He felt he had to do that to prove to us that he was a good auditor (counselor).
I don't dispute that he may be a brilliant auditor but he seriously misread the board, or failed to lurk moar, and failed to pitch it correctly. TMT has acknowledged this and moved on, and is posting his chronicles to the delight of the people who benefit from it.
Did anyone else besides me even read through all his responses on this thread, much less even read through his whole opening statement before commenting?
Yes, I have read what he has written, and because he has come back and answered and continued on, despite the aggro, my respect for him has grown. It doesn't mean I agree with his posts or wish to follow him on his journey, but there are people who will get something out of it. He must also understand that there will be people on the board who will never appreciate his viewpoint and will always question him on it. Is this such a bad thing? I don't mean bashing, but if he believes his words are important, then surely they are important enough to defend.
Yeh, he pushed buttons. He didn't mean to. That was completely different from his intention, which was to make us feel good. He thought we were exScns feeling similarly to how he felt and he thought he’d clean up any bad feelings we had toward the C of S with auditing. He wanted to make us feel good about L Ron Hubbard, Dianetics and The Church of Scientology --- not for the sake of the C of S, but for our own sakes. SO WE COULD FEEL GOOD. PERIOD. Do you see how badly he’s been misunderstood? Do you get it now?
I got it. Really, I did.
However, in the first post he came across as a snake oil salesman. Now, after reading more posts, I understand more where he is coming from, but we are only known by the posts we make. We can't rely on other people knowing a poster as an honourable person to give credence to them. But I also wonder if after reading more of ESMB, TMT has also learnt about the community. There is an arrogance in presuming to have the answers for anyone else, and in presuming to have a more joyful existence than others. Some people are absolutely blissful in their miserable whingeings.
So couldn’t some people have discussed with him why auditing doesn’t make us feel better in a way that didn’t hurt his feelings?
My visceral reaction to his words was "How dare you disrespect the exes by posting this" and got all mama bear on his ass. Perhaps he could have discussed auditing with the board in a way that wouldn't upset the board's feelings? Its a two way thing here.
Yep, it pressed my button. I've been hanging around here too long and I feel a bit over protective over people who really don't need it, expect it or want it.
I felt exactly the same way when Marty brought his arrogance here and, in my opinion, disrespected Emma, her board and the exes on the board. Its probably the same button as the bashing posts pushed on you.
Its not okay with me that anybody that age should feel that stressed out. Do you know how much harder that is on a person who is older?
I was the caregiver to my parents in law, both of whom died in their 90's. I am very well aware of the weaknesses and capabilities of the elderly. I am a strong advocate of self determinism until the time a person asks for help or it becomes apparent that the person can no longer make rational decisions. My mum in law raised her babies in a basement in London during WW2, alone while her husband was conscripted. While she was extremely physically frail towards the end, there was nothing wrong with her spirit or mind and it used to annoy the hell out of me when a waiter or salesperson would look to me for confirmation of what she said to them. I knew her strength and history and it would deeply offend me that they would disrespect her like that. Its not ok to take away someone's self determination.
I think he can be strong once he has his feet on the ground. But he got them knocked out from under him when all he was trying to do was connect up with some ex's that he could chat with about similar things. That's all. He was excited! He wanted to share all the things he had used Scn for successfully over the years with others who would understand. Wouldn't you be excited, if you were in his shoes, after being Declared all those years and cut off from the community you had known all your life?
I am sorry he got such a hostile response, but he has responded to it and understood where it came from, and the board has been given an opportunity to see who he really is and react as they wish to fuller information.
But just because you, or anyone else vouches for his integrity, doesn't mean I am going to cut slack or ignore what I have perceived to be disrespect. I make my own judgements.
I was so excited and happy when I came on here, I couldn't get on enough threads at once. I had to read everything, absorb everything, talk to everybody! And my enthusiasm was also terribly misunderstood. It took me quite a while to get the hang of things. I had to learn almost everything about forums and what to say or not say and how not to take things personally and all the history of what happened since I'd been out. I made heaps of mistakes. Ask ANYbody! Lol!
I remember Gottabrain, just because I don't post much, does not mean I am not around watching (god I am a stalker!). I felt for you as much as I feel for TMT as I saw you struggling to find your feet. I am glad to see you back btw.
But why put him through that? Why put me and others through that? Its absolutely hell on a person.
Because we are only known by the words on our posts and how they are interpreted by the reader. Unless someone writes their biography on the first post, that post is ageless and genderless, readers can only take an educated guess at the pain, humour or enthusiasm behind the words.
Don't you guys know where we exSO and exScns come from who show up out of nowhere who have been declared or disconnected?
No, I do not know, I haven't walked in your shoes. I try to be empathetic and often when I read something foreign to my experience I try and equate it to something similar in my life so I can gain some measure of understanding. But I will never quite get it 100%.
A lot of us come out of hiding. From years and years and years of not being able to put that part of our lives together with our lives that we've lived with society. From years and years of having nobody else to talk to about it who understands. That's why Emma so WISELY states that the purpose of this Board is to meet others, make friends, that sort of thing.
I appreciate this, one of the best things on this board for me is when exes express their joy when finding old friends, or reconnecting or when I see someone blossom in their posts.
Can he survive it and put a tough face on? Maybe. Probably. But what if he can't? Is this some sort of initiation test or stress test? At what point has a person been bashed enough that he or she can be talked to with courtesy like a real human being?
TMT showed courage of his convictions and stayed and responded. I feel you underestimate him.
He came onto the board with a highly contentious (to some members of the board) post with flags flying and trumpets blaring. It wasn't a quiet little post with a bit of background and asking for companionship. I, personally, have never seen these types of posts getting bashed.
Is there something I’m not getting here, or it something that maybe you or some of the others isn’t understanding? I hope this time I’ve explained something. Now if I’ve missed something, please explain it to me. And I really mean that sincerely. Because the purpose of bashing at new people, seniors, anyone who is vulnerable at a time in their lives - like this, when they first come onboard ESMB and reconnect with a mixed exscn and Anon community -I don't understand the purpose because it seems to do nothing but upset a person and stress them out even more. Why is it done this way?
Again, we only know each other through the posts. If the post is contentious in some way, the poster needs to take responsibility for it. We don't know what is going on in the poster's life unless it is expressed. But do you really believe that a poster is excused for his words because he is having a difficult life?
Isn't ESMB supposed to be the "hug box"?
This is a supportive community of people from diverse cultures with different beliefs and opinions. I'd guess if you started a thread asking for a hug, you would be inundated with them both from people who agree with you and those who don't. Not everyone needs it to be a hug box, maybe they need a vent box or an escape box or a community box.
And please don't be offended that I'm asking you. Because I really don't personally understand that approach as being helpful in any way.
I am not offended in the slightest. Of course bashing isn't helpful, but if anyone makes the decision to post something controversial onto a message board, they should be prepared to be called on it.