This blew a lot of charge for me. About "old Dianetics" still being valid. I have a little horror story I have never dared mentioned. I will most likely get some negative feedback for posting it. I was sitting in an Org one night with a very well known, and very well loved Sea Org executive. He was on a mission and I had pushed him a LOT of power and this was no rinky dink mission. He leaned over his desk and looked at me and said,...now mind you, this guy had been in the Sea Org a LONG time...he said, "I think you are the only clear actually on the planet. If not, the clearest clear I have ever met."
Every time I see someone that is "clear" posting on one of the forums that they had no benefit actually, it hits me me in some sad way and also like maybe I am in some nightmare.
I had a reoccurring nightmare as a child, I would wake up. get dressed, leave the front of the house. All of the houses were the same. As I opened my door all of the others would step out at the same time. We would all leave our houses at the same time and start walking down the walkway at the same time. But midway down I got this nausiating feeling I was in a hall of mirrors. I would stop and sit down on my walkway to vomit while everyone else would continue to the end of the driveway and I was the only one out of this hall of mirrors.
I have often wondered if the NED produced a different kind of clear, maybe one that was not stable.
Some things do not make sense to me. Like, how could a person run dianetics after clear (I had zero resource there to pull from after clear).
I mean, the leader of the Church, DM, targeted and attacked an RPFer with body guards looking on as he beat the shit out of this guy. This is not a clear.
If the guy in charge obviously is not a clear why is he there? What is his motivation as he must KNOW he is not a clear.
How can all of the staff put up with the madness if they are clear? How many of them are clear? Any?
Hasn't anyone in the Sea Org read Science of Survival?
Sometimes I think maybe only 5% of the population has a reactive mind and perhaps the value of Dianetics was overestimated.
I really don't understand why it all made perfect sense to me and it all worked yet some think they were just under some power of suggestion.
I don't even understand why it doesn't occurr to almost everyone that this is total magick practice.
I really don't understand the Sea Org and what happened there, except that Hubbard maybe played some cruel joke putting militia as police with magick for his own amusement.
But all of this is avenues of mystery that acts as a distraction and the more I think about it the more I seperate from my own luck.
It is not easy to keep on walking and not look back.
It is not easy to leave something you know for something you do not know.
But I will tell you one thing, the Ron's Org people have another ladder down from this villiage to another that is very very interesting.
It is hard to move on and leave people behind. That is why I post on these forums.
But I know my time is coming, when I will have to walk on and not look back.
I always hate to let go of the company.
And as you probably know, the further up the bridge you go, the less company you have.
I have recently wondered about the purpose of this planet.
With my understanding of physics I always come to the same conclusion. Energy.
As people decay as in a waste fill, they can be used for energy in other places.
Just like we use energy here for our electricity, energy will be culled and utilized on other planets.
I think the job to turn this whole society around was an unreal target.
I think it's every man for himself now.
Hi, Illusioness,
Your post really grabbed my attention. Some of the things you said I have thought too. I too have been looking at this energy concept for a long time. It started when I read Mr. Moody's books. He developed what I believe he calls "hemi-sync". In one of his books he is given the explanation that we are here to get psyched up to put out energy jolts for others, for "god".
If you have ever perused some of the reptilian theorists (and experiencers as they claim) you will also hear the story about how we are an energy source for other beings.
Ron wrote a bit about how other beings would trap a thetan and make him power a lamp or some such.
Perhaps that was part of the huge appeal of the movie "Matrix", bodies in pawn being used as batteries. Although I think it was not accurate of what would be going on if it were.
I often wonder why Ron DeWolfe is given so much the silent treatment in the freezone when he talks about his dad being heavily involved in black magick. He says black magick, which I assume there is a white counterpart. Was Ron working white or black magick? It reminds me of the child who is trying to tell their parents about the pedophiliac grandfather and no one will believe them because the grandfather is just way too socially charming.
I wonder why the hell the past lifers I speak with recall almost nothing about their encounters with Ron and scientology last lifetime. Only flickers of fleeting pictures.
You are right, I have not seen a present lifetime clear who can match me, a past life clear,
and I have the problems of dealing with this "uncleared" body.
That means I would certainly like to get to know you better because, as you said, it gets lonely at the top. The wrong solution is to purposely degrade oneself to match the level of one's uncleared friends and then get stuck there. I sadly saw the leader of the Nez Pierce Indians do this, and he died in a ditch.
Interestingly, in the Freezone I am meeting people of comparable and greater magnitude than myself.
The question about DM is a good one. The idea was put out that he is the incarnation of Joseph Smith. I am still pulling that thread and from some aspects I can see how that could be true. I also heard that Jentz is a Mormon.
I doubt if he has had much real auditing of the being, maybe something else, but not the being, and he is systematically destroying or dumbing down auditors.
There is a general refusal to co-study Magick alongside Scientology and I think that a comparative study would do a lot of people a lot of good. I have resisted studying Magick because I know it would totally intrigue me, similar to alchemy, and I have a more mundane, less consuming project first.
Also, to me, the purest magick is simply deciding and doing, and magick, like scientology does have a lot of unnecessary additives, people trying to take the simple (but unconfrontable) and turn it into "easy". These additives can be addictive as the beautiful trappings of a game, so I'm keeping myself on a simple path.
I too am writing the final chapter of my relationship with scientology and I wonder what it will take for me to finally be able to walk away. I don't need to clear the planet, at least not the way Ron and CofS promote. That is a "means justifies the ends" approach. I don't think so anyway. I think I just need to help out a few friends.
I personally saw anything theta intimately associated with the church get degraded and they either left or were suppressed. Lester Bland was one really sad case of this.
About it being lonely at the higher spiritual awarenesses, I understand. I have been wondering if that too is not a compulsion and if I should be able to flex either way and all degrees in between, i.e., to be content to be alone forever or to be forever communing with others, either way and all shades in between.
Perhaps we can walk away from scientology by walking away from our compulsions. Walking away itself might be a compulsion, not for you, but I'm talking in general.
I see a wonderful "now" and future for myself and for others around me.