DM's Statistic.

Petey C

Silver Meritorious Patron
It's Total International Slave Hours, which is an interesting stat based on a sliding scale. Thus if you've been on staff or SO for under one year, one hour counts as one hour. If it's two years, it's two hours for an hour. Three years, three hours for an hour. This is a stat that never goes down which is one of the reasons he's so upstat. Oh yes, there are also bonus points is someone leaves without authorisation AND DM hears about it and has to go down the org board and bypass to handle (1000 hour points). We all know the poor man is absolutely burdened by incompetent people who can't do their jobs.

His other stat is total number of new entrants into Scientology less number left that week. This stat is banded, which means that 0-100 = NE, 101-499 = Danger, 500-999 = Emergency, and anything above that is Normal -- and because it always stays the same, he's always in Normal.

Finally, he has another stat which is intended to measure tons of fun. This means he gets 100 stat points for every hour of fun he has, and an additional 100 points for every $10,000 he wastes. He is generally in Affluence or Power on this stat. "Fun" is defined as anything that makes Little Dave sit up and pay attention.

No doubt about it, he's a pretty upstat guy. His performance reviews and supervision are all done remotely by Hubbard via OT telepathy, at least once a decade. Unsurprisingly, he's come through with flying colours each time.


Squirrel Extraordinaire
SOR income?

Although the concept is pretty meaningless, in that there is no-one he reports to. One could look on it in terms of global WDAHs and auditors made and so forth, but I doubt if he cares much about those.



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DM's Statistic?

GI divided by [STRIKE]staff[/STRIKE] slaves.

GI: Gross Inaccuracies (of reported stats)


Number of retarded "OT" psychopaths willing to don headcams/ridiculous T-shirts in order to buy their way onto Target 2 where they hope to continue to demonstrate their urge to survive as famous documentary filmmakers.


Idle Morgue

Gold Meritorious Patron
Here is Slappy Mismanagements stats that he has to report to El CON Blubbard:

1. # of Sea Org members SLAPPED
2. # of SO members in the HOLE
3. # of Idle MORGUES purchased for too much money
4. # of dead public killed by out tech, out ethics and out admin and my pure evil intentions! (now that one has been straight up and vertical for 20 years!) EPIC:nervous:
5. # of tan's in one week
6. $$$$ carefully moved to off shore account
7. # of Blow jobs by Laurisse in one week (stat due by 2pm on thursdays)
8. # of members leaving the SO
9. BFF's that are celebs - have tons of admiration I can feed off...can't generate one damn drop for myself!
10. $ spent on my own personal pleasures
11. # of vehicles owned by me
12. # of messenger's in hot pants working for me and only me
13. # of SP declares issued
14. # of lawsuits filed to harass people that speak out against my cult
15. # of private investigators hired so that I may black mail later
16. # of extortion cycles accomplished at the upper ORGS to keep my wallet nice and full!


I must say ... Slappy's stats are definitely UP!

still here

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DM also misunderstood getting into the Condition of Power, and obviously thinks he needs to be in a Position of Power..... :duh:


Number of informed people on the outside

Number of threatened and unenlightened people on the inside

+ Blackmailed Celebrities - Execs in the Hole + Willing Slaves
- Nick Xenophon, Anonymous, ESMB, Ex-Scientologists, Critics, etc, etc.

= Sand left in the hourglass


Bye, bye, Davey.

Idle Morgue

Gold Meritorious Patron

Here are Slappy's stats as of June 2010. Anyone got the stats as of 2012? Should be straight down and vertical but would like to see the stats.

# of BLOWS is straight up and verticle - Slappy's dad, El Ron's grand daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, soon to be announced Katie Holmes just to name a few in the past 3 months. Maybe Tom Cruise will blow next? It really is a possibility now.

Another one of Slappy's stats that is real and it is way up - is # of bad PR articles, tweets, facebook postings, news reports about how creepy and weird Scientology really is and IT IS the cause of Tom Cruise's divorce!