ESMB Success Story

[Gottabrain]

VaD, yes, I see the parallels in your Success Story. It's hard to learn to trust again and to do it in stages, rationally, and not all at once, setting aside doubts to be handled later. Because that way is/was gullible.

One thing I realized is that to a great degree we were opened up completely in Scientology without our knowledge or consent. Sneaky processes, double meanings and a bit of subconscious hypnosis techniques were thrown in there besides.

I trust my judgment again now. I hope you do, too.

 

[Terril park]

Thanks, VaD. I look forward to reading it!

Sheila Shiela Cheyla Shelia Shelia Shela Shayla... I've seen it spelled all those ways. Never bothered me. Mine is an Irish name, spelled Sheila. It's also slang here in Australia for "woman" or "broad". ha ha

I've been so "oversensitive", it had everything to do with the separateness by not seeing the other side of things in perspective. I wouldn't say I'm completely healed from Scientology, but I've certainly been free of being a "true believer" for decades. There are other things about me that have healed along the way, too - unrelated to Scn.

When I first joined here, I was completely STUCK in life because I hadn't dealt with my Scn past - just shoved it away in a corner of my mind. That worked for a long time, but eventually caught up with me. As did my feelings of not having actually helped others, cleared the planet, etc - but instead contributed to a tremendous scam.

But good feelings given or taken, even misguided, are still good feelings. Even from FZers or Indies. That's the part I have kept - and so have they.



Free to Shine, thank you for being my friend all through the year, too. And Emma and everyone else. I really love you guys.

From our several phone calls and other communication I can only say
you have tried to find truth and integrity and fight for it.

Glad you're doing well on this.

 

[Mest Lover]

ESMB broke a 20 year spell cast upon me by CLO EUS and its inhabitants via LRH Tech. I was silenced in fear that anyone I met would find out I was actually a part of an insane cult.

I worried that OSA was going to fairgame me, find out what I did to get out and figure out everything that I did on their computer system.

ESMB helped me past those thoughts, it took just about a year, but fuck OSA and CO$ and the SO.

Praise to Emma and ESMB!

 

[VaD]

I must say I really like the way you changed your name. I didn't really like calling you VD. VaD is way cooler.

Yeah! Thanks!

"VD" to some might mean "Venerial Desease"

Well, to some it might have meant "Valentine's Day" or "Victory Day"

But I doubt. Perhaps, to many it meant "The Vampire Dairies" or "Victim Disarmament".


Since school I loved that VaD thing.

So, Thank you, GT for your acknowledgement!

 

[Gottabrain]

Yay Mest Lover!!

Good on ya. Congratulations on breaking through the wall of fear and silence. ESMB is awesome.

 

[Good twin]

Yeah! Thanks!

"VD" to some might mean "Venerial Desease"

Well, to some it might have meant "Valentine's Day" or "Victory Day"

But I doubt. Perhaps, to many it meant "The Vampire Dairies" or "Victim Disarmament".


Since school I loved that VaD thing.

So, Thank you, GT for your acknowledgement!

You are welcome Darlin'. For me VD always meant Verbal Data. (as well as all those other things you metioned) I'm glad you're VaD.

 

[VaD]

My success story

I'm sorry, I haven't put it all in one piece.

What I wrote above was just a beginning.

My success is in Understanding.

Not in understanding how evil Hubbard was, or how evil Scientology is.

In fact, I don't care.

What I understood is that life is not about Hubbard's "ARC=Understanding".

I understood that my deep-seated belief that understanding "is achieved thru raising one's A, R and C with a person" is just a BS meant to make one into marionette.

After all, I have never understood myself thru ""ARC".

 

[Kookaburra]

Thanks Emma, Free, Trouble, Paradox Twin. Big hugs to you!

Ethics, I like the idea of not jumping in all the way straight away. It didn't work the last time (recently). Wise advice. Thank you.

Royal Prince - You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Thanks! There is something to be said for independence and standing up for one's self. I had every right to at the time. Thing is, I would have seen more clearly and not taken that job but waited for another one that was on the table if I didn't have that feeling of separation with others.

I don't feel that way now. I don't feel a need to separate or isolate myself, nor do I feel a need to say things to others that they can't relate to. But I realize that everyone feels that way to some degree at some time or another. The difference is - the exstaff or exSO felt it BIGGER.

I thought my separation was from feeling different from being in Scn. It wasn't. For a while, pseudo-Buddhists convinced me my wanting to help others was some sort of payback for bad karma. It wasn't. I like creating, I like helping people. It makes me happy and it makes them happy. I enjoy it and I can be good at it.

I have a BS in Psychology - that I haven't even used professionally. I felt stopped/blocked/conflicted because of the Sea Org betrayal experience. And every time someone was dying or died or emotionally hurt, my reaction was just overwhelming. I couldn't even respond to a lot of them, too overwhelming. Because it wasn't one person's pain, but thousands of people. Because thousands were hurt in Scn. Tens of thousands. It wasn't my pain that bothered me, but theirs. Because I fucking supported that group for 9 years - heart, mind, body and soul - with the most altruistic intentions and did I really help anyone? Some. But mostly, it was a FAIL.

But what I hadn't looked at was the other side. Not the delusion that Scientology actually helped people, like others who couldn't deal with the above, but the fact that people still knew I meant well, that years later, they are out and I am out and we are close friends - even with all the years between us. That tells me more about the beauty of mankind than Scientology ever did.

Those things that can't be destroyed are what we gave from the heart. And people still have that, still need that and it's what makes the world go round.

Beautiful post, Sheila. I'm glad to hear these things have resolved for you. I think this board, or more precisely, the people on it, helps a lot of people sort out the effects of Scientology in their lives. It is no small thing the mess it makes of peoples lives.

Oh, and Happy Birthday!

 

[blownstaffmember]

It's interesting how people coming out of the cult have similar experiences. The cleansing that naturally happens over time is testament to the deceptiveness of the whole thing - claiming one thing but delivering something else entirely.