How I got in, how I got out
We'd love to hear your story of how you got into the cult and then how you got out. GT
Thanks for the warm welcome!
I got in around 1997 in Chicago. I took the WIS course and had a really good experience. When it was over, I was routed to Div 6 for another more advanced course. It started off pleasant but as I showed apprehension about not having a few thousand dollars, the woman was not very happy. She started asking me about my credit cards, going crazy on me. She finally got downright nasty with comments like, "Well, I guess you don't want to become a more able person since you're letting money get in the way of your personal freedom.." stuff like that. I blew (of course)... then a year later, I moved to DC. I was curious about the DC org so I took a visit. I was snagged quickly and shown the Orientation, taken aback by the closing comments, I nonetheless took the "test". Then, it was reviewed with me and my weaknesses discovered. I discussed my ARC break with Chicago and they nurtured me, making me feel validated for my experience.
Then, I took a daytime course, PTS/SP I believe. I remember I decided not to come to course one day because I had to mow the lawn and frankly I didn't want to commute to DC that day, it was a nice day.
Mark McGrath (spell?) called me and asked me why I wasn't there. He was putting ethics in on me but I was just getting irritated. Moving on...
At some point, I was invited to join staff with offers like, "We will pay you to study and become an auditor!". I had a Sea Org dude do the cycle and let me tell you, he was good. Soothing, dreamy, it was like I was getting a free ride up the bridge, auditing the staff, freeing the world. Seemed like a good deal. I worked a full time job so my schedule was tight... up at 6:30, work from 7-4, come home, nap, shower, eat, dress and be at muster by 6:15 (or whatever). Then it was off to course until late, then writing letters, and finally sleeping and doing it again! I managed to save up so much of my money because I never had time to spend it!!!
I have to admit, I learned a lot there. Not from the tech so much, but how to read and understand. I still use the dictionary more than anybody I know. But it stops there, most of what I learned was not about freeing myself, but about being a successful staffer.
The avalanche begins...
It was LRH that actually got me to blow! Yes, I'll explain as simply as possible. One day, I was doing some demo and I came to realize that I was being brainwashed. I immediately brought the super over and told her, "I get it now, I'm being brainwashed right now!". Of course, she just smiled and said, "mmmmhmm". I said, "No, but not in a bad way, I'm being reprogrammed to do what Scientology does." I like to think I'm smarter than I look. I mean, I KNEW I was being brainwashed but because I felt it was for a good cause, I was fine with it. Make sense?
One day, I ran across a word, I can't remember it now, but it was a word that had an archaic meaning. The Super didn't think I had it right, but I knew where I'd seen it. It was in Edward Waite's Pictoral Key to the Tarot, which just so happened to be in the Hubbard Library. So, I made my way out of the course room and into the library... my eyes fell upon the various titles. Books about hypnotism, magic, etc. I remember seeing a book by Aleister Crowley. I picked it up and began reading it and I was astonished to find it was very similar to ideas about reality that I was learning. This got me curious, so I asked the super and she told me that Hubbard read all those books and stripped out the truth so that I wouldn't have to get confused by all the data. I really didn't agree that I shouldn't read them, but she made me feel that I should avoid it as it would enterbulate me. So, I avoided them. But, it was in the back of my mind.
Another day (down the line)... We received orders from RTC to read a communication. It was to be read in the course room, which would take me off course. I was pissed. I raised a storm and got some heat from some execs. I was fighting tooth and nail because reading a communication is not just a simply glance... looking up words, clearing, blah blah. This was where I became bitter and resentful. I started to see this diversion from becoming a better person to just following orders.
One muster on a weekend morning, we all watched a film by LRH about his adventures, his dreams, his flying planes, extravagant things. I thought to myself, "What am I doing? What are we all doing here? LRH LIVED his life and here we are, embalmed in this body doing nothing exciting for ourselves. This really pissed me off. I wanted to live like Hubbard did. I wanted freedom that the Creed so elegantly states. I knew I wasn't free and I started to feel more and more unhappy.
Another day, I was on course and found out that my family was coming to Virginia Beach and wanted me to come for the weekend. I filled out a problem report (or whatever they are called) and was DENIED because of my down stats on my course!! I was pissed, and I said, "like it or not, I'm going.." Of course, they approved it. That weekend was amazing. It was the first time in over a year that I felt free like LRH in those films. I walked the beach with nowhere to go, closing my eyes and letting the water guide me. It was a revelation. "What if I don't go back? What if I just never go back." That Monday, I wrote my own disconnection letter, walked into Reception and handed it to Claire. She was really busy. I got a bunch of calls and people coming to my house. They were PISSED that I just dropped off the communication and didn't talk about it.
Then, I started pining over the money I had "on account". I wanted it back. I stumbled upon a chat line telling people I was an ex-sci staffer and immediately I got a message from one Arnie Lerma. Thanks to him and Bunny, I was able to deliver the communication and within a few weeks got a full refund for the money I had on account but never used in exchange for services. Of course, as desperate as I was to just get out and not knowing much, I signed a document that I only assume removes me from just about any right I have to speak out. I never got a copy from Theirry so I really have no idea what I signed. I probably knew back then, but not anymore.
Anyway, I was on cloud 9 for months. I sold my E-Meter and gave away my books. I actually became good friends with my super who blew right before me. Unfortunately, he's been sucked back in and I've since to hear from him or his wife. I did my best to share my experience with people. It was amazing to me how little people knew of Scientology.
Then, most recently, I found an old buddy staffer (anonsparrow) and I just enjoy sitting back and watching him get back what we lost, our freedom to be, freedom to do, and freedom to have. That creed is real for me, finally.
