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Ex-OT3 & Three Years Of Recovery

Recovery

Patron
I don't post here much but I visit and read posts by others quite often.

It's now been three years since I woke up. And about two years since I posted my original story: My Journey To OT3 & Back.

My life post-Scientology continues to be a rich and blossoming affair. I can't get over what an incredible life I have now - despite all the desperate Scientology programming that "you won't do well if you leave". What a joke. LRH is so like that sad old Wizard Of Oz.

The hardest thing for me and what took the longest time to get over, was the loss of friendship with many people that I thought I knew and shared a journey with. The pain of not being able to reach out and break their spell without things descending into a big mess has been really hard, but it's ok now. I can live and let live.

I continue to seek a deeper understanding of what happened to my mind when I was in Scientology by continuing to read everything I can lay my hands on.

I've read many books including these, that I highly recommend; Carl Sagan's 'Demon Haunted World', also 'Take Back Your Life' by Janja Lalich & Madeleine Tobias, 'Mind Programming' by Eldon Taylor and I've re-read Robert Anton Wilson's 'Prometheus Rising' which is a big favorite.

I've also been reading Derren Brown's 'Tricks Of The Mind' (UK TV presenter with shows on deception etc on YouTube). Really fascinating, his insights into the mechanics of hypnosis. I've read a lot on this before but he's a total sceptic. He debunks the mystery and yet he can still get the result. His analysis of stage hypnosis and how he reckons the largest part that makes it work is the peoples belief in the practitioner (the placebo effect) combined with the perceived 'authority' given to them, and, most importantly... social pressure... or the initial desire to not stand out by calling the bluff which then develops into full scale delusion because they can't face they have been duped...
Sound familiar?
I almost fell off my horse.

I'll never forget how after I first read the OT3 data and being in a state of shock with all these other "OT's" coming up to me afterwards wanting to know how I reacted?
They all had that look on their faces of; "You think it's bullshit too, don't you?".
I, of course, stunned into silence by my "confidentiality agreement" could say nothing other than; "Yes, it's pretty wild!", whilst trying to get my head around what had just happened to me.

At this point, when most unconditioned individuals would run screaming from this mad house known as Scientology, I bided my time trying to understand...
Then, of course, next thing you know, you're in session trying this ridiculous stuff out...
And what do you know... bugger-boo's all over the shop...trap complete... almost...

Easier to face a delusion than the unspeakable consequences of facing the truth.
For a while anyway.

I was fortunate enough to get some time on my own after OT3, thousands of miles away from the 'Org'.
Long enough to allow the higher part of myself to speak.
I had dreams and nightmares. I wrote them in a book. Everyday.
I listened to the language of my unconscious mind.
I then realised what had been done to me.

At first I was so relieved to know the truth.
I made my announcement and told the 'Org' I was leaving. Then I left. For good.
But then for almost two years I had the most unspeakable pain in my head as the conflict of deconstruction began.
Here is where I learnt about why they call Scientology evil.

Even though I consciously knew it was all a load of crap, Scientology had succeeded in both stealing and raping my mind on a very deep and unconscious level.

I didn't talk about the pain because I knew that would keep me in it.
I just kept building my new life.

All that is over now.



So, to all my fellow Ex's, Anonymous renegades and general trouble makers:
I salute you all for contributing to the current undoing of Scientology.

Most of all I salute those here who have had the courage to undo themselves. To reinvent. To laugh and let it go.

Have a great 2010.
 

AngeloV

Gold Meritorious Patron
I salute you back and good job on getting your mind back. :thumbsup: And it's a good thing because it's the only one you have!
 

Zinjifar

Silver Meritorious Sponsor
Thanks Recovery.

You know, the nice thing about this 'win' is that you get to keep it and, it just keeps getting better.

Zinj
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Thank you

Thank you, Recovery. Your story is similar to mine. You held onto your sanity and weren't afraid to look. Others did not fare so well. I think the ones who idolized LRH and who cling to the belief that he must be right about everything have the hardest time adjusting when they try to step away from the church. I really feel for those people, some of them are really hurting and some of them are not alive anymore. And some keep clinging to the believe that they just need to get some more "pure" LRH tech to fix what's wrong with them. It's really sad. I myself experienced the depths of depression at first, but things do get better with each passing year.
 

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
What a great post, Recovery. I'm so glad you are recovering. I'm about to hit my 4th anniversary of leaving the CofS and my 3rd for realizing any LRH tech is BS for me. If others are into it, that's fine. I guess it needs to be fine, since my hubby is into it. (Well, it's not really fine. But he doesn't give me any shit about my counseling.)
 

Wisened One

Crusader
:goodposting: Recovery!

I've got Eldon Taylor's book, but haven't delved into it yet. And I also looked into Derren Brown's videos (hadn't know he wrote a book tho). I'll have to check into that too and some of the others you've mentioned, thanks for that! :yes:

So glad you are out!

And that part about the other OT's having 'that look' on their faces, was it really like that? Did they have the look that: 'You think it's bs too, don't you?'

I hope they did! :yes: For some reason, that statement of yours has helped me in a big way, I can't explain it, tho...... :)

Michelle
 

Mystic

Crusader
Some poor folks get so FKed up on OafTee 3 they have to go all the way to OafTee 8 and then blow.
 

dontscamme

Patron Meritorious
Recovery, thanks for sharing this.

Your road to recovery has been a hard one, but I love the fact that your post-Scn life is "a rich and blossoming affair."

:thumbsup:
 

MAX YOUR CREDIT

Patron with Honors
Ditto

I'm right with you, Recovery.

Although, I did not make it up the OT levels, I had my share of similar unpleasant moments that stirred up a plethora of questions, doubts, uncertainties and physical problems - that required more money than ever to "handle" my issues. I was in the 'know' of what the cult was all about by the time I realized if I do not leave now, I'm gonna die in their hands. So the easiest thing for me to do was BLOW. All my friends were told that I'd left the church and not one person called to ask why or what happened to me. Almost all my friends disconnected from me and two female so called "friends" were thoughtful enough to send me an email to tell me to never contact them again. (NOTE: A few Scientologists still remain friends)

It's been a year and half for me and I also have consumed myself with a lot of reading. Thank you for posting your recommendations. I have read one book that you mentioned. Getting my hands on anything I can read and de-program my mind from the mind-fuck of scientology is very helpful.:) I also think about my friends who are delusional and brainwashed from the spell of scientology. Especially those artists that originally came into Celebrity Center to get help with their careers with hopes of expanding like beautiful artists that they once were. It kills me to see actors keep on wasting their money thinking that once they do a particular course thats gonna really rocket launch their careers. Aaaaarggghh :duh:... the promises they make these artists is SO EVIL! So many failed actors are amongst the realm of Celebrity Center. They're too busy 'clearing the planet'! I've met many actors who came to Celebrity Center with desires of fulfilling their dreams of being, actors, musicians, directors, producers, writers to later give it ALL up for the expansion of a cult.

Your story resonated with me and compelled me to reply. I have a list of movies I'd like to suggests as part of the de-progamming process...:D

Some of these are feature films or TV movies. You'll most likely find them on Amazon. They are all cult movies. You'll see the many parallels to Scientology. Watching these movies have helped me with my healing process.

1. Ticket to Heaven (Kim Cantrell from Sex in The City stars in this movies when she was in her early 20's) Based on a True Story.

2. Spilt Image (James Wood play's a great de-programmer. Peter Fonda play's the Cult Leader)

3. Blinded by the Light (80's teenage heartthrobs Kristy McNichol and Jimmy McNichol)

4. Sophie Scholl- The Final Days ( Academy Award Nominee 2005- Best Foreign Language Film) Based on a True Story.

5. The Lives of Other (Academy Award winning Best Foreign Language Film-2006)

Enjoy!
 

the-ghostwhowalks

Patron with Honors
thanks , Recovery...

I did "OT3" "on the cheap " in a break away group - I am so glad I did , as my reaction straight away and has been ever scince " this incident never occured "- I am refering to INC 2 and you can throw in INC1 as well -there are other aspects which I dont disagree with , which I wont go into here.

HOWEVER - If I'd done this level in the church , I would not have been able to complete the level unless I'd had a damn good CS - I can't stand any of hubbards "whole track " rants yet I personally have a great admiration for his overall work ( except his sci fi and most of all , his music ! ) . I really don't believe that people are complaining about the parts that are useful or beneficial , they are complaing about things that dont work , are'nt true and pracitices that are destructive.

Hubbard is a mixed bag allright , and his shortcomings are catching up with him - I cant help but to think of an LRH qoute -
( I think it might be in "What I think of Auditors" ) where he said if there was any hope for mankind , it wasn't because he writes - but because auditors THINK and DO ( words of that effect ) .

Try this : http://www.lightlink.com/archive/rfitch/raf2.memo - It is a successful application of intelligent and technical courage by a class 8 -

The above is "must read" for anyone affected by hubbard's eccentricities and "whole track" nonsense who still feel that despite the craziness of hubbard , he still has something to offer in other ways , and even perhaps , just perhaps , a means to repair the damage done .

IF I do any more scn , I would certainly do it with this wonderful advice mentioned in the above link - thanks for your post , Recovery , it gave me an opportunity to mention this . :)

GWW
 
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Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Terrific stuff Recovery!
I remember when I read your original story...you were the first person I had seen publicly state how you felt when you read OT3, other than a friend who had told me privately the same thing. It helped me a lot, as it does to know how well your life is going now. :happydance::rose:
 
G

Gottabrain

Guest
"I'll never forget how after I first read the OT3 data and being in a state of shock with all these other "OT's" coming up to me afterwards wanting to know how I reacted?
They all had that look on their faces of; "You think it's bullshit too, don't you?".
I, of course, stunned into silence by my "confidentiality agreement" could say nothing other than; "Yes, it's pretty wild!", whilst trying to get my head around what had just happened to me."

Congratulations, Recovery, and WELCOME! :grouphug:

I felt the same way when I read OT-3. What a colossal letdown! What a joke! And to think I'd spent all those years thinking that was the secret to unlocking my case! I've had bigger wins cooking dinner!

It's nice to see you hear. Terrific post.:goodposting: I hope to see more of you on the Board.
 

Opter

Silver Meritorious Patron
"I'll never forget how after I first read the OT3 data and being in a state of shock with all these other "OT's" coming up to me afterwards wanting to know how I reacted?
They all had that look on their faces of; "You think it's bullshit too, don't you?".
I, of course, stunned into silence by my "confidentiality agreement" could say nothing other than; "Yes, it's pretty wild!", whilst trying to get my head around what had just happened to me."

Congratulations, Recovery, and WELCOME! :grouphug:

I felt the same way when I read OT-3. What a colossal letdown! What a joke! And to think I'd spent all those years thinking that was the secret to unlocking my case! I've had bigger wins cooking dinner!

It's nice to see you hear. Terrific post.:goodposting: I hope to see more of you on the Board.



SAME HERE.:yes:

When I first read it I thought it was pure science fiction:omg:. The only reason I did not leave the academy was because I knew many OTs:eyeroll: and they looked normal and up till then Ron never lied to me:duh::blush: so I trusted him.:bigcry:

Opter
 

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free


Welcome and thanks for posting. The loss can be staggering for some. Those books look very interesting. I'll have to check them out. Thanks:)

Best wishes to you :heartflower:

Mary McConnell
 

Recovery

Patron
Thanks very much to all of you for your kind words.
(Angelo V, Zinj, Roadkill, Kathy, Michelle, Mystic, dontscamme, MAX YOUR CREDIT, GWW, Free to shine,Gottabrain, Opter, Cherished & Mary).


Being heard and understood is a big part of the healing for me.


To Michelle:

Re- "And that part about the other OT's having 'that look' on their faces, was it really like that? Did they have the look that: 'You think it's bs too, don't you?' I hope they did! For some reason, that statement of yours has helped me in a big way, I can't explain it, tho......"

Yes, they sure did have that look. I can still see it. It was the OT4's and OT5's mainly. The ones who still had some semblance of themselves still available and dying to ask forbidden questions. The higher ones. God help them. Literally.



To MAX YOUR CREDIT:

Thanks for your ideas and movie list. I'm at Amazon already :)
I've only seen 'Lives Of Others', which has become an all time favorite movie.
My absolute favorite recovery movie (allegory) is The Shawshank Redemption. The ultimate - how to bust out of your prison guide.

Your Celebrity Centre observations and comments are very real to me. I have a close friend who is a very successful Muso and has been deeply conflicted by my departure, but, somehow Chick Corea's achievements rank higher than mine... So he's staying put. But I say, watch me pull a rabbit out of this here hat. I'm just getting started. At last.
Post-Scientology Success - what a great way to mess with a Scientologist's head.



To GWW :
I will indeed follow your links. I don't deny that there is some good in the early (pre-OT delusion)Scn levels. But I'm convinced (through my own research) that it is ALL either plagarised, or, hijacked from early well meaning Scientologists that were helping LRH in the early days. I personally have no time for Hubbard. If there is a dark place of damnation, I'm sure he's there. Although I'm sufficently free to not care if he isn't either. I'd still sit down and have a cup of tea with him any day, but he won't be invited to any of my parties. It's like; thanks for the ultimate lesson in life, but see you later big guy. I'm outta here.



To Free To Shine:
See you soon I reckon :)

It's all happening.
 
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