Feeling like an outsider ...

EP - Ethics Particle

Gold Meritorious Patron
Good counsel is good counsel...

Some days just suck, Grundy. I know I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, some days, and it seems like nothing I do is right, even to me. Sometimes those days go on and on. I think it's okay to retreat for a while if this is happening, or if you just need time to reformulate your worldview. However, don't forget to take a "constitutional", even if you are feeling down or put upon. Hubbard called it "take a walk", but it's a very old practice to just go take a long walk. You never really know what you may see, and sometimes, even if it's exactly what you thought you'd see, it reconnects you to a world that has intrinsic value. But, it's perfectly okay to just take a break, too!

Kev, I guess I had "a burr under my saddle" the other day and spouted off without really digesting the context. I expect better of myself; but am often disappointed. Likely you may not even remember - but I do and feel bad about it. Maybe you and others here are the same way; and I wonder if that trait may have been contributory to not getting the hell out long ago. I wonder. We should chat sometime. I'd like that.

"Take a Walk" is superb and necessary therapy IMHO and the two dogs make it a pure pleasure - today hadda keep em on leash because the baby rabbits were out eatin' berries...:yes: Everybody - take a break! :thumbsup:

EP
 

Boldgirl

Patron Meritorious
Grundy

which (if any) definition is the right one re: 'feeling like an outsider' ?

I just want to understand what you mean exactly.

1. One who is excluded from a party, association, or set.
2. One who is isolated or detached from the activities or concerns of his or her own community.:)
 

FinallyMe

Silver Meritorious Patron
So grundy -- IMO, I meet more non scn's that feel like an outsider than not. That's why I think it is more normal than we think.
I think it is because we are so different from each other and we all hide pain from different experiences in life.

That issue alone--loss and pain--the stuff we all hide and squash so that we function.....this is what I think makes us feel we are outsiders. It's an imprint on the soul.... 'no one' can really understand.

BG, I think you are SOOO right!
 

gomorrhan

Gold Meritorious Patron
Kev, I guess I had "a burr under my saddle" the other day and spouted off without really digesting the context. I expect better of myself; but am often disappointed. Likely you may not even remember - but I do and feel bad about it. Maybe you and others here are the same way; and I wonder if that trait may have been contributory to not getting the hell out long ago. I wonder. We should chat sometime. I'd like that.

"Take a Walk" is superb and necessary therapy IMHO and the two dogs make it a pure pleasure - today hadda keep em on leash because the baby rabbits were out eatin' berries...:yes: Everybody - take a break! :thumbsup:

EP

No hard feelings, EP. I can be a jackass, and I'm quite aware of it. Sometimes the abrasive way in which I make my point can eclipse the value of the point I'm trying to make (and sometimes I have no point, other than to vent my bile).

I am particularly hard on people who have shared some aspect of my reality and come away with entirely differing views to my own. This is the nature of individuation, I think. Another more common way of saying the same thing would be that we only hurt the one's we love, or that nobody can hurt you as much as someone who understands you.

Bygones are bygones. I only really pay attention to what's happening in the present, unless there is a pattern which becomes impossible to ignore, or unwise to ignore.

I'm here because I have things which I feel I need to communicate, and because I don't feel like they've really been properly expressed. My whole life feels that way, and frankly, it's a bit frustrating. Sometimes the frustration boils over, and I act childishly. Other times I write poetry, though I've pretty much stopped doing that. In poetry, at least, I found my voice, and said everything I intended to say. Still looking for that role in my life that will let me feel like I'm living out my purpose, and I guess part of the reason I'm still interested in talking about scientology is because that was one of the few times in my life I felt like I was really DOING it: when I was in the chair, auditing another person. To this day, it gives me the willies getting ready, I'm always worried I'll fail, screw the other person up, not know what to do or say. Then, I get in the chair, I start the session, and I just listen and keep it moving. At the end, even if it wasn't a blowout, the communication level has almost always gotten better (red tag! otherwise), and I feel like I have truly given service to the other person. After which, we usually take a walk, or go have a drink or something to eat. I really love that feeling, and I hope one day to make it my living, if I can find a way to do that without it becoming "about the money".
 

byte301

Crusader
Grundy,
So does that mean you feel better now or are you just trying to get us all to shut up about it? Either way it's okay.

We just don't want you taking things so hard. We don't like it when your unhappy and feeling vulnerable.
 

FinallyMe

Silver Meritorious Patron
Grundy,
So does that mean you feel better now or are you just trying to get us all to shut up about it? Either way it's okay.

We just don't want you taking things so hard. We don't like it when your unhappy and feeling vulnerable.

Ditto! ??
 

grundy

Gold Meritorious Patron
Grundy,
So does that mean you feel better now or are you just trying to get us all to shut up about it? Either way it's okay.

We just don't want you taking things so hard. We don't like it when your unhappy and feeling vulnerable.

Ditto! ??

Kinda both. Sometimes its venting. I realized that I was getting too upset over it .. so Ive calmed down.

But I really do appreciate the support. sometimes, all I need is an ack.
 

feline

Patron Meritorious
No hard feelings, EP. I can be a jackass, and I'm quite aware of it. Sometimes the abrasive way in which I make my point can eclipse the value of the point I'm trying to make (and sometimes I have no point, other than to vent my bile).

I am particularly hard on people who have shared some aspect of my reality and come away with entirely differing views to my own. This is the nature of individuation, I think. Another more common way of saying the same thing would be that we only hurt the one's we love, or that nobody can hurt you as much as someone who understands you.

Bygones are bygones. I only really pay attention to what's happening in the present, unless there is a pattern which becomes impossible to ignore, or unwise to ignore.

I'm here because I have things which I feel I need to communicate, and because I don't feel like they've really been properly expressed. My whole life feels that way, and frankly, it's a bit frustrating. Sometimes the frustration boils over, and I act childishly. Other times I write poetry, though I've pretty much stopped doing that. In poetry, at least, I found my voice, and said everything I intended to say. Still looking for that role in my life that will let me feel like I'm living out my purpose, and I guess part of the reason I'm still interested in talking about scientology is because that was one of the few times in my life I felt like I was really DOING it: when I was in the chair, auditing another person. To this day, it gives me the willies getting ready, I'm always worried I'll fail, screw the other person up, not know what to do or say. Then, I get in the chair, I start the session, and I just listen and keep it moving. At the end, even if it wasn't a blowout, the communication level has almost always gotten better (red tag! otherwise), and I feel like I have truly given service to the other person. After which, we usually take a walk, or go have a drink or something to eat. I really love that feeling, and I hope one day to make it my living, if I can find a way to do that without it becoming "about the money".

Gomorrhan- I feel a need to acknowledge what you have said- even of it wasn't directed at me. While our experiences in Scn were very different, I see some similarity in the things that drive us.

When I was a nurse, it wasn't about MY personal ability to assist a patient. It was the satisfaction of knowing that if the team did all the right things in the right order, we could likely help the patient to recovery. As an advocate for men and women with breast cancer, I individually do little. But my voice in unison with others can make a difference in the lives of people battling the disease.

While auditing is more of a one on one experience, it is similar in many regards. You as the auditor are working as a team with the person on the other side of the meter.

Being able to do something that is truly a help for another person is gratifying. I think that part of the kinship on this board is that each of us has that need to reach out to other people and help.

As your post proves, we are also willing to let each other be who we are. Sometimes we are wonderful people, sometimes we say things that aren't so wonderful. The gift is that we can address the times we aren't so wonderful civilly and with recognition. We can explain and communicate to gain greater understanding. When I have had that experience here, I always come away feeling that I not only know the other person better, I know myself a bit better as well.

Not sure where all I was going with this. Mostly I wanted to let you know what I heard in what you posted and to thank you for identifying a similar feeling in me.
 

Good twin

Floater
Kinda both. Sometimes its venting. I realized that I was getting too upset over it .. so Ive calmed down.

But I really do appreciate the support. sometimes, all I need is an ack.

OMG Grundy. I forgot to ack.....Thank you so much for the poll for egghead. I do appreciate it. :yes:
GT
 
Top