Flag Event Entry Pass – beyond parody!

OldAuditor

Patron with Honors
We received this email this morning:
The graphic was used to dress it up for my blog.
[h=3]We just received this order from Wig Adams, Group Officer FSO. We knew you would want to share this exciting news with your friends. Read the first line…[/h]
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From: “ThetaNews” <[email protected]>
Date: Sep 4, 2013 9:35 PM
Subject: New FLAG Event Entry Pass
To: <[email protected]>
Cc:

Due to dubious activities from bitter defrocked apostates operating on the fringes of the Internet, COB ordered the new ”Flag Event Entry Pass”
Please contact [email protected] with any questions you might have.
Dear Scientologists,

There is a new and easy “pass” that everyone approved can use for entry into Flag buildings and the upcoming series of events and Graduations.

Everyone will soon need a “Flag Event Entry Pass”. All you members should know this and get an email from you.
This is a picture ID card with a bar code which is carried like a credit card in your wallet and will be requested to show and be swiped by a receptionist at these events and in Flag buildings.
Here is how you get this pre-arranged so that when it is event time, it is all already done and no one is waiting around. This gets you into the various buildings and event spaces.
The cycle itself is only a 3-5 minute cycle, but if 10,000 people show up wanting to get into these various events all at once, and you have not done this beforehand, you may find yourself in a line a mile long.
So take the following steps now and get you and all your group members to do this as well.
Externals : If your Group members are not from Clearwater (or have not been on course at Flag for over a year):
1) Fill out the Visitor/Vacationer Pre-Arrival Form provided below and send it right back to me. Please make sure this is filled in completely.
2) Send an email to [email protected] with a passport-type quality photo of yourself, saved as an attachment labeled “Joe Blow.jpeg” (that is, “Your name.jpeg”)
3) Once I get the filled out Vis/Vac Form, I start a routing form at this end with your data attached, and that is married up with your photo, and when you arrive, we will tell where to go to get your “Flag Events Entry Pass”.

Locals : If you are a local Clearwater area person and on course and coming to event regularly, you still need a “Flag Event Entry Pass”, but you just have to come into the Coachman Building at any time and see the Security Guard right there as you come in and he will shoot your photo and look at your data and make a “pass” right there on the spot and give it to you.
Easy as pie!
Please get this email sent to all people in your group coming to Flag and expecting to be at any of these events this Fall and get them to follow these easy steps.

Please let me know this is now underway and I will start receiving emailed Vis/Vac forms and they are emailing their picture to [email protected]!

ML, Wig Adams, Group Officer FSO
- RUSH ARRIVAL TRAFFIC -
VISITOR/VACATIONER PRE-ARRIVAL DATA SHEET
ONE FORM PER GUEST
PURPOSE: Please fill in the below basic data. This will allow us to ensure all guests arriving to the Flag Land Base are given clearance and are properly serviced upon arrival. The form is to be filled out for each individual guest.
NAME: ___________________________________________________________________________
Current Address: __________________________________________________________________
AKA: ____________________________________________________________________________
E-Mail address: ____________________________________________________________________
AGE:________ GENDER:_________ Staff: ________ What Org: ___________
Best number to reach you :____________________________________________________________
ARRIVAL DATE: _______________________ SCIENTOLOGIST YES/NO: ________________________
Last org on service: _____________________ When last on Service: ___________________________
Training Level: ________________________ Case Level: ___________________________________
Last time at Flag: ______________________ Occasion: _____________________________________
Last service taken at Flag: _______________________________ Date: ________________________
FSM: ___________________________ Staff history: ___________________________________
(handling done and where if Ex S.O. or broke contract) _______________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Reason for current visit: ________________________________________________________________
Org/Mission phone nr: _________________________________________________________________
IAS Status : ___________________________ Cornerstone Member Status : _____________________
I. Has he/she been ill recently or recently or reoccurring on medical lines? Are there any precautions or medication they must take? Does he/she have a history of heart problems? Yes ( ) No ( ) If yes, please state specifics below:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
II. Do you currently have or have you had any of the following in the past? Yes/No?
___, Heart or Cardiovascular Disorders ___, Blood Pressure problems ___, Blood clots
___, Severe Asthma ___, Strokes or “Mini” strokes ___, Epilepsy or Seizures ___,
Diabetes (Type I or Type II) on insulin ____
II. Has he/she ever had attempted suicide? Yes ( ) No ( ) If yes, please state specifics below:
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
III. Has he/she ever had a psychotic break (see Tech dictionary for definition) or recently experienced anything that could be regarded as mental disturbance? Yes ( ) No ( ) If yes, please state specifics below:
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
IV. Is he/she connected to anyone, family members, associates, etc., who would object to them being here or being in Scientology, or who ever threatened or attacked the Church? Yes ( ) No ( ) If yes, please state specifics below: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
V. Does he/she have any current ethics situations that are unhandled, or is involved in any criminal activity or has any legal obligations that are unhandled, such as child support, unpaid taxes, etc.? Yes ( ) No ( ) If yes, please state specifics below:
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PERSON(S) ACCOMPANYING THE ARRIVAL
NAME __________________________________ RELATION _____________________________________
NAME __________________________________ RELATION _____________________________________
NAME __________________________________ RELATION _____________________________________
NAME __________________________________ RELATION _____________________________________
Additional data: ____________________________________________________________________________________
Unpublished work: © CSFSO 2010. All Rights Reserved
FLAG and SCIENTOLOGIST are trademarks and service marks owned by Religious Technology Center and are used with its permission
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You received this email because your email address was on a list of Scientologists to receive information about current events in Scientology. If you have friends who are interested to receive information about current events in Scientology you can subscribe to our newsletters here. If you do not want to receive future newsletters you can unsubscribe your email at the same address. More information can be found at http://thetaburst.org or contact [email protected]
 

cakemaker

Patron Meritorious
Wait! How can COB order this Event Entry Pass?
I thought RTC wasn't involved with day-to-day management of CSI orgs. :biggrin:
 

Sindy

Crusader
The cycle itself is only a 3-5 minute cycle, but if 10,000 people show up wanting to get into these various events all at once, and you have not done this beforehand, you may find yourself in a line a mile long.

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Ahhh, yeah. Mmm hmm. Right. The Church of Hyperbole has spoken.

The only line a mile long is the Defrocked Bitter Apostate line on the Fringes of the Internet. :laugh:
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader
:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Ahhh, yeah. Mmm hmm. Right. The Church of Hyperbole has spoken.

The only line a mile long is the Defrocked Bitter Apostate line on the Fringes of the Internet. :laugh:

The weather has been really warm today, I took off my frock, and for the coolness I live in the fridges of the internet. I'm in a right state today, a kind of bitter apple state. Yes that quote covers my position nicely.
 

SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
I know scientologists who will studiously miss reading this e-mail, and carefully forget to get a pass.. So that they can't get in at the events!

:yes:
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
II. Do you currently have or have you had any of the following in the past? Yes/No?
___, Heart or Cardiovascular Disorders ___, Blood Pressure problems ___, Blood clots
___, Severe Asthma ___, Strokes or “Mini” strokes ___, Epilepsy or Seizures ___,
Diabetes (Type I or Type II) on insulin ____

They're screening for asthma now? Too bad Der Dwarfenfuhrer won't get his pass. :hysterical:
 

OhMG

Patron Meritorious
V. Does he/she have any current ethics situations that are unhandled, or is involved in any criminal activity?

So, as they are all members of a criminal group this isn't going to go well at all....
 

Freeminds

Bitter defrocked apostate
Oh, wow. It's like they hired a firm of marketing experts and gave them the brief, "How can we make ourselves look more creepy, paranoid, incomprehensible and generally cultish?"

Weirdos.
 

Hatshepsut

Crusader
Are they asking these 'health' questions to see who NOT to bother recruiting or is DM 'profiling' those who could be subconsciously protesting that they are being MONITORED. :omg: You know.... the paranoia and all.
 

Lulu Belle

Moonbat
Are they asking these 'health' questions to see who NOT to bother recruiting or is DM 'profiling' those who could be subconsciously protesting that they are being MONITORED. :omg: You know.... the paranoia and all.


Looking for people who are "PTS"; probably connected to one or more "bitter defrocked apostate".... :eyeroll:
 

shadow

Patron with Honors
"2) Send an email to [email protected] with a passport-type quality photo of yourself, saved as an attachment labeled “Joe Blow.jpeg” (that is, “Your name.jpeg”)"

Subliminal message?
 
Are they asking these 'health' questions to see who NOT to bother recruiting or is DM 'profiling' those who could be subconsciously protesting that they are being MONITORED. :omg: You know.... the paranoia and all.
They want to make sure you do not have any actual issues which need to be addressed before they sign you up to fix the problems you never had.
 

Smurf

Gold Meritorious SP
Wouldn't it be easier for the cult to just implant microchips on the kool-aid drinkers? It'd be much easier in tracking them.... or even this... :biggrin:

human-upc.jpg
 
Wouldn't it be easier for the cult to just implant microchips on the kool-aid drinkers? It'd be much easier in tracking them.... or even this... :biggrin:

human-upc.jpg

Unfortunately the missing bulletin about Hubbard inventing the microchip has not been found yet. So they have to stick to 1950's technology for now.
 

Anonycat

Crusader
Wouldn't it be easier for the cult to just implant microchips on the kool-aid drinkers? It'd be much easier in tracking them.... or even this... :biggrin:

human-upc.jpg

Wow! Great idea - so when I am 3 feet in back of my head, I can read the numbers to the ushers at an event. Brilliant.
 
So, shouldn't we be swamping that email request with photos of Mickey Mouse, Richard Nixon, The Tick, Thomas Mathopher and others needing these [STRIKE]Stinking badges[/STRIKE] passes?

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